Fang: A Maximum Ride Novel (21 page)

I can see it in Max’s eyes—we’re going to last about as long in Vacationland as we did in Max School.

Surprise! Life isn’t Las Vegas. Or Disney World. For us bird kids, maybe it’s more like Death Valley.

Fly on,

Fang

ForDylan.doc

Dylan,

I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone more than I hate you. Maybe evil scientists. But they don’t count. The way I feel about you is different. I can’t control it. I don’t care that you’re a testtube mutant and can’t help it. I don’t care if you’re the nicest and smartest dude in the universe and can sing better than Bono. I want Max to be mine. You have no right to touch her. I don’t care how the wack-job whitecoats programmed you. I’ve been by her side practically since the day she was born.

But I can’t be around. My anger toward you is getting in the way. Clouding my decisions. I don’t know what is the right thing to do. And this thing with Max … it’s a thing with you too.

FanQs.doc

Yo,

I have no choice but to respond to this. Why? Because it ‘s funny. Never underestimate the power of funny. It moves mountains.

From Jess:

FANG.

I’ve commented your blog with my questions for THREE YEARS. You answer other people’s STUPID questions but not MINE. YOU REALLY ASKED FOR IT, BUDDY. I’m just gonna comment with this until you answer at least one of my questions.

DO YOU HAVE A JAMAICAN ACCENT?

No, mon.

DO YOU MOLT?

Gross.

WHAT’S YOUR STAR SIGN?

Don’t know. “Angel, what’s my star sign?” She says Scorpio.

HAVE YOU TOLD JEB I LOVE HIM YET?

No.

DOES NOT HAVING A POWER MAKE YOU ANGRY?

Well, that’s not really true….

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THE SOUL JA BOY?

Can you see me doing the Soulja Boy?

DOES IGGY KNOW HOW TO DO THE SOUL JA BOY?

Gazzy does.

DO YOU USE HAIR PRODUCTS?

No. Again, no.

DO YOU USE PRODUCTS ON YOUR FEATHERS?

I don’t know that they make bird kid feather products yet.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?

There are a bunch.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SONG?

I don’t have favorites. They’re too polarizing.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?

Max, when she showers.

DO THESE QUESTIONS MAKE YOU ANGRY?

Not really.

IF I CAME UP TO YOU IN A STREET AND HUGGED YOU, WOULD YOU KILL ME?

You might get kicked. But I’m used to people wanting me dead, so.

DO YOU SECRETLY WANT TO BE HUGGED?

Doesn’t everybody?

ARE YOU GOING EMO ’CAUSE ANGEL IS STEALING EVERYONE’S POWERS (INCLUDING YOURS)?

Not the emo thing again.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

Anything hot and delicious and brought to me by Iggy.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING?

Three eggs, over easy. Bacon. More bacon. Toast.

DID YOU EVEN HAVE BREAKFAST THIS MORNING?

See above.

DID YOU DIE INSIDE WHEN MAX CHOSE ARI OVER YOU?

Dudes don’t die inside.

DO YOU LIKE MAX?

Duh.

DO YOU LIKE ME?

I think you’re funny.

DOES IGGY LIKE ME?

Sure.

DO YOU WRITE DEPRESSING POETRY?

No.

IS IT ABOUT MAX?

Ahh. No.

IS IT ABOUT ARI?

Why do you assume I write depressing poetry?

IS IT ABOUT JEB?

Ahh.

ARE YOU GOING TO BLOCK THIS COMMENT?

Clearly, no.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

A Dirty Projectors T-shirt. Jeans.

DO YOU WEAR BOXERS OR BRIEFS?

No freaking comment.

DO YOU FIND THIS COMMENT PERSONAL?

Could I not find that comment personal?

DO YOU WEAR SUNGL ASSES?

Yes, cheap ones.

DO YOU WEAR YOUR SUNGL ASSES AT NIGHT?