Finding Me (23 page)

“When Christopher and the others tried to get close to you, I blocked them as best I could. I was mortified when I saw him in school talking with you. He instantly recognized me. I made him promise not to tell you anything, to give me time to sort through things. I wanted to be the one to tell you because I didn’t want you to hate me for what I had done,” she said. Fresh tears glistened on her cheeks.

“I could never hate you,” I said, new tears on the brink of spilling again also. “You were a ray of sunshine to me. This makes my life…make sense now. I knew I was different from my family. This explains my feelings of not belonging.” She clasped her hands to her mouth. I could still see the smile in her eyes. I breathed a deep sigh. Coming to terms with my adoption wouldn’t happen overnight, but the fact that my real mother was someone I cared about and I knew cared about me, lessened the blow.

At that moment, the front door swung open and Joseph emerged with bags of what I assumed was food. I was starving and couldn’t wait to get something in my belly. Following behind Joseph through the door were Jill and Scott also carrying bags. Joseph held his large hands up to display the bags and yelled loudly, “Food. Come get it while it’s hot.” This, for whatever reason, amused everyone and I watched as they all doubled over with laughter.

“You’ll see why their laughing,” Sam said in my head.

We all went to consume what Joseph purchased from the market. I walked into the dimly lit dining room with fading brown and blue wallpaper, and to my amazement, it wasn’t food set up on the small wooden table.

Little cartons that resembled the fake pantry food boxes in children’s play kitchens were scattered about. These cartons were unusually small, came in an array of colors, and had writing on them in the smallest print imaginable. I walked closer to the table and picked up a box. The writing on the box said “food” and contained a small barcode on the front.

“Okay,” I said. “So who’s cooking?” I held up the tiny box, amused.

“We all are,” said Joseph excited. I’d never seen him this excited about anything before, besides being close to Sam. She, too, seemed overly excited about whatever was about to happen.

He handed me a silver object that looked like a hand-mixer on one end but much heavier. Where the whisk would have been, there was a small metal piece that extended from each side.

“Here, hold it like this, just like a gun,” he instructed me.

“Uh, okay,” I said. I held it as I’d been instructed. The mixer thingy felt weird and clunky in my hands, too much like a weapon.
If a chicken hops out of one of these boxes, I swear I’m booking it back to the sub station so quick.
Sam must have been listening in to my thoughts and was nearly on the floor with laughter.

Joseph took another of the hand mixer thingy’s and pointed it at one of the small boxes labeled food. The box went up in a cloud of billowing smoke as a red light shot from the front of the mixer and struck it.

“Wow. What the heck was that?” I said. I took a few steps away from the table. “I was taught to eat my food not play with it.”

“Chloe, your first Tierra burger, on me,” he said.

The dust cleared. I expected to see the shattered remains of the box that Joseph had ignited. I saw a burger instead. But it wasn’t just any burger. It was a huge burger with lettuce, tomato, pickles, cheese, and God only knew what else.
How could that thing make this?

“How in the world did you do that?” I asked. Salivating, my mouth was nearly to the floor.

“Mind control,” Chris said. “Here, hold it like this.” He positioned the mixer in my hand correctly. “Just like a gun, like Joseph said. It can be heavy, so you have to hold it steady and aim for the barcode on the box. The key is to think of what you want to eat while you’re pulling the trigger.” I didn’t know how many guns he’d held but I’d held zero. So, novice holding a weapon. Everybody back away from the table…slowly.

“Think of what I want to eat,” I repeated. “Anything. Think of something and this thingy will make it for me.”

“That’s right,” Chris said. “This thingy was created using digital imagery rations technology. We call it D.I.R.T.”

“Okay, so I’m going to use this D.I.R.T. to make my food.” I raised it to my shoulder, and aimed my D.I.R.T. at the small rectangular box. I squeezed my eyes shut and was about to pull the trigger.

“No!” everyone shouted at once.

“Open your eyes, if you hit someone with that you could cause irreparable damage,” Jill said. She motioned with her hands for me to lower the D.I.R.T. Apparently it was a dangerous weapon.

Chris walked behind me and helped me to hold the D.I.R.T. steady again.

He held me by the waist with one hand and with the other, he steadied my hand as I held it. He whispered in my ear, “Keep it steady. And think of what you want.” His words gently caressed my ear and sent jolts of pleasure to my heart that beat erratically. God was he serious! I had what I wanted: him holding me.

I partially turned and whispered in his ear, “I want you, can I have you?”

“You already have me, Amanda. Now aim and pull the trigger,” he whispered back.

My heart sank instantly. I faced forward, not wanting him to see the disappointment in my eyes. He loved Amanda and would never truly love Chloe. I looked around the table at each person and realized they all wanted Amanda also, not Chloe.

I squeezed the trigger and once the dust settled, a giant turkey stuffed with dressing appeared. I placed the D.I.R.T. on the table and stood motionless in front of my creation. The smell was insatiable. Still, my hunger had dissipated, along with the thrill of all I’d learned today.

“That’s what you wanted, a turkey?” Scott asked, laughing. “Well it doesn’t go with the fries and burgers I made, but I bet you’ll get full.”

I faked a smile; I didn’t want to ruin everyone’s day. Chris held me from behind. He pulled me closer to him and whispered, “I love turkey, too, it’s our favorite.”

Our, I thought, his and Amanda’s. I was convinced that I had been Amanda in a previous life, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever be her in this life. And I wasn’t certain I wanted to be her at all. I liked Chloe, even if no one else did. Even if I barely understood her at times. My throat tightened and I knew I was about to cry. Trying to get my emotions in check, I bit the inside of my cheek so hard a trickle of blood tasted on my tongue.

Then another thought occurred to me. What if I never exhibited any other Amanda characteristics. Wouldn’t he eventually tire of trying to mold me into her and move on?

The question left nothing more for me to do than the obvious.

Life could be so cruel.

Chapter 20

I arrived back on Earth with three hours left to sleep until morning and school. Everyone left quickly once we returned to my room. Anxious for sleep, I ripped my clothes off and hopped into bed. Chris rematerialized as soon as my head hit the pillow.

“Sorry, baby. I know it’s late, but we need to talk.” He laid on his side with his elbow propped on a pillow. His gaze was soft, alluring as he peered down at me. I swallowed back my desire.
God he’s gorgeous!
He laced his fingers through my hair then massaged my head...starting at the crown and ending at the base of my neck.

I stretched my hands above my head and yawned loud, trying to hide my nervousness. But the butterflies attacking my stomach made it hard to breathe. And his steady gaze and gentle fingers ripped me apart.
How can I do what I need to do when his touch makes me like this?
“What is it?” I asked breathily.

“We have to amp up our search for the ENO. And we’ve got to get you ready. Physically and emotionally.”

“What do I have to do?” I wanted to cringe from the thoughts running through my head. And as sleepy as I was, I was thinking some crazy things. Ancient torture devices. Criminal style interrogation. Hours of shopping at Wal-Mart.

“We need to force the remaining powers you possess to the surface.”

“Force.” I scrunched my nose at his choice of words.

“Yes. With pliers and screwdrivers and other hurtful instruments.” He smiled at me and poked me in my side with his long fingers. “Force only means we’re going to work with you day and night to reveal your powers. We’ve taken it easy on you, but we can’t afford to do that anymore. Everyone’s getting a little freaked. Not to state the obvious, but we all turned seventeen and that only leaves us one year to find out the ENO’s plans and destroy him.”

I swallowed hard and tried not to think about the ENO, or death, or dying, or Mother’s lies, or my inability to be perfect Amanda, or my friends’ disappointments in me, or, or, or…

He tilted his head to the side, examining me closer. My pulse quickened. I swallowed all my disappointments. His eyes held a million stories that I’d never grow tired of hearing. “You can do this. I know you can and so does Sam. We need to get everyone else on board. I need you to let go of your inhibitions. Practice using your powers when you’re alone. Please. Try.” He leaned over and gazed at me with his piercing eyes, making it difficult for me to think straight. I bit my bottom lip and his eyes traveled to my lips and darkened deliciously.

“I’ll try.” My breath was shallow and my voice was husky.

“Enough talking.” His voice was low, sexy. And his eyes penetrated beyond my fear, beyond my reluctance, to a place I barely knew myself.

He placed his hand behind my neck and lifted my head from the pillow so our lips could touch. Electricity hummed between us as our lips moved and our tongues danced in perfect harmony. And I was terrified, I was in awe, I was in love, I was torn to pieces because this kiss was like light illuminating the darkness. He offered me all the light in the world with his kiss. And I was starving for the light. For his lips. For his sweet kisses. I clawed at him. Desperate. Hungry.

He pushed me back to the bed. His lips were not as hurried as mine and continued the kiss. Slowly. He traced his tongue around my bottom lip. I clenched my eyes shut. My mind and body cascaded into bliss at his touch, my breaths harsh, labored, and so were his.
God, that is so hot!
His lips moved softly across mine then traveled downward, causing a flurry of excitement in my body. Then he stretched out beside me until we lay parallel. He ran his tongue up the side of my neck.
Oh God!

“You’re so beautiful,” he said. “Open your eyes, baby.”

Panting, I opened them immediately. When our eyes connected, I moaned softly. The longing in his eyes took my breath away. I reached up and knotted my fingers into his disheveled hair. Raising himself up and on top of me, he leaned over, his hands on either side of my head. He stared into my mesmerized eyes. Moaning softly, I pulled him closer. He lowered himself onto me, pressing me into the mattress. Just then, he planted his right hand on the outside of my thigh and ran it up my bare leg to the top of my PJ shorts. He slowly peeled my shirt back and traced his slender fingers across my exposed skin. I’ve come completely apart beneath him. And I didn’t ever want to be whole again. His touch left me reeling.

He bent forward and ran kisses up the side of my neck while he continued to explore with his hands.

“Chris,” I moaned. Simply saying his name set a fire loose in him. And then he was everywhere. Our hands, lips, tongues – all blended. But it wasn’t enough. And my heart felt like it might explode. The electricity that ran between us charged double. My entire body quivered from the throbbing his touch created. And my panting was loud. But his body on top of mine was too much. Riveting. I’d slipped off the edge of the Earth and fallen into him. I tried to resurface, but he drew me back under until I was nothing but sensation. My body set aflame, the fire burned so bright it consumed all in its path. Everything was Chris and his touch.
How have I lived without him until now?

Then his kisses fell faster. And his rhythm picked up. His body pressed into mine slower, then faster, then slower, then faster… And even though we still had our clothes on, I could barely remember who I was. Our lips collided. Our bodies. Our breaths. And with each collision, he took a part of me. A part that I gave freely. The sensation was overwhelming – like nothing I’d ever experienced before. Then suddenly, my adrenaline pumped an unexpected emotion into me. Fear.
Why?
I pushed him away. My body and mind were consumed by the void caused by the removal of his hands. But I needed to see his eyes. I stared at him, not speaking.

He jerked back and looked down at me. “What?” His forehead crinkled in confusion and a look of irritation glazed over his eyes.

I shook my head,not sure how to say what I felt. “Nothing.”

“Amanda. Baby, I love you so much.” My body went rigid. He trailed kisses from my ear to the hollow at the base of my throat. I tried to stay in the moment, but I couldn’t. A bucket of ice water had doused my desire. And a lump formed in my throat that wouldn’t allow me to speak. My heart was trying to escape through my mouth. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to smack him. I wanted to smack myself for being so stupid. Aside from being pissed, now I was also scared, and I realized why at that precise moment.

The ENO.

He had come to me late, just like this. What if this was him under the guise of Chris again? His kisses had increased and my body, such a traitor, had begun to move and pick up his rhythm. Before I fell back under his spell and couldn’t resurface, I had to stop him. But I didn’t know what to do. I wondered what Sam would do in this situation.

“There’d better be a good explanation for why I’m here,” Sam said, regenerating suddenly. She stretched her arms over her head then rubbed her eyes. My mouth fell open as she sat cross-legged beside me on the bed.

Chris looked up as Sam spoke. “What the hell…” Then he looked down at me with his mouth in a thin line. “What’s wrong?” I didn’t say anything…I just looked from him to her.

“Seriously, Chloe. I didn’t come here to watch you make out with Chris. What’s the problem?” She shook her head, looking from me then to Chris for an explanation.