Fighting to Survive (Guarded Hearts Book 3) (10 page)

Christen: Hey, babe,almost done! I want to go out to dinner tonight just us! I have something I want to tell yo
u


I look at the text for almost five minutes before I pull up Carter’s number and dial it. Thank God he answers after a couple rings. “Hey, when are you driving back home?”

“Tomorrow morning, why?”

“I need a ride, but is there any way you would consider leaving tonight?” Carter and Madison only planned to come down for half of the break because she’s still sticking to her ban on doing anything in his dad’s house. It drives Carter absolutely insane, so their visits are usually never more than a few days.

“Aren’t you supposed to be staying the rest of the week with Christen? What happened?” I really don’t want to get into this on the phone, and I can already hear Mads in the background asking what’s going on.

“Listen, I promise I’ll explain when I see you, but I really need to get out of here tonight. Any chance you will leave early?”
Please say yes.

“Let me talk to Maddy. It should be fine, though. Are you okay?”

“Not really, but I’ll make it.”

“Alright, I’ll text you once I talk to her.”

“Okay, thanks, Carter. Can you not mention this to anyone else? And tell Mads not to, either?”

I can hear his hesitation and his desire to ask more questions, but thankfully he doesn’t. “Yeah, no problem.”

I hang up the phone and start to throw all of my stuff in the suitcase. I don’t know what the hell I’m gonna say to Christen. I can’t let her dad ruin my family, though. They are the most important thing to me, and they are innocent in all of this. I’m sure she’ll be fine, though. As for me, this will be the last time I make myself this open to someone.

When my phone buzzes again, I almost don’t want to look at it in case it’s Christen.

Carter: We are gonna be good to leave around 6. Fair warning, though, Maddy is freaking out and there is no way you are escaping the interrogation. Do you need me to pick you up?

I text him back a thank you and let him know I’ll meet him at my house. I need to at least say goodbye to my family. Just then, I hear the door open and close downstairs, followed by the sound of footsteps coming toward my room. I take a deep breath and get ready to put on a show. I know at the end of all this I am going to hate myself, but unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about it. I’m backed against a wall right now.

When she walks in, everything I had practiced saying in my head disappears.

I practically run up the stairs because I can’t wait to tell Shawn I’ve decided to spend the summer with him. I told my mom while we were out today, and she took it a lot better than I thought she would. She barely even made a sarcastic comment, which is really rare for her. When I open the door, I see Shawn putting stuff in his suitcase.
What is he doing? We aren’t leaving for another four days.

“Hey, what’s—” I don’t even get a chance to finish my sentence before he crashes his mouth to mine. He reaches behind me, pushes the door closed, and backs me up against it. His hands grip my hips so hard I let out a moan of half pleasure, half pain. I don’t know what the heck got into him, but whatever it is, it’s hot.

I have a sweater dress and tights on today because it’s kind of cold out. Within seconds, my dress is pulled up to my chest and my tights are ripped down to my knees. His mouth leaves mine only to attack the sensitive spot on my neck. His hands move around to cup my ass and lift me into the air. I instinctively wrap my legs around him, causing him to moan and grind against me.

I hear a zipper, and the next thing I know, he’s burying himself inside me. I thread my hands through his hair, giving it a tug, and he lets out an animalistic growl. Shawn starts to pound into me so hard I think when we’re finished I’ll have marks from the indentations of the door. His one hand leaves my butt and creeps in between us.

“I can’t hold back much longer.” With that, his hand finds my clit and pinches it, sending me into an earth-shattering orgasm. I bury my head in his neck to mask the scream coming out. At the same time, Shawn’s hands tighten and grip me even harder as he finds his release. We both stand there, trying to catch our breath, when he puts me down and turns away from me. He walks back toward his suitcase, pulling up and fastening his pants on the way. I try my best to rearrange my clothes to where they look somewhat presentable again.

Shawn slams his suitcase closed. “Fuck!”

I jump and slowly make my way over to him. “Hey, what’s going on?” I place my hand on his back but he jumps and moves away from me like I had burnt him.

“Don’t touch me.” He says it so low I almost don’t hear him.

“What are you talking about?” Something is really wrong right now.

“I said, don’t touch me. I don’t think there is anything confusing about that.” He walks back to his suitcase and lifts it off the bed.

My head is spinning right now.
What is he doing? Where is he going?
“Why did you pack your suitcase? What’s going on?”

“I packed my suitcase because I’m leaving.”
He’s leaving? Why?
He makes a move toward the door and I step in front of him. “Get out of my way, Christen.”

“No! Not until you tell me what happened!” I can feel the tears starting to form in my eyes, but I’m not willing to let them fall yet.

“I’m done with this, with us. I think I’m making it pretty clear by leaving.”

He tries to walk around me but I stop him again. “You’re done? Why? And if you really are done, why the heck would you have just done that with me?!”

“Because I wanted to. Now, you need to get out of my way before I say something you will regret.”

“Who are you? What happened while I was gone? Look me in the eye, you coward!” The tears are flowing now as I yell at him and pound his chest with both of my fists.

“I am who I always was, you just chose not to see it. As for what happened, I realized I don’t want to be the spoiled little princess’s plaything anymore. I’m only gonna say this one more time, and then I’m gone whether I need to go through you or not.” He looks into my eyes for the first time since I walked into the room. They aren’t the eyes that had looked at me for the past couple of months. They aren’t the eyes I had spent so much time falling in love with. They are dead. “I. Don’t. Want. You. Anymore.”

He moves around me, and this time I don’t have the strength to stand in his way. I collapse on the floor of the guest room and watch him walk away without a second look my way. “Don’t leave me, I love you,” I whisper even though I know he can’t hear me.

After what feels like an hour of crying because of the burning hole in my chest, I pull out my phone. I can barely see the screen, but I manage to tap Holly’s name.

“Hey there, gorgeous! Shouldn’t you and lover boy be off hiding from your parents and doing it in the pool?”

There goes another shot to my heart. “He…left…me.” I can barely choke the words out.

“What?! Oh my God! That’s why Carter and Maddy decided to leave early! I’m going to kill the bastard! I will be over as soon as I can, Chris!”

Holly hangs up the phone, and I make the stupid decision to call Shawn. It goes straight to voicemail, so I decide to do something even more stupid. I beg for him to come back. The voicemail cuts me off, it probably had enough of my pathetic rambling. I can’t make myself get up, though. I just curl up into a ball and wait for Holly to help me pick up the pieces he shattered.

I must have fallen asleep on the floor, but the sound of Holly yelling wakes me up. “Shut the hell up, Janine!” When I peek through my swollen eyes, I can see her at the top of the steps. She goes to my room at first, not even noticing the limp, pathetic version of me lying on the floor of the guest room. She comes back out into the hallway and then she sees me. “Shit.”

She walks over and plucks me off the floor like a feather. “I am going to kill him for leaving, and then I’m going to kill my brother for taking him.”

Holly walks me downstairs, the entire time muttering about the body parts she’s going to cut off of him. We’ve made it to the front door when my mother appears.

“Where do you think you are taking her?”

“Far away from you people.” Holly has never been scared of my parents, and isn’t afraid to tell them to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.

“She is upset and needs her family right now.” My mother is speaking in her normal condescending tone, trying to pretend she actually cares about what I need.

“I know she does, which is why she sure as hell isn’t staying here. Blood doesn’t make you family, love does. You haven’t loved anyone but yourself in a long-ass time.” Before my mother can say another word, Holly takes me out to her car and speeds out of the driveway.

I fall back asleep in the car, hoping my dreams won’t be as cruel as my reality.

When I walk into my house, my mom immediately knows something was up. “Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were staying with Christen until you guys went back.”

I look up at her. “We broke up. Carter is coming to pick me up any minute. I just wanted to stop by and say goodbye.”

“What happened? You guys seemed so happy.”

I can’t tell her. She would never want me to sacrifice my happiness for hers. “It just didn’t work, Mom.” I hear a car horn.
Thank God.
I give her a kiss and say goodbye to my dad.

When I get into the car, Carter speeds off. “Thanks for picking me up. Is there a reason you are speeding, though?” Whenever Mads is in the car, Carter drives like a damn eighty-year-old woman, so the way he’s driving now surprises me

“Holly just called me and ripped me a new asshole. She’s out for blood, bro, and I know she is probably going to swing by your house to see if I picked you up yet. I would have never thought I would be running from my little sister, but the girl is scary.”

Mads turns around to face me. “Why did you leave?” The simplest question has no simple answer. I just shake my head in response. “Absolutely not, Shawn Matthews. You do not get to destroy that poor girl and not even tell us why.”

I’ve never been on the receiving end of pissed off Madison, and if I’m being honest, she is definitely scary. I can’t tell them, though. They wouldn’t let me leave and they would tell Christen. “It’s just not there, okay? I don’t want to talk about it.”

She lets out a sound of frustration and turns around. “This isn’t over.”

I remember then, I had turned my phone off when I left Christen’s just in case she were to call. I don’t have the strength to ignore it. I turn it back on so I can let Paul know I’ll be back in town in case there are any fights. Once it powers back up, I get a voicemail notification. It’s from Christen. I know I should just delete it, because it will only make things harder if I listen to it. I’m a glutton for punishment, though, and I’m really hoping it’s her telling me how much she hates me.

It isn’t. I can barely understand half of what she says because she is crying, and the half I do understand kills me. I don’t know how in the hell I’m going to stay away from her once she comes back to school. Hopefully, she will make it easier on both of us and just ignore me.

*  *  *

It’s been two days since I left Christen and things are still just as shitty. Nicole won’t talk to me, except to curse at me when she walks by, which is just great because she basically lives here since Jason doesn’t want her staying at her house alone. Holly is still sending me death threats, but since she comes home tonight she will probably start threatening me in person. Mads isn’t trying to kill me, but she also isn’t talking to me, either.

I’m absolutely miserable without Christen, and I’ve fought the past two nights, trying to force myself to feel something other than pain. The door to my room is flung open and Holly, Nicole, and Madison are standing there. Holly lunges at me and almost punches me in my face before Carter catches her by the waist.

“I said no bodily harm, Holls.”

“Carter, what the hell? You could have given me a heads up.” All three girls shoot me death stares and I shut my mouth. They all sit at the end of my bed, and I have to admit, I flinch a little when Holly sits down.

“Get out, Carter.” Nicole sounds just as pissed as she did the first night I got home.

“Are you sure I shou—”

“Get out, Carter!” they all yelled at him in unison.

“Sorry, dude. Good luck.” He shuts the door.

“Fucking traitor,” I mutter under my breath. I look into the eyes of the girls, knowing they all want to kill me. “What are you guys doing here?”

“Well, I can’t speak for everyone,” Holly says, “but I’m here to give you a chance to explain yourself before I go through with my plans to castrate you.”

Nicole and Madison don’t say anything, they just stare at me, waiting for me to say something. I have no idea what to say. I know if I tell them the truth, they’ll tell Christen. “How is she?” I know it isn’t the smartest thing for me to say, but I need to know.