Famous (Famous #1) (36 page)

“Or, maybe she just loves you more.” Jeanne reached for my hand and gave it a little squeeze.

“Seeing her in that much pain and knowing it’s because of me, it tears my heart out,” I said quietly. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told her how I felt.”

“You don’t cause her pain, Cade. Obviously she loves you, so of course it hurts her when you leave. It’s not your fault. You know that. You’re suffering just as much as Brook is,” she said softly.

I leaned my head back on the seat. “I know.” My voice was almost a whisper. My eyes closed as my chest constricted again.

She didn’t speak for a while, but when she did, her voice was quiet. “How did it happen?” she finally asked as she turned on to the expressway.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when did you two…” She began and let her words fall off.

“Oh.” I nodded in understanding. “Hmmph.” I let out my breath and sat up at little straighter in the seat. “Um, I guess the moment we met,” I said quietly as she glanced at me and her eyes widened. “When she walked in the room at the audition, I was drawn to her immediately. Denise had shown me photos of the top five contenders for the role, but when I actually saw Brooklyn for the first time, it was like electricity shot through my entire body.” I ran a hand through my hair, and let it remain at the back of my neck for a minute while I paused, and remembered. I flushed, thinking that for a grown man to admit such weakness, especially, in this industry, might seem idiotic. There were beautiful women dripping from the walls everywhere I went.

“Continue. If you don’t mind,” Jeanne murmured.

“We had this intense connection right from the beginning. When I looked into her eyes, it was like I’d known her all my life, loved her all my life, and when our lips met the first time, I knew.” I smiled at the memory. “She was better than me. She tried harder to fight it, but we were drawn to each other, intensely attracted, just, fascinated, I suppose. I wanted to spend every minute with her,” I paused. “That hasn’t changed.”

“Really? Surely, you’ve had reactions to other actresses.” Jeanne was probing; her protectiveness about Brooklyn apparent, and I respected her more for it.

“Not like Brook.”

“That’s incredible.”

“Yeah. It’s been…” I searched for a word to do the feelings justice, but there wasn’t one. “Amazing,” I said and then took a ragged breath. “A mixture of heaven and hell, the greatest joy, such unfathomable ecstasy and yet, the most unbearable pain I’ve ever experienced in my life.”

“It’s like the book series.”

I huffed softly. I’d made the comparison myself, many times, even trying to convince myself the rush I was experiencing was just getting into character.

“When she told us that the two of you were in love, you should have seen her face. Her eyes glowed with it. Naturally, I was worried.”

I smiled through my sadness, but I nodded. “I’d convinced myself we’d never be able to be together because of her situation with David. Now that it has, it seems like a miracle. I still sometimes wonder if I’m dreaming.” I felt my mouth quirk. “All those months, dying inside when he came on location, I tried to convince myself that I’d never have her. I knew that I was torturing myself by wanting to be near her, yet I couldn’t drag myself away. I hated myself because I couldn’t stop the overpowering need for her, and part of me didn’t want to stop.”

I took out my cigarettes and paused before lighting one. “Do you mind?” I asked. When she shook her head, I continued. “The brilliant part was that she wanted to be with me, too. It was like neither of us had a choice.”

“What happened?” she asked. “That’s if you don’t mind sharing.”

“No, Jeanne, that’s okay. Being able to talk about Brook was like a balm to my aching heart.” I blew out the smoke after taking a drag on the cigarette. “We spent time with the script at first, talking about how we wanted to develop the characters. We watched movies and read the books together. Basically, we spent weeks inseparable.” Thinking back on all the time we spent together made my heart lurch in my chest.

“Martin had a very specific idea of how he wanted the characters to be played, but Brook and I disagreed with him. He wanted us to be fluffier, and such gibberish. After reading the series, we wanted to play the characters with all the pain that had to be in such an impossible relationship; two people who wanted more than anything to be together and couldn’t.”

I physically grimaced. Life was imitating art.

“Then, the utter anguish of being forgotten by the one person you live for.” I paused, swallowing. My voice was introspective when I continued. “We re-wrote every scene, rehearsed for hours in private, and argued tirelessly with the directors and producers.” I took a drag off of the cigarette. “We took a lot of grief, but Brook was like a dog with a bone and I found it incredible to watch. I sat back and watched her work Martin over until she finally got him convinced, and the movie will be so much better because of it. We made the relationship real.” I stared out the window at the passing billboards and lights as the traffic and streets passed by.

“There was like this unspoken unity between us. Like this was something we were always going to do together, and we did. Every step of the way.” I paused and took another drag. “Off set, we spent most of our time together, too. Watching movies, talking, playing music. She loved listening to me play the guitar and we fell asleep together many nights after spending the evening running lines for the next day’s shoot.” I looked at Jeanne. “We went out with the cast a lot as well, but the tension between us was bloody palpable. Everyone noticed how we gravitated toward each other and sometimes it was just easier to stay in together instead.”

She didn’t say anything so I continued, “The fact that she was still technically a minor those first months, kept me from even kissing her except in rehearsal or during filming. But as the end of the shoot came near, her birthday came, and went and I couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing her every day.” I pinched the end of the cigarette off and pushed it back into the pack, and replaced it in my jacket pocket. Jeanne was still silent as I glanced at her.

“That’s when I knew. I spent the last two weeks trying to figure out how I was going to say goodbye to the one person that I couldn’t live without.” My mouth quirked at the memory of those last weeks in Vancouver… I had been completely miserable. Lost.

Jeanne just drove and let me talk. “Every time that David would show up, I disappeared, avoiding everyone, except on set. Especially Brook. She always came to find me; then, how was I supposed to hide how bloody miserable I was? It was as if my pain, were her own. She just—” I stopped and shook my head in amazement. “She knew I needed her. Even thinking I’d never have her, knowing she cared was enough at the time.”

I let out my breath, “I know it must sound ridiculous and rather pathetic to you…” I let the words drop on a half-assed laugh. “Especially given who I am.”

“Not at all.” Jeanne put a hand on mine. “It’s beautiful, Cade, and seeing you together, I can see you’re being honest. I’m so sorry that you have the damn contract restrictions. I wish there was some way to get out of them.”

“Yeah, I’m ready to tell them to sod off. Seriously, I’d chuck it all to end this madness,” I sighed. “The money, fame, even the next film, none of it, is worth this. The pain I feel when I have to leave her fucking devastates me every time. There are no words to describe the pain.”

Jeanne pulled up to the curb at Virgin Atlantic and two of my regular bodyguards were waiting on the curb to surround me once I was out of the car. She hugged me in the car so that paps wouldn’t see her, and then be able to connect me to Brook.

“Have a safe flight, Cade. Everything will work out, honey.” She tried to reassure me, but my heart had fallen and was sitting like lead in my stomach. Sadness enveloped me.

I got out of the car, and opened the back door to get my carry on, as the guys unloaded my case from the rear hatch.

“Jeanne, I want to thank you, sincerely, for helping us have time together despite the contracts. I can’t tell you what it means. Every second we have together is like gold.”

Cameras were already flashing. I hated this shit. I leaned in the open door further, so I could talk to her without the press hearing my words, as my bodyguards stood between me and them, arms spread to keep them at bay. It was difficult because of the screaming fans and the paparazzi yelling at me for a photo op. The dark windows would help hide Jeanne’s identity from the press. Brook’s career was only starting, so that helped tamp down suspicion, but it would only be a matter of time, and I knew it. I threw my bag over my shoulder, ready to go into the terminal.

“Thanks for listening. It helped.” I patted the top of the door over the open window, after I shut it. “Take good care of her. Tell her not to forget about me.” I knew sadness was evident on my face, but I consciously changed my expression stoic and shoved on my sunglasses.

“I will, I promise,” Jeanne said. I could barely hear her amid the din, but her eyes were sympathetic. “But she knows, Cade. She knows.”

I stepped between my guys and turned amid screaming fans, flashing cameras and pushing paparazzi to go into the terminal where I would board the plane that would take me the three thousand miles to New York City and my next role. Three thousand miles away from my heart, New York to the West Coast, the same distance that separated Boston and L.A.

So, bloody ironic.

*****

After I was ushered through security and settled into my first class seat, the entire portion of the plane, reserved for my team to ensure privacy and discretion, I decided to check my phone before I turned it off for the flight. There was a message from Brooklyn.

“Mmmm,” I sighed. I was happy to see her name already on the screen, but my chest hurt uncomfortably, and I felt like my skin was crawling. I prayed, I’d get some sleep during the flight.

Seeing Brook was always completely amazing, but what followed, was pure heartbreak. Remembering her trembling in the garage as we backed out was too much for my aching heart. I pulled up her message.

I’m sorry I cried so much. I’ll try to be stronger. I love you.

My heart thudded in my chest as I felt my throat constrict.

I’ll call you when I land in New York. I love you with all my heart.

Don’t forget to remember me.

I pushed send, and then dialed Denise.

The next time Brook and I would see each other was when I came to L.A. next month for the Vanity Fair shoot and Comic Con. I decided to call my manager.

“Denise, its Cade.” I had an agent in Los Angeles and one in London.

“Hi, doll! Did you have a nice time in L.A.?”

“Yeah, it was nice to be here. I’m on the plane, waiting to taxi out.”

“Okay, well when you get to the hotel, you’ll find your press packet in your room with your itinerary, and the contact numbers for your transportation to and from events, and everything…” Filming was scheduled for Wednesday, but until then, I had two days of press junkets.

I was bored with this conversation; I already knew the drill. “Listen, Denise, I need a couple of things.”

“Sure, what can I do for you?” she asked.

“Well, who is getting photographed for Vanity Fair next month?” I asked. I was remembering what Wendy said about all of us being there, and was hoping we wouldn’t have to deal with her bullshit again.

“All of the main cast, and Noah,” she said. “Why?”

“Can you see if you can just have Brook, Noah, me and only a couple of the others? I don’t want Wendy McFarland on that shoot.”

“What’s your problem with her?” Denise asked cautiously.

“She’s been coming on to me, and frankly, I don’t want to subject Brook to that nonsense. Brook said you mentioned Wendy has a reputation for calling the paps to tip them off; she gets more publicity that way. If that’s true, just keep her away from me. I don’t want even a
rumor
getting out that she and I are seeing each other, and more importantly, I don’t need any press around if I’m going to keep my relationship with Brook a secret.”

“Yeah, I see your point. Okay, I’ll make sure she’s contained.” She laughed. “Cade, you will always have women chasing after you. Brook will need to deal with it.”

“I’m really oblivious to it, Denise. I just want some form of normalcy and will do whatever I can to keep Brook from being hurt.”

“Don’t say her name loud enough for anyone to hear Cade! Good God! You have to be
so
careful.” She paused when I didn’t say anything.
Bloody hell, now I can’t even talk about her in an empty airplane compartment?

“Speaking of Brook, did you get to spend any time with her after the photo shoot? Jeanne said she was going to work it out, but I never heard.” Even though she was my manager, Denise had also become a close friend.

“Yeah, Jeanne has been great. We only had the one night. But um, it was… incredible, wonderful. It’s leaving that kills me, you know?” I closed my eyes.