Feel (Sovereign Book 3) (5 page)

“I want to,” I replied honestly.

His hand lifted up and hooked a stray tendril of hair behind my ear. “Then I’ll work my ass off until you do, because when I see something I want, I go for it.”

“I seem to remember experiencing that firsthand.”

“But first we need to see to other things. We need to find your mom, and then we need to bring down Gavin once and for all so that he never gets up again.” The determination in his voice was unmistakable, and the strength behind his words buoyed me at a time when I should’ve felt anything but.

“You are the biggest surprise, Barrett.”

“And you’ll be my greatest reward, and one I’ll work my ass off to protect.”

I lowered my head and ran my tongue along the seam of his mouth, diving inside when he opened his lips, pouring all the words I couldn’t say and all the feelings I couldn’t describe into the kiss and my touch.

We didn’t make love; we didn’t even undress; we simply lay in each other’s arms, talking, kissing, touching, and finally—sleeping. 

I was woken early in the morning by a loud knocking on the door. We’d shifted in the night, and my leg ended up hooked high over Barrett’s thighs with the rest of my body draped over him.

The knocking came again just as my purse buzzed. I lifted my leg away and moved toward the end of the bed, but was stopped by arms tightening around me. I looked up to see a sleepy-eyed Barrett gazing down at me.

“Where are you going?”

“There’s someone at the door,” I whispered, my eyes dropping to his lips, watching his tongue dart out enticingly.

“I’ll get it,” he replied, before he gave me a quick closed-mouth kiss and rolled away from me.

Facing the door, I watched with avid fascination as he stood up, walked over to the door and pulled it open to be met with Detective Manning and Aiden standing at her side.

“Shit,” Barrett spat out, his head switching between the two of them.

“Surprise, fucking surprise,” Aiden growled, looking past Barrett to glare at me.

Detective Manning correctly read the situation and stepped forward. “I wanted to update Ms. Jacobs on her mother’s whereabouts.” The moment I heard her words I sprang into action and jumped up off the bed, rushing to Barrett’s side.

“You found her?” I said, my voice cracking. 

“May we come in?” Detective Manning asked.

“Why is Aiden here?” Barrett asked in a low voice.

“Marlee is an old colleague of mine,” Aiden replied tersely.

“That doesn’t explain jack shit.” Barrett retorted.

“I don’t owe you anything, asshole.” Aiden turned to me. “I knew you’d come looking for your mom,” he said, offering me an explanation.        

“Boys,” Detective Manning warned, but I’d had enough. All I cared about was where my mom was. “Special Agent Lucas, I presume?” she asked, holding out her arm and shaking Barrett’s hand. “Detective Lawrence had concerns about Ms. Jacobs’s safety and since we used to work together, he visited me at the precinct. When I advised him I was coming to see you,” she said, looking at me, “I asked if he wanted to come. Had I known it would not be a welcome visit, I would’ve acted differently.”

“It’s fine. Please come in,” I offered, pulling Barrett back from the door to allow them to enter. He hooked his arm around my shoulders, pulled me into his side and held me there. I felt terrible for Aiden. He looked at Barrett’s arm and then met my eyes. He gritted his teeth and moved into the room, standing ramrod straight beside the door as Detective Manning closed it behind her, and again looked between the two men, taking in their aggressive stances before looking at me and smirking.

“My mom?”

“Yes, we were able to track down Mrs. Barnes late last night at a beauty retreat in Wyoming and made contact with her this morning. I expect you will hear from her soon, but she is returning to Vegas later today.”

My body slumped into Barrett. Relief swept through me as tears fell down my face, and I buried my face in his shirt. “I’m . . . I’m sorry. I’m just so hap . . . happy,” I mumbled.

Barrett gave me a gentle squeeze, and I pulled back to look up at him. “Glad she’s okay, sweetheart.”

“Me too.”

Aiden cleared his throat, and my head snapped up to see his eyes narrowed at the two of us. “Now, I’ve gotten my answer, I can go,” he stated angrily before wrenching the door open and storming out of the room.

“I’ve got to go after him,” I said, stepping out of Barrett’s grasp.

“Lys . . .” Barrett warned, and I spun around and put my hands on my hips.

“Think about how
you
would feel if the tables were turned and it was his arms around me, not yours, Barrett. I
need
to talk to him. I have to explain.” A muscle in his jaw jerked and his shoulders slumped. I caught his barely there nod before I was out the door and running down the corridor behind Aiden.

“Aiden!” I called out, catching him just as the elevator doors opened. “Please stop!”

He spun around, and I was hit with the hurt in his eyes. “Aly, just leave it.”

“I need to explain,” I said, letting go of the breath I was holding when the doors closed again.

“I think being greeted by Lucas having his arms around you first thing in the morning says it all.”

“It’s not what you think.”

He scoffed loudly. “Oh
really
? Now this should be good. Please tell me, Aly, how did I misinterpret that scene?”

“He turned up last night. I did not leave your bed for his.”

“Then how else would you describe disappearing in the middle of the night leaving only a note and then not twenty-four hours later, I find you with him?”

“I didn’t leave you for him. I left you because I couldn’t hurt you.”

“Well, congratulations, Aly. You failed at that.” I watched the moment he gave up the fight, the thing he told me he’d only do when he knew there was nothing left to fight for.

I lifted my hand to touch him, but he jerked out of my reach. “Don’t. Just don’t, Aly. It’s history repeating itself. Except this time, you’ve fucking wrecked me.”

My eyes welled up with tears, and I caught a moment of indecision before he clenched his eyes shut and shook his head. When he opened them again, his expression was flat.

He reached behind his back, pressing the elevator call button. My chest tightened as the flashing screen above the doors started to descend, signaling I only had moments left to explain myself.

Deep down, I knew this would be the last time I’d see him. My actions of the past few days inadvertently succeeded in putting the final nail in the coffin of any future platonic relationship I might’ve been able to salvage with him.

“Just give me one thing, Aly,” he said.

“Anything,” I replied quickly.

He took the last step between us, wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and jerked me forward, slamming his lips against mine and plunging his tongue into my mouth. As quick as it started, it was over. He turned his back to me and stepped into the now open elevator. Facing me, his expression showed resignation.

“Tell me I had a chance. I need to know that this wasn’t one-sided,” he said quietly.

I opened my mouth to say something—anything—to reassure him that my feelings for him were real, but nothing came out.

It was never meant to be because fate stepped in.

I hated the pain I’d inflicted on Aiden and could only hope that one day he would find a woman who would heal his broken heart just as I knew Barrett would fix mine. It wasn't that there was even a conscious choice to be made between the two of them. In fact, looking back on it, it was completely out of my control.

Before I could say something, he got there first, just as the elevator doors slowly closed.

“Tell him to keep you safe.”

Then he was gone.

Detective Manning and Barrett were still talking when I returned to the room. His eyes were soft when he saw my face, and I knew I must’ve been wearing my broken heart on my sleeve.

“How about I come down to the precinct in a few hours and we can talk further?” he said to Detective Manning.

She nodded and walked toward me with her arm outstretched. “It was nice to see you again, Ms. Jacobs. I’m glad we were able to find your mother safe. I’m a sucker for happy endings.”

I shook her hand, and she gave me a gentle squeeze with her fingers before walking toward the door that Barrett was holding open and walking through it.

After he closed it, he walked over to where I was standing beside the bed and pulled me into his arms, not saying a single word. I knew I was a mess, and I’d obviously done a bad job at hiding it because in that moment, he gave me everything I needed just by holding me.

I don’t know how long we stood there for, but I know my tears had run out by the time I pulled away. “He kissed me.”

“I expected that. I don’t like it but I would’ve done the exact same thing,” he stated calmly.

“You’re not mad?” I asked, surprised by his non-reaction.

“How can I be mad, Lys? You told me to imagine how I’d feel if I was the man who had to walk away. I don’t have to think about it because I watched you walk away once and it ripped me apart. Now, I have you here with me, I’m never going to have to go through that again, and I’m fucking glad because I wouldn’t be able to get through it a second time.” His words surprised me as much as they thrilled me. In that one declaration, he’d just proven that fate hadn’t steered me wrong.

“I love you,” I blurted out and gasped in shock when I realized what I’d said. Shaking my head, I said, “I’m sorry, I—”

“Don’t you dare take it back. I fell in love with you the moment you stepped out onto the rooftop the day I met you. I fell more in love with you when you told me to fuck you or walk away.”

I didn’t think it was possible but my broken heart soared, and I looked up and gave a small smile. “Can you kiss me now? Because I can’t stand hearing that you love me and not having you kiss me.”

“With fucking pleasure,” he said huskily before kissing me thoroughly. Walking me back toward the bed, I fell onto the mattress with a soft bounce, and he dropped down on top of me, not holding back anything this time.

Barrett wasn't the wrong or right choice—he was chosen for me. The effect he had on me from the moment we first saw each other could not be denied.

It wasn't easy, it was never smooth, but it was always real.

Two hours later, I was lying back in the bubble bath Barrett had poured for me. He’d kissed my head, put my cellphone in my hand and pushed me into the bathroom, telling me to relax while he went to brief Detective Manning as he’d promised.

Feeling myself turning into a prune, I got out of the water and wrapped the complimentary white fluffy robe around me before grabbing my phone and bringing up Barrett’s number. I was just about to hit the call button when the screen lit up with an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Alyssa, it’s Marlee. Detective Manning, I mean. Has Barrett left there yet?”

I looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it’d been nearly two and a half hours since he’d left me to my bath. “Marlee, he left over two hours ago at least. He said he was going to meet with you.”

“Yeah, he was due here around two but he hasn’t shown. Maybe I’ll try his phone again.”

“Sounds good. I’ll try him again shortly.”

“Thanks, Alyssa.”

“You’re welcome. Goodbye,” I said, before ending the call.

I walked to the hotel window and looked out across the busy Strip, wondering where Barrett could be. Two minutes later, my phone buzzed in my hand, and Barrett’s name flashed up.

“You’re in trouble, mister,” I said.

“I’m not the one with a gun to his head, Alyssa. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll come to the house, alone,” Gavin’s eerily calm voice answered. Then his tone changed to angry and spiteful. “No cops and no fucking FBI. Otherwise Barrett will be the bullseye and I’ll be the one aiming,” he said, before he hung up and I was left with dead air.

“Gavin?” I shrieked. I rushed to the hotel phone beside the bed and dialed nine one one, my brain on autopilot.