Feral (28 page)

F
rom under my lashes, I stole a glimpse of my alpha male.  Faint circles rimmed his eyes, proof of the strain he felt over my gruesome transformation.  I recalled the struggle he engaged with his cousins, and I realized he hadn’t been mad over my stubbornness; he’d been maddened over the pain I was suffering.  In desperation, he had run to fetch Bacchus in hopes of persuading me to listen to reason.  He cared.  Save my father and Bennie, I couldn’t think of one male that would react that drastically over my wellbeing.  There was no discounting his feelings for me.

Sensing
my change in mood, he dropped his head.  His nostrils flared as if he could smell my desire like a long awaited concession.  He studied my face, reading my emotions, mirroring the desperate need I felt to commune, to connect on level deeper than the surface.

Slowly, I inched up
and pressed my lips to his.  His chin was smooth, freshly shaven, and created the most delicious friction against my skin.  I sighed and parted my lips, unhindered by his cousins prying ears.  Hesitating then, I tasted his breath.  Mint fanned across my tongue, warm and cool. Moments hung weighty in the air before we met, electric with anticipation.

Icarus’s
breaths came heavier.  I could feel the thunder of his heart where our chests touched.  His eyes were piercing, watching as I closed the distance.  Softly, I pressed my lips to his in a tease of a kiss, brushing lightly back and forth, tracing his bottom lip with the tip of my tongue.

Impatient with my
sybaritic procrastinations, he nipped once, twice.  Then looped his hand into my hair and opted for immediate gratification, pulling my mouth firmly against his.  He met my lips with the heat of a thousand suns.  It was like he made love to my mouth.  His tongue thrust against mine.  Caressing lightly.  Sinking deep.  Then teasing in tiny little strokes that made me rumble a complaint while reaching greedily for more.

His hands roamed
feverishly, following the curve of my waist to my ribs.  The feeling of his calloused hands against my skin was an aphrodisiac.  My back arched, thrusting my breasts forward in a wanton offering.  Another moan escaped me as he cupped and squeezed, desire igniting a blaze across my flesh.  I was sure he could feel the heat erupting beneath his palms.

Breaking the kiss, Icarus pulled back, his eyes
hooded.  I nodded, flushing, silently consenting to finish what we had started a few nights before.  Bacchus was right, I could deny my attraction to Icarus all I wanted, but it didn’t mean it wasn’t real.  I was only making us both miserable by doing so.  And I was tired of fighting my feelings.  I was in love with him.

Chapter 15

Confounding me, Icarus shook his head.  “Not yet.  Here.  Like this.”

I flinched over his slap of rejection
.  “This is the second time now,” I pointed out.  “I could seriously develop a complex.”  He was certainly making me rethink my self-confidence.

“Do you think I don’t know that?  I’m well aware!  Each time I turn you down it becomes harder and harder!”

“That’s because you haven’t used it!” I snapped, immediately biting back a laugh.  My anger quickly deflating.  How could I stay mad?  I could feel his erection against my bottom.  He was clearly fighting his own feelings on this.

“Funny, Thaleia.”

This time, when I climbed from his lap, he helped me up; probably realizing the intimate contact was imprudent under the circumstances.  For dignity’s sake, I smoothed my clothes and fixed my hair, tying it in a messy bun.  My eyes were a tinge puffy and red, but gradually fading back to normal.  Poise restored, I turned to Icarus, fixing him with a baffled stare.

“
Honestly, I just don’t understand you, Icarus.  You blackmail me into dinner and then turn me down.  I don’t know what it is you want from me.”

“All of you,” he answered without hesitation.  “
Right now, your emotions are hot and cold.  You hate me one moment and like me the next.”

However badly I wanted to scoff, I refrained.  But I did cross my arms over my chest.  This was a
n unconscious habit that I consciously hated, because it fluffed my already generous boobs to monumental proportions.  To give credit, his eyes didn’t avert from my face.

“At no fault but your own.”

“It’s complicated,” he contested.  Stabbing a hand into his hair, he fraught over some internal struggle and went back to a defensive stance, his elbows resting on his knees.

Complicated. 
There was that word again.  “So I’ve heard.”

“
You don’t understand, Thaleia.  You don’t know lycan customs.  Because of that, I’ve been fighting my instincts.  But I should warn you that if we get this close again, I don’t’ know if I’ll be able to control myself.  I might not have the will to stop.”

“I don’t remember objecting.  I trust you, Icarus.  You wouldn’t risk the things you are just to
sleep with me.  And if we’re being honest here, what you’re risking is the only reason I’ve been rejecting you in the first place.  I don’t want anyone to get hurt over me.  Including you.  Especially you.  My life isn’t any more valuable than yours.”

Eyes softening, Icarus cupped my cheek.  “You’re worth everything, Thaleia."
  Holding my gaze, he willed me to believe him.  Taking my flush as a sign of acceptance, he settled back in the seat.  The upholstery creaked under him, releasing a fresh waft of leather in the air.

“Y
ou need to be sure that I am who you want.  Once we sleep together, there’s no turning back.  We’ll be mated.”

“You say that like we’ll be married.”

“In a sense, we will”

“
Just because we had sex?” I blurted.  “But you’ve slept with other women!  You’re not suffering any long term effects from ‘mating’ them!”

And I was arguing this
, why?  He was offering me a commitment stronger than any letterman’s jacket or a school ring to dangle from a chain around my neck.  Without looking much past the surface, I knew the answer.  Because, to be frank, a lifetime of marriage to an immortal was fucking horrifying.  It wasn’t
like
forever.  It
was
forever.

“
There was no ‘them.’  I’ve only ever slept with one girl.”

“But you’re not
‘mated’ to her.”  The consonant rolled oddly off my tongue.  I felt like a foreigner who couldn’t pronounce ‘married’ correctly.

“
She was human, Thaleia.  You can’t mate a human.  It could kill her.”

“Kill her?”
  A burble of laughter escaped me.  “I’m sorry,” I said, pinching my lips tightly together.  “I’ve seen you, Icarus.  No insult intended but you’re not so well endowed that you’d pose a threat to her life.”

Icarus cut me a glare.  “You’re a real barrel of laughs today.”

“Seriously,” I said, straightening my face, “you’re right, I don’t understand lycan customs.  And I really don’t understand the concept of ‘mating.’  Is it sexual or emotional?  Awkward as this conversation is, I think you need to explain it to me, because I’m just not getting it.”

“
It’s both.  When it comes to companionship, we’re not so different from wolves.  We mate for life.  But it’s not all about obedience and domination either.  We’re not without emotion.  Although, we are naturally selective.  As an alpha, I’m even more so.  My instincts demand I find a mate worthy to rule my pack.”

“But you
still slept with a human.”

“I had sex, Thaleia. 
I wasn’t in love with her.  There were no feelings involved.  I had no desire to mate her.  It was consensual, no strings attached, sex.  Ok?  Are we clear?”

God, if he didn’t make me feel like a prude.

“Yes.  But where does the life threatening come in?”

“If I had feelings for her, if she
suited me as a potential mate, only then would I have mated her.  The mating is done during intercourse, because when a woman’s aroused, she’s less receptive to pain.  During the course, I would…”  He glanced in my direction, watching for my reaction.  “…bite her.  Sometimes more than once.  This would leave faint scars that marked her as mine, and act as a deterrent to other lycan males.  It’s a vow of protection.  A sign of dominion.  No other male would touch her without personal threat for as long as I lived.”

“
Oh.”  I felt like the air had been sucked from my lungs.  Holy crap.  Biting.  Icarus liked it rough.  I knew he enjoyed spanking me.  Perv. 
My
perv.

From the corner of his eye, Icarus watched me, waiting for the inevitable wisecrack. 
I quickly mustered a retort, averse to failing his expectations.  “Sounds kinky, but it beats being mauled in the woods.  And if I didn’t survive, at least I’d have gone out with a bang.”

Bemused, Icarus shook his head, his eyes smiling.

Who would’ve thought?  Icarus.  With only one lover under his belt.  Certainly not me.  The way he kissed told of a thousand conquests.  I was impressed.  And intimidated.  He wanted me. 
Me
.  Just the thought gave me butterflies in my chest.

“So you want to bite me
, huh?” I teased.  The discussion was obviously making his uncomfortable.  It was cute, actually.  Someone so intimidating could be intimidated.  It made me want to spout off dirty words to see if I could make him flush.

The smile faded abruptly from his eyes, exchanged with a flash of apprehension.  It took a moment for it to register
, but when it did, my smile faded.  I swore I wouldn’t let myself get this angry again.  Last night’s pain wasn’t worth it.  But the umbrage I felt was all-consuming.  I felt like we’d taken one step forward and two giant leaps back.

A
s Bennie would’ve described, I went Loony Toons.  Steam whistled from my ears.  Red climbed up my neck and face like an emotional thermometer, displaying my degree of anger.

“
Yoooouuuu,” I scathed.  “You BIT me!”

“It wasn’t a true mating,” he maintained at my accus
ation.  “Not for lack of wanting, because God knows I do.  But I haven’t, Thaleia.  I swear to you I’ve been fighting it.”

“Heaven forbid
my wellbeing should precede your satisfaction!”

“My mark and your wellbeing are mutually undivided. 
No male will touch you while I live.  You’re under my protection.”

Fuming
, I thrust the car door open.  The force almost crushed my leg when it caught me on the rebound.  Icarus tried to grab my arm, but the enmity in my expression made him retract his hand.  Sliding from the passenger’s side, he tailed me from the garage, where our argument continued into the house.  The boys loitered around the island, cleaning the dishes from brunch.  All looked up upon our entrance, engrossed with our volley of accusations and rebukes.

“Protection?” I threw at
Icarus.  “Try control, you domineering jerk!”

“
Damn it!  I haven’t forced myself on you.  Nor have I dominated you except to ensure your own safety.  I told you I use my authority judiciously.”

“
Y-y-y-you groped me and bit me until I ceded my free will.  You’ve marked me like an animal or a select parcel of land!  How was that judicious?”

“You might be an alpha, Thaleia, but the
male
still rules the pack.  That said, I’ll point out, in case you haven’t noticed, that I’ve done nothing with your free will.  It would take me hours, if not days to truly break your spirit.  I could do it in a multitude of ways that would cause you unfathomable pain and suffering compared to the minor humiliation you endured.

“
Other males wouldn’t have hesitated to rape and beat you until you didn’t know night from day. They would’ve starved you of everything but pain until you submitted, heart and soul, to their whims.  And I promise, by the time they were done, you would have handed it over on a silver fucking platter and asked them if they wanted cream and sugar on the fucking side.

“
But me—I’ve shown you mercy at every turn.  I’ve been walking on eggshells trying to ease you into my world.  I’ve been shielding you from the police interrogations, from Jack’s death, and Peyton’s abduction.  I’ve fed you, cared for you, and given you a home.  I’ve offered you protection from Marcus and Alec, and whoever else might come our way despite the danger it puts us all in.  Yet, all I’ve received in return is heartache and sass.  I expect nothing more from you in return, except your compliance.  And only in order to keep you safe.  Well, you win, Sweetheart.  I gi—”  Taking in my teary eyes, his jaw clenched, cutting off the last of my dressing-down.  Not a minute too soon, in my own opinion.

Because I was nearly Icarus’s height, I couldn’t hide beneath my lashes, so I tilted my chin down and looked up, creating the same
pitiful effect.  The tears came easily.  I always cried when I encountered turmoil.  It was a side effect of my inability to control the situation.

“God, she’s pulling a Crispin,” Lucius proclaimed.
  “I can’t look anymore.  No one should have that power.  If Icarus doesn’t fall to his knees and beg forgiveness, I think I will.”

“Dude, I am nowhere near that good.”  Sliding from his stool, he dropped to the floor.  “I’m so outta here.  They’re about to go all kissy face
, aren’t they?”

“It’s just saliva, Runt,” said
Max, following on his heels.  “Did you know that there’s a place in Brazil where the women chew up this plant to help the alcohol ferment.  Your essentially drinking someone’s spit.”

In the next room,
Crispin made retching sounds.  “Gah!”

“Even I wouldn’t drink that shit,” Caius scoffed, Bacchus trailing only a short distance behind.  “Nasty to the nth degree.”

“You promised Crispin macaroni tonight,” Lucius said over his shoulder.  “We’re outta cheese.  And milk.  And pastaaoooooookkkkk. I’m going.  I’m going.  No need to bear teeth.”

Icarus
glared after the departure of his cousins, brooding.  After a moment, he shook his head, dispelling whatever annoyances crowded his mind.

“I apologize, Thaleia
.  I was wrong.  I shouldn’t have done it.”

“I’m sorry too.”  My voice was
brusque.  Defensive.  Even so, it never sounded so loud.  It seemed to echo across the kitchen, multiplying my discomfiture.  I busied myself as usual, rinsing the silverware and loading it into the dishwasher.  I hated confrontation.

Icarus looked oddly puzzled at my apology.  “For what?”

“For flying off the handle?”  I tossed in a fork.  “For the sass and heartache?”  A spoon.  “For making you feel unappreciated?”  A knife.  “I know this hasn’t been easy on you.”  Grabbing the whole bunch, I dropped them all in one big messy jumble.  They’d never come clean, but my mind wasn’t on the chore.  “Besides, I’m sure you didn’t mean to do it.”

I
dried my hands with the dishtowel and dragged it across the sink then returned it to the stove handle to dry.  When I finally turned around, I found Icarus standing across the island, as if he were using it as a buffer between us.  It wasn’t far enough to hamper my muddled feelings.  I didn’t know if I wanted to kiss or strangle him.  Sadly, I was leaning toward the former.

Busy.  It was better to keep busy.

“I need a ride to the store.  Apparently, I promised Crispin macaroni for dinner.”

Breaking his galvanized visage
, he shoved his hands in his pockets and strolled around the island.  “You don’t need to cook.  We can eat out tonight.”

“I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere tonight.”

“I didn’t mean to a restaurant.”  His tone was teasing.  A wry smile pulled at his lips, daring me to catch his meaning.