Fatty Patty (A James Bay Novel) (26 page)

He shakes his head. “A couple of guys that work for me bowl in a league and I sponsor their team. But that’s the extent of my expertise.”

I hang his coat in the closet. I don’t want to go bowling. I’ll make a fool of myself. What if I trip? What if I fall? What if I end up doing something stupid and everyone laughs?

“I’ve never been bowling in my life…”

One look at the doubtful look on Sam’s face and I give myself a mental kick in the butt. I promised I’d be happy with whatever he came up with.

“Bowling it is.” I suck in a deep breath and give him a big smile. “At least I’m dressed for it.” My best pair of jeans and the new silk blouse Priscilla gave me for Christmas… plus Nick’s brooch, twinkling on the collar.

“You look great,” he says, trailing me into the living room. “Then again, you always look great.”

“Thanks.” I perch on the couch. There’s nothing better than a man paying you a compliment, especially when you know it’s true. My new diet is paying off royally. “I’ve lost a few pounds.”

He sinks down beside me, drops a large sack on the floor. “I don’t understand why you’re trying to lose weight. You look perfect to me.”

“Flatterer,” I say with a breezy laugh, though I do feel nearly perfect tonight. My jeans are looser around the waist than the last time I wore them. Another few weeks and I’ll be shopping for something smaller.

Now, if only I could convince Sam to lose some of those extra pounds. He’d look better, he’d feel better, he’d…

No.
Sam’s weight is none of my business. I promised not to harp and as he so bluntly reminded me once, I am not his food police. Sam could care less how he looks, but sooner or later, it will catch up with him. He’ll have jowls, a double chin, and a belly to match. If only he’d let me help him, things would be different. But there’s nothing between us and there never will be. Not with his attitude. The last thing I need is an overweight boyfriend. I’ve got my own problems to deal with. The two of us are friends and that’s the way it’s going to stay. Sam and I will be friends. Very good friends.

“How was Arizona? Did you have a nice vacation?”

He stuffs a pillow behind his back. “It’s always great spending time with Eileen and her family.”

“Did Gywnnie like the earrings?”

“She loved them.” A wide smile cuts across his face. “And so did her mother. Now I know what to get Eileen for her birthday next year. Thanks again for helping me pick them out.”

“Glad to be of service.” I eye the bulky sack at his feet. “Looks like Santa did some Christmas shopping.”

“We didn’t get a chance to exchange gifts before I left.” He bends over and hauls out a large box adorned with a huge red bow. “This is for Priscilla. Is she home?”

“Dr. Brown picked her up about an hour ago.” I eye the package. “What is it?”

“You’ll have to wait and see.” He slides her gift across the floor toward the Christmas tree. “She can open it tomorrow.”

“Come on, Sam, that box is much too big to keep a secret. What’s in it?”

“I think you should wait.”

The odd look on his face definitely has my curiosity aroused. “Please?”

He wavers another moment, then sighs. “It’s a turkey platter.”

I suck in a deep breath. “You mean, like Mama’s turkey platter? The one they didn’t have in stock? The one I couldn’t afford?”

He nods. “I had them special order it.”

I sink into the pillows and stare at the box. That turkey platter cost three hundred dollars. Sam spent more on Priscilla than the entire amount I spent on my holiday shopping this year. It was hard, stretching the money, but Sam insisted I stick to a budget and somehow I managed. And this was the first year I didn’t go into debt. Still, three hundred dollars is a lot of money. Two weeks worth of groceries. Two months of utility payments. One turkey platter.

Or a glittering apple brooch. How much did that cost?

“Guess I felt a little guilty, knowing you would have bought it if it not for that budget I put you on.” His eyebrows bunch together in a tight line. “You’re not mad I bought it for her, are you?”

“Why would I be mad?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t want you thinking I was trying to take over.” He throws me an uneasy glance. “And I didn’t want you thinking I was trying to replace a family heirloom. Because I wasn’t. That kind of thing is beyond money. And… well, I’m not family.”

How can I fault him? Somehow he knew how bad I felt not being able to make things right with Priscilla. He knew I couldn’t afford to buy it, so he bought it instead. I swallow over the lump in my throat. Sam’s a big guy… but when it comes to size, the biggest part of him is his heart.

“Priscilla will be thrilled. She already thinks you’re the sweetest man in the world. Besides Dr. Brown, that is.”

“But what about Patty? What does she think?”

Something about the husky tone in his voice sets off faint alarms in my head. “I think Dr. Brown is very sweet, too.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” His gaze never wavers. The shimmering glow of the Christmas tree lights are reflected in the warmth of his soft brown eyes—searching, questioning, waiting for me to answer.

Waiting for something I can’t give him.

The last thing I want to do is hurt him. But it can’t be. It just can’t. Somehow I manage to find a voice. “You don’t want to hear what I think.”

“Yes I do.” He leans across the couch and catches my hand. “I thought about you the whole time I was in Arizona, Patty. Why wouldn’t I want to hear what you think?”

“You want to know what I think?” My heart pounds and I tug my hand out of his. “I think you should open your Christmas present.” I scramble off the couch, grab his gift from under the tree. “Merry Christmas, Sam.”

He shakes the box with a questioning smile. “It doesn’t feel like a turkey platter.”

“Open it.” I sink to the floor, sit cross-legged directly in front of him. It’s a good spot. It’s safe.

He rips through the ribbons and paper and pulls out the purple swim fins. His face lights up as he turns them over in his hands. “Just what I wanted. How did you know?”

“I have my sources.” A girl has to have some secrets. That pimply faced lifeguard turned out to be good for something, at least.

“I have a present for you, too.” He sets the fins aside and reaches for the shopping bag. His hand fumbles deep inside. Finally he draws out a not-too-small box. “Merry Christmas, Patty.”

“Thank you.” The odd little smile on his face has me puzzled and a little nervous. It doesn’t take me long to unwrap the present. I find another box inside, distinctly smaller than the first. I put the second box in my lap and undo the paper, lift the lid and peer inside to see yet a third box. A small, familiar, blue velvet box—the kind that comes from a jewelry store.

“Aren’t you going to open it?” he finally asks.

How can I say
no
? I’ve already got a pretty good idea what’s inside. My fingers shake and my heart pounds as I snap open the lid and peek inside. Just as I suspected, nestled inside the velvet box is the necklace from the jewelry store. The necklace I talked Sam out of buying for Gwynnie. The necklace I told him was the type of thing a man bought for his girlfriend. Or his wife.

I stare at the diamond. It sparkles and gleams in the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. I snap the lid shut.

“You don’t like it?”

“Of course I do. It’s beautiful. I love it.” I close my eyes, but I can’t close out the flat hurt in his voice. “Any woman would love it. But I can’t keep it.” I fumble with the box, the ribbons, force them into his hands. “Please take it back. It’s much too expensive.”

“That turkey platter I gave Priscilla didn’t come cheap,” he replies.

“That’s different and you know it.”

“Different how?” His low voice holds a challenge.

But we both know what’s at stake. No matter what the price, there’s a big difference between a piece of china and a diamond necklace. Priscilla’s gift was a sweet sentimental gesture, but there’s no mistaking Sam’s intention in giving me this necklace.

“Just try it on.” He snaps the lid open and pulls the shimmering rope from its mount. The diamond twirls and sparkles at the end of the glittering chain. “I’ll do the clasp.”

“What would be the point? I can’t keep it.”

His eyes narrow. “It’s yours, Patty. I bought it for you and I’m not taking it back.” He leans over and lifts my hair before I can stop him. His fingers graze the back of my neck and I catch my breath as he fastens the clasp on the thin gold chain. I shouldn’t let him do this. It’s wrong. I can’t keep it. I shouldn’t keep it. The weight of the chain sinks against my blouse and the diamond nestles between my breasts.

Too late. I should have stopped him before it was too late.

I finger the pendant. “I don’t deserve this.”

“You deserve the world, Patty, and I’d buy it for you, if I could. But for now, you’ll have to settle for this necklace.”

I should take it off and give it back to him right now. I’m crazy to keep it. I don’t want to lead him on. It’s not fair to Sam. It will only cause trouble.

“Listen, I know what you’re thinking. And you’re right.” His voice drops even lower. “You’re a gorgeous redhead with a knock ’em dead figure and a personality to match. You wow people everywhere you go. You’ve wowed me from day one. Don’t you get it, Patty? I think you’re perfect. Absolutely perfect.”

I choke out a laugh. “Me, perfect? I think you need glasses.”

“I’m not joking.” His eyes are solemn, his voice sober. “I’ve never felt like this about a girl.”

I finger the diamond resting lightly on my silk blouse. I’m afraid to meet his eyes, afraid of what I’ll see. “I’m no girl, Sam. I’m thirty years old.”

“And I’m older than you. Are you calling me an old man?”

“No,” I say softly. Sam doesn’t look any older than me. Men are lucky like that. Older men with grey hair and chiseled chins come off looking distinguished and handsome, while a woman gains wrinkles, varicose veins, and sags in all the wrong places. Weight is the great equalizer. Man or woman, when you’re overweight, every inch, every pound, matters. And someday, Sam won’t look like me. He refuses to do anything about the way he looks.

He won’t sag. He’ll only get bigger.

I finger his necklace, stare at the Christmas tree. There were a few holes gaping through the branches when Priscilla and I first put it up. But once the lights were strung, the ornaments hung, and the tinsel added, the tree took on a life of its own. Why can’t people be the same? A little ornamentation, a little cosmetic tinsel here and there, and anyone can light up like a Christmas tree.

Anyone but Sam. He’ll never change.

I hate myself for thinking it. I hate that I’ve sunk so low, that I could be so shallow and cruel. I know the truth better than anyone. It shouldn’t matter how Sam looks or how I look or how anyone looks. But I also know another truth: that while it shouldn’t matter… it
does
. Just like that competition for Teacher of the Year. If I’d taken better care of myself, prided myself more on how I looked, I might have won last year or even the year before that. Like it or not, people do judge you on the way you look. And if that’s the case, then I’m doing my best to take care of myself, to fix what’s wrong inside. Doesn’t Sam see that? Why can’t he do the same? Doesn’t he realize how important it is?

To him? To me?

“I’ll be forty years old in a couple years,” he says. “It’s taken me a long time to learn some things about myself. Some of them, I’ve learned in just the past few months. And here’s the most important thing of all.”

He leans across the couch and catches my hand in his. “Everything makes sense when I’m with you. It’s worth getting up every day, knowing there’s a chance we’ll talk on the phone. When I wake up Friday mornings, I always feel great. That’s because I know I’ll be with you at dinner. You’ve changed everything, Patty. You make it all worthwhile.”

My face burns, the skin on the back of my neck prickles, and suddenly I want to snatch my hand away. What if he says the L-word? What will I do? I’ll never forgive myself for hurting him. I want him and I hate it, and I hate him for putting us in this predicament…

“You’re the one I’ve been waiting for, Patty. I knew it almost from the minute we met. And how I feel inside…” He beats his fist lightly against his chest “…this is where you’ve changed me. Don’t ask me to hide the way I feel, because I can’t. Not when it comes to you. I can’t and I won’t. I’m not that kind of guy.”

“Sam, I—”

“Keep the necklace, Patty. No strings attached, I promise. It’s a gift, a simple Christmas gift, from my heart to yours.”

I suck in a deep breath. Who would have guessed such a big, bulky man could be such a hopeless romantic?

“Thank you, Sam.” I brush his lips with a soft kiss. A mere thank-you kiss. His breath tastes like mint, fresh and cool as he kisses me back. I close my eyes and somehow I’m suddenly in his arms. His wool sweater is scratchy against my skin but it doesn’t matter.
Pull away
, my head urges, but my heart keeps me in his arms. How can something that feels this good be so wrong? He pulls me closer. The living room is quiet, the darkness lit only by the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. Nothing seems to matter. I feel myself let go. I could lose myself tonight here in his arms, exploring the silken folds of his mouth, the dart of his tongue playing against my own. His lips press against my neck and I tilt my head back against the pillows.

So much better than bowling.

“Wait. Stop.” He sits up, abruptly pushes me aside.

“What’s wrong?” My heart pounds against my chest as I stare at him.
Just when everything was going so right…

Sam blows hard, stands, his face hidden in the shadows. “I think it’s time we got going.”

“But I thought…” I ignore the hand he offers, stare at him confusedly. Doesn’t he want me? Because I want him. And I’m willing to throw everything aside, all caution to the wind. I’ll do anything to quench this desire he’s ignited. “I thought you wanted—”

“What I want and what I’m going to do are two different things,” he says. “And right now, I think it’s best if we go. Before either one of us gets carried away and does something we’ll regret.”