Fiery Nights (12 page)

“I’m fucked,” I said. “And I’m so mad at him still. I don’t
know. I don’t know how I feel. What I’ll do. Fuck, I’m such an idiot.”

“But an endearing one.”

Tristan

Instead of looking for some antidote in my lab to forget
Maya, I found myself walking toward Maya’s apartment. Before I knew it, I was
at her front door.

What are you doing, fool?

I rang the bell.

“You forget something?” Maya asked as she opened the door,
but then her mouth dropped. Her face contorted into all sorts of
emotions—surprise, joy, anguish, rage—I couldn’t keep up.

“You were expecting someone else?”

“What are you doing here?” she spat.

“Can I come in?”

“For what?”

“To talk.”

“If you’re here to explain how we’re so wrong for each
other, how it was a mistake, I don’t want to hear it again. I get it. It’s
over. We’re done.”

“Please. Just let me in.”

Her breathing was rapid as she swung the door open to let me
enter. She then slammed it shut. As she stood there with arms crossed, the soft
light around her now pinged with a flaming red border. I was so mesmerized by
seeing color around a person for the first time that I almost forgot why I was
here.

“Who did you think I was?”

“Nike, not that it’s any of your business. She just left.”

“Your friend Nike who you told me about?”

She ignored my question. Through clenched teeth, she said,
“Go on. Speak.”

“Please don’t talk to me like that. I thought you deserved
better than me. Someone without all my baggage to contend with. I would do
anything to be normal, to be able to go out with you in public and not feel
horrified by shadows slinking around people. But I’m a freak. And I can’t get
rid of these visions. So I can’t be the companion you deserve. As much as I
want to be that person, I’m not. I did what I thought was best—for you.”

“What
you
thought was best for
me
? Who gave
you
the power to decide what’s best for me. I’m an adult. I’ve been in my skin
a long time. If I didn’t want to be with someone, if I didn’t think I could
handle their quirks, I wouldn’t be with them.”

“Maya, I—”

“No, I’m not done. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I
enjoyed trying to help you? That maybe not only was I attracted to you, but
that I liked to feel needed? That I’m not just a firefighter because I’m a
freak with a connection to fire, but that I actually enjoy helping people? How
dare you presume to know me and what’s best for me!”

She crossed her arms and pouted in a sulky manner.

“I asked you not to speak to me like that! You’re right. We
are adults. So stop shouting and sulking like a child and speak to me like an
adult!”

When I realized I was now the one shouting and how tense my
body was, I knew I had to calm down. Why was she getting under my skin like
that? I had to regain control.

“You know what, Tristan. If you don’t want the crazy, don’t
push my crazy buttons. I hate it when people try to make decisions for me. Try
to control me. I moved here myself, built a career, have a decent apartment—I
think I can pretty much fuckin’ take care of myself.”

“I am not trying to control you, Maya.” I unclenched my
fists and held one hand out to her in a conciliatory gesture.

She shook her head. “Just forget it. I have nothing more to
say to you, Tristan Stone. We had some fun together. That’s all it was—just
fun. And that time is obviously over. I don’t want to have some discussion to
end this with ‘closure’. And I don’t want to ‘still be friends’.”

“Are you kidding me? Treating me as if I’m some guy you
picked up in a club for a few hot nights?” Her eyes darted off. “Don’t play
with me like that, Maya.”

“That
is
all it was, wasn’t it? We fooled around. We
did stupid shit pretending to do spells and all that crap. What were we
thinking?”

“Goddammit, Maya. Do you know how infuriating you are?” I
marched over to her and looked into her eyes, which were now blazing with
anger. “Don’t put up this mask, steeling yourself against me. I know what
you’re doing. You can’t fool me with this brave front. I know you better than
you think.”

Her blue eyes burned with tears of both rage and sadness.
“Then do you know how badly you hurt me? I let you in to my heart, I shared my
secrets with you, I shared my body and soul with you. And you just threw it all
away because things didn’t go the way you’d planned. If anyone is acting like
an immature, spoiled brat, it’s you!”

She moved to walk away, but I grabbed her by the shoulders.
“Look at me.”

“No. Leave me alone.”

“I said, look at me, Maya!” My tone startled her enough that
she finally relented. “You don’t think I feel this too? That I’m heartless? A
robot?”

She looked away again, trying to struggle out of my grasp.
“You’re just some guy. No different from the rest. I should’ve stayed away from
you that night I first met you. I never believe the shit guys say. I mean, come
on, I work in a firehouse with all guys. I hear all the shit they say. I should
know better. But something about you made me think you were different. I was
wrong. So fuckin’ wrong. I’m such an idiot! Let go of me.”

“No. I’m not going to let you run away and avoid me. Let’s
deal with this now.”

She seethed, but stopped struggling to escape my grasp.
“Fine.”

“You weren’t wrong. The things I said—they were all sincere,
not some lines. You know how I felt when I saw you and you know I had no
intentions of seducing you. My feelings for you were real. No, they
are
real.”

Her blue ears were filled with such pain, I just wanted to
pull her close and make it go away. What killed me was that I was the source of
the pain. By caring for her and trying to protect her, I had caused her all
this anguish. For someone who didn’t know much experience with male/female
relationships, I was finding out the hard way how difficult and complicated they
could be.

“I was good for you, I know it,” Maya replied, blinking back
tears. “And you were good to me—for me. Then why did you have to be such a
dumbass and throw away something good?”

“I don’t know! Don’t you think I ask myself that question
every day?”

“No. How would I know that?”

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you.”

“Don’t feed me lines, Tristan. I’m not a game to be played,
I’m a human being.”

“Not lines, Maya. No games. I want you back in my life.
Dammit all to hell if I’m being selfish. But. I. Want. You.”

The struggle she felt on hearing those words was clearly
shown through the expressions playing out on her face. From what I interpreted,
she wanted to believe me and come back to me. But she also had to be tough and
protect herself.

“No, Tristan. I may have been a fool once, but I’m not going
to be fooled again. I’m a big girl and that means taking care of myself. So I
have to protect myself from situations—and people—who can hurt me. And
you
hurt me.”

“Look me in the eye, Maya. I would do anything to avoid
hurting you again. I would inflict countless wounds on myself before I ever let
any harm come to you.”

Her eyes flitted all over the room, avoiding mine.

“Maya, look at me. You know me better than anyone else.
Hurting you kills me, tears my very soul apart.”

Her brave front was weakening, her lips quivering. Her eyes
still darted as she tried to regain control of her warring emotions.

“Look at me.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because as much as I want to believe you and try to start
fresh, I know it’s impossible. I did something stupid. And I’m afraid to tell
you.”

“Tell me.” I clenched my fist, knowing I wouldn’t like what
was coming next.

“Are you sure you want to hear it?”

I nodded without looking at her.

“Honesty over hurting your feelings?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Even if it’s brutal honesty?”

“Damn it, Maya. Just tell me. The more you delay it, the
worse things I think.”

“Okay.” She took a deep breath and spoke quickly. “I slept
with someone else.”

“You what?!” The horrible speculation that my imagination
had concocted had merit. My worst fears were realized.

“I was trying to forget you. It didn’t work.”

“With—who?”

“That guy you saw me dancing with the other night.”

“You slept with that, that—meathead?”

She shrugged. “Yeah. And it sucked, by the way.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to hear the details. Hearing
you say it is bad enough.”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking right. And I just wanted to
get you out of my head.”

“You slept. With him?”

“But it didn’t work. I kept thinking about you and how much
I missed you and how you broke my heart. And how much I wished he was you.”

“You
slept
with that guy?”

“Tristan, you’re not listening to me! I’m telling you how it
was a mistake. I was trying to forget you. You hurt me and I lashed out. I
wanted to hurt you too, I guess. I don’t know what I was thinking—I was
thinking so many crazy things. I didn’t feel anything for him. I just didn’t
want to feel any more for you.”

“I bet
he
felt
a lot
of you.”

She recoiled when I said that and I instantly regretted it.

She said, “I’m sorry.”

The more she spoke, the deeper the knife went in. My chest
constricted and I found it difficult to breath. “I’ve heard enough. I have to
get out of here.”

I stormed out her front door.

“Tristan, wait.”

I raised my hand up to stop her, without looking back. “No
more, Maya. No.”

How could she do that to me? With him? Only hours—not days
or weeks--after we’d broken up and she slept with someone else?

I walked along the shore, barely aware of the biting cold
coming off the Atlantic tonight, but tightening my trench coat anyway.

His lips kissed hers, his hands touched her body, his
cock—how could she let another man inside her?

She was mine!

If I saw him right now, I would rip him apart. He’d probably
return to the club one day. I’ll watch for him, waiting. He knew she was mine
and yet he still went after her.

He took what was mine. He had to pay.

I couldn’t get the images of them together out of my mind.
Sure, Maya had lovers before me, but seeing one of them, talking to him,
knowing that he fucked my girl? How could I ever forget that?

My cell phone rang. It was Maya.

I couldn’t hear her voice right now. Just earlier the same
voice confessed an act that ripped through my soul.

When I listened to her voicemail, it said, “Tristan. I was
wrong. I’m filled with regret. I’m so sorry.”

I hurled the phone into the Atlantic and kept on walking.
When I passed the cemetery, I refused to look inside, refused to feel any sort
of longing for her.

She betrayed me.

How could she do this to me? What did I do to deserve her
cheating on me?

I should go back to Vamps right now and pick someone up,
bring her back to my loft, and violate her in fifty ways. Let’s see how Maya
would feel about that. Let’s see how she would feel knowing that someone you
care about betrayed you by sleeping with someone else.

She would feel hurt. Like I am now.

She’d know this pain burning through me.

But wait—she was already hurt before she did this. It’s
why she did it.

I hurt her.

No! I loved her and she broke my heart! How can I ever
forgive her for what she’s done to me?

And yet, I expect her to forgive me for what I’ve done to
her.

Fuck. Did I just think—I love her?

Do I love her? Is this what love feels like? From
unimaginable ecstasy to wrenching pain?

If so, do I have to break both of our hearts to figure
this out?

I walked for hours, my soul tearing itself apart. It was
surely darker than any of the ones I’d ever encountered.

In honesty, how could I blame the guy for sleeping with her?
Who could resist her charms? Her beauty?

She didn’t cheat on me. I broke up with her. I let her go.
She was free to be with whomever she wanted.

Maya was right. I was a dumbass. And I threw out the best
thing that ever happened to me.

I have no one to blame but myself. All this pain, this
torment—I did this to both of us.

My mind was still restless, but my feet were weary so I
headed back to my loft. I didn’t know what to do at this point. How could I fix
something that I’d fucked up so utterly?

There, sitting on the stairwell in front of the entrance,
was my light, my angel, wiping away tears. And then there were no more
questions. The solution—the key—was right before me.

“Maya? What are you doing here?”

“Tristan.” She stood up. Her blue eyes were filled with so
much pain and regret, a look I never wanted to see in them again. “I don’t know
why I did that. It was so stupid. I was so hurt and I just didn’t want to feel
the pain of losing you.”

“Shhh. Don’t talk right now.”

I opened my arms and she rushed them. I pressed my lips on
hers. The taste of her soft lips reignited my passion for her I’d been trying
to subdue, only now it roared with a renewed intensity after being denied for
so long. I ran my fingers through her hair, remembering that herbal scent.

“I missed you so much, Maya. It was unbearable. How could I
have been so stupid to let you go?” I slid my hands down her body, wanting to
touch every inch of her.

“I missed you too. So much.”

Take her upstairs. Throw her on the bed. Fuck her
senseless.

No. Slow it down. Take it easy.