Finding Opa! (6 page)

But Hunter seemed to see something different. Maybe it was because he too had been forever altered by his experience. “You’re not fucked up,” he finally said, his deep baritone voiced determined.

Stacey smiled. “Of course, I am.”

“No, you’re not. You’re just in a different place right now. We all go through it. I’m going through it,” he said, holding both his hand and hers up to his racing heart.

“You’re sweet, Hunter. But let’s face facts. I own a perfectly good Mercedes that I’ve only driven once. When I got into it, I totally freaked. I became incredibly claustrophobic all of a sudden. Then, I had a panic attack that nearly killed another family right in a major intersection. It was horrific…no it was pathetic.” She yanked her hand away.

They both began to walk again in silence. Hunter thought of all the many changes he’d made in his own life and how difficult things had been for him. He also thought about how difficult he had made things for everyone else- for his family, for what friends were left.

As a surge of foamy waves hit the bay, he gazed over at the water and pushed his own pain aside. How could he help her if he was still groveling? “A Mercedes, you say?”

Stacey took a sip of her Red Stripe beer. “Black-on-black interior. It’s a beautiful piece of engineering. I keep it in the parking garage. It has like twenty miles on it.”

He chuckled. “You
are
a baller. What do you do with all of that money?”

“Send some home to take care of dad and save the rest,” she answered without thought. “What do you do with yours?”

“I send a lot of it to Soldier’s Angels. It’s an organization that helps military families in need. The rest I save. I’m not really into the whole
living above my means
deal.”

“Me either,” she said, taking another swig of her beer. “It’s totally played out. Taxes make me want to save every penny.”

He laughed. “Yeah, the IRS is a bitch.”

“Tell me about it,” she laughed. “Don’t you wish that you could claim someone, be married to someone?”

“All the time,” he said in a huff. Both the question and the answer had two meanings for him, but he would keep that to himself.

And just like that, they had moved on from the moment of despair. They walked and laughed for nearly an hour, taking in the sights and the sounds of the boats and waves. Peacefully, they found themselves truly getting to know one another.

Hunter liked to collect Greek artifacts when he wasn’t helping run the family practice. He spent a considerable amount of time at the gym and was a horrible golfer and basketball player. Stacey enjoyed collecting old books, buying art from a dealer in Harlem who knew exactly what pieces spoke to her difficult but beautiful childhood. When she wasn’t writing, she enjoyed biking and long walks around the waterway. Both had a thing for the Food Network and YouTube. They even were subscribers to some of the same channels.

“Are you on Facebook?” Hunter asked as they sat atop a rock on the bay.

“Oh, yeah. That’s how I interact with most of my readers,” Stacey said, skipping a rock.

“Yeah, I like Facebook too. I keep in touch with
her
family on it.” He perked up. “Are you an HBO freak or a Showtimer?”

“Both,” she answered quickly. “I can’t live without
Game of Thrones
or
Gigolos
.”

Hunter laughed aloud. “I actually record
Game of Thrones
.”

Stacey turned to him. The moonlight shone down on her angelic face. With her lips twisted up, she smiled. “We’re sort of boring, aren’t we?”

Hunter shook his head. “Completely.”

“When I write, I never write about people like us. And it’s weird, you know, because this is what I know best. I always write about these amazing romances that make your heart beat fast and your blood race. I write just the most incredible love scenes that defy the very existence of real, human relationships.” She walked towards him as he sat perched a few feet away on a rock watching her. “I used to live an amazing life, have earth-shattering sex, and have that whole cloud-nine feeling. Did you?”

Hunter shook his head. “Yep.”

“I’m sorry. I know that we are supposed to be doing this help each other, but am I becoming too
intimate
?” she paused.

“No. It’s just been a long time since anyone else articulated the same emotions that I’ve had. I tried the counseling and the specialized psychiatrist.” Hunter looked up at her. “Nothing worked.”

“So did I,” Stacey said absently.

“I still don’t sleep well. I still don’t do a lot of things
well
. After her death, I just wanted to be alone. You know?”

“I know.” Stacey sat down beside him. He scooted over to give her room. “Did you try valium?”

“
For a while. It made me feel less like myself. I felt like I was cheating. After all, she was dead. So, I felt that mourning was my way of at least feeling something.”

“That was my exact thought too.” Stacey liked the idea that he didn’t hold back. Maybe she didn’t have to either. “Can I ask you a totally personal question, since you are a doctor and a widow?” A naughty grin crossed her lips.

He looked over at her and smiled back. “Sure. Why not.”
You can ask me anything you want
, he thought to himself.

“Did you lose your desire to…masturbate?”

Hunter frowned. That was not what he was expecting. He chuckled under his breath as she followed his face for an answer. She evidently did not see anything wrong with the question.

“It’s odd that you bring that up. Yes, I did.” He laughed but still felt odd.
How did she know that?
“It took a year to even think about it. It made me feel like I was cheating on her.” He looked down at his crotch involuntarily.

“Me too,” she said, slumping over. “It made me grumpier. I bought a drawer full of dildos from Switzerland. They are supposed to have the best
plastics
. At first, I just thought I was buying the wrong type, and then I realized that it was me. I lost the ability to get off.”

Hunter was speechless. Never had a woman, even at his practice, shared that with him before. “You’re right. We
are
fucked up.”

“Tell me about it,” she said, raising her beer to his. “To two months together.”

“To two months,” he said, clinking his beer against hers.

The moon lit her face just right at that very moment. Her long, swan neck ran down to her perfectly toned body, and she appeared to be glowing. He swallowed hard at the thought that she might actually let him kiss her tonight.

Perched on the rocks and drinking beer, they talked until the clouds came and hid the moon behind their thick dark blankets. The smell of rain was the only thing that pulled them from their deep conversations on life, politics, relationship and even children. It had been years since they had opened up so much to anyone, so long since someone else could identify with their tribulations.

As Hunter watched Stacey explain the beauty of completing a novel, he began to feel worried. Had they opened Pandora’s Box? Would they be able to close it? Maybe it was the knowledge that in two months, they would both walk away from this experience and be better for it. Maybe it was because they knew that nothing would be lost. But something was happening tonight between the two of them, and it was strong – strong enough to scare him. However, he was unable to stop himself or his curiosity. With every secret that they shared, somehow he felt better, more alive. Stacey was changing him.

“What about you?” she asked, oblivious to his thoughts. “What makes you happiest about your career?” Rubbing her hands on her jeans, she put down her bottle.

“Saving lives,” he said sincerely. He looked up in the night sky. “I’ve saved six women from ovarian cancer, saved countless more from the misery of discomfort and sickness. It makes me feel good inside.”

“I’m sure,” Stacey said, proud for him. “That has to be an unbelievable feeling. You know, when my mom died of ovarian cancer, it scared the shit out of me. I wondered how I would recover from her loss. When I did start to have sex, I got checked more than any other girl I know. It was because I had felt so helpless with her situation, and I never wanted to feel that way again. And look at you. You save lives every day. That’s amazing. I mean, I’ve never saved anyone before. The feeling must be unimaginable.”

Hunter felt quite the opposite. For just one evening, without knowing it, she was saving him from the boredom that they fondly spoke of.

As a light drizzle of rain began, Stacey and Hunter headed back to her apartment. With every block, Hunter felt a tightness in his chest. He wanted more time with her. Their next date was scheduled for next week. Doubting he could wait that long, he sifted through his schedule in his mind. Who could he cancel? What could he do to see her sooner?

Stacey walked closer than before to him. In stride with each other, she reached out her hand and slid into his strong embrace. There was something about him that seemed familiar.
And nothing felt familiar about men anymore.
Ever since Drew passed, she felt alone in the world, like no one understood her. But Hunter did.

He looked down as he took her hand in his own. Her warm lingers felt good. Squeezing her lightly, he pulled it up to his mouth and kissed it.

“You’re a good man, Hunter,” she said softly.

The lyrical tone of her voice sounded like music to his ears. It had been a long time since a woman had given him such a kind yet sincere compliment.

The rain began to pour heavily when they arrived at her apartment. Unlocking the door, she almost invited him in.
Almost.
Opening the door, she turned, looked up into his jewel green eyes, fluttering under heavy, tired lashes and sighed. “Thanks for tonight,” she said, coming to grips with the fact that it had to end.

“No, thank you,” he said, stepping closer. “Look, I know that we said that we’d do this once a week, but I was really hoping that I could see you tomorrow.” He waited.

Stacey shrugged in a tiny, delicate motion that drew attention to the slim column of her neck. “I have to write most of the day, but we could catch dinner afterwards, if you like.”

“That sounds nice,” he said, inching closer.

“Jeans and t-shirt type of dinner?” she asked, her voice cracked.

“Definitely.” His voice was lower now, even more seductive.

Unable to help himself, Hunter lifted her delicate chin up and cupped her oval face in his hands. How beautiful she was. What a sight to behold. Her brown smooth skin felt like satin, hot and alive, perfectly toned like the rest of her, free of blemishes, full of youth.

Running his thumb over her face, he was able to admire even closer the perfect shape of her nose, her high cheek bones and her heart-shaped mouth. A small and tempting mole was right above her velvety, plump and pouty lips. Big brown eyes stared up at him, covered by dense black lashes, speaking to him with their eager curiosity. Stacey Lane Bryant was a work of art, fit to be painted, to be written about, to be loved.

His breath washed against her face as he drew closer. He could feel her body shaking, trembling under his very touch. Her eyes danced with excitement, her warm mouth parted, ready for a kiss. How could he disappoint her? How could he disappoint himself?

His mouth met hers with a soft kiss first, tasting the sweetness on her wet and inviting lips. But as his hands moved to the back of her head and tangled into her long dreadlocks, their embrace became more passionate.

Pushing against her firm breasts, he snaked comfortably around her, shielding her body from view with his large frame. The euphoria of being in a woman’s embrace ignited a fire inside of him. He had missed this about life. He had missed what it was like to hold a woman, to enjoy her company, to bask in her beauty.

Fervently, she kissed him back, moaning a little as she fell into him and let her hands run over his concrete chest. Sucking on his bottom lip, she felt her body quake as his delicious tongue mingled with her own.