Finding Divine

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.

All trademarks, service marks, registered service marks are the property of their respective owners and are used herein for identification purposes only.

CHAPTER ONE

Jessica carefully laid the floral arrangement at the base of the large weather-beaten tombstone. Moss had formed across the letters in a zigzag pattern, partially obscuring the inscription. She made a mental note to get it professionally cleaned and the cracks resealed. Dusting a stray clump of leaves off the top, she knelt down next to it. “I hope everything is good where you are today. It’s been raining nonstop for the past few days. But at least there were no thunderstorms. You know how neurotic I get when there’s thunder and lightning.” Jessica chuckled to herself softly as she repositioned herself to get comfortable.

“It’s been a hectic week for me.  The shop has been doing really well lately. So well in fact, Ellie and I are thinking of expanding—nothing too big, but we’re considering renting a larger space.  Not bad considering the state of the economy, but I suppose it’s one of the reasons our business is thriving.” The Second Hand was the vintage shop she and her friend Ellie owned that specialized in gently used,  high-end clothing. It was geared toward people on a budget who still wanted to dress nicely. They also sold hard to find used print books as well as antiques.

“Ellie’s kids have been sick for the past few days so I’ve been putting in more hours, which I don’t mind. But it also means interacting with customers more than I’m used to.” She let out a self-deprecating chuckle. “You know I’ve never been good with strangers but I’m getting better.”

              Pushing a stray strand of hair from her face the wind had blown askew, she sighed in frustration. Her hair was the bane of her existence, but she didn’t dare cut it. 

“Anyway, Ellie said I should take some time off because it’s only fair since she’s been in and out of the shop lately, so after this week, I’ll have a lot of extra time on my hands. Maybe I can catch up on some reading or do some projects around my condo. One thing I’m certain of is keeping my time off a secret from Mom and Dad for as long as I can. When they find out they’ll both insist I spend time with each of them.  It makes me sick to my stomach when they put me in the middle of their drama, but I’m too much of a coward to tell them how I feel. Mom would lay the guilt trip of all guilt trips on me and remind me what an inconsiderate daughter I am, and Dad…well, he has a way of making me feel guilty without saying a word. If I choose one over the other, it will be World War III.  You’d think at twenty-nine I’d be able to stand up to our parents by now, but when I talk to them I feel like a kid.”

Jessica paused to shoo a fly away from Jason’s headstone. “I’m tempted to tell them I plan on going out of town but they’d never believe me. I’m a terrible traveler. Maybe I’ll let them think I’m sick.  Mom avoids illness likes she does carbs, and Dad doesn’t handle it much better.” Jessica giggled at the thought of tricking her parents, and if Jason were here, he’d probably laugh, too, because they both knew Jessica would tell the truth the second either one of her parents asked what she was up to. She was an awful liar, but the thought of a peaceful, chaos-free week sounded heavenly.

The temporary mirth she’d felt only seconds before dissolved as a melancholy feeling settled over her. “Actually, the real reason Ellie wants me to take some extra time off is…well, you know. This is the anniversary of when you left us. I know it’s been twelve years, but I still miss you so much.” Jessica squeezed her eyes shut to stave off the pain that clenched her heart.

She brushed away a stray tear from the corner of her eye. “You were the good twin—my better half, and I don’t think I’ll ever be whole again. They say the pain is supposed to go away after time, but I still miss you as much now as I did then. Every morning I wake up and wonder how I’ll make it through another day without my best friend.” No longer able to hold the tears back, Jessica let them stream down her cheeks and well in the corners of her mouth, where she licked them away with the tip of her tongue. Her brother had been handsome, funny, athletic, laid-back, popular, and just an all-around good guy. He was her voice when she couldn’t speak for herself, her protector and champion. Losing him in any manner was devastating, but the brutal way in which he was taken was senseless. He’d been murdered by a group of lowlife scumbags because of the color of his skin.

Jessica shivered as she remembered how the stress of her brother’s death, and sitting through a trial where most of the murderers showed little remorse, had ripped her family completely apart. Her mother had turned to alcohol for comfort and her father had turned to other women. Almost two years to the date of Jason’s murder, they had divorced, both blaming the other for their issues.

Jessica suspected her parents still cared about each other, but neither was willing to admit they were wrong, or knew how to cope with the loss of their only son, the star of the family. Jason had a bright future ahead of him with a full ride to college on a basketball scholarship. And though he would have attended school on an athletic scholarship, he intended to attend medical school after he graduated and become a neurosurgeon. It was hard to reconcile the amount of hate involved to brutally beat a teenager with no provocation. Those thugs had not only snuffed out a magnificent human being, but they’d shattered a family.

“Can you believe I’ll be twenty-nine this year? One and a half years to thirty, uh! I feel old. Mom says I should find a man before I’m labeled a spinster. She says if I wait any longer I won’t be able to have children, but I don’t think I want to bring kids into my world of dysfunction. I’m scared I’d pass on my neuroses to them. Besides, I have to constantly deal with Mom and Dad asking me to spy on the other. If I had children, that would give them something else to fight over. ” Jessica rubbed her temples to stave away an impending headache. Just the thought of her parents often caused her anxiety.

“I don’t know if I’m cut out for the relationship thing, anyway. The few dates I’ve been on have been a disaster. The last one was the worst. I had an attack right in the middle of the meal. My date freaked out and left me right there to pay for the meal. Ellie says I dodged a bullet but maybe it was the other way around. Who wants to deal with me and all my issues?” She sighed, remembering her therapist had told her to stop being so self-deprecating. It was an issue she had to constantly remind herself of.

“I’ve been so busy with the shop I don’t have time for dating anyway. I’ve only had almost sex once. I call it almost sex because it was over so quickly I’m not sure if I’d imagined it or not. If that’s what sex is like, I’d say it’s pretty overrated,” she finished on a snort. “And then he never bothered calling me back. That in itself is a bit of a relief, but still no incentive for me to go out and try it with someone else. Maybe I’m asexual. I’ve read about people like that. It’s not like I have an overly strong libido or anything.” Jessica busied herself by pulling up weeds from around the plot. Contacting the groundskeeper of this cemetery would have to be another thing she added to her to-do list.

Once she completed her task, she stood. “Well, I should probably be leaving, but I will be back tomorrow. I have to run a few errands for the store before I go on my mini-vacation. I love you very much.” Jessica leaned over and placed her lips to the top of the tombstone.

The brisk March wind chilled her to the bone. Earlier today it had been in the high sixties; warm enough to go without a coat, but the temperature had changed drastically. Jessica hugged her arms around her thin body, scurrying to her car.

Ten minutes later she slammed her car door in frustration and kicked hard enough to leave a small dent, which she shrugged off.  Her car was old and it was time she got a new one. The problem was, she was so close to having a nice down payment on a house that she was loath to dip into her savings to purchase a new vehicle. 

She’d had a midsize sedan for over ten years now, and only lately had it been giving her a bunch of issues. It had done well over a hundred thousand miles, but it still had some life in it. Or so she hoped.

Opening the hood, she looked at the engine to see what was wrong with it. She’d just changed the spark plugs last week. The battery was less than a year old so she wasn’t sure why it wouldn’t start. Jessica didn’t know enough about automobiles beyond the very basics.

“Can I be of some assistance to you?” a deep voice asked from behind her.

Hearing someone speak out of the blue startled her so much she banged her head against the hood of her car. “Son of a bitch!” she cried out, grabbing her head. Jessica eased herself from under the hood, still clutching the top of her head which was now painfully throbbing. Slowly she turned around to see the source of the voice and froze. Her eyes widened and her breath caught in her throat. She’d seen good-looking men before, but none like this, at least not outside of a movie screen.

Handsome would have been too trite a word to describe the beauty standing before her. Adonis seemed to fit the description of this beautiful strangely more aptly. With a head full of curly, dark blond hair, bright sky blue eyes, his all-American looks might have been classified as pretty, but the deeply dimpled chin and squared jaw he possessed saved him from that description.  Jessica allowed her gaze to travel the entire length of him. She wasn’t a small woman standing five feet ten, but this man had her by a good five inches. Broad-shouldered and lean-hipped, the khaki pants and black polo shirt he wore didn’t disguise a body that was neither a stranger to the gym nor to hard labor.

She realized she was staring but still couldn’t bring herself to speak. She wished at times like this she didn’t get so tongue-tied around strangers. “Uh…” It was all she could think of for lack of anything better to say.

He smiled at her, revealing even, white teeth. “Are you okay? It looks like you banged your head pretty good there.”

Her pain had been temporarily forgotten, but his words bought back the uncomfortable ache at the top of her head.  “You did kind of startle me, but I’m a bit of a klutz. Don’t worry about it.” Jessica was secretly proud of herself for finding her voice and not making an even bigger fool of herself by saying something stupid.

“I sincerely apologize for scaring you, but I couldn’t help but notice you were having some issues with your car. I’m no expert myself, but I know a little bit about cars. When you were trying to start your car there wasn’t much of a sound which could possibly mean it’s the alternator.”

She groaned. “That sounds expensive.”

“The alternator? Not really. That’s the best case scenario.”

“What’s the worst case scenario?” Jessica asked in a whisper, almost scared to hear the answer.

“Your engine could be flooded, and in that case, you may need serious work done on this car. What year is it?”

“1993.”

“Hmm. Maybe getting it fixed would be moot at this point. Engine work isn’t cheap. You may be better off getting a new car if the cost of repairs exceeds the value of the vehicle.”

“Don’t tell me that.” She closed her eyes, thinking of the expense of a new car. Maybe if she got a serviceable used car to last her for a few years it wouldn’t put too big a dent in her savings, but if she could get the car repaired for under a thousand that was the option she wanted to take. Though this stranger was simply dressed, his clothes were well put together, which told her they weren’t cheap.  Someone like him could probably purchase a new vehicle on a whim; she unfortunately wasn’t in that position. “If I could, I’d gladly buy a new car, but my finances aren’t conducive to such a luxury right now.” Jessica brushed her bangs out of her face and turned back to her car to eye the engine in frustration.

“I meant no offense, and if you found my comment out of line, I apologize. I guess I always say the wrong thing around pretty ladies.”

That comment got her attention. Slowly she turned around, self- consciously touching her face. “Smooth,” she laughed nervously, “but empty compliments won’t fix my car.”

Another heart-stopping smile split his handsome face. “What makes you think it was an empty compliment? I try not to say things I don’t mean, and you’re quite lovely.”

She looked down at her feet, unable to meet his intense gaze. Jessica had received compliments from men before, and she looked enough like her mother to know she wasn’t unattractive. But men this good-looking usually dated women who looked like models, or possessed a rare exotic beauty, and she certainly didn’t fit that mold. Jessica wasn’t sure how to respond to him and decided it would be best to make her exit before she said something stupid. “I-I have to call a tow truck.”

Jessica dug into her pockets in search of a cell phone and when she couldn’t find it, she looked inside the car before she remembered she’d left it on the charger at home. It seemed luck wasn’t on her side today.

“Problems?” Tall, Blond and Sexy asked.

She turned to see he was grinning, as if her predicament amused him.  “This isn’t funny. I’m beginning to think you’re a jinx.”

His smile immediately disappeared and his forehead creased, giving him a look of contrition. “I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you, I just can’t help it. I just can’t get over…well, I think you have gorgeous eyes.”

The chill of the wind no longer seemed to matter as a gust of heat swamped her body. This guy was definitely a charmer. He probably said stuff like this to all the ladies, although she did get a lot of compliments on her eyes. Someone had likened them to Bette Davis while another claimed she had eyes like Diana Ross. Her mother always said they were her best feature.