Fat Vampire 6: Survival of the Fattest (26 page)

“I have flaws?”

“Many of them,” she said.
 

They had a few minutes left before the sun rose. Neither was in a rush to start the first of several very long days, operating for at least a while on the humans’ schedule. Reginald had already blanked humanity’s collective memories through the connection Claire’s turning had made possible — all but Lafontaine and a few dozen hand-picked strategists, anyway — and today millions of people would wake up and invent their own stories for their current situations that didn’t involve vampires. Those stories, although thought up by millions of individual minds, would form a strangely coherent tapestry — almost as if the whole big lie had been coordinated through blood.

Nikki reached up and unbuttoned the top button on her shirt. Reginald rolled up his cuffs. But still they sat, both wanting to wait as long as they could to go inside. The pre-sunrise dawn was too beautiful to leave. It felt like the first sunrise the world had ever seen. And in a way, it was.
 

“So are you going to do it? Take over the presidency?”
 

“I don’t want to be president.”
 

“You can’t be thinking of letting Walker do it.”
 

“No way. Besides, he’s busy. He’s off having as much sex as possible. He found a group of sorority girls who were all turned at once, but who are still giggly.”
 

“Who will lead, then?” Nikki asked.

“Why is that my problem?”
 

“Because you’re the Chosen One.”
 

He shook his head. “Not anymore. Now I’m just really, really,
reeeeeally
smart. And also someone you wouldn’t want to play in Trivial Pursuit.” Then, when Nikki didn’t stop staring at him, he said, “I was thinking maybe Brian could do it.”
 

Nikki nodded. The entire Vampire Nation, now that VNN had suddenly and inexplicably become pro-Reginald, was already starting to look to the former misfit for direction. The world’s vampires had been beaten up pretty badly, and it would take some convincing to not lose their collective cool and strike back at the now-glamoured humans. But the blood farms had been liberated, and the truth — for every vampire alive — was that they would need to start learning to hunt, feed, and then make the humans forget that they existed. There would be plenty of hiccups along the way, and someone needed to call the shots. Brian was used to politics, and Reginald was used to being an advisor. It would work out somehow.

“Was that it with the angel, then?” said Nikki after they’d sat in silence for a while. “He just told you that the Ring of Fire was a farce, but that you’d done well as a Chosen One?”

“He also called me a fatass.”
 

“What an asshole.” She kept her cheek against his chest, enjoying the moment. It was getting warm. Reginald couldn’t speak for Nikki, but the moment was perfect enough that he was almost willing to risk burns to keep it from ending.
 

“I think he was suggesting that I claim the title, seeing as people are going to say and think it anyway. Like how gay people claimed ‘queer’ and took away its sting.”
 

“Interesting. Who knew angels were so morally responsible?”
 

“Maurice calls me ‘fatass’ too,” he said.
 

Nikki pulled her head away from Reginald’s chest and looked into his face. His use of the present tense had thrown her.
“Calls?”

“In my blood.” He tapped his head. “In here.”
 

“Oh.”
 

“But I did ask Balestro about that, after he insulted me. I said, ‘The memories you let me see, in my blood — are they just memories? Or are they something more?’ But he didn’t answer with an answer. He answered with a question.”
 

“What was the question?”
 

“He said, ‘What’s the difference?'"

Nikki looked like she was about to respond, but instead she laid her head back on Reginald’s shoulder.
 

Sometime later, they started to blister, so they walked inside. They pulled the shutters, sealed the cracks, and turned on the lights. The world became as it had always been: four walls and two people. Inside, with the shutters drawn, today could be yesterday, could be the day before. The rebellion could be in full swing, the war could be on, or they could be back in Reginald’s old house in Columbus, waiting for the day to end and another night shift to begin. Back when Nikki was human. Back when Claire was just a little girl.
 

“You’ve got a call with Lafontaine in two hours. So what now?” said Nikki. “Should we sleep?”
 

Reginald shook his head.
 

“Should we check to see if Fangbook is still up?”
 

Again, Reginald shook his head.
 

She looked at him, a playful expression on her face. “What should we do, then?”
 

Reginald took her hand. His blood ran in her veins and her blood ran in his. They were two halves of the same whole, and below the top layer of consciousness, they were barely distinguishable. She blinked, and he saw the blink in his own eyes. Then he blinked, and watched as she jumped, having seen it in hers. Then he closed his eyes as they eased onto the couch, both of them becoming more mind than being, more blood than body.
 

As the room faded and the internal world began to surround them, he said, “Let’s go for a walk together, and see who we can find along the way.”

S
O
W
HAT
'
S
N
EXT
?

IT SUCKS FINISHING A SERIES, doesn’t it? Reginald’s journey (as I wrote it, anyway) is now complete, but there’s plenty more great stuff to read.
And you can get that great stuff FREE.
 

Just go here go get your next read for free:
http://realmandsands.com/free/

I recommend
The Beam
if you’re into science fiction and/or thrillers, or
Unicorn Western
if you like stuff that’s really, really epic… and has the same basic serious/funny vibe as
Fat Vampire.
But hey, it’s ALL good stuff!

Thanks so much for reading!

A
BOUT
THE
A
UTHOR

JOHNNY B. TRUANT
IS AN author, blogger, and podcaster who, like the Ramones, was long denied induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame despite having a large cult following. He makes his online home at JohnnyBTruant.com and is the author of the
Fat Vampire
series and
The Bialy Pimps
, as well as co-authoring the
Unicorn Western
series with Sean Platt.
You can find a complete list of Johnny’s books here
.
 

Johnny, Sean Platt, and David Wright host two podcasts -- the Self Publishing Podcast and Better Off Undead -- both of which are available in the usual podcast places.

Johnny is also the kind of person who writes his bio in the third person.

You can connect with Johnny/me on Twitter at
@JohnnyBTruant
, and you should totally send Johnny/me an
email
if the mood strikes you.
 

Also, if you liked the book you just read, I would REALLY, REALLY, REALLY appreciate if you’d leave me a review.
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