Family Secrets (8 page)

NOW

That was the moment I decided I wanted to be a labor and delivery nurse. 

I sacrificed a lot over the next few years – mostly sleep because I did all my course work while my baby was asleep.  Then she had to go to daycare from a young age so I could do my practical work.  I knew it would be worth it in the end when I would be able to build a life for us and give her everything she deserves.  I knew if I didn’t take the plunge immediately, I’d probably put it off for the rest of my life. 

Now, it has all paid off.  I’ve got a good job, we’ve got a nice house, and Elody’s got good friends at daycare.  She starts school soon, and that will begin another chapter.  The only lingering doubt in my mind revolves around Brock.

In a perfect world, he would be involved in Elody’s life.  But given the circumstances surrounding this entire issue, it doesn’t seem possible at all for me to allow that to happen.  Telling him about her would mean everything I have fought for the past five years would all fall apart.  Not only that, the thing that plays on my mind most heavily is something my mother said to me all those years ago when I was leaving.  She said that telling Brock about the baby would ruin his career.  That isn’t something I would ever want to do, so that alone makes me more determined to keep this secret from him.

NOW

BROCK

“Martin, I need you to find out everything you can on Cassidy Delaney.”

“Yes, sir.”

I click off my phone and chew the end of my pen.  She’s definitely hiding something.  Something big.  Since she won’t be forthcoming with it on her own, I have had to take matters in to my own hands. 

Pressing my intercom, I ask my secretary to bring my lunch in and cancel my afternoon meetings. 

I walk over to my window and look out over the city, wondering which direction she lives in, whether she is home.  She is most likely at work today.  Delivering babies, now that isn’t something I ever saw her doing.  I’m not sure what I expected, but that definitely wasn’t it.  She’s happy though, that much is evident.  The light shines from within when she speaks about her job.

“Mr. Mason, your lunch.”

“Thank you, Prue.”  She sets a tray down and leaves the room.  As I eat my roast beef and horseradish on a rye roll, I contemplate the fact that maybe Cassi just doesn’t want me in her life. Full stop.  I dismiss the idea as soon as it presents itself.  Surely I can’t be the only one who feels this connection.  It has always been there.  From the moment I first saw her, I knew there was
something
drawing me to her.  Back then, though, I was young and stupid, thinking with my dick, and I didn’t know how to handle things.  Now,
now
, I know better.  Now I know a man doesn’t let a good woman like her get away. 

I’m not going to let her get away again.

There’s a knock on my door, and Martin pokes his head in. 

“Sir, I have that file.”  Martin enters my office when I nod and drops a manila envelope on my desk.

“Thank you, Martin.”  He leaves as quickly and as quietly as he entered.

I discard my trash from lunch and then open the folder.  Everything is there right in front of me, in black and white.

Her full name, birth date, social security number, health insurance details, address, tax file number.  I come across the details for her child and the paperwork tells me she has one daughter who turns five this coming weekend. 
She had her at a young age.
  Besides the child, I see nothing that jumps out at me that would cause her to give off the secretive vibe I have been feeling.  I knew about her child, they told us in that dating show.

Fuck!  The dating show.
  I push the paperwork aside and call through to Prue, asking her to get the producer of the show on the line.  I need to find out their intentions.  Plus, they called me earlier today to gain a statement from me, but I was in a meeting.

“I have Henry Chapman on the line,” Prue’s voice comes through.

“Thank you.

“Henry Chapman, Brock Mason.”

“Brock, good to hear from you.  We wanted to get a statement from you regarding the filming last week.”

“What are your intentions with the show, Henry?” I ask, cutting straight to the chase. 

“We’ll still be airing it, however, we’ll end with statements from both you and Miss Delaney.  Given the nature of the segment you filmed, I’m not sure it fit in with our regular program scheduling, so it may be aired at a later date.  However, I can’t confirm for certain as yet.”

“Has Miss Delaney given her statement?”

“Yes, she has.  She was very accommodating, albeit embarrassed.”

“I’m sure she was,” I murmur, not like Cassidy feeling embarrassed one bit.

I give him a brief statement saying I wish Cassidy all the best in her future, and it was an honor to be part of the show.  He seems happy with that, and I end the call soon after.

As the day ends, I still can’t figure out the secret Cassidy is hiding. 
Maybe I’m misreading the situation.
  There is a first for everything, right?

NOW

“Pizza for dinner?”

“Yes, please!” Elody agrees excitedly. 

I’ve just finished my last shift for the week, and the last thing I feel like doing is cooking.  So pizza it is. 

“Are you excited about tomorrow?” I ask her as we drive home, the car smelling like delicious cheese pizza.

It’s Elody’s fifth birthday tomorrow, and I’ve organized a party at her favorite playhouse café with a bunch of her friends.

“Yes!  I’m so excited, mommy.  I can’t wait.”

“Good.  Let’s get this pizza inside and have a girls’ night.”

“Yay.  Can we paint our nails?” she asks, clapping.

“Of course!”

The rest of the night passes by in a blur of pizza, nail polish,
Sleeping Beauty
, and finally Rocky Road ice cream.

*~*

“Elody, move it along!  You’re going to be late to your own party.”

“I’m the birthday girl.  I have to make an entrance,” she says, strutting down the hall with a hot pink feather boa draped around her neck.

“What are you wearing?” I ask through a giggle.

“My party outfit.” She plants her hands on her hips and strikes a pose.

“Fabulous.  Are you ready now?”

“I think so.”  She adjusts the lilac, quilted, rhinestone-decorated, handbag on her shoulder and slides her feet into a pair of sparkly plastic heels.

“Out to the car, then.”  I lock up behind her and we make our way to the playhouse café.

Once we arrive at the café, Elody runs off with her friends and I order coffees for the parents of Elody’s guests. 

“How was the birthday girl’s morning?” Renee asks.

I roll my eyes.  “Busy.  She was up at five, and still couldn’t manage to arrive on time to her own party.”

Renee laughs.  “Typical.”

The party lasts for around two hours, and after a bite to eat and a slice of birthday cake, it is time for us all to go home.  The kids are exhausted from playing on the equipment nonstop, not to mention they’re hyped up from all the sugar they have consumed. 
Not a good mix.
  Thank god I only have one child.

Elody climbs into the car and she’s half asleep before I can even close the door.  I load her gifts in and pay the staff for the party.  After waving goodbye to our guests and watching them drive off, it’s time for us to head home.

Just as I’m about to open my car door to climb inside, I fumble with my phone and it leaves my fingers.  I try to catch it before it hits the ground, but instead, I drop my purse as well, sending everything crashing to the ground.  The contents of my purse spill out everywhere and my phone is in three pieces on the tarmac. 

Dammit.

I bend down and start gathering my belongings together, when a pair of sneaker-covered feet stop in front of me.  He crouches down as I look up and I swear to god, I almost faint.

“Brock, what are you doing here?” I gasp. 

Shit
. 
Elody.
  Thankfully, my car windows are tinted very dark, so I know he can’t see inside.

“Out running.  What are you doing here?”

“Oh, um, I had a thing inside,” I say vaguely, waving my hand about.  He picks up the pieces of my phone and replaces the battery before snapping the back into the place.

“You’ve got a cracked screen,” he tells me, handing me the phone.

I sigh.  That phone is only six months old.  “Dammit.”  With everything back in my purse, we both stand.

“Thanks so much for your help.  Have a good run.”

“No problem.”

Just when I think I’ve gotten off scot-free and he is going to leave, like in slow motion, the back window, right where we are standing, begins to roll down.  We both turn to look and I’m frozen in place as Elody’s sleepy face comes into view.

“Mommy?”  Her voice is husky from tiredness.  “Is he your prince?” she asks innocently.

Kill me now.

I gape, like a fish out of water, as I flounder for something to reply.

My eyes stay trained on Elody, but I hear the pained sound that comes from beside me.

“Roll your window up, baby.  I won’t be a minute.”

Woodenly, I turn to face Brock, afraid of what I will see in his eyes.  My world feels like it has just come crashing down around me and now I’m faced with sifting through the emotional rubble that remains.  One look at his face confirms my fears.

Everything just got fucked up.

“Cassidy,” he whispers in disbelief.  “What’s going on?”

“I have to go.”  I go to rush past him, but he grips my arm near my elbow to halt me.

“No fucking way,” he says tightly.  “You are not leaving before you explain.”

“Brock,” I attempt.

“Explain, Cassidy.  Right
fucking
now.”  His tone is deceptively quiet, but the fury radiating from him is unmistakable.

“Maybe we should do this another time?”

“Maybe you should just quit the fucking shit and start explaining,” he fires back.

“Not with my child right there,” I growl.  Yes, growl.  Very unladylike, and my mother would have a conniption fit if she heard me doing it, but I’m a mother. 
Don’t corner a bear
.

“Fine.  Tonight.”

“No.  We have plans.  I can meet you tomorrow afternoon at three.” 

“Done.  I’ll text you where.  You better have a fucking good explanation for this, Cassidy.”  With one lingering, longing gaze at the back window of my car, he turns and jogs off.

My shoulders sag in relief as he disappears around a bend.  “Fuck,” I whisper to myself. 
“Shit.”

Taking a deep breath, I square my shoulders and slide into the driver’s seat.  Looking over my shoulder, I see Elody passed out in her booster seat.  Her eyes are softly closed, her lips taking on that adorable pout, and her face the picture of contented, birthday-girl bliss.  My girl had a great day. 
The best.
  I smile, even though it’s a sad smile, then we drive home.

*~*

I didn’t get any sleep last night.  None at all.  Actually, that’s a lie; I may have gotten forty-five minutes at three am.  But that’s it.  The rest of the time, I have been wide-awake, unable to switch my mind off.  Unable to stop the nervous energy that is circulating through my system.  Unable to tame the rapid beating of my heart as I contemplate this meeting with Brock.

I tap my fingers on the wooden table to an anxious rhythm as I wait for Brock to arrive.  Elody is at her friend’s house for a few hours.  They’re going to watch the new Barbie movie, apparently. 

Brock walks in the door and my breath catches in my throat.  He is wearing a pair of dark denim jeans with a red polo shirt.  His hair looks damp, like he’s just got out of the shower. 
He looks good.
  Too good. 
Damn him.

With a determined glint in his eye, he strides across the café to me and takes the seat across from where I’m sitting.

“Cassidy,” he greets formally.  Is it wrong I kind of miss him calling me Cassi?

“Good afternoon, Brock,” I say quietly.  “How has your day been?” I ask.

“Cut the shit, Cassidy.  I don’t want to hear any bullshit small talk.  Cut to the chase,” he demands.  It’s then I notice the way his knuckles have turned white as he clenches his hand tight in a fist. 
Shit.

“Okay, then.  Um, how…what…” I don’t know what to say or where to begin, so I flounder about, unable to form a sentence.

“How about you start with the fact that yesterday I saw a little girl who looks just like me, yet I had no knowledge she even existed until that moment.  Explain
why
you would do that.  All night I came up with scenarios in my mind as to why you would do such a thing, but nothing I can think of makes any sense.  So, start fucking talking.”

“I’ll explain everything to you, but don’t come in here and give me attitude,” I tell him, surprising myself with my boldness.  He looks slightly taken aback, but then his eyes narrow.

“I suggest you keep your mouth in check, Cassidy.  Or, I’ll do it for you,” he threatens, and from the gleam in his eyes I know I would enjoy his punishment just as much, if not more, than he would.

I straighten my shoulders.

“Five years ago, I discovered I was pregnant.  I was a frightened teenager with big dreams and no ideas.  I was given an ultimatum and I took the best option presented to me.  That means you’ve missed out on a lot, and for that I apologize.  However, I won’t apologize for the decisions I made that led me to this point.  I won’t apologize for having my child, for leaving, and for raising her.  The alternative is as incomprehensible to me now as it was then.”

“Why didn’t you come to me?  I might have been a kid myself, but I wouldn’t have abandoned you, Cassidy.  Do you really think I’m that much of an asshole, that I would kick you out on your ass?”

“God no,” I gasp.  “No, I don’t believe you would have done that.  I wasn’t given that option though, Brock.  You have to understand,” I plead.  “I was young, incredibly naïve, and scared out of my ever-loving mind.  I could either get rid of the baby and continue on with my life as I knew it.  Or, I could leave and never return. I was advised not to tell you because it would ruin the career that was planned out for you.  I didn’t want to jeopardize anything you had been working toward.”  I admit the last line softly.

“I can’t even fucking believe this shit, Cassidy.”  He slams his fists down on the table, causing me to jump.  Then he roars, “
Fuck!”

This is bad.

“You kept my kid from me,” he says. I think he’s talking to himself, so I don’t reply.  “How could you, Cassidy?  Did you ever think how that might feel for me?”

“Honestly?  Yes, I did.  But, the main thing I thought about was building a life – a
good
life – for my child.”

“You don’t think I would have provided that for you both?”

“It’s not a matter of if you would have, Brock.  It’s a matter of you wouldn’t have been given the opportunity.  I did the best I could, given the choices I had – which wasn’t many.”

He stays silent for a long time.  His head is dropped down, his eyes closed, his hand clasped together, outstretched in front of him on the table.  I stay quiet as well, unsure of what to say, hesitant to do anything.

Finally, he looks up at me.

“What’s her name?” he rasps.

“Elody Jade Delaney.”

“She just turned five?”

I nod.  “Yes.  Yesterday.”

“Does she go to school?”

“She goes to daycare.  She starts school next month.”

“I want to meet her.”

“Brock,” I start, shaking my head.

“Do
not
deny me of this, Cassidy.”  His tone is warning.

“I wasn’t going to deny you.  But I do want to take this slow.  It’s a very sensitive situation and it’s important to go through this one step at a time.”

“I realize that, however, I’ve had enough time stolen from me and I don’t wish to waste any more.”

“I can appreciate that,” I concede.

“Tomorrow?” he asks hopefully.

“I’m working.”  At the defeated look that comes across his face, I continue.  “But, I can take a few hours off and we can meet for coffee.  Say around two-thirty?”

“That sounds good to me.”

We both stand to leave, and that’s when I reach out and touch his arm.  Ignoring the frizzle of energy that’s crackling between our touching bodies, I look into his beautiful eyes.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, Brock.  I’m sorry you lost time with Elody, and I’m sorry you have missed out on so much of her life.”

“I get that you felt you didn’t have a choice.  I wish you had come to me back then, regardless.  But, there is no point worrying about that now.  We have to look forward.”

“I know.  I just wanted to you to hear my apology.”

~*~

I want work to drag on today, but of course it doesn’t.  We have three deliveries, one of them difficult, where the woman has to be rushed off for an emergency caesarian.  As a result of being run off my feet all day, time passes quickly and before I know it, it’s time to pick Elody up from daycare and take her to meet Brock. 

I wasn’t sure how to handle things, so I haven’t mentioned it to her yet.  Part of me was concerned Brock would cancel and then I would be the one letting Elody down when I told her the meeting was off.  At least, that is what I tell myself.  If I am honest, I am just absolutely, down to my bones, petrified and unsure of how to broach the subject or what to say.