FanGirl (25 page)

“Try the beginning?”

“I don’t know where that is? When I first knew? When I first hid it? My first showmance? The lies? The boyfriends I lost? This stuff between me and you? There are a lot of places we can start.” He looks at his watch and drops to the floor. He starts in on a series of push-ups. God forbid he skip a workout to deal with life or something.

“So, you’re gay.”

He huffs out a “Yeah.”

“You don’t have a secret girlfriend. Is James your boyfriend?”

“Ex.”

“Oh.” Well, that’s a surprise. But still, there has to be someone behind all the phone calls and texts. “You do have a boyfriend, though, right?”

He stops and gets off the ground and wipes his face and arms with a towel. “Do. Did. I don’t know. He’s not talking to me right now. I slipped up big time last night. I had no idea James was even in town and I threw you under the bus. I know better — it was stupid. I mean, those girls didn’t see anything incriminating. All I did was meet a friend, but James is recognizable in the industry and people know he’s gay. He supports a lot of causes and stuff.”

“I don’t understand then? Why keep this a secret? Why not come out like he has?”

“That’s the Catch-22 of Hollywood. No one in the industry cares. It’s the most liberal environment ever, but you’re selling movies and TV shows to families and kids and middle America. They don’t want to know this. And teenage girls want to think they have a chance with Andrew Xavier from
Drew’s House
! They don’t want me. They want the characters I play and those characters are straight.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

He shrugs and drinks from his bottle again. “Maybe, but it’s true. Derek’s freaking out right now — he’s in total damage control mode. You may want to find someone to help you through this. I won’t lie to you Ruby, he’ll try to ruin you.”

“Me? What did I do?”

“You associated with me. I’m sorry, I’ll do what I can and, if you’re lucky, he’ll leave you out of it. But, Derek will do whatever it takes to keep this movie rolling smoothly and keep my career on track.”

“Why do you allow him to call the shots on this? You don’t have to let him push you into a corner.” I’m furious. “Have you ever thought about admitting it? Telling everyone or even showing up with a guy one day?”

He laughs. “More times than you would believe. It’s not possible.”

“Of course it is. Like you said, James doesn’t hide. I can tell you a dozen other celebrities that are gay.”

“James has a crappy acting career. Sure he models — no one cares about models, it’s almost expected, but he’s struggled to find acting jobs. And those other celebrities you’re talking about — most of them waited until they were older and established in the industry. Maybe one day.”

I pick up Andrew’s hand. Even though I’m still angry for him, I’m not angry at him.

“Tell me about him.”

The sadness in his eyes fades and they light up at my question. “He’s great. From my hometown – that was true. We grew up together and even though I moved and went into acting, we always remained close. He gets it. He knows why I hide this, but situations like this hurt him. It’s one thing for him to see me out with a girl, someone like you. He knows that’s not real. But seeing me with James, that’s different. No one wants to see their boyfriend hanging around with an ex.”

“No, I guess not. Although for an ex, James is pretty awesome. I wish I could say the same about my choices.” He wraps his sweaty arm around my shoulder.

“Guys suck.”

“They do,” I agree. “What happens now?”

“I predict our break-up will make the rounds by Monday.”

“Don’t let Derek screw me.”

“I’ll do my best. Promise.” He gives me another sweaty hug.

“Gross,” I say, pushing him off of me. “I’m just glad the reason our kiss had so little chemistry isn’t my fault. I was worried for a minute.”

“Nah, I take responsibility for that one.”

We walk to the door. “Just one thing,” I say. “If you ever decide to go public, you have my support.”

“Thanks, babe. Maybe one day. Right now, I’m hoping he’ll forgive me.”

“Me, too.”

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Alexkickszass

#superpower truth detector

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Alexkickszass

#superpower transporting back in time

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Alexkickszass

#superpower psychic castration

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(Direct Message) Gabrielsinferno

@alexkickszass meet me at Fake Fort/45 min.

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g

Chapter 17

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Q
ueenAlex

@z.net Did Ruby really cheat on Andrew?

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Wootyeahboys

@QueenAlex for the last time. Andrew is gay.

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Wyattsbabe

@z.net Blah blah blah RubyXAndrew #forever

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Hatchetlover

@z.net I knew they would ruin this movie. I don’t want a PRomance. I want Zombies.

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Zombieprincess

I wonder how the
Zocopalypse
franchise feels about all this drama following them around.

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Wootyeahboys

I heard Andrew was caught out with James Anderson. #hothothot

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Andrewspants

@Wootyeahboys Haven’t you heard? Unless Andrew is kissing me then I don’t care.

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WyattluvsAlex

@z.net I knew it was a disaster to cast an unknown as Alex. #famewhore

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Z.net

Zocopalypse
filming ends this week! We’re sad it went by so fast but we can’t wait to see it on TV!

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Gabe’s standing in the middle of a war zone. It’s a strange sight. He looks unreal among the human and zombie bodies scattered on the ground. The baseball hat on his head and the vibrant blues and reds in the flannel shirt he has tied around his waist look out of place. Too alive? The red in the fabric clashes against the fake, dark red on the wounds. I wonder what Alex will look like here, dirty and bloody from battle. Will Wyatt still be larger than life? Designed to look like the entryway of the command center at Fort Benning, everything feels formal and imposing, yet compromised. I have no idea if this is realistic or not to the actual setting, but it does resemble the imagery in the novels.

“Got your message,” I say.

“Thanks for coming.”

“I’m not sure why I’m here. I’m still pissed, you know.”

He nods. “I know.”

The anger over Wyatt and Alexandra boils back to the surface, but I’m also tired. This thing with Andrew and Iris has completely exhausted me. I barely have any energy to fight over this anymore. “What do you want?”

“I wanted to go over some stuff and, I don’t know, apologize?”

“Did you rewrite the novel? Put Alex and Wyatt back together?”

“No.”

“Apology not accepted.” I see a notebook in his hands and a pencil tucked under his hat. “Another list?”

He looks at the book and frowns. “Something like that. I want to make sure we don’t forget anything important.”

“Well, even though I kind of hate you right now, it does look great — just like I imagined.”

“God, I hope so. I’ve been stressing over this scene for months.”

“I mean, it’s not exactly like the books, but the feeling is still there. I think it works.”

He walks across the room, away from me. He grabs a body off the floor and drags it over a couple feet. “Better?” he asks. He nudges it a couple inches to the left, then the right.

“You’re obsessing.”

He stops. “I’m obsessing.”

“Maybe that should be one of your superhero traits.”

“Maybe,” he says, walking back to me and tossing his notebook on a table, “it already is. How do you think I managed to get this made into a TV show in the first place?”

I raise an eyebrow. “How do you think I managed to get a part in this movie?”

“Together, we can rule the world.” He rubs his hands together evilly.

“One obsession at a time.”

We’re smiling at each other, but I make myself stop because even though this ease between us feels right, I’m not ready to let it go. Not yet.

“Speaking of obsessing, will you do me a favor?” he asks.

“I don’t know. The last time I did you a favor, you broke my heart and were a ruining-ruiner.”

“A ruining-ruiner?” He rolls his eyes and fights a smile.

“Yes.”

“Hear me out, okay?” He pulls a rolled up script out of his back pocket. “We’ve been working on some changes. Well, I have since you and I talked. Or argued,” he admits.

I take the booklet from him. I have a similar one at home, but this one is filled with scribbles and marked out lines. It’s a scene close to the end between Alex and Cole. When I first read the script, I was surprised it was included. The scene seemed trivial in my opinion. Now, knowing what I know happens in the later issues, I appreciate the importance. Foreshadowing, I guess.

“I’d love to hear the part out loud to see if it works.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” I look around the set. “You want to do it right here?”

“Here’s fine. We don’t need to act it out — it’s just a reading.”

I scan the page and point to the first line in the scene. “Starting here?”

He nods and unfolds his own set of papers.

Alexandra and Cole stand in the entryway of the command center at Fort Benning. Wyatt and Chloe are around the side of the building, checking other entrances. They both suspect they will have to get through the main, large wooden door to get inside.

Alexandra:
What’s going to happen when we get in there?

Cole:
I think we move to the next step for us. Whatever that may be. We can’t wander around forever.

Alexandra:
I know I can’t. I’m exhausted. I feel like I’ve been running for days — weeks.

Cole:
You need answers. I need closure. We’re all searching for something — hopefully this will push us in the right direction.

Alexandra:
What if what we find inside is worse than out there?

Cole looks around at the mangled bodies on the ground, the spent ammo and destroyed property.

Cole:
I can’t imagine anything worse than this. My father had faith in this country. I do too.

Alexandra:
At least you have something. Faith would be great right about now.

She shakes the knobs on the door, rattling them to see if they will budge. Twice she kicks the wooden surface with her boot. Cole grabs her by the shoulders and stops her.

Cole:
You aren’t alone, Alex.

Alexandra:
How can you say that?

Cole:
How can you say you are?

Alexandra:
I may go in there and find the answers I’m looking for, but it won’t bring anyone back. So even then, I’m stuck. You have your sister and a father to find. My parents are dead. I shot my mother in the brain. Wyatt’s on his mystery mission that involves none of us. I’ve got nothing.

Cole slings his gun over his shoulder and takes a step toward Alexandra.

“Wait,” I say, skimming ahead. But Gabe’s still acting. Before I can react, he has one hand on my neck and the other on my waist. His script drops to the floor and, when I look up, his eyes are on my mouth and I notice how clear they are — and intense. So intense. Gabe’s looking at me with intensity and I know that look. I know it. I close my eyes and ignore the warning in my chest.

I let him kiss me.

It’s a little sloppy and kind of rushed and his fingers pull at my hair. Urgency wells in my stomach and it stirs something deep inside, an unexpected warmth. Not the sterile, orchestrated kiss between me and Andrew. Gabe’s kiss is perfect, electric, but not real. Alarmed, I break away and step backwards.

This is Cole. Not Gabe. Cole. I’m Alex, not Ruby.

“Um…”

“Keep reading,” Gabe prompts. He picks his script off the floor and flips to the right page. My hands shake as I find the correct line.