Finding Fate (11 page)

I have to... our eyes are locked.  I’m seeing Colt inside and out, ready for whatever he has for me outside the bedroom.  Whatever he has for the world, I want to be there. 

“Oh, Bella,” he growls and looks down.

His arms are locked and he’s far enough off my body that’s there plenty to see.  I can’t help but look too, not to see myself, but to see Colt and I together.  Over and over.  The moves that aren’t so subtle and increasing with passion by the second. 

He slowly sides down until our bodies are tight together.  His chest to mine.  His tongue flicking against my neck, traveling up one side to my ear and then across, fluttering past by lips, to my other ear, and back down.  At my ears he exhales, saying nothing because he doesn’t need to say anything to intensify this moment. 

His right hand comes up the side of my body.  I think he’s going to touch my breast but he surprises me when he keeps going.  Then his fingers touch my arm, and in a tickling motion he draws straight lines down to my hand gripped around the sheets.  Slowly, but with command, he forces my hand open.

Our fingers interlock as we have each others bodies.

And nothing ever felt and was so right and perfect in my life.

-Chapter 14-

I stare at Colt. 

He’s on his left side, me on my right.  His knee touches just above my knee and it leaves my body racing with butterflies.  His hand is at my hip, not with sexual intent but with the intent that it could sexual in a matter of a second.  We haven’t spoken a word in a minutes but instead watched as the other slowly caught their breath.

I want to fall asleep, really fall asleep and get lost in the moment forever... the way Colt smells and how our
activity
and sweat only make it better.  We’re real now and we’re together. 

I can feel strands of my hair stuck to my face and forehead.  I have to look like a messy hell but I don’t care, and Colt doesn’t seem to mind. 

He stretches his neck back and groans.  I see the just-barely-there stubble along his neck and chin and I have to make a move. 

I come at him and kiss him. 

He sighs and I kiss again. 

Then again.

He brings his head down and the tips of our noses touch.  Then we kiss, a perfect quick kiss.

“Bella,” he whispers, “if we start this again...”

“I’ve got nowhere to be,” she says.

Colt closes his eyes.  “But I do.”

“Of course you do.”

I don’t mean to sound so bitchy, but come on, stay in bed with me.  And not just for today, but forever.  Okay?  Is that so much to ask...?

“Bella...”

I hurry and lean on my elbow.  “What?  Why can’t you stay?”

Colt swallows.  “Can’t you just let it be?  I have to be somewhere.”

“Well, I know it’s business... so what is it?”

“Family,” he says and looks away.

Oh, yeah, don’t look so guilty.

“Family.  Can I come?”

“No,” Colt snaps.  He closes his eyes and takes a breath.  “Shit.  I’m sorry, Bella.  I didn’t mean to be like that.”  He opens his eyes and touches my face.  I prefer his hand at my hip, but whatever.  “Listen to me... it’s not quite time, okay?”

The way his blinks, I can’t tell, but it’s almost like he’s trying not to cry.

“What does that mean?” I ask.  “Not quite time.”

“It’s the only way I can say it.  I don’t want to ruin this moment, here with you.  This is... this is for me.  Right here.  This is everything I could ever dream of.”

“Then don’t leave,” I beg.

“Bella... here, you want to feel something?”

I don’t have a chance to nod before he takes my hand.  He touches it to his chest and I feel his heartbeat.  It’s still pounding, the same rate before when we were just about to tear each others clothes off. 

I feel my heart starting to race again. 

“It’s been that way since I saw you,” he says.  “I can’t control my heart right now.  And you have no idea how much I need it.  I just need you to trust me.  I promise, for today.”

“You’re not going to leave here and break up with your girlfriend, are you?”

Colt cringes.  “No... but probably tomorrow.”

“You’re an ass,” I growl.

“You’re jealous because you’re not sure if I’m telling the truth or not.”

“And now you’ve ruined the moment.”

“Good,” he says.  “I’ll just make another one.”

He moves so fast I cry out.  I’m suddenly on top of Colt, his hands exploring my back.  I start to kiss before I know what I’m doing.

Gosh, what exactly am I doing here?

We kiss for what feels like hours and then it breaks.  And I know what he going to say.  I wait it, trying not to look too disappointed.

“Can I borrow your laptop for a second?” he asks.

Okay, so that wasn’t what I thought he was going to say... but close enough.  That means he’s going to leave my bed.

“Sure.  It’s in the living room.”

“Need to check my email.  For work.”  He winks.  “I hate doing it on my phone.”

“Laptop is waiting then,” I say.  “No password or anything... I have nothing to hide.”

I smirk and Colt puts his hands to my sides and pushes, lifting me into the air.  My hands grab at his arms, feeling his flexed muscles, and I melt.  He moves me to the right and places me back down in my bed. 

That’s the single hottest move...
ever
.

Colt rolls from the bed and stands.  He’s not ashamed of himself and neither am I.  I can stare at this all day.  I’d prefer it this way, all day, every day.  Now that’s a simple, perfect life. 

He grabs his boxers and jeans.  He leaves the shirt on the floor.

Maybe he’s not in a huge rush then.  Maybe I can convince him to stay.  Maybe I can at least enjoy him again before he leaves.

His figure disappears from the bedroom and I roll to my back.

I stare at the white ceiling and smile. 

These are the moments that are perfect.  The moments I dream of, but the moments that sometimes worry me.  How can everything suddenly feel and seem so perfect?  It’s like staring at a bright blue sky, the sun hanging in the corner of a picturesque summer day with a storm waiting right behind you. 

That’s how it always feels and most of the time I’m right.

“Hey... Bella...?”

My head snaps to the left and just like that, there’s the storm, waiting.

Colt’s not there but something catches up to me.

My laptop.

When was the last time I used my laptop?  What was the last thing I...

“Shit,” I whisper and sit up.

I kick the covers off and reach for clothing.  Now Colt appears in the doorway, and he’s not happy.  Not happy at all. 

Shit.

“Colt, what’s wrong?”

“You tell me,” he says. 

He produces my laptop and shows me the screen it was left at.  I take one look and then turn my head. 

It’s the article about his nightclub.

The shooting.

His interview.

Everything.

“That’s not...”

“You searched for me,” he says.  “What did you type in?  Did you dig for dirt on me?”

“No,” I say.  I stand, now resorting to holding the bed sheet to my body.  I feel vulnerable and in big trouble.  Really big trouble.  “I wasn’t looking for anything bad, Colt.”

“Well you found it I guess.”

“It showed up.”

“Why?  Just... why?”

“Because you showed up in my bakery and then left.”

“You do that with all customers?”

“No, I don’t.  Only the ones I fall in love with I guess.”

Holy crap... did I just tell Colt that I’m in love with him?

Colt steps more into my room.  He puts my laptop on the small dresser next to my bed.  The screen is halfway open.  I can see the light of the screen reflecting against the keys of the keyboard.  I reach and hit the laptop, closing it for good.

Why didn’t I close out all the screens last time I used it? 

Colt leans against my door, his arms folded.  I don’t want to admire his body right now but I can’t help it.  His arms, his chest, his stomach...

“What do you want, Bella?” he asks me.

Now my eyes are back to his eyes.  “I never said I wanted anything.”

“Obviously you do,” Colt says.  He points to the laptop.  “What do you want to know?”

“You tell me,” I say.  “I’m not going to ask or pry things from you.”

“You’ll just research it online.”

“That’s not fair, Colt.  Not at all.  You came into my bakery and started asking questions, acting flirty with me.  I knew nothing about you and you left.”

“So?”

“I was curious.  You’re... hot, okay?  I thought I could find out who you were.”

“Why not ask me?”

I shrug my shoulders.  I guess I could have been more up front with him.  But, no, I won’t take the fall for this stuff.  No way.  I didn’t do a thing wrong here.  So what, I looked someone up...

“I guess I did a good thing then,” I say.

Colt’s eyes flare.  “Good thing?”

“Sure.  If you don’t want to tell me about... your problems...”

“Problems?  What problems?”

“The article,” I say. 

“You believe that?  You believe something written on the internet?”

“Should I?”

Colt grits his teeth and pushes from the door.  As he does, his hands come down in fists and hit my door.  The thud is like a crack of thunder, making me jump.

“I can’t believe this,” he says.  “I come to town... I’m as honest as I can be with you, Bella, and this is how you treat me?”

“Treat you?” I ask.  I’m starting to yell.  Colt is really getting annoying.  I don’t handle annoying boys.  I channel my inner Becca-Ann and feel like kicking him out, literally.  “You’re the one who tells me you can’t control yourself.  You can’t stop.  But then when we’re
finished
you have to hurry and leave.”

“And I asked you to trust me,” Colt says.  “I’ll explain everything soon.”

“Where are you going?  Does it have to do with that article?”

Shit, now I’m asking questions.  I don’t want to ask questions.  But I can’t help this... part of me isn’t sure if Colt has a girlfriend or if he’s in legal trouble.  I’m not being that nosy, I just care that much.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” he says.  “I’ll I ask is that you trust me right now.  So I can take care of things.”

“Can I help?” I ask.  My bottom lip quivers.  The frustration now overflows with emotion.  Damn, I hate being a girl sometimes.  It’s a frustrated cry that’s coming on, one because I can’t change something... and because I can’t get what I want. 

Colt steps towards me.  He takes my face in his hands.  I blink a few times and a tear streams from my right eye.  His thumb is there to wipe it away.

“Bella, I need you,” he whispers.  “I came into your bakery because I saw you standing there.  I saw a beautiful girl standing there and I wanted to know why.  And I swear to you, you deserve more than what you have and I’ll make sure you get it.  But right now, I have personal things...”

“Tell me,” I whisper.  “I want to be there too, Colt.  You’re not the only one with pain.  With secrets.  With a past.  I don’t care about that article if you just talk to me.”

Colt closes his eyes.  He swallows hard, trying to suppress whatever emotion is building.  I’m not sure if it’s anger or the urge to cry.  I’ll take either, I just want Colt to open.

“You want to know if I forced a man outside to be murdered?  You want to know if I have a problem with gay people?  Is that it?  You want to judge me?”

“I never said that,” I say.  “Ever.  I just want to know you, Colt.  You.”

He pulls me in for a kiss.  It’s an aggressive kiss, our lips pressing tight.  There’s no tongue and as he pulls away I’m suddenly hit with the feeling that I may have had my last kiss with Colt for a while... or forever...

“I have to go,” he says, and then he’s gone.

He’s out of my room, walking through the apartment.  I’m frozen, looking from the laptop to the open door and back.  Everything is spinning around me right now, trying to grasp the conversation.  I finally find strength and move from the room. 

Colt is at the door and I scream his name.  I’m desperate.  I still holding the bed sheet to my naked body and I’m crying.  The tears are falling and I don’t know why.

“Bella, please...”

“Colt, I can’t lose you,” I cry out.  “It’s not fair.  My mother is a drunk and I’m all alone.  I was handed that bakery and I don’t want it.  It should have died with my grandparents, but it didn’t.  It’s there, living and dying at the same time.  Like my mother.  And you know what?  You want a piece of my heart, Colt?  Here’s something honest... I wish both of them would go.  I wish both would just give up and...
die
...”