Find Me in the Dark (7 page)

“Like what?” Dolly asks.

At that moment, I realize that in general not a lot happens during practice since practice consists of me, alone in a room, playing my instrument. “I just had a really good practice.”

Dolly tilts her head immediately. I don’t like the angle of that tilt!

“But seriously, what took so long?” Cassie continues.

Well, as I insinuated before, practice was great. I fucked a man who’s been stalking me for over a year. No, I’ve never met him before, but he writes me a letter every day. Want to read them? I’ve got like hundreds under my bed. I read a few every night before I go to sleep. And no, I have no idea what he looks like since he wore a mask the entire time.

“I was just really into it.” It doesn’t escape anyone’s notice that my voice is an octave higher than it usually is.

Dolly leans forward. “What happened?”

I look around at everything except my friend’s faces. “Uh…nothing. Just practice.”

Dolly raises an eyebrow. “Bull. Shit.”

Oh God, I have to stop this. If they knew…no, they couldn’t possibly even guess…but if they did I’d never hear the end of it. “So…
The Notepad
…it’s getting late so we should start…”

“You’re avoiding the question,” Cassie points out.

“No. I’m just, you guys were waiting up for me. We should get started.”

“You know,” Dolly puts her hand around my shoulder. “The point of girl night is not to watch a movie we’ve seen like ten million times already.”

My throat feels tight. Every part of me feels tight.

“It’s to share what happened during the week. To solidify our friendship,” she continues.

Cassie wiggles her eyebrows. “To talk about great late night practices.”

“At length,” Dolly adds with a sly grin. “We want to hear about all the lengths.”

All the lengths? Is she saying what I think she’s saying? Oh shit! “It was nothing. I was just, practicing really hard see?” I point to my cello case by the door as if that proves something. “And if you guys aren’t going to watch a movie, I might just call it a night—”

Dolly peers deeply into my eyes, then snaps her fingers. “It’s a guy.”

“What? Did Laura meet a guy?” Anna squeals.

“No, I did not meet a guy. I just had practice.”

“And what did you practice, my dear?” Dolly drawls.

My pulse spikes. I can feel my face growing hot. “Music! What do you think?”

Dolly wiggles her eyebrows. “Uh huh. I think I can guess the tune: bow chicka bow wow.”

Dolly has, quite possibly, the worst singing voice I’ve ever heard in my life. I shake my head, stand, and then head over to the couch. “Ugh, are you twelve? I can’t believe you just said that to me.”

Cassie does some kind of stealth ninja move so she sits down at the same time as me. “You totally just met a guy and you’re not telling us anything!”

“I’m not
not
telling you things.” Even I have no idea what I’m saying at this point.

“You’re a bad liar, Laura,” Dolly clucks.

“Really bad,” Cassie adds.

“I’m not lying!”

“Is he cute?” Dolly asks.

“Look, there’s no guy.”

“Did he take you out for coffee? Oh my God, did you kiss him?” Anna’s cheeks flush.

I think my cheeks flush too.

“She kissed him!” Dolly claps her hands.

“About time!” Cassie laughs. “Was he good?”

My mouth hangs open. Shit! What should I say?

“I think there was tongue,” Dolly says! “And maybe even a little more. He was probably good with his hands…”

“You guys, I didn’t kiss.” That wasn’t a lie. We didn’t kiss. It’s hard to kiss when he’s wearing a mask and taking you from behind.

Wow that sounds so bad.

“So you didn’t kiss, but you did other things with this guy?” Cassie asks.

Oh damn, I’d just basically admitted there was a guy! “Look, it doesn’t matter. Ryan Gooseling—”

“Can wait,” Dolly announces. “Every time I see him floating around in his little boat, I hope that swarm of white ducks will attack.”

“Sacrilege!” Anna yells from the kitchen as she grabs the guacamole bowl.

“Keep your voice down,” Cassie whispers to Dolly. “You basically just shot her boyfriend.”

“That chick needs to get laid,” Dolly mutters, then glares at me. “You too. I’m expecting you to have hot, sweaty sex with this guy by the end of the month.”

Already happened
. “Look, this is getting really out of hand,” I babble.

“Come on Dolly! Stop freaking out,” Cassie adds. “You know that David has been working his way up to this point. Don’t freak her out when he’s finally made his move.”

Wait a second, that made no sense. David was one of my best friends.
Friends
. There was nothing between us. “What’s this about David?” I ask.

Dolly wiggles her eyebrows again. “Did David finally serenade you?”

Why would David serenade me? “David is just a friend,” I insist.

“A friend who really wants to fu—I mean,” Dolly glances over at Anna, “spend some late night ‘practice time’ with you.”

Anna sets the guacamole on the coffee table. “I’m just temporarily bitchy, not a prude.” She narrows her eyes as she looks at me. “So, who is it?”

I stuff my face in a pillow. “Not you too.”

“That’s it,” Anna declares. “I’m going to hug
you
while I weep to
The Notepad
tonight.”

“You just said you wouldn’t because I appreciated you!”

“You’re hiding things from your friends,” Anna remarks as the other two giggle. “That’s not a sign of appreciation. It has to stop.”

I honestly have no idea to say. No freaking idea at all. “Alright,” I whisper, my voice muffled by the pillow.

“Get that thing out of your face. I can’t hear a word you’re saying!” Dolly bellows while the other girls laugh.

I throw the pillow at her.

“That’s better.” She catches it and grins.

Shit! Now I have nothing to hide behind!

“You’re going to have to tell us sooner or later,” Dolly says.

“Yeah. We’ll sit on you if we have to,” Cassie adds.

“And we’re going to watch, rewind, and watch again that scene where my dear Ryan rows around the lake in circles, again and again and again, while I use you as a tissue,” Anna finishes.

“And I’ll try to play your cello as Dolly sings,” Cassie says.

That last comment did it. No way in hell was I staying here! I glanced at the bathroom. If I made it, I could lock the door and just stay there for the rest of the night. It wouldn’t be too bad. I could curl up on that faux fur rug on the floor that left a shaggy hot pink layer of fuzz on my feet every time I stepped out of the shower and looked like a Saturday morning cartoon mascot that someone had shot and skinned.

“Don’t even think about it,” Dolly says.

“Think about what?” I ask innocently.

Cassie’s eyes narrow. “Running into that bathroom.”

Shit. “Well then, guess it’s
Notepad
time.”

“Even I’m not going to let you get out of this one,” Anna giggles. “You have no idea how long we’ve been waiting for David—”

“Why do you guys keep bringing up David?” I interrupt. “Like I said before, David and I are just friends.”

There’s a moment of silence. Anna frowns. “So you really weren’t with David tonight?”

“No!”

My friends share a look.

“So, who is this guy?” Cassie says after clearing her throat.

“Just a guy.” Shit. I just verbally admitted it. Well, it wasn’t like they didn’t already know but if I was even just a tad smarter about this sort of thing I could have at least pretended for a little longer that it was nothing.

Dolly grins. “So, tell us about him.”

Well, he wears a mask. Won’t let me look at his face. Fucks me like he’s never going to stop. And I don’t want him to stop.
I press my thighs together. This is so going in a bad, bad, bad direction.

Cassie laughs. “Damn girl. What is wrong with you? I’ve never seen you act like this about…well, actually I haven’t exactly seen you with a guy before, but I didn’t think you’d ask like this.”

Dolly stares into my face. “You totally kissed him.”

“I didn’t,” I whisper.

Dolly rubs her hands together. “Yeah, and a few moments you didn’t want to admit there was even a guy!”

“Dolly’s right. Own up. You’re blushing hardcore,” Cassie says.

I gaze longingly at the pillow on the floor. Maybe I could dive into it.

Dolly kicks the pillow away.

I can’t believe how mean they are! “You guys…”

“Not gonna work,” Cassie says.

I clamp my mouth shut.

Dolly glances at Cassie. “Cue the movie. Anna, grab her shirt.”

The tears! No, they couldn’t be serious. “You guys, this is kind of going overboard…”

“You need to tell us. We’re friends,” Anna says, gazing into my eyes like I’d just shot Bambi’s mom.

“Best friends,” Cassie says, flicking on the TV. Static glows before my eyes. All I can see is the outline of her back.

“Alright, alright, there was a guy,” I stammer.

“Uh huh.” Dolly grins. “And?”

“And…” and what? I didn’t know this guy’s name. I didn’t know anything about him. What could I say that would make sense?

“She’s trying to think up a lie,” Anna notes.

How did sweet Anna know that?

“You should just tell us the truth, babe. Get it over with fast. It’s like ripping off a band-aid,” Dolly says.

“You guys are making this really scary!” I wail.

“It shouldn’t be scary!” Dolly raises her hands. “I tell you all about the guys I date.”

“Yeah but…”

Dolly raises a brow. “But what?” she asks, daring me to say something.

“Like nothing,” I mumble as she flashes a victorious grin.

Anna grabs my shirt. “You ready to tell us?”

“Yeah,” Cassie moans. “I thought you trusted us!”

It was a low blow. I did trust them. They were my closest friends, and apart from Molly, my family. They meant everything to me. Which was why I couldn’t tell them this.

This relationship went against everything I knew was right. No one would ever understand it. I mean…God, just thinking it made me feel like a fool. If I heard another girl talk about how she slept with a guy who’d written her letters for years and wore a mask—a guy she knew nothing about—I would think she needed help.

Maybe I do need help
, I think as I ball my fists in my pants.

“I don’t want you guys to read too much into this,” I say, trying to keep my voice light. It’s hard because I’ve thought so much about him already that it’s difficult to separate my fantasy from reality.

And, more than that, maybe I don’t want to separate them.

“Okay, we won’t,” Cassie says as Anna and Dolly nod.

I open my mouth and start frowning. Can I really do this? “I, uh, I met a guy that I like.”

The three of them edge closer, unable to keep their excitement from spilling over.

“How long ago did you meet him?” Anna asks. “Like, three years ago at—”

“She already said it wasn’t David!” Dolly interrupts.

What is all this about David? “It isn’t David,” I confirm.

Cassie’s eyes fall again. “Well, what’s his name? Is he nice?”

What’s his name? Oh shit! I can’t say I don’t know, can I? And why the hell don’t I know his name? Why hasn’t this bothered me before?

Dolly’s eyes narrow. “Do you know this guy’s name?”

Oh fuck. How did she guess so quickly? Maybe because she hooks up with guys without knowing their name. “No. I know it, I just…”

“Well, what is it then?” Cassie asks.

“Um…”

Dolly’s eyes are little slivers. I feel them stabbing into me.

I say the first name that pops into my head. “Derrick.”

“Derrick,” Cassie repeats softly, then, “Oh God, Derrick? The bass player Derrick?”

Bass player Derrick? Who the hell was she talking about—oh no, wait, shit! “No, not that Derrick.”

But it’s too late. They’ve jumped to their own conclusions. The damage has been done.

Dolly pats my leg sympathetically. “Oh sweetie.”

“It’s not that Derrick!” I wail. I sound so pathetic, even to my own ears, and I’m protesting so much that it probably sounds like I’m lying.

The girls share a look.

“Did you use…protection?” Dolly asks softly.

I feel like I’m about to die on the spot.

Derrick is a walking one night stand. He doesn’t go out with girls, he just fucks them. And yeah, he’s hot. Insanely hot. And everyone on campus wants him. Or at least that’s the official story. I certainly do not want him, and neither does any sane woman. After being with a woman, he drops them and only calls back if he’s interested in round two, and supposedly the girls are always up for round two.

I shake my head. Sure he’s hot as hell, but he’s also an asshole. A
gigantic
asshole. No sane girl would get involved with him.

And my best friends think that he and I had a late night practice session together.

Oh god.

I bury my face in my hands. “You guys, it wasn’t Derrick. I swear.”

Cassie pats my back. “It’s alright. We just wish it had been David…”

“Shut up Cass,” Dolly interrupts. “Look, it doesn’t matter. Just know that we’re here for you. Hey, let’s watch
The Notepad
! That’s fun.”

“It is not fun!” My voice is partially muffled by my hands. “You don’t even like that movie!”

“Sure I do,” Dolly coos.

I didn’t even know she was capable of making that kind of sound. This is so bad! My friends pity me and are being nice because they think after all these years of celibacy I decided to give it up to an asshole who’s never going to look at me again.
It’s not like that!
I want to yell, but they’ve already made up their minds, and this lie, however embarrassing, is still better than the truth. Anna holds onto my arm and gives it reassuring squeezes.

“Hey, we’re watching
The Notepad
. You can’t hold onto me like that after I told you everything,” I say even though I hadn’t told them everything.

Dolly loses interest before the intro credits finish. “So, how was it?” she asks.

“Come on, what are you doing?” Cassie whispers.