Fighting Perfection (The Perfection Series Book 2) (15 page)

     “What, they are prime ground for STDs?” I joked.  Everyone knew bartenders had their pick of willing girls.

     She shoved me in the shoulder and laughed.  “No!  Just that they’re very experienced and know what it’s like to have a good time.”

     I laughed with her.  “I think I’m going to pass this time.  I seem to have my hands full in that department already.”

     Again she gave me a momentary scowl, then as quick as it appeared, it was gone.  “Is that right?  Do dish the dirt at any time, girlfriend.  Let the bonding begin!”

     Just what I needed.  Another Grace or Jessica.  In the interest of forging a new friendship, I jumped into the details with her.  I told her all about my current situation with James and Justin, which she sat listening to with rapt attention.

     “This James sounds really hot.  If I were you, I’d pick him,” she said as she picked a cherry out of the garnish tray and bit it off from the stem.

     “I think it’s a little early for me to pick between one or the other.  Justin seems serious, but I don’t know if I’m ready for that and he’s my best friend.  I wouldn’t want to ruin that.  Besides, I really like James a lot.  So, for now I’m just going to see where my heart leads me.  It hasn’t steered me wrong yet.”

     “How can you say that?  You’re still single,” she said looking at me as if that was the most horrible thing in the world.  It also brought me to that dreaded explanation of my past.

     I launched into a description of the last four years of my life.  “So, you see, I made the best choice of all.  I wouldn’t trade those two years for anything in the world,” I said.

     “It sounds so sad, though.  Maybe now that you’re ready, you should be playing the field after all.”

     I shuffled around on my stool as I thought about that.  “I don’t know if I’m a playing-the-field sort of woman.  I’m uncomfortable enough having emerging feelings for two men as it is.”

     “Hell, Mimi.  Who says you have to have feelings for them.  Aside from a little lust, anyway,” she returned with a wink.  More and more she was reminding me of Grace.  It made me laugh.  I lifted my drink and toasted to her.  “I doubt I can separate feelings from sex, but if you can, Delia, more power to you my friend.”

   She just laughed and took another gulp of her drink.

     The weeks began to blend into each other, and before I knew it, it was mid-August and my birthday was approaching.  I had been seeing both Justin and James regularly.  Justin and I were still moving slowly, but in addition to our weekly Wednesday pizza and beer nights, we’d fit in a night out or two.  We would go out to dinner, of course, but we also did whimsical things like play miniature golf or go to his house and play games on his PlayStation 4.   We also had a couple group dates with our friends, Griffin and Bryant, and whomever they were seeing at the time.  They had come to accept me again, if not forgive me, for my separation with Vance.  They still didn’t know the whole truth about what I had gone through with Vance, and I had sworn Justin to secrecy.  I didn’t want the world to know about the depth of the ugliness that had surfaced during his illness.  His memory didn’t need to be scarred by that.

     James.  Well, James was something else.  I realized that in a lot of ways he had somehow retained the joy of a child.  Not to say he was childish in anyway, but he had a sophomoric sense of humor (something that I often shared) and loved to try new things.  There seemed to be nothing he wasn’t game for.  Our most memorable date by that point was when he got us tickets to a    well-known TV game show.  We had to dress up in these bizarre costumes to try to get noticed and selected as contestants.  James dressed as a garbage bag.  He essentially cut holes in a Hefty bag, stuffed it with newspaper, and cinched it at his neck making sure some of the paper was falling out.  He literally crowned the costume with a banana peel draped across his head.  Needless to say, he was selected for the game portion of the show.  He got up there with the host with so much enthusiasm.  He was hooting and bouncing up and down, ready to play.  He ended up winning a hot tub which I thought extremely funny since he there wasn’t exactly a place for him to put it at his house.  Kindly, he donated it to a charity benefitting disabled veterans so they could sell it or raffle it off which brought me to a whole other side of him. 

     James was an extremely sentimental and compassionate man.  He marked the day that we met on his calendar and every month since then, he’d sent me flowers on that date to celebrate.  He also donated a few hours of his time each week at the VA helping out wherever they needed him, be it cleaning floors or simply visiting with hospital inpatients.  I teased him about being a          camo-striper rather than a candy striper, but inside I was touched beyond compare.  We’d grown closer emotionally, and more and more I was drawn to him.  It didn’t hurt that our mutual lust for one another still burned like a wildfire.  This raised a third side.

     James was just as adventurous sexually.  I often thought he’d eventually tire of me since I hadn’t experienced the things he had or even had any real notion of what constituted adventurous sex.  To me, getting crazy was doing it in the car while parked in the garage with the door open.  One night, we were laying in my bed after a particularly vigorous game of naked Twister.  He had showed up at my door with a wrapped present and a huge shit-eating grin.  Imagine my surprise when I ripped open the paper and found a kids’ game inside.   He explained that the game wasn’t just for kids especially not the way he wanted to play.  Of course, I had heard the jokes about naked Twister, but I never thought people actually did it.  I thought it was just another way of referring to sex.  Leave it to James to give it a good try for real.  I have to admit, it was a lot of fun.

     “Next time, I want to put baby oil all over each other and give it a try,” he said while we were laying there.

     “Are you insane?  One of us will end up breaking a limb at the very least!” I exclaimed as I lay draped across his chest.

     “Oh, but we’d have so much fun before we did,” he said, pulling me closer.

     “I don’t think so.  You’ll have to try it out with one of your other girls.” 

     He immediately lifted me up and sat up himself.  “I don’t have any other girls, Mimi.  I’m only interested in you.  Very interested.  I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize what we’ve got going on here.”

     My eyes widened.  I’d had no idea he was so invested in our budding relationship.  I cleared my throat and said, “I don’t know what to say.  I didn’t know this was anything more than fun to you.”

     “Is that all it is to you?” he inquired.

     “Well, no, not exactly.   I am open to all possibilities in my life right now.  I was just letting things progress on their own, but I didn’t think of this as an exclusive relationship at this point.”

     “So you’re telling me you’re seeing other guys?” he asked with narrowed eyes.

     “Well, not guys plural, and I’m not actively seeking anyone to date, but I do have a relationship with someone who has been a very close friend which has taken a more intimate turn.”  I responded sheepishly.  I didn’t want James to get the wrong idea about me, and I sure didn’t want things to end between us.  I had to be honest though.

     “Are you sleeping with him, too?”

     “No, I’m not.  It hasn’t progressed to that point.”  I replied.

     James was silent for a few minutes, his jaw clenching and unclenching.  Finally, he said, “I am disappointed, Mimi.  I really thought we had something going here.  I don’t see how we can truly get to know each other and explore our potential if someone else is in the mix.  It’s been my experience that it only interferes.”

     I didn’t know what to say.  I adored James.  He made me feel exhilarated when we were together.  He was the most fun person I had ever met, and I was coming to learn that his softer side was extremely appealing.  I didn’t want this to end--not at all.  Conversely, my relationship with Justin was something nebulous at this point.  I loved him and he would always be dear to me so it wasn’t like I could just stop seeing him to explore my relationship with James.  I didn’t know how to put a halt to my new direction with Justin, and just then, I didn’t really want to.  I didn’t want to be selfish, but I didn’t think it was wise to rush into a commitment or exclusive relationship with either of them.  I did my best to explain this to James.

     “James, I’m sorry if there was any confusion and if I contributed to it somehow.  I don’t want to stop seeing you.  Is this a deal breaker for us?” I asked, nervously.

     “I don’t know, Mimi.  I don’t like to compete for attention or affection.”

     “It’s not a competition--.” I started.

     “The hell if it isn’t.  I’m not interested in women who are players.  I don’t operate that way, and I don’t want to be with anyone who does.”

     I was flabbergasted.  “I am not a player, James.  I haven’t tried to deceive you.  I am just not ready to make a commitment to anyone or be exclusive.  You’re the first person I’ve dated since my husband died.  Surely you can understand where I’m coming from.”

     “Then what do you call this other guy?  A friend with benefits?”

     “No, what I have with Justin isn’t like that.  He was one of Vance’s best friends and became one of mine.  He was there for me when I needed someone the most, and has been a tremendous support in my life ever since.  We have a deep friendship.  Just now, he’s interested in making it more than that.  I am attracted to him and I love him for all that he’s done for me, but I don’t know where anything is going with us.”

     “It’s best I go now.  You give me a call if you decide I’m who you want.”

     James got up and started getting dressed.  I didn’t know how to make things right, and I couldn’t make him stay and hash this out if I didn’t know what direction I wanted to go.  I certainly wasn’t going to allow myself to be forced into making some kind of final decision just then.  All I could do was let him go even though the idea saddened me more than I would have imagined.

     “I’ll see myself out,” he said after he had dressed and collected his things.  “Best wishes, Mimi.”

      With that, he left me sitting in bed wondering how this had gone so terribly wrong.  Should I have been more up front with him from the beginning?  I didn’t know he had serious intentions.  If I had, I would have said something about Justin.  Did I miss some kind of signal or inadvertently give or send some kind of message that I was serious, or did he just make assumptions?  Maybe it was because we’d been sleeping together, and I made the assumption that he was just like most guys who didn’t construe sex as a sign of an exclusive relationship.  With my marriage to Vance being the first serious experience I’d had as far as relationships with men go, I was once again out of my depth.

     I got up from the bed and dressed in a soft cotton pajama set.  I wandered into the kitchen to make some warm milk as I was far from sleep.  I looked at the clock and realized the time was only ten minutes after ten.  James had been here just two-and-a-half hours.  I wondered if it was too late to call Grace.  If anyone knew how to navigate this kind of difficulty, it was she.   I picked up the phone and scrolled to her name in my contacts list. 

     “Hello, you’ve reached Grace Sinclair.  I’m out doing wondrous and marvelous things, and I’m out doing you at it.  Don’t be bitter and leave me a message.  I’ll get back to you as soon as there’s a lull in my schedule.”

     I shook my head at her out-going greeting.  Only Grace would have the audacity to record something so obnoxious.  At the tone, I left a message asking her to call me as soon as possible.  I told her I had a dating dilemma to make sure she’d waste no time returning my call.  One thing Grace couldn’t resist was the promise of some juicy details of some kind. 

     Not expecting to hear back from her that night, I took my warmed milk and sat in my living room turning on the television.  I figured I could find some late-night movie and maybe find myself ready to sleep after it ended.

     The following morning was a Sunday, and I got a call back from Grace bright and early.  When I say early, I mean about six a.m., and when I say bright, I mean annoyingly bright for that time of day.  She was just getting home from her date the night before, and as I expected, as soon as she heard my voicemail, was dying to know what was going on.  We made arrangements to meet for brunch, and I promised to fill her in on my issues.

    We met at The Sycamore Café around ten-thirty a.m.  There was a bit of a crowd, but fortunately we didn’t have too much trouble finding a table after we’d ordered at the counter.  Grace was remarkably self-controlled and didn’t press me for details until we were seated and she’d taken a few sips of the espresso she’d ordered.  I figured since she was just coming off a very late night, she needed something with a lot of kick to it.  I, on the other hand, ordered my favorite addiction from The Sycamore, an Iced Cubano, which was made from espresso, milk, and flavored with cinnamon.

    Once we had our food and drinks and were seated at a table outside, she started. “Ok, Mimi.  The Dating Doctor, Dr. Grace, is in the house.  What seems to be the problem?” she said with a twinkle in her barely bloodshot eyes.  Only Grace could make a morning-after look good.  I launched into my explanation of what had transpired the night before until she squealed with delight.

     “Oh my God!  You’ve been getting cozy with Justin?  How did I not know this?  Why have you not given me all of those details before!” she cried. 

     I had forgotten I’d kept the information about Justin and me to myself.  Now that the cat was out of the bag, I had no choice but to buck up and let it all out.  I needed help and giving those details was the only way I was going to get it.

     “Um…yeah.  We’ve gotten a little cozy since the end of May.  I might have forgotten to mention it.”

     “Forgot, my ass.  We’ll get to your secretiveness in a little while.  Tell me what he looks like naked.  That man is smokin’ hot.  I’ve been surprised you haven’t jumped on that horse well before now.”

     I shook my head and took a bite of my quiche to stall for time.  After I’d swallowed, I responded, “No, we haven’t had sex so I’m sorry to say I can’t tell you what he looks like naked.”

     “Yet.  You’d better dish up those details pronto once you do.  I’ve been imagining it since your wedding reception so I need to know.  If you manage to snap a photo with your cell phone while you’re at it, I won’t complain.”

     I just gave her a withering stare.  “Seriously, Grace.  I am not going to take a picture of him naked for you.  I don’t even know that I will see him naked.  We’ve been taking things very slow as I’m not sure where I want to take things, and because I’m still seeing James.”

     Her eyes rounded in surprise.  “You mean to tell me that you told him about James?  What on earth were you thinking?”

    “Well, it’s hardly a detail I would keep to myself.  It would be pretty bad of me to not tell him, especially considering he’s one of my best friends.”  I put my fork down and leaned back in the chair.  “Besides, he found out when we were on a date and a call came in from James on my cell phone.  I have a picture of the two of us from Havasu pinned to his number so I couldn’t exactly wave it off.”

      “So does James know about Justin?” she asked, then put a forkful of French toast in her mouth.  “Please tell me you didn’t tell him.”

     “Why do you think I need help?” I exclaimed.  “We were talking last night, and it took a serious turn.  Without going into excruciating detail, it came out that I wasn’t seeing only him.  He had been operating under the assumption that we were in some sort of exclusive situation, and I had to be upfront with him.”