Fighting Temptation (Men Of Honor) (3 page)

“Julia I don’t care if you’re wearing a fucking dress. Either I drive you back or I follow you home, it’s up to you.”

I know there is no sense in arguing when he gets like this so I just roll my eyes and agree.

When we get to his bike he grabs his helmet and puts it on for me, making sure the strap is tight. He gets on and starts the bike looking over at me impatiently. Jeez, he can be grumpy. I hike my dress up to my thighs. Not too indecently, but enough to get on. I have ridden on this bike a thousand times before so I know the ropes. To be honest one of my favorite things to do is ride with Jaxson. I love getting to be so close to him. I wrap my arms around his waist and instantly warm from his body heat. When he takes off I turn my face to the side and rest my head on his back and try not to think that he’s going to be leaving in just three days.

I wonder if Kayla knew. I’m sure Coop has known the whole time but I would like to think that if Kayla knew she would have told me.

Before too long we are at my house and I can tell Grams has gone to bed because all the lights are off. As Jaxson comes to a stop I take the helmet off and climb off the back, instantly missing his warmth. I hand him back his helmet and try not to look at him, knowing I’ll lose it if I do. So giving him a small wave I start to walk away. Before I get too far Jaxson grabs my wrist stopping me and pulls me to him, wrapping me in his arms.
Darn!
So much for not losing it in front of him. I wrap my arms around him and turn my face in the crook of his neck.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” I sob in his neck.

“I’m going to miss you too Jules. It’s going to be ok though, you’ll see.”

He holds me while I cry for a few minutes. He leans back and rests his forehead on mine. “I’ll pick you up at 6 on Friday, ok?”

I give him a nod and a small smile because I can’t speak. He lets me go and as I walk into the house I decide that I can’t let him go without him knowing how much I love him.

I watch her walk into the house, before I start back up my bike and take off.
Well that fucking sucked…
I hate that she’s hurting because of me. I know I’m doing the right thing though, not just for me but for her too.

She thinks I don’t know about the shit she gets from the people in this town for being friends with me, but I do. If it’s not the rich assholes who think they’re too good for people like me, then it’s the jealous bitches who hate the fact that I’m close with Julia and not them. They don’t get that she’s different, she always has been.

I’ll never forget the first time I laid eyes on her. I had heard about the ‘new girl’, all the guys talked about how hot she was and even placed bets on who was gonna fuck her first. When I heard she was at the ice cream shop with Kayla I changed my plans and had Melissa meet me there instead. I just had to get a look at the new girl everyone was talking about. When I rode in I spotted her and Kayla sitting outside at one of the tables with their ice creams. I parked across the lot then took my helmet off to get a good look at her. It was like a jolt of electricity shot through my body and straight to my dick.

It was a complete shock to my system… Julia was not ‘hot’, she was fucking beautiful.

Her innocent gaze held me captive. Her eyes, an exotic blue-green color that hid behind long dark lashes, shone of beauty and innocence. Right there I knew this girl was not for me but I couldn’t stop myself from taking in the rest of her. She had long brown hair that fell past her bare shoulders and laid against the best looking tits I’d ever seen; and I’ve seen a lot. Her short yellow sun dress enhanced her smooth olive skin, and although there was nothing skimpy or revealing about her dress it still gave you a glimpse of a small lithe body, a body that was meant to be wrapped around a guy.

She had stared back at me with appreciation, something that I was used to getting. Yet she caused a strange sensation in my chest- something I’d never felt before and I fucking hated it. I learned at a young age that feelings and emotions were dangerous, they only made you weak.

So I gave myself a mental slap and acknowledged her appreciation with a cocky smirk, which completely embarrassed her. When Melissa got on the back of my bike I took off and fucked her all night, trying to get the new girl out of my head… it didn’t work.

Two weeks later I walked out of Big Mike’s gym and heard a terrified scream from the graveyard across the street. A white hot rage constricts my chest, like always when I think about those fucking perverts on top of her, holding her down. Little did I know that night would change my life forever. The girl I had tried so hard to forget, the one I tried to stay away from, became my best friend. I knew she would be better off without me but I couldn’t stop myself from getting to know her. She was different from anyone I’d ever met. I never thought someone so good and genuine existed until her. The more I saw of her the more I became addicted to her. Every time I was around her she would destroy some of the darkness that lurked inside of me. She made the bad shit in my life seem not so terrible. Then, before I knew it, I had fallen for a girl from another world.

As much as I wanted her, and god did I ever fucking want her, I tamped down my feelings and kept my dick in my pants, because I knew I’d never be good enough for her. Unfortunately my father’s blood runs in me and I will not taint her. She deserves everything good, everything that I’m not. Even though I didn’t ever plan to take her I made sure no one else could have her either. I know it was an asshole move, but the thought of her with someone else rips my fucking guts out. So, without her knowledge, I laid claim. I warned every fucking guy to stay away from her, and they all did, because they knew not to fuck with me.

As much as I’m going to miss her, it’s a good thing I’m leaving. I’m finding everyday harder and harder to hold onto my control when I’m around her.

I pull up to the apartment I share with Cooper and feel relief when I don’t see Kayla’s car here. Not that I don’t like her, because I do. But tonight of all nights I don’t feel like hearing the bed pound against the wall from the two of them screwing each other senseless. I let myself into the apartment and see Cooper sitting on the couch, having a beer and watching TV.

He looks up at me with a stupid grin, “Hey Seal Boy.”

Crossing my arms I lean against the counter and glare at him. “Not yet, but when I do pass I’ll put your rookie ass to shame,” I say with a smirk.

He’s gotten so cocky since he finished at the police academy a year ago. Graduated top of the class as he always reminds everyone. He wants to be the sheriff and knows the one we have now will be retiring in a few years. Coop has always been a pretty tough guy, he can hold his own. We spar at the gym some days till we’re almost puking. He’s a good guy and will make a good sheriff one day. If it wasn’t for him and his parents I’m not sure where I’d be.

“No Kayla tonight?”

“No, not tonight. I told her I would meet up with her tomorrow. Figured you might need a beer, or 4. And you better realize how lucky you are that I did this. Because when she finds out I knew about you leaving and never told her, she’s going to give me serious shit.”

I grunt, “Ya well, no need to keep it a secret anymore.” I grab a beer and sit in the chair on the other side of the room.

“So how did Jules take it?”

“Pretty much what I expected. She was hurt and pissed when she found out how long I had been planning it. She’s still talking to me though.” I feel uncomfortable confessing this to Coop, but I continue: “I didn’t want to lose her over this.”

“Did you really think she would stop talking to you over this? This is Julia we’re talking about. That girl is as forgiving as they come.”

He’s right, she is, but I also know what it’s like to have the people that you’d least expect abandon you. But she isn’t one of them and I should have known that. “I need you to keep your promise to me and watch out for her, take care of her. I mean it Coop, if something happens to her because I wasn’t here I will never forgive myself.”

His expression turns serious, “Have I ever broken a promise to you? I told you I’ll watch out for her and I will. Although, I can’t promise you I can control her dating life,” he adds with a smirk.

I glare at him, “Who the hell said anything about dating? She’s going to be too busy with school to date anyone. And why would I care? As long as he’s good to her I don’t give a shit who she dates,” the lie flows easily from my lips. Coop grunts back and gives me a look that says he knows I’m full of shit.

“Ya right. You know Wyatt Jennings is going to move in on her as soon as your ass hits that ferry.”

My stomach fills with dread and I can’t stop my growl, “He better not, he’s already been warned to stay the fuck away from her. If he doesn’t, you better remind him.” Wyatt has wanted Julia since she first moved here. I know what that rich prick is like with girls. I have heard more than enough. I warned him long ago he would not go anywhere near Julia or so help him…

“I’m a local cop now Jaxson. I hate the thought too but I can’t just go beat the shit out of the guy. I’ll do what I can to stop her though and if he hurts her in anyway, well everything I just said to you goes out the window. I’ll take out that rich stuck-up asshole. You know I will. I’ll just need to do it more inconspicuously is all,” he replies with a smirk.

I nod, “I know you will. Thanks for doing this. It makes it a little easier for me to leave knowing you got her back.”

“Jaxson, again this is Julia we’re talking about. You don’t need to thank me. She’s my girls’ best friend, I care about her too. Don’t worry about this. I’ll take care of her. You’re doing the right thing man. I can tell you want this. Go for it and show those fuckers at BUD/S what you’re made of.”

“I can’t believe I am going through with this,” I say to Kayla as I’m doing the finishing touches on my hair while trying to calm the butterflies in my tummy.

“You can do this Julia, don’t chicken out now.”

I’ve decided I’m going to tell Jaxson how I feel. Right now I am so thankful for Kayla’s support. She’s always known my feelings for him and thought I should have said something long ago but, I couldn’t! Even now I am so scared this is going to ruin our friendship.
No, I won’t let that happen
. I know he probably doesn’t feel the same way and it will hurt to hear it but I can’t let him go without telling him that I love him. I’ve thought long and hard about this. What if he gets sent out right after his training? I know I would always regret not telling him how I truly felt if something happened to him. Just the thought makes me sick to my stomach.

“I’m so scared this is going to strain our friendship,” I look over at Kayla worriedly.

“If he tells you he doesn’t feel the same way, he’s fucking lying,” she says coming up behind me in the mirror. Leave it to Kayla to say exactly what she thinks. It’s something I admire her for.

“I don’t know Kayla, you know Jaxson, he doesn’t believe in love.”

“That’s his daddy issues talking Jules. Believe me I have seen the way he looks at you. If he denies it he’s lying.”

I take a big breath and shrug, “I guess I’m not expecting him to say it back. I’m doing this so I have no regrets and he knows how deep my feelings are for him.”

“Well when you tell him you love him, if he says he doesn’t feel the same way, you could always say ‘just kidding’,” we both burst out laughing. Then her smile vanishes and she looks at me seriously, “He’s lucky to have you Jules, and believe me, when he sees you tonight he’s gonna flip his shit. You look amazing. I mean, you’re always beautiful, but tonight that boy is not gonna know what hit him.”

“Thanks Kayla,” I say softly, my throat feeling tight at her compliment. I’m so lucky to have her in my life.

I look again in the mirror. I decided on a short denim faded skirt that shows off more leg then I ever have. It has some light pink peekaboo lace around the bottom that makes me feel cute but sexy at the same time. I borrowed Kayla’s top, which isn’t indecent by any means but a little more revealing than what I’m used to. It’s a spaghetti-strapped light pink lace tank that matches the bottom lace of my skirt. It shows just enough cleavage of my C cups that it’s sexy but not trashy. Thank goodness I wasn’t any bigger or the tank wouldn’t fit.