Fighting for Desire (23 page)

Dev couldn’t believe eighteen days had passed since Shannon
left him. By all accounts she had fallen off the face of the Earth. And he
missed her.
Fuck
.

“I need to talk to you,” Marco said from the other side of
the door.

Dev tossed back another shot of vodka. “Go away. I don’t
want to be disturbed right now.”

“This is important. You know I wouldn’t come here if my news
wasn’t urgent.”

Dev stood and walked on unsteady legs to the door. Why was
the room tilted? He opened the door and leaned against the frame for support.

“What?”

Marco looked him over and sighed. “How long have you been
drinking?”

“Since she left,” he admitted.

“That’s why I’m here,” he said as he walked into the room
without being invited. “What exactly happened that night?”

“Do we really need to do this right now?”

He wasn’t in the mood to relive what an ass he had been.

“Devlin…listen to me. I need to know what happened.”

His eyes sharpened on his friend. Marco had only used his
full name a handful of times since they had met. Shit. He went back to his desk
and sat down.

“I confronted her about setting me up. I told her I knew she
was working with that motherfucker, John Ice.”

Marco closed his eyes. “That is what I was afraid of. Did
you say anything else?”

“After I got back here that night, before Shannon showed up,
I looked at the PI report you had put together. That damn report confirmed
every word that son-of-a-bitch said, Marco. Why the fuck didn’t
you
tell
me any of this? I relied on you to tell me the truth, to keep me informed.”

Marco shook his head and sighed. “Tell me you didn’t
confront Shannon about that stuff…” he said softly.

“Of course I did! Why the fuck wouldn’t I? I told her what
the investigator found out, about her working at the club as a call girl.” He
thought for a moment. “And the drugs. I mentioned the drug use.”

“God dammit!” Marco exclaimed. “Why can’t you ever listen to
me? I told you I had concerns about the PI report and it turns out I was
right.”

“You better start talking now, Marco,” Dev replied as he sat
forward, his head suddenly clearing from the alcohol fog.

“The investigator’s been double-crossing us. He works with
John Ice too and when Ice found out you were keeping tabs on Shannon he fed the
investigator false information. He set you up, Dev.”

An image of Shannon’s tear-streaked face popped up in his
head. Fuck, she had been trying to tell him Ice’s accusations weren’t true but Dev
hadn’t listened.

“How much was a lie?”

Marco ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t even know
where to start. The new investigator I hired is still looking into everything
but he did manage to find out a few basic facts.”

“Such as…?”

“First of all Shannon was not working at the club as a call
girl. Apparently John had something over her head to blackmail her into
becoming one though.”

“What happened to stop her?”

From what Dev knew of Ice, he always got what he wanted.
Rumors even suggested people had disappeared for crossing him.

“You happened,” Marco replied in a low voice. “She was
supposed to meet with Ice two days after she came here. Obviously she never
went to the meeting but she did drop off a check for fifty-thousand dollars.”

He remembered when he hadn’t been able to find her after
they had made love that first night. His gut clenched. He had accused her of
doing something shady then.

“What else?”

“The investigator was able to find out what the money was
for. Five years ago Shannon hit rock bottom. She drank heavily and had some
sort of accident where she became addicted to prescriptions pain pills. After
meeting Ice she got involved in a drug deal that went bad.

“She took full blame for the deal and was looking at some
major jail time. But guess who knew the judge and got the charges dropped?”

“Son of a bitch,” Dev said. “And he held the arrest over her
head didn’t he?”

“Things get worse.” Marco paused and took in a deep breath.
“Dev…she never had the abortion.”

The air left Dev’s lungs in a
whoosh
and he felt as
if he had been punched in the stomach.

“Are you sure?”

Marco nodded. “Her parents took her to a clinic in Dallas
and all but forced her to have it done but she refused. There are records of
her receiving prenatal care in a clinic in Oklahoma City.”

Dev’s hands clenched. “Where is the child? Did she give it
up for adoption?”

The thought of strangers raising his son or daughter made
him sick. He knew what it was like to be unwanted and he couldn’t bear the
thought of his child feeling the same.

“I don’t know how to tell you this, man…she lost the baby.”

Tears filled his eyes. “Was it because of the drinking and
drugs?”

“No. As far as we know she wasn’t doing either of those
then. The autopsy report stated the cause of death is unknown. We haven’t been
able to get a hold of the doctor she was seeing to find out more.”

“Is there anything else?”

Dev didn’t know how much more he could handle hearing.

“She tried to contact you after leaving Texas. Apparently
she had high hopes of finding you so you could be a family.”

He remembered his mom telling him Shannon kept calling. God,
did she lose the baby because of him?

“The drinking and drugs started a short while after she lost
the baby. She was even pulled over for D.W.I.”

So that much from the original investigator’s report was
true then. He remembered Shannon laughing at him, saying he needed a new
investigator. She had been so right.

“Do we have any idea where she might be?” he asked.

Marco had several people trying to find Shannon. After a
week in Colorado, Marco had convinced Dev to go back to his house in Miami to
wait things out away from the press. His gut said that if there was any new
information, then he would already know.

“We are still looking,” Marco replied slowly. “My men are
checking all local hospital and shelters. We are also working with the FBI, who
is just as interested in finding John Ice as we are.”

Dev took in a deep breath. “I think I need to go back to
Texas. Her parents might be able to give me some kind of clue as to where she
went.”

She hadn’t talked to her parents in over eight years but
maybe she had contacted a cousin or something. Hell, it was the only thing he
could hope for.

* * * * *

Dev stood in front of the familiar house. God, nothing had
changed at all. The perfectly manicured lawn grew greener than any natural
grass could. The white house didn’t have one chip in the paint, not even on the
third floor.

His gaze went to the window of Shannon’s old room. She used
to hang crystals near the glass so the stones would catch the evening sun. Now
a dark curtain covered the window.

He took in a deep breath and walked up to the front porch. The
door swung open before he had a chance to ring the bell.

“Well look who it is!” Shannon’s mom gushed. “I didn’t
believe my eyes at first but I knew it was you—I recognize your face from the
cover of
People
magazine!”

The stench of bleach hit his nose and he tried not to gag.
For as long as he could remember, the Brays’ house had smelled like that. The
scent reminded him of a clinic where everything remained cold and sterile.

“Hello, Mrs. Bray. I was wondering if I could speak to you
and Mr. Bray.”

“My, such manners! You certainly aren’t the same boy who
grew up on the other side of the tracks now are you?”

His jaw clenched as he tried to remember his goal. Shannon.
He needed to find his Shannon.

“May I come in?”

She nodded and let him pass. His eyes adjusted to the dark
hallway after a moment but he wasn’t surprised to see nothing had changed
inside either. His gaze skimmed the familiar photos on the wall but all the
ones with Shannon were gone.

“Where did the pictures of Shannon go?”

Mrs. Bray’s face fell. “I…I don’t know what you’re talking
about.”

She led him to the formal living room where Mr. Bray sat in
his chair, reading the paper. For as long as Dev could remember, that man had
sat in that chair doing the exact same thing.

“Hello, Mr. Bray.”

The older man’s dark eyes lifted briefly and then his gaze
returned to his paper. “What are you doing here?”

Still arrogant
, Dev thought.
And I
still
want to knock him onto his ass
.

Biting back a smart reply, he said, “I wanted to talk to you
about Shannon. Have you heard from her recently?”

Mr. Bray huffed. “We haven’t heard from that trollop since
we kicked her out eight years ago. Tell me, did she ever tell you she ended up
keeping your bastard?”

Hot anger rose in Dev’s stomach. Years of controlling his
rage were slipping through his fingers as each moment passed.

“She lost the baby.”

They didn’t deserve to know that much but he wanted to wipe
the smug look off her father’s face.

Mrs. Bray whispered, “How awful.”

“Good. God has a way of taking care of situations such as
that.” Mr. Bray shot his wife a look that made her cower into the corner.

She had learned years ago to fade into the shadows and not
draw attention to herself.

“I suppose God approves of abortions?”

Mr. Bray set down his paper. “Of course not but he doesn’t
approve of bastards either. The Bible clearly says an eye for an eye.”

Dev’s mouth fell open. “Are you telling me you honestly
believe killing an innocent child is okay?”

“Either way the child is gone. I am happy with the outcome.”

“Jesus Christ!” Dev said. “No wonder she never came back
here. Thank you for your time. If I never see you again, it will be too soon.”

He walked out of the room, ignoring the insults Mr. Bray
yelled after him. If Dev listened to them, he might be tempted to turn around
and show the old son of a bitch the real meaning behind “an eye for an eye”. Dev
wasn’t a child anymore and he didn’t take shit from anyone.

He was almost to the door when Mrs. Bray stopped him.

“Try my sister. I think she has kept in touch with Shannon
over the years.”

“Does she still live in the same house?”

“Yes.”

She lowered her gaze and he noticed how much Shannon looked
like her mother.

“I know you may not understand but my husband only did what
he thought was best. I am just sorry I lost my child because of his beliefs.”

He lowered his voice. “You could always try to contact her,
you know. I am sure she would be open to reconnecting.”

She shook her head. “I could never do that. The Bible says
you’re supposed to obey your husband.”

He sighed, shook his head and left without another word. As
he got into his rental car he said a silent prayer of thanks that Shannon got
out of that hellhole before she became just as broken as her mother.

He prayed Shannon’s aunt would be able to help him. But
first he needed to pay his mom a visit. He no longer blamed her for his abusive
youth and she needed to know he considered her as much of a victim as he had
been. No, the blame belonged solely to his old man and Dev would never
completely move on with his life if he didn’t acknowledge that fact.

Dev pulled up to the small mobile home. Though he had more
money than he would ever spend in his lifetime his mother refused to accept his
gifts. She took the mobile home only because her old house was condemned.

When his old man died his mom had changed. She stopped
drinking but also stopped caring about anyone or anything. Now all she did was
sit inside her house and watch TV.

He walked up to the front door and knocked. No one answered
so he let himself in. His mom sat in the same fucking chair smoking a cigarette.
The entire trailer smelled of smoke and his eyes watered.

“Hi, Mom.”

She didn’t look up. “Shut the front door. The light is
making a glare on the TV.”

He closed the door and stepped farther into the trailer.
Trash and dirty laundry were piled up everywhere but he managed to find a place
to sit on the couch.

“What are you doing here, boy? Someone die?”

He shook his head. “No. I’m looking for Shannon. I thought
her folks might know something.”

His mom looked in his direction. For the first time he saw
how much the death of his old man had affected her. Her hollow cheeks stood out
against her pasty grey skin and she looked older than she was by several years.

“Little Shannon Bray? I didn’t know you had seen her
recently.”

He nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat. “We ran into
each other in Miami a couple of months ago and hit it off.”

His mom didn’t need to know the gritty details. Like what a
mess he made of everything.

Her face lit up in a haunted smile. “I always liked Shannon.
She never let anyone push her around and managed to hold her own with grace.”

He had pushed her around. He pushed so much she had run away
and now he couldn’t find her. He took in a ragged breath.

“You said you were looking for her? Did something happen?”

“Yeah I was an ass and said some things I shouldn’t have.”

His mom nodded. “You always did have a temper.”

He agreed. “I know I did. I was hoping her Aunt Laura knew
her whereabouts.”

“I like Laura. She takes care of me at the hospital.”

Hospital? He took a closer look at his mom. Was she sick? Is
that why she was so pale?

She must have sensed his unspoken question. “I’m dying, boy.
Cancer. Docs don’t think I have much time left either. Laura works at the
hospital and drives me back and forth.”

The air left his lungs in a
whoosh
.

“Momma…”

She shook her head. “Not telling you was my choice, Devlin.
They found the mass too late and there was nothing they could do.”

“But I could have taken you to a specialist.”

“That’s not what I wanted. I don’t want to be pricked and prodded.
I want to spend my last days without being sick. And if I am lucky, I’ll pass
in my sleep like your father did.”

His old man had died of a heart attack in the same recliner
his mom sat in right now. He shook his head.

“I’m sorry I’ve been a bad son. You deserved better. I ran
from this place when I should have stayed.”

His mom stood from her chair and walked across the room
toward him. Her frail form scared him. She sat next to him and took his hand.

“You did what you had to do to survive. We all knew if you
stayed here, you would have ended up just like your father.” She squeezed his
hand. “I loved your father, Devlin, but he did you wrong. I was a bad parent
for letting the abuse happen. That is why I let you go. If you had stayed here,
your fate would have been the same. You’re better off without me.”

He hated hearing his mother say those words, even though
they were true.

“Momma, no…”

“I’m okay, son. Just look at the man you are now.”

He lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Is there
anything I can do for you?”

“Yes. Go find Shannon. Right whatever wrong is between you
two.” She swatted him lightly. “And don’t be a stranger. Your father isn’t here
to hurt you anymore.”

He nodded. “Thank you, Mom.”

“Go. Go find your girl.”

He got to his feet and walked to the door. Hand on the knob,
he turned. “I’ll be in touch.”

He left his mother’s home and drove across town. Nothing had
changed there in the years he’d been gone. He pulled into the driveway of
Laura’s house and turned off the car. She sat on the front porch, rocking in
one of the wooden rocking chairs that had been there for as long as he could
remember.

“I was wondering how long it would take you to get here,”
she said as he walked up the stairs and sat next to her.

Laura could be Shannon’s older sister. She had been an
unexpected surprise to her parents and was much younger than Shannon’s mom.
Laura and Shannon had been so close because of their age.

She went inside the house and came back carrying a tray with
two glasses and a pitcher of her famous sweet tea.

He took the glass she offered. “I’ve messed up.”

“How so?”

Her expression became guarded and he wondered if she had
been in contact with Shannon.

“I accused Shannon of something she didn’t do. I was a
complete asshole.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “That must be why you’re here. You
probably think I know where she is.”

“Do you?”

A smile lifted the corners of her lips. “Do you think you
deserve to know after you accused my niece of being a drugged-out call girl?”

So she had spoken to Shannon recently. The small glimmer of
hope he felt warmed his chest. For the first time in nearly a month he didn’t
worry that Shannon might be injured or worse. Closing his eyes, he gave a
silent prayer of thanks.

“Laura, I said I was wrong—”

“Wrong is taking a left turn instead of a right turn. What
you did was unforgiveable.”

His worst fear had been spoken aloud—that Shannon would
never be able to forgive him.

His voice lowered, thick with emotion. “I know my actions
were unforgiveable. That is why I need to talk to her. I need to tell her how
wrong I am…about everything.”

Laura stared at him until he felt like squirming.

“Is there anything else you need to tell her?”

“The PI I hired was working for John Ice, who was feeding me
false information. I know the truth about everything now. I know about the baby
too.”

Laura snorted. “My niece has known about the baby for eight
years. Do you really think she will want me to give up her location just so you
can tell her you know?”

He deserved her cold words.

“I want to tell her I miss her.”

“That’s not good enough, Devlin James. Get off my porch if
you can’t think of something better to tell her. You broke her heart in
Colorado and I’m not going to let you hurt her again.”

Without her he wouldn’t be able to find Shannon.

He stood. “I may have broken her heart but she
is
my
heart. And without her I’m nothing. Because a man can’t live without his
heart!”

Laura stood too. “What are you saying, Devlin?”

“I’m saying I need to find her because I love her, Laura!”

His mouth snapped shut as he said the words. He loved her.
God that is what Laura had been trying to get him to say. And saying the words
only made the feeling stronger.

Her bright blue eyes lit up. “Well you should have said so,
Dev. I’d be happy to tell you where she is.” She shoved a finger against his
chest. “But if you screw this up…”

“I won’t. I swear I won’t.” He pulled Laura into his arms
and hugged her. “And thank you for taking care of my mom.”

“I’m surprised she told you. She’s a fighter. I think she
will prove us all wrong.”

“I hope so.”

Laura opened her front door. “Come on and I will write down
a few addresses for you. You need to get our girl and make things right.”

For the first time in twenty days, hope filled his body.