Finding Eva (Sophia Noire Series) (5 page)

What the hell are they talking about? I am tempted to barge out there and demand answers but instead I wait inside and curl up on the couch. I nurture a little anger at my center. I am so stupid for getting involved
and not just doing my job. I should have listened to Gabi. She has never steered me wrong.
 

As I sit there I realize it would be useless to ask a bunch of questions because James probably wouldn’t tell me the truth anyway. Perhaps this Dobbs guy wants to join in and have some kind of gang bang. Yeah, maybe it is that sordid and simple. As these hateful thoughts run through my head I know somehow that this is not what is going on.
 

Tonight has been a tornado of emotions and I don’t
want to trust in the turmoil the storm has left behind. My head or my heart—which one can I rely upon?
 

The fact that James didn’t take me back to the hotel with Misty makes me question my assumptions. Perhaps he really does care about me
? I just want to believe that so much, but nothing in my life so far has prepared me for that kind of an ending.
 

Mulling this over in my head is exhausting and right now I just want some answers I fear I will never receive.

Just as I come to that conclusion, Dobbs steps back inside and looks at me while shaking his head like I am incorrigible. He says a quick good night and leaves. I am still confused and getting a little panicked. I really don’t understand what is going on between these two men.

CHAPTER 7
INTO THE LIGHT

I
look back outside to see that James is still standing outside in the freezing weather. He appears stoic standing there with his hands in his pockets. I can see his warm breath misting, a sharp contrast with the frigid air. His wide shoulders are thrown back and his stance is one of aggression.
 

I can’t bear to watch him out there by himself any more. It seems like an eternity he has been standing there.
 I brace for the arctic weather and push out the door to see what is going on in that handsome but infuriating head of his.
 

Walking up to him tentatively, I say quietly, “James, are you okay? Why don’t you come inside and warm up.”
 

He turns around and I gasp. The pain in his face is raw and there is a fierceness
mixed with despair in his eyes.
 

Reaching quickly over he wraps his arms around me and kisses me hard. My lips feel almost bruised his kiss is so aggressive. He has his hands roaming all over me as he clutches me in a tight grip, and even though I will myself to resist, I respond to his touch. A flush of hot desire blooms in my body, and I press myself more tightly to him.
 

Grabbing my hair and pulling it firmly back from my face, he shoves his tongue in my mouth and I can’t help but let my body and mind respond. A deep moan escapes me.
 

James
picks me up around my waist and carries me back inside. His strong arms feel good around me and I can feel myself opening up to him again. The walls I erected in my mind to save me from more humiliation and pain recede.
 

Striding with great purpose, James rushes me into a lavish bedroom. Sitting me down gently on the bed, he kneels down in front of me and slides his hands up my dress. I am a goner
—without even thinking  I open my legs to him and roll my head back.
 

“I want you so badly that it hurts
, but we need to talk, Sophia.” James  pauses when saying my name and it sparks a warning signal in my brain, briefly. My body is humming with desire and I don’t want him to stop.

Taking the opportunity, I find myself demanding, “I want you, too! There is plenty of time to talk later. Please, James.” I do not care that I am begging so I push myself up to him and take my tongue and run it along his lips and suck on his bottom lip. With a gentle touch, I slowly unbutton his shirt while kissing him along his jaw down to his neck.
 

He looks like a Calvin Klein underwear ad when I finally take his shirt off. I move my kisses to his chest and pull him over so that he is on top of me.
 
 

Realizing I am still fully clo
thed I struggle to undo my side-zipper—desperately trying to get out of my dress.
 

“Ahh, Sophia, “ James breathes, taking my hands to stop me and sensuously kisses along my neck. I can feel him release my hands as he carefully frees me from my dress. Continuing to kiss my neck he slides the dress off of my shoulders, and then I gasp as his tongue follows his hands down to my navel when he effortlessly slips the dress off of me.
 

Hovering over me, we lock eyes and I feel again that connection bet
ween us. If anything, the link is stronger than ever despite my fears and doubt.
 

The whole night has come down to one primal desire:
I want to feel him inside me.
This relentless and blinding desire is lighting me on fire. I kiss him hard and roll myself on top of him. I need to take control of this. For the first time in my life, I want to be fucked.
 

He takes my lead as I sit on top of him. He cups my ass and slides his hands up my back with a soft caress. I lean forward to kiss him but he stops me.
 

Sliding my bra strap off of my shoulder, he kisses me tenderly and I feel my breasts swell in anticipation. The other strap follows and I lean into him with my head thrown back in ecstasy.
 

He reaches around my back and unhooks my bra as he takes his tongue and circles my nipple. I push my breasts forward and I can feel my stomach tighten and the wetness of my arousal
.
 

Gently at first
, he squeezes my breasts and trails his thumb over my wet nipple as he takes my other breast into his mouth. I am moaning and running my hands through his hair. I don’t think I can take any more of this sensation. This is so erotic and sensual that I feel like I could combust.
 

Pushing me up he stares at me with soft eyes and runs his hands down my arms and to my waist.
 

“You are so beautiful, Sophia. Looking at you, I know that there is a heaven,” he says with a rough catch in his throat.
 

I can barely form a coherent thought, but I say with rising emotion,
 “Oh James, I have never felt so beautiful and so sexy. Please don’t stop.”
 

But he does. He stops and his arms wrap around me and hugs me tightly. I can feel his shallow breathing along with my own panting.
 

“I have to stop. I have to talk with you first. We have a lot of secrets between us and I want to be as honest as I can. I need you to trust me and I need to trust you before we can make love.” James looks at me
seriously, and I can feel his steady determination.
 

“But James,
” I almost sob. I am so wet for him all my senses are burning. “Let’s not complicate this. I want you to fuck me and you need to fuck me if you want to keep your cover and find your girl.”
 

Thinking about her as I lay here naked with James in bed just about kills me. The pain is absolutely unbearable. But I will say anything to change his mind about our night together. I just want one night with him to remember. If I could get just one night with James, it will get me through the many ugly and lonely nights to come.
 

Sitting up, he takes his shirt and slips it on me. “Please, come with me, Sophia. Let’s sit by the fire in the living room and talk. You are so special to me. I want to do this the right way.”
 

Although I still cannot completely understand his reluctance, he is not saying no. So maybe this night will work out if I trust him. I follow him out enjoying his glorious half-naked body as I button up his shirt. His scent surrounds me as I wear it and I am momentarily comforted by it. Maybe this night will work out after all.
 

He flicks the switch and a roaring fire sparks in front of me. Pacing back in forth in front of me, he gestures for me to sit on the couch and I comply, watching him carefully. I
am just along for the ride now—trying to predict where this conversation will go is useless.
 

“I need to ask you something and I don’t how to go about asking it
,” James says, as he sits down next to me. I find I am shivering with fear or maybe anticipation. Noticing my discomfort James gently covers me with a cashmere blanket.
 

“You look a little cold sitting there with just a shirt on,” he says with a concerned look.
 

“Um...thanks?” I say it like a question because I am dying to know what he needs to ask me.
 

“Okay, I need to know. Is your name really Sophia? Sophia Noire?” James is completely serious and I feel his insistence working against the
barriers I have spent years building up.
 

I sit there not knowing how to answer this question. I feel like there is a vice grip
around my neck.
 

After what seems like a hundred years
,I finally answer. “Actually, no,” I reply in barely a whisper. All of a sudden I feel very small and I am grateful for this blanket to wrap myself up in like a shield
.
 

“One more question and then you can ask me anything. Is your name Eva Zajak?”
 

Hearing my real name on his lips brings forth a torrent of emotions buried deep inside me. I can feel tears well up and I am rendered speechless. I am afraid if I talk that my feelings will spill out and I won’t be able to stop. I just nod in affirmation,
 attempting to hold back the flood gates.
 

James speaks
quietly and soothingly. “I see.  Eva, you have been missing for quite some time. Do you know that?”
 

His words deeply surprise me, “What? What do you mean? I am all alone. I have no one to miss me.” I hear my voice crack and I can imagine how insignificant I look right now. Tears spring to my eyes as I look down and try and compose myself.
 

James embraces me in a big hug. “Eva, you are not alone. Everything is going to be okay.”
 

“What do you mean? I was taken here after my...my dad...” I couldn’t tell him. This is so humiliating. I feel so stupid for being in this situation and now it is all coming out into the light in front of this man who seems to read my thoughts and know my history.
 

The flood of feelings tears down my defenses. I push away and bury my head into one of his throw pillows and start to sob uncontrollably.
 

“My dad is dead. He left me.
 My mom died years before. I am all alone. Don’t you get it? I was stupid. It is all my fault, I am so sorry.” As I scream this into the pillow I know that I am not yelling at him. I am apologizing to that young, naive girl that I used to be. Eva, the girl with the pretty good grades, orphaned and then swept up into this hideous life.
 

James lifts me up and scoops me into his lap and hands me a handkerchief. I feel so secure in his arms that I let the
 waves of loss and betrayal continue to pour out.
 

“Eva, you have an aunt who is looking for you. Her name is Patti, Patti Runyan. You are not alone. You never have been. There are people who love you.” James rocks back and forth a little, with me still enfolded within his strong arms.
 

I am shocked. After a moment I find my voice, small and tremulous, and ask, “How is that possible? I have never heard of her before. Is she my mom’s sister?”
 

I start to shake and I feel like I am going to throw up. The room begins to whirl. Before it spins completely out of control I say, “James, I need a moment. This is too much.”
 

He grabs my waist to stabilize me and leads me to the bathroom. “No way. I am here for you Eva. I am not going anywhere.”
 

I feel the bile rise in my throat as I lean forward into the toilet, feeling my body convulse. Waves of nausea hit me as I dry heave. Humiliated,
 I curl up into the fetal position on the cold marble floor. Squeezing my eyes shut I try to block out all sensations.
 

James lays with me on the floor with his strong, warm arms wrapped around me.
Oh James, you are too good for me.
 

“Eva, it is going to be okay. I am here. We will talk more tomorrow. Let’s get you into bed,” he speaks slowly and distinctly. I shudder and shake my head.
 

“I have to go back to the Parish. They will be expecting me.” Saying this drains all the hope and joy out of me.
 

But James immediately responds, “No they won’t. I have taken care of that. They are expecting you tomorrow.”
 

I feel relief wash over me and I muster the strength to stand.
 

All the kindness and concern in the world seem to be conveyed to me through James’ gentle voice.
  “Let me help you. Do you need something to drink?”
 

I feel like I have been run over with a truck and I know that I stink something fierce. I need some time to think and I seriously need to get cleaned up.
 

I peek up at him under the fringe
of messy hair covering my face,   “How about a bath and a toothbrush?”
 

He hands me a new toothbrush and toothpaste. “Here you go. I
’ll run you a bath.”
 

After I brush my teeth
and compose myself, I wander to the other bathroom to find him laying in a big bubble bath. Candlelight flickers all around the room creating a soft but sexy mood. The gesture is so sweet that I can’t help but smile.
 

His eyes twinkle and his face lights up when I smile at him.

“Oh I am so happy to see that beautiful smile, Eva,” James beams. “I told you that I am not leaving you alone.  We will take a bath together, okay?”
 

I dip in the bath slowly, conscious now of being naked in front of him.
He’s seen you before Eva. Don’t be silly.
 

He scoots me over so my back is to his chest and I lay back soaking in the warm water and the feeling of his naked body.