Finding Solace (25 page)

 
"Colt,
are you awake?"

 
"Hmmm"

 
"Can we
talk?"

 
"Sure,
beautiful. What's up?"

 
"I just
want to try to figure some things out. Terri is just one of the many girls I'm
going to have to deal with. I know this. What I am trying to wrap my brain
around is how to deal with it all. "

 
"I'm
sorry, Sadie. I hate that you and that part of my life ever have to
coexist."

 
"I hate
it too. Can you imagine walking out of the bathroom and seeing me straddling
some dude? Or having him tell you he just fucked me 50 ways from Sunday the
night before. Tell me what you would do, and then maybe I can cope
better."

 
"No
way, I honestly don't want to have this conversation. There isn't a proper way
to handle things like that because this is unconventional. This is about the
biggest double standard I could throw out there, but I would kill any mother fucker
that even thought about bragging to me about what he did to you the night
before. I couldn't handle it. The thought makes me furious. Sadie, you need to
do what's best for you. If that is the shit that is happening to you, then you
need to stop what we are doing. It would kill me to lose you, but I never want
you to have to put up with that shit. You don't deserve it. You, my beautiful,
are single handedly the most spectacular person I have ever met. The
idea that not only do
I get the opportunity to know you, but
I get to experience what we have together with you. I am one very lucky man,
Sadie. I don't take for granted what I get to share with you, but you need to
take care of you first."

 
I laid there
next to him letting it all sink in. I didn't respond for a while. When I did, I
was even shocked by my words.

 
"Maybe
you need to leave. Maybe we need some time apart. This is getting crazy and I
just think I need space."

 
Colt sat up
and looked at me. He was hurt. I could tell. It was the first time I hurt him
and it broke my heart.

 
"If
that's what you need, I'm proud of you for seeing it. You have come so far. You
are not the same meek girl I met." He leaned down and kissed me. A tear
slid down my cheek and then another. And then they were flooding my face. The
idea that this could be the end for us awoke something inside of me.
Fear, bone chilling fear.
I needed him. I loved him. Why was
I letting him go when I wanted him to stay more than anything? Colt felt my
tears and sat up to look at me. Tears were in his eyes as well and I lost it. I
grabbed him and slammed my mouth to his. I was not letting him go anywhere. He
was mine. I stopped kissing him long enough to shed my clothes. I grabbed his
shorts and pulled them down and then put him in my mouth. He grabbed the back
of my head and let his own fall back. I gave everything I had to give and then
I pushed him down on the bed and climbed on top of him. Colt locked eyes with
me and I could see the want in his stare. He held on to my hips as I rocked him
into me. We never broke our eye contact, not once. Tears continued to fall from
my eyes. He flipped me over and rested his weight on me slowing down the pace.
What happened was, we went from sex, to for the first time in my life I
experienced making love.
Truly making love.
Soft, sensual, gripping, incredible love.
I may not be able
to say the words but I was pouring them out all over him. When we finished, we
held each other. No more words. We just gripped as tight as we could to each
other and fell asleep.

 
I did not
hear a thing from Colt for a month. I called, I texted and got nothing in
return. He was gone that morning when I woke up. It broke me. All I could do
was cry and cry. One day I was driving to work and had forgotten that I had put
Colbie
Caillat’s
CD in the
player the day before. I was singing along, trying to smile through my day like
usual, when
‘
I never told you’ started. Music has always meant something
to me and songs had been hitting me harder than anything lately. This particular
one crushed me. My eyes began to swell with tears again and I couldn’t bring
myself to turn them off. When the song came to an end, I found myself in my
work parking lot. I didn’t even remember how I got there. I had become a
walking zombie.

 
Functioning
at work was not an easy task. Trying to come off as polite and professional to
clients when all you want to do is crawl up in a ball and die is not an easy
thing to do. Everyone was right. I was not protecting my heart, not at all. And
now I was not even living, I was functioning. Heather kept trying to get me out
of the house, but I wouldn’t budge. One night, I came home from work and had
just sat down to eat when there was a knock on the door. I answered it and
could not believe my eyes. Tony was just standing there, sexy as ever.

 
"Well,
are you going to invite me in?"

 
"Oh.
I'm sorry. Please come in. I was just surprised to see you."

 
"Don't
lie. It was my good looks that knocked you speechless."

 
"You
got me there. So what did I do to have them rally the troops?"

 
"Do you
really need to ask? What did I tell you? I said I would be there when you fell,
didn't I? I can tell
ya
one more thing
though,
I never thought for a second that when you would
fall that you would have been the one to jump."

 
"
English ,
Tony"

 
"
Metaphor ,
Sadie. It is English"

 
"Get to
the point. Is that better?"

 
"I am.
Man, you need to go back to school. What I'm saying is you broke Colt. I've
never seen him mope around like he has been. What did you do?"

 
"I
thought I couldn't take the other girls anymore. I thought I needed space, but
I changed my mind. That very night, I changed my mind. He left me anyway. So
don't put this on me. I don't need it."

 
Tony sat
down on the couch while I remained standing.

 
"Yes,
you do and you did. Everyone has been sitting back just waiting for you to
blow. No one knows but me, what happened between us. I saw a strong, amazing
woman that day. Who had total control of what she wanted. No one else has seen
her. They see a girl sitting back accepting scraps being thrown at her. You did
the right thing finally. You stood up for yourself. Now, if what you want is to
have Colt be a part of your life again, you have to decide on the terms. If you
are really okay with the lifestyle he is leading, then get your ass up and go
get ready. I know where you can find him and I will take you there
myself." I was up the stairs in no time. I didn’t change my clothes
because I was still dressed from work. I did redo my makeup though and fluffed
my hair. I sprayed some perfume and was back down stairs in no time. Tony
looked me over and said, "You look great. I wish all girls could get ready
that fast. You want to do this right?"

 
"More
than anything"

 
"Then
let’s go do this."

 
We drove for
about twenty minutes until we pulled behind a warehouse.

 
"What
are we doing here?"

 
"This
is where Mike trains. Colt has been hanging out here in his off time."

 
"Oh,
okay, so are you coming in?"

 
"Nope,
it’s up to you to secure a ride home. I know you can do this. I have faith in
you."

 
With that I
leaned over and kissed Tony on the cheek and then I was out of the car and on
my way to fix this, however I could.

 
I walked in
through the huge metal doors. When they shut, they slammed, causing eyes to
follow the noise. At first I did not see anyone I recognized. Cat calls and
whistles were coming out of men, but not one of them was the one I was looking
for. Eventually I saw Mike. When he realized it was me, his face lit up. He ran
and scooped me up.
"Hey there, little one.
What
brings you here?"

 
"Hi there, handsome.
I need to find Colt. Is he
here?"

 
"Sure
is. He’s in the back corner. There is a mat back there that he and some guys
have been using."

 
"
Thanks,
Mike. Uh, could you possibly put me down so I can go
talk to him, please?"

 
He set me
back on my feet and said, "Come and find me again when you’re done. I have
something to tell you."

 
"I
will."

 
I walked
over to the mat Mike said I would find Colt on. There was no Colt. I looked
around and he wasn’t anywhere. I decided to give up when I heard the most
incredibly sexy voice that now haunted my dreams.

 
"
You looking
for me?"

 
"Did
you do that to me again on purpose?"

 
"Nothing
is better than every man knowing you’re with me." He smiled. God, did I
miss that smile. "I'm just kidding with you. What did you come all the way
down here for? Are you okay?"

 
"No,
I'm not. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

 
"Sure.
Let’s go out back where we can get some privacy."

 
I followed
him through the back door into an alley. It was my turn and I didn’t know what
I needed to say. So I just started rambling.

 
"Colt,
I miss you. I miss you so much. Can't we just start over? Please. I understand
the way it needs to be. I can handle it. I just want you. I need my best
friend."

 
"Sadie,
my beautiful girl, I wish we could. I really do. But I can't do that to you
again. I won't." That made me mad.

 
"You
don’t get to decide what I can or cannot handle! You don't get to tell me how
to feel! I said I can do this and I can. If you don’t want me, then admit to
that. But don't make me sound like some pathetic girl who can't take it. Never
mind. I don't know what I was thinking coming here."

 
I started to
walk down the alley toward the street when he picked me up, spun me around and
kissed me. Ah, those lips. I needed this so badly. He pulled away and said,
"Come with me. I need to grab my stuff and then you’re coming home with
me." Hallelujah!

 
We walked
back through the gym and while Colt was grabbing his things, I went to look for
Mike. He was still where I left him. I walked over to the ring and stood next
to the ropes to watch. It really was an art, what he did. I was in a trance
thinking when Mike snapped his fingers in my face. Then he sat down on the mat
and let his legs fall through the ropes.

 
"So I
see all is better in la-la land."

 
"If
that’s what you want to call it."

 
"So how
was Tony doing?"

 
"What
do you mean?"

 
"I was
the one who called him and told him about you. I was getting worried. You
weren't being you anymore. I didn't like it. For some reason you and Tony click
on a different level. I knew he was going to be the only person to get you out
of that funk you were in."

 
"Thanks
Mike, really. I mean that. I needed a push and Tony knew just what to say. What
did you mean how was he?"

 
"He has
been under so much stress with that case. He isn't eating much. We never see
him. He won't do anything but work. My parents are worried. I knew the only
thing that could get him to take a break was if it had to do with you. So I
called him."

 
"I have
been so out of it lately I didn't even realize he hasn't been around. Should I
call him and see if he wants to go to lunch or something?"

 
"That
would be awesome! Eat and take a break at the same time, my mom will be so
happy."

 
"Consider
it done."

 
Colt walked
over and said, “Consider what done?"

 
"I'm
going to call Tony and take him out to lunch."

 
"Really?"

 
"Yep.
Now are you ready to go?"

 
"Whenever
you are"

 
"Mike,
I will call you and let you know what he says. Okay?"

 
"You
are the best, Sadie! Thanks again."

 
"No, thank you for that phone call.
Love
ya
Mike," I said and then I walked hand in hand out
the door with Colt.