Fear of Falling (9 page)

What Julia said was true. Rafe could be out of her life forever. But if she was honest with herself, that wasn't what Olivia wanted.

Despite the accusations he'd hurled at her the night before, she would never forget the feel of his arms around her when he'd pulled her back from Rowan's stall. When they'd spoken in the stable, she'd never felt quite so alive. The air had seemed electric and yet the conversation had been easy and comfortable. She'd felt as if she could talk to him forever about horses, photography—anything.

Olivia didn't want a couple of photo shoots to be all there was between her and Rafe. She wanted more.

A great deal more.

And that terrified her.

CHAPTER TEN

W
HEN
M
ADDIE
CAME
into the deli a few days later with an armful of posters for the Indian Lake Horse Race Fundraiser, Olivia agreed to post them in the front window. She was wary about associating the deli with the sport that had almost ruined her and her mother, but the fundraiser was for the hospital. Olivia and Julia had always volunteered their time and talent to the hospital's foundation; it was one of Indian Lake's largest employers, and the doctors and nurses often treated people in need at no charge.

“I knew I could count on you,” Maddie told Olivia. Maddie served on the fundraising committee. “I figure that between your deli and my café we can get the word out to half the town. Oh! And Nate told me to thank you for your help.” Maddie handed her the Art Deco–style posters that Isabelle Hawks had designed.

Olivia studied the watercolor illustration of jockeys on Thoroughbreds crossing a finish line. “It's not much. These are beautiful.”

“They are, aren't they?” Maddie agreed. “Makes me want to take up horseback riding.”

A chill snaked down Olivia's spine, and her ears filled with her father's curses and screams when his horse lost at the track.

Will this pain never go away?

Olivia struggled through the mire to focus on her friend. “Is there anything else I can do to help?”

Maddie was thoughtful for a moment and then put her hand on Olivia's shoulder. “As a matter of fact, there is. We need you and your camera in the tower.”

“The tower?”

“On the day of the race. They've built a new judges' tower at the fairgrounds just for this race. The professional photographer quoted us over five hundred dollars for a two-minute race. Can you believe that? But...well, could you do it, Olivia? I know horse races, in particular, must be...rough for you, but it would be so great if you would.”

Olivia didn't know how to turn down a friend. Maddie had done so many things for her. Sticking up for her in grade school, teaching her how to scull, championing her photography... The list was endless. Surely she could put away her hurt and fear to help. This was the closest Olivia had been to a racetrack since those days with her father. Could she do this? Her stomach roiled, and she swallowed hard as she looked at the anticipation in Maddie's eyes.

“I've never shot a race before, but I could study up on the particulars,” she said slowly. Olivia wasn't quite sure what she'd gotten herself into, but she was confident she had the technical skill to pull it off. Suddenly, she wondered if Rafe would be there with Rowan. He hadn't mentioned the race, but why would he pass up that kind of opportunity for his prize horse?

It seemed that no matter what she did to avoid Rafe, he kept coming back into her life like a rogue wave. Unexpected and all-consuming.

“I'll get you all the details,” Maddie said. She hugged Olivia. “Thanks for doing this for us. You're the best.” She made her way toward the door and waved. “I'll see you at the races if not before.”

“Yes,” Olivia replied solemnly. “At the races.”

* * *

B
Y
THE
TIME
race day arrived, Olivia had passed out so many brochures for the hospital fundraiser that she felt personally responsible for the enormous turnout at the fairgrounds. According to the announcer, the grandstand was packed with over fifteen hundred people. Olivia made her way up the midway beside the track, where food vendors were selling everything from caramel apples and popcorn to fish sandwiches, corn dogs and elephant ears. To the west of the midway were two neon-lit Ferris wheels, a Tilt-A-Whirl and bumper cars. An old-fashioned calliope played carnival tunes.

The April air was shot with festive spirit as Olivia searched the crowds for her friends. She had promised to meet Maddie, Liz, Sarah and Katia across from the horse barn. During the annual county fair, the barn housed prize cows and pigs that the 4-H kids had raised. Today some of the finest racing horses in Indiana stood only yards away from her.

Olivia tried desperately to control her emotions. Half of her was terrified to even come near the fairgrounds because this entire event reminded her far too caustically of her father. One minute her stomach churned with bile, the next minute she thought about seeing Rafe again and her heart tripped over itself. Maddie had confirmed to her that he was racing Rowan today.

She wished she could put her unpleasant memories in a balloon and let them float away, but it didn't work like that.

She didn't know Rafe well enough to divulge her phobia about horse racing to him. At this point she figured she was nothing more to him than a thorn in his side.

“There she is. Olivia! Olivia!” Maddie shouted loud enough that Olivia heard her name over the whirring of the cotton candy machine beside her.

Olivia had two cameras on sliding straps around her neck, and her shoulder bag held her best lenses, including a high-powered zoom lens that could capture the hairs in Rowan's nostrils from the grandstands. Not that she was thinking about Rowan in particular.

Nor should she be thinking about Rafe.

“Hi, guys,” Olivia said, plastering a bright smile on her face as Maddie rushed up and hugged her.

“Don't you look adorable,” Maddie said, taking in Olivia's white poet's coat, skinny jeans and sneakers. “I see you're cocked and loaded.”

Sarah kissed Olivia's cheek. “Let me guess who you hope will win today.”

Olivia shot Sarah a quelling look. “I told the judges that I'm simply a second pair of eyes.”

Liz grabbed Olivia's arm. “Wait a minute. I'm behind here. What are you doing with the judges?”

Sarah rushed to explain why Olivia had volunteered to be a finish-line photographer.

“Yeah,” Maddie said. “Saved the committee five hundred bucks. And that was the pro's reduced fee.”

Olivia blushed. “It was the least I could do. I can't claim to be a pro, but I'm going to rig up one of my cameras to a laptop for the judges. That will be the real photo-finish criteria. I'll be right there with them and snap as many shots as I can get as all the horses come across the line.”

“This is really exciting, Olivia,” Liz gushed. “I've never been to a horse race, so it's all new to me. Although Gabe is really nervous for Rafe.”

“He should be,” Olivia blurted.
I know I am.
It was one thing to volunteer to help, but now that the moment was here, Olivia could only think of excuses to leave. Everything about this day set her teeth on edge. Including the fact that she'd obviously told Sarah too much about her confusing feelings for Rafe.

Maddie's eyes swept back to Olivia. “Why do you say that?”

Sarah grinned mischievously. “Olivia knows quite a bit about Rowan and Rafe's plans for this race, don't you, Olivia?”

“Not so much,” Olivia groaned
. Even my friends are part of this nightmare. Why did I promise to do this? Oh, yeah—loyalty. More like stupidity.

“Don't kid us. Gabe told me all about that photo that Sarah posted of Rowan.” She glanced accusingly at Sarah then laughed. “I also know no harm was really done. Gabe said Rowan has trained really well recently, and he and Rafe both think he'll win. Especially because Rafe found a new jockey from downstate who's been working out with Rowan for the past week.”

“No kidding?” Olivia beamed.

“Yeah, a girl!” Liz continued. “All the better jockeys are off to Florida or California for the Graded Stakes competitions for the Kentucky Derby. There's just nobody available. But Gabe said Rafe was determined to find somebody who could put Rowan through his paces.”

Olivia tried to squash the jealousy that reared up inside her without warning. What did it matter that Rafe had hired a female jockey?

Suddenly, Olivia couldn't wait to see Rowan. She'd promised herself she wouldn't bother Rafe before the race, but there was still an hour and a half until Rowan's big event. Her gaze lingered on the horse barn.

“Hey,” Olivia interrupted Liz and Maddie, who were still talking about the jockey. “I have to get this camera to the judges and get them set up. Where should I meet you all for lunch?”

“Nate said there's a great pulled-pork sandwich stand near the Tilt-A-Whirl. We'll meet you there.” She looked at her watch. “How about one o'clock?”

“Great,” Olivia said. “I'll see you then.”

When Olivia was halfway to the horse barn, she turned back to see her friends duck into the bingo tent. She smiled to herself, hoping Sarah was just meeting Mrs. Beabots. Olivia didn't want to think all her married friends were into playing boring bingo for recreation.

Olivia entered the barn expecting to see Rafe, Gabe, Nate, Mica or all four. Owners and trainers were leading horses toward the back door, which led to an exercise track, but there was no sign of any Barzonnis.

She went down the aisle, admiring the Thoroughbreds. Though she wasn't a horse expert, she'd seen enough races with her father to know that these horses were older than three or four years. She passed a beautiful chestnut horse with a black mane who was young and every bit as muscular as Rowan. Instantly, she realized this was the horse to beat.

The thought had barely crossed her mind when she heard a familiar whinny. Two stalls down was Rowan. He was leaning over the door, trying to get her attention.

She rushed toward him. “You remembered me!” she said enthusiastically, and as always, with no thought to consequences, she threw her arms around his neck, put her cheek against his face and hugged him. “I can't believe how much I missed you.”

Rowan curled his neck around her, bringing her closer to his chest.

Olivia was stunned when tears stung her eyes. How was it possible that Rowan remembered her after only one encounter? She knew she would never forget him, and not just because his photo had caused Rafe so much frustration. Though human and horse, their hearts had touched.

She stroked his snout. “You look amazing. Rafe was right. He saw the potential in you before you'd reached it. He's really good for you.” She kissed his nose. “I'd tell you that I wish you luck, but I don't think you need luck. You're a winner. I guess I saw that in your eyes that first time we met. The thing is, I've always been afraid of races. Well, not actually the part you do. But the way racing affects human beings.” She didn't know why she was confessing all of this to an animal, but she couldn't stop the words from spilling out. “Not all humans are good people. Sad to say, I knew one who was just about the worst you could imagine.”

She pulled back and held his head in both her hands. “But you don't need to hear any of that right now. All you need to do is think about running like the wind. I would love to see you running across those fields out there. Not just on a racetrack.”

She stroked his neck and hugged him again. “This will be my first time seeing you run, and I'm looking forward to that. When you win, everyone will be taking your picture. This time Rafe can't yell at me for doing what a thousand people out here will be doing, too.”

“You're right, I can't,” Rafe said.

Olivia nearly jumped out of her skin. “Darn it, Rafe, you did it again!” She whirled on him. “I swear I am going to get a cowbell to put on you.”

He laughed. “Sorry. I learned how to do that when I was a kid. How else was I supposed to steal Mom's cookies and biscotti?”

“Are you trying to scare me? Is that how you get your kicks?”

“No. But I confess to eavesdropping.”

“Oh.”

“Look, Olivia. I owe
you
an apology this time. I was pretty rough on you, and I shouldn't have been. This has all...” His voice faltered.

Olivia reached out and touched his arm. “You don't have to say it. I know. It's okay. I'm sorry, too.”

He swallowed hard. “Forgiven, then?”

“Yes.”

“And we can move on?”

She hesitated. Move on to what? Did he want more from her? His apology told her that he had been thinking about her over the past weeks. He hadn't forgotten her. That was something. “Move on. Yes.” She smiled.

“Good,” he said, taking her hand and holding it gently. He placed both their palms on Rowan's neck. “I think he missed you, too.”

Too?

Had Rafe actually said that? She had to be hearing things. She'd convinced herself that Rafe considered her a pest, if he even thought of her at all. But he'd said
too
. Suddenly, she felt lighter and happier than she'd felt in weeks.

“So,” Rafe said. “You see how lean he looks? He's really come into his own these past weeks. Curt has been working him constantly and it's paid off.”

“I heard you got a jockey.”

“Who told you that?”

“Uh, Liz said you hired someone from downstate. A woman.”

Rafe threw his head back and laughed. “Jenny is sixteen. She's a junior jockey and all I could get. But she's only eighty-nine pounds and has been riding since she was two. She's not good enough for a Graded Stakes races, but for this—” he gestured in the direction of the track “—she'll do fine.”

Sixteen. What was the matter with her? How could Olivia feel jealous or threatened when she and Rafe barely had any relationship at all?

Olivia feigned humor the best she could, smiling too broadly and laughing a bit too loud. “Ha! Just goes to show how rumors get started. Especially in a small town.”

“Rumors are like that anywhere, Olivia. Especially with the internet.”

Olivia winced. Point taken.

Rafe put his hand on her shoulder. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean that how it sounded. Please don't take it personally. I meant it when I said we should move on.”