Fight for Glory (My Wounded Soldier #1) (5 page)

I looked at the
baby’s face. “She looks like a Janey,” I said, and I knew I was smiling
cause
my face hadn’t been fashioned that way in a long time.

So the missus
sat, like she was sore down there, and I pictured little Janey coming out, and
all the stretching I’d witnessed, and I squeezed the halves of my ass as I bent
over and gave her the baby. “Stay put now,” I said, as if she would get up and
follow the likes of me anyway.

We brushed
against each other as we passed the mite, and I got some heat along my arms.

I backed away
from her then, and hurried out. “Ma,” I said to right myself, “what goes?”

She was in the
bed, and I hadn’t been there to help her I’d been too busy mooning round the
missus. She was making a pallet for the missus I guessed. “She needs to lie. If
she keeps her head up with all the jostling she’ll pass right out,” Ma said.

I hated that she
was so weak.

“Go in and get
her things,” Ma instructed, and I did.

She was nursing
the baby when I went back in, and she wasn’t shy about it like some, like most
as I’d never seen it done so open. She smiled at me, even though her breast was
out. I guess she felt we were familiar, but Lord, I was no husband, and not
familiar at all. So I nearly walked into a cupboard, but I righted myself
silently, and picked up the stack of her things from the bed, and kept my eyes
formation straight as I went back out to the wagon.

“Now go in and
get her,” Ma said. “First bring me the baby.” She was grunting, climbing on the
seat. And once again I did not make it in time to assist her.

“Ma,” I grumbled,
“
what
will I tell Pa if I let you fall,” I complained
helping tuck her skirt along her shoes.

She breathed out,
like she did so often when speaking with me as if I was the most exasperating
son a woman could have. “Bring me little Jane,” she said.

So in I went, and
the missus pulled the side of her blouse over her breast and handed me Jane. I
stayed well away from that breast as I took the baby, and carried her to my ma.
Once Jane was delivered, I went in for Missus. She was buttoning herself. I
stood there like a bit of a fool,
which
is to say, a
whole fool, and waited till she was modest, then offered her my assistance from
that chair to the porch. Once there I said, “Now Missus, I’m about to sweep you
off your feet.” And so I carefully lifted her in my arms.
She
didn’t weigh a thing, not much different than lifting a young colt soon after
its mother birthed it, not so much different for heft.

So I carried her
to the tail of the wagon and sat her on the gate. Then I climbed in beside her
and squatted once more, lifting her easy and taking her beside the pallet Ma
had made, I gently lowered her down. First she sat,
then
I held her hands while she laid. I messed a bit with the pillow under her head.
Then I put a cover over her because there would be dust.

Then I looked at
her as she was looking at me, and Ma finally said, “Tom,” snapping me to
attention,

I said, “I know,
Ma, I’m just trying to figure if this is the best way.”

“Drive easy and
she’ll be fine,” Ma said.

So I gave the
missus one of my smiles that worked my face all strange, then I backed out of
the bed and lit on the ground. As I rounded the side of the wagon I looked at
her, and she was watching me like I had potatoes growing out of my ears, she
was that interested.

On the seat I got
Bess going, and I turned us round so easy, and we started the most careful
journey home, so careful you’d think I was delivering nitro instead of a speck
of a woman and her child.

I thought of how
it would be now, her so near, on the home-place. It wasn’t so long, six weeks. But
it was long enough to make sure she understood Jimmy Leidner meant her no good.
It was long enough to make things more interesting than they had been in a long
time. I had to keep her at arm’s length for certain, but it would be mighty
nice to have such a one as her to look at sometimes.

Tom
Tanner

Chapter
Seven

I put the mister
in the ground morning after he was killed. I had spoken to the missus about it,
and she said, “Yes.” So we never had us a service of any kind, but I did tell
her that Seth had words over and she said thank you.

Seth claimed to
have been given words from the Lord for Missus Addie and he wanted my mind on
sharing such with her. I did not know the Lord had time to give folks ‘words’
but Seth claimed he did it regular if you asked, and now that I’d had that
confab with Johnny concerning his pa, I was open that sometimes God might help
a fella out that way, so I told him long as they were comforting I would not
stand in his way.

Well, she seemed
to like those words and he was her pet then, and she smiled at me, but she
rained the sunshine on that brother of mine.

So the missus was settled in my sister’s room, and that one moved
to the attic with little Johnny.
Then that Monday morning when we
menfolk worked in the barn, here came a parade.

It started as
soon as the sun raised its big eye over the field. First one came was some old
bachelor lived up the creek. He wished to speak to the Mrs. Varn, he said, and
him holding some weeds he’d gathered from our own land.

“Concerning
what?” said me.

He had on a suit,
but he wasn’t a dandy man, not high-falutin’ is what I meant, or even very
educated, so wearing a suit on a Monday morning, one that looked brand new to
boot, even if it fit poorly, the pants over the tops of his shoes, was just
silly.

“She not
be
taking visitors,” I said.

He looked
perplexed, and kept swallowing.

“What is your
business with the missus,” I said, even as I could see wagons coming on the
horizon, a lone rider here and there, and a couple of folks walking.

“I wish to
propose marriage,” he said, his eyes only briefly meeting mine before he looked
off again.

I could feel my
teeth grinding, hear them whittling down I was so mad. “Get on that horse and
ride out of here,” I said.

His eyes got
pretty big then. “Can’t I leave her a letter?” he reached into his coat and
pulled out a fat envelope with his name scrawled in
poorly
writing.

“You can leave
your dust as we watch the back of the silliest suit ever made licking out of
here.” I was through with this fool. I stomped up onto the porch then, into the
house where Ma and Allie looked out the window, Johnny between them.

“Look at them
coming,” Ma said. “What is it they want, Tom?”

“What they want
and what they’re going to get are two different beasts,” I said, going for my Enfield.

So I stood on the
porch all that morning fending off the Philistines. They wanted a look at this
missus who shot the old soldier, that vicious vagabond who threatened the good
folk of our county. Least that’s what the paper said, the story given by none
other than our good sheriff, Jimmy Leidner. Bold faced, it was, with a picture
of the old one in his coffin, a bloody cloth over his face. The sheriff was
quoted as saying it was the finest piece of shooting he had ever seen and if
there was another war he wanted Mrs. Varn to ride his flank.

Ride his flank? I
was going to beat him down to dust next time our paths crossed. The only thing
that kept me halfway civil as I turned these nosey rabble away, and closed down
Mrs. Varn’s two dozen hopeful suitors, was the gleeful thought of how good it
would feel to pound my fist into Jimmy’s bony frame.

I did not see the
missus all that long day. Next day was more of it, but this time we were ready
as I set a perimeter down the road. This was the most sanguine thing to happen
between Gaylin and me since I came home. I must admit, he made an excellent
sentry, stopping folks well before they reached the road that led to our house,
and sending them packing from where they hailed. We had a grand old time
disappointing them from their wayward ambition of harassing the missus. It was
a deeply satisfying ending to the greatest show on earth.

By Thursday
events had died down considerable and we were working until late evening to get
some work done. The missus came from her room and sat with us at dinner. I was
glad I’d washed so thoroughly, even my ears, as I came in to eat.

Missus wore a
blue gown, and her hair was gathered behind her head, like a dark waterfall of
silk. Least that’s how it appeared. She smiled at me, her eyes so richly dark,
like the coffee I drank and often stared into now to help clear the whiskey and
bad dreams each morning.

She was seated in
Garrett’s place. And it felt comforting somehow. That empty chair had bothered
me some, and the plate Ma often put there for Sunday dinners. This missus was
Garrett’s type of woman, the good kind. I’d thought of her breasts, I’ll admit,
and what a man would have to do to be worthy of knowing her flesh that way. Her
husband…she’d said he shamed her. Secretly, I wasn’t sorry he died. I was sorry
it happened like it did, before Johnny, before her, but if he shamed her…even
once…then there was some justice in this world the day he fell.

I knew that was
harsh. But I was harsh, and that was the truth about me that my family didn’t
know or understand. And before they could ever see it, I needed to be gone. They
had suffered enough in losing the favored son, the best one they had next to
Seth. And it’s me that didn’t protect him.

So with this
missus here, and little Johnny, there was something new churning up in Ma and
Pa and the boys, and Allie that I hadn’t seen since before we left for war.

When Pa said the
meal prayer I bowed my head, and I meant it this time. I could forgive God a
lot of things for bringing this family into the fold of my own and bringing
them comfort. I could leave now with a new thing nearly close to happiness.

But during the
prayer I looked up, and the missus was peeking back, her eyes clear and gentle.
I smiled at her, and she smiled at me, the sweetest lips curled that way for
me. It was a powerful thing.

As the days
passed I saw her more. By Saturday she took all her meals with us. So we had
just finished dinner when we heard riders approaching. I could scarce believe
Jimmy and William would show. I went out to meet them. Jimmy had no sooner
stopped his horse when I grabbed him by the back of his pants and yanked him
off. He tried to kick me, I’ll give him that, but I wouldn’t have felt it het
up as I was.

So we went at it,
him and me, and I knew Gaylin was close, but he knew better than to try and
stop me. It was ugly right off. This had been three years coming. And now, to
ride up big as you please, blood flew from his mouth as I pounded his jaw. He
landed on his butt, but he rolled and got on his feet and I went straight for
his middle, hitting him like the big Number Nine.

He said, ‘Orff,’
as the air rushed out of him and his back slammed on the ground. I was
straddling him and punching left and right.

“Fight back,” I
yelled, blood pouring out of his nose and mouth, and even his hairline.

Gaylin and
William pulled me off then, but only because I didn’t resist. I wasn’t out to
kill Jimmy, least not if he was already nearly unconscious. Why hadn’t he
fought harder?

I yanked myself
away from Gaylin. William had let go right away, but Gaylin hung on. He favored
Jimmy, and would take it hard to see me, the villain, beat him so soundly.

I dabbed at my
own bloody lip with my knuckle, catching a curse just before I let it fly. I
turned away from Jimmy, for they were all flocking him now, including Allie. I
caught my breath. Ma, Pa, and the missus stood on the porch, Johnny too. They
were looking at me like I had let the beast out and they could see it.

I turned away and
walked around those pulling Jimmy to his feet. Allie said my name, “Tom,” as if
I was to be scolded. I went in my room in the barn and started to slam things
around. I’d go today. I’d just ride out of this Godforsaken place. I’d been
here too long. I hadn’t wanted to come here at all, if Pa wouldn’t have shown
up at the brickyard…why couldn’t they leave me alone? What did they want from
me?

“Tom.”

It was her. She
stood in my doorway. It threw me, I’ll admit. I tried to think of something to
do that would hide the way I felt. I was still so mad, but she dropped into
that like a boulder in my path, one that nearly fell on me and killed me.

“What…you
shouldn’t be this far from the house, Missus.”

She went to my
washbasin and poured some water from the pitcher into the pan. She wet my cloth
then, and walked toward me. She was moving slow, and sometimes touching what
she could to keep herself anchored, but she moved better every day.

“Sit,” she told
me, gesturing to the bed.

“No…I….”

“Sit,” she said
again, and I backed to my bed and sat.

“Ain’t right
you’re here….”

She put the rag
against my lip, dabbing at the blood. I winced, just to let her know she got it
wrong and shouldn’t be doing such a thing.

She dabbed at my
head then, and I guessed I had a cut there, too. Then she put her fingers in my
hair, and smoothed it back from my brow but I knew it wouldn’t stay, and it
didn’t, but she wiped over it with the rag, and it stayed some. Such
emotion went through me…lust…or want
, if that’s what lust is,
just the deepest wanting. I didn’t know it was in me so strong. I gripped the
edge of my bed to keep my hands off her. I knew I was swollen like a bull ready
to rut, but she didn’t know it, and I’d never tell. So I sat there hanging on
cause
I’d been through worse in the war, and I knew
self-control.

But that face…my
God. Was she fashioned just to torture me? If I ever was going to make my peace
with God it would be because he had made her and let me put my eyes on her
before I left this place.

So I sat there
like Johnny would, but nothing like Johnny would of course, and I let her work
me over with the rag and her hand, her fingers. She held my chin, cupped my
jaw. And I had never in my life felt anything so sweet. I submitted. And she
never stopped looking at me, until she swayed a little and I realized she’d
been on her feet too long, and I took her little arms in my big dirty hands and
I stood a bit hunched and turned her so she could sit beside me on my miserable
bed.

And that’s how we
were, side-by-side just looking at each other when she took one of my hands and
used that rag to start cleaning them off, dabbing over my knuckles. My hands
were hard and rough, with dirt tamped down and nails bitten off. They were me.

She cleaned one,
and her touch there I could not describe for she had taken my weapons of war
and turned them into submissive, limp puppies.

She was cleaning
the other, her head bent over it like she was shining shoes she was so intent
when Johnny came in, sent by my ma. So Johnny and I got on either side of the
missus and slowly walked her back to the house. Jimmy was on the porch, and
Allie was fussing over him, my pa and the boys sitting with him. William was on
the steps, smoking that pipe he loved.
Him
and I
looked at each other, and he hopped off to let us pass with the missus, and I
took her in the house where my ma tended the baby.

We led her into
Allie’s room, and I helped her sit on the bed, and Ma came in. She handed
Missus the baby, and the woman looked up at me and said, “Tom…you should call
me Addie.”

“I will,” I said.
Then I looked at Ma, and she led me out, but truth be told, I didn’t want to
go.

“Tom,” Ma said
low. “I hope to never see such a thing as I witnessed in my yard today.” She
was silent then as Johnny passed by, looking guilty at us.

I nodded. “I
meant no disrespect, Ma. But I’m a man now, and….”

“Hold your
tongue. Yes, you are a man. But what kind of man loses his temper that way? We
have a young one watching. And Jimmy is as good as a brother to you. Have you
seen him? Have you looked at your handiwork?” Her face had not shown such
displeasure to me since I was a lad.

“He had it
coming,” I said. “I’m sorry it happened where you could see it.”

“Did you not
think of the violence that young one has already seen? Did you not think how
that happened at his home, in his yard, just as this happened here? Jimmy
should arrest you. That’s what I think.”

She turned from
me then, her chin had been quivering.
If she only knew the
truth.
If she only knew what I was really capable of, how far I could
go,
did go. “Ma,” I said, “
if
you
want me to go, I will. I’m not the little lad you sent off to war. I’ve got my
own ideas.”

She shook her
head and kept her back to me as she tended her cook-pot.

I went on the
porch then. Allie was the first to look at me, and her eyes held a new fear. I
went to Jimmy then. I looked at my handiwork. He was busted up some. He’d been
here before, though not so much by my hand. We’d had our tussles, but this was
more.

He looked up at
me. Allie pulled back and sat on the upturned bucket at his feet. I knew she
fancied him, but he’d always behaved like a big brother. But I’d beaten him
before the missus, and the family. I’d shamed him and taken the shine off his
badge, and standing here I felt like shit.

But he got me
good when my guard was down. “You’re in love with that woman,” he said to me
around grounded lips, and with one big purple eye.

They were all
looking at me. I knew my face flamed red.

I got stuck there
in embarrassment, but also because I never heard such a thing. Love was
something I knew from my family, and that was it. I never took it further,
never wanted to, never knew how.