Finding Carson Lee (Oh Captan, My Captain #3) (28 page)

“
Carson Lee, stop acting like I’m dragging you to your death. It’s a football game.”

“
You just proved my point for me. You
are
dragging me to a
football
game.” I pull him to our seats. “If I suck it up, what do I get in return?” he trails his hand up my thigh.

“
Ha, nothing.” I slap his hand away. “This is payback for the season tickets that arrived the other day from the Blacksmiths office. Know anything about that?”

“
You received season tickets?” Carson has a fake shocked expression. “Wow, someone loves you a lot to gift you such a thing so you can see your boyfriend play.” He chuckles. “Are you trying to say they are going to go to waste?”

“
You’re such a drama queen.” I roll my eyes at him, looking out at the green football turf in front of me. “I’m not going to let them go to waste. And I think that since I’m your
girlfriend,
you should do things I enjoy too, like football.”

“
Isn’t there supposed to be compromise in a relationship?” Before I can open my mouth to yell at him, he waves his hand. “But fine, fine. I will do whatever you want if it’s something you enjoy.”

“
Whatever I want?” I purse my lips at him. “Hhmm, that sounds so tempting right now. I’ll have to remember you said that.”

He grins. “Why do you think I said it?”

~ ~ ~

“
You got Carson Lee, bad-boy of hockey, to go to a football game?” Cassie looks shocked.

“
Yep, and I think he even enjoyed it. He lied and said he hated it though.”

I have my iPad on my lap double checking everything. Cassie and I are off to the Big Apple for fashion week. Our fall line with Carson is going to fly off the shelves. We’re already backordering the jeans. This will be my first fashion week, and I can’t wait. This is what I have worked for. This is my moment. I have been working so hard for it, and I’m at the top of the mountain. I look at the list of people I have to meet with while I’m there. All big names in fashion and it’ll take LSMP to a whole new level that no one even dreamed of.

“
You’re excited, aren’t you?”

I smile at my best friend. “You have no idea. I’m a bundle of nerves, but I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited.”

The intercom calls for our flight. I shut down my tablet and put it in my purse. My phone lights up, and I see Carson’s face, sticking his tongue out at me. It’s the goofiest picture of him, but it makes me smile every time.

“
Hey, Carson. I’m about to board. Are you wishing me good luck?”

“
No, sweetheart, I’m not. I...it’s Gracie, Kinley.” My heart stops. “Darcie just called me.”

“
Oh my God.” My mouth is dry. “Where is she? At the hospital? I can meet you there.” I stand up grabbing my purse. Cassie’s face is confused.

“
Yeah, I’m already on my way. Kinley, you’re about to leave for your trip. You don’t have to.”

“
No, Carson Lee!” I shout at him. “I want to be with you right now. I don’t give a shit about anything else. I’m grabbing a cab and I’ll meet you there.”

I hang up the phone, looking at Cassie. “I have to go to Carson.”

And I run.

Carson

My heart is already in shreds. It’s slamming around, beating erratically, and hoping like hell that Darcie is wrong somehow. She called me, sniffing as she tried to hold in her tears and said that Gracie was asking for me. Gracie hasn’t been doing well lately, but today is worse than all the other days. All I can think is,
Not my sweet Gracie.

I know Kinley is on her way, but I don’t think I can wait for her. The elevator takes an extremely long time to make its way to her floor. Darcie is laying in the bed with Gracie, who is wearing her Blacksmiths head scarf and the jersey I gave her. The sight of them both nearly brings me to tears.

“
Gracie, baby, look who’s here,” Darcie says as I make my way to the other side of the bed.

Gracie peers at me through her barely opened eyes. Her lips lift in smile underneath her oxygen mask. I lean down to kiss her forehead. “Hey, Gracie. How’s my girlfriend doing?” The words feel forced, but she doesn’t notice.

“
Don’t feel good,” she whispers.

“
You don’t?” I take her hand, noticing that she doesn’t grip it back like usual. The beeping on the monitor is faint and slow, but it’s still steady. “Can I watch cartoons with you and your mommy? Will that make you feel better?”

She nods and I scoot in on the other side of her. There’s not much room and I’m half on the bed, one leg having to help prop me up, but I don’t care. Gracie holds my hand and rests her head on my arm. I glance at Darcie, the tears falling down her face. Just then, Kinley peeks into the room, looking as distraught as I feel.

“
Can I come in?” she asks.

“
Of course,” Darcie answers.

“
Gracie, look. Kinley came to see you too,” I tell her. She lifts her head to smile at Kinley, who stands on the other side of me. “We’re watching cartoons,” I say, looking at Kinley. “Grab that chair and move it over here, so you can sit down.” Kinley nods and does that as Gracie rests against me again. I want to talk to her, but I don’t know what to say to her. We do have one thing in common though. “Are you and Tommy going to watch the second game of the season when I play Brody? I’ll make sure I score for you, okay?”

She lifts her head to smile at me, nodding once. “Thanks.” Her voice is small and raspy, not like the bright little girl voice I’m used to. She seems to find some strength as she slowly keeps talking. “Do you love me, Carson? Mommy says you’re supposed to tell people you love that you love them, so they will know and never forget it. I love you, Carson. Now, you know and you’ll always remember.” Gracie smiles like she’s accomplished something and she has. She’s never said she’s loved me before.

To have more time to compose myself, I kiss her forehead. “I do love you too, Gracie. So, so much. You’re the best, most awesome, most beautiful girlfriend too.”

“
You’re beautiful too, Carson.” She keeps holding my hand but leans into the comfort of her mother. “I love you, Mommy.”

“
I love you too, Gracie,” she whispers.

“
I love you too, Kinley,” Gracie adds without looking at her.

“
I love you too, Gracie,” Kinley replies with a shaky voice. I reach over and take her hand. She grips it tightly as we fall back into silence to watch cartoons. Hours pass without any more words spoken. The nurses come and check on Gracie, her mother kisses the top of her head every few seconds, and I hold onto her hand.

The faint heartbeats slow to a stop. Darcie sobs as doctors come in, turn off the machine, and usher Kinley and me out of the room to give her time with her daughter. I kiss her forehead and then Darcie’s before finally leaving. The sweetest soul I’ve ever met is gone. I turn to face Kinley, pull her into a hug, and cry.

Her shoulders shake and I know mine are too. My fingers dig into her skin with the utter loss I feel. The tears pool in my eyes, falling over rapidly, especially at hearing the cries of Darcie from inside the room. Standing upright as I release Kinley, she reaches up to wipe away my tears before doing the same to her own.

“
Darcie.” That’s all I can manage to say, but Kinley nods in understanding. I go back, wanting to comfort her as much as I can. She’s rocking in the bed, holding Gracie’s little body in her lap. Now that I’m here, I don’t know what to do. Slowly, I walk over and place a hand on Darcie’s shoulder.

“
Carson, pinch me and wake me up,” she mumbles. “My baby is strong. She can’t be gone yet.”

“
She’s not. Gracie is strong. The strongest person I know. And now, she’s laughing, playing, and watching
Looney Tunes
, and she doesn’t feel bad anymore,” I whisper, hoping like hell that it’s the truth.

“
I can’t leave her yet. I can’t leave my baby.”

“
Okay. You don’t have to leave her.”

I’m not sure how long I stand there with her or who comes to make us leave. I’m not sure how I walk out into the hallway. I remember Darcie thanking me for all I did for Gracie and for helping them. I tell her to stay in touch, that I will see her soon, and if she ever needs anything to call me. Somehow, I’m able to leave the hospital and make it all the way home.

My heart’s numb through it all. It’s numb, achy, destroyed, and hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt before. Everything blurs as we change, crawling into bed for the night.

“
Carson?” I shift my head to glance at Kinley. She’s seemingly far away on the other side of the bed because she just laid her phone on the nightstand. The rim of her eyes are red and puffy.

“
C’mere,” I murmur. Kinley scoots over until she’s sitting next to me, leaning against the headboard like I am. The water builds in my eyes again. “Today was the first time Gracie told me she loved me. I loved her too, Kinley. I loved her so much.”

“
I know.” She pulls me into her arms, my forehead resting on her shoulder as I cry freely. “I know you loved her,” she whispers. “I know.” Kinley holds me tightly, rubbing my back.

Before long, I’m all out of tears. My lips find her neck, kissing her softly. “I’m so glad you’re here, sweetheart. I love you.”

“
There’s nowhere else I rather be, Carson Lee. I love you too.”

Pulling away, my mind turns to the arrangements that have to be made, the support Darcie will need both emotionally and financially. I study the beautiful woman in front of me, knowing that I’m going to lean on her while somehow managing to be there for Darcie without breaking down. Kinley cups my cheeks and leans forward to place a gentle kiss on my lips.

“
Let’s get some rest, okay?”

I turn out the light. We sink into the bed as Kinley cuddles against me. “Sweetheart?” I say into the darkness.

“
Yeah?”

“
I’m going to need you these next couple days.”

She squeezes her arms around my waist. “I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Kinley

Carson opens the door, and I walk into a small room of the funeral home. I assumed Darcie had family or friends, but no one’s here. She’s sitting in the first row, staring at the small white casket in front of her. A huge bed of red roses lay on half of it, and the white satin shines from the opened part. I know Carson has paid for everything, not that he would admit it.

Carson walks right over to Darcie, and she sobs in his arms. I can’t bare the thought of losing a child and to lose a spirit like Gracie’s breaks my heart.

“
Carson, thank you,” Darcie manages to get out.

I know that he can’t say anything. The past few days he’s barely said a word. I don’t know what to say, or how to take the pain away. All I know how to do is to be there for him.

“
Kinley.” Darcie tries to give me a smile, but she’s still crying.

I hug her tightly and hope that it’s somewhat comforting.

“
Do you want to see her?”

I hold my breath. I’ve been to funerals but never a child’s. Carson takes Darcie closer to the casket, and I keep a step behind. I hear him sniffle, and I walk up to his other side.

The beautiful Gracie is in Carson’s jersey, clutching a picture of her, Carson and Darcie. She looks asleep. I pray that I wake up from this dream, and she yells ‘Carson’, but I know she won’t.

Carson guides her back over to the chairs, and the three of us sit there in silence.

“
You know, Carson,” Darcie’s voice cracks. “That very first day when you met Gracie, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so happy before. She told everyone you were her ‘boyfriend’. She has kept that smile every day since then. I don’t know how to thank you for giving her so much joy in the few months that you’ve known her.”