Family Pieces (41 page)

“Can I see?” Brad asked sitting down beside her.

“No. You can’t.” Hanna replied, opening her eyes. She straightened up and crossed her legs Indian style. He looked adorable in a blue and green striped golf shirt, khaki pants and cap. Hanna had always loved the way men looked in ball caps. Perhaps that was why she had dated half of the university’s baseball team.

“It’s not like this is a wedding,” he said.

“No, but it’s more fun as a surprise. Trust me, you’ll like them.” Hanna leaned over and pecked him on the cheek.

“I’ll go hang these upstairs. I’ve got to pee like a racehorse anyway.” Karsen headed toward the staircase. Addison carried the packages she held into the kitchen.

Finding a moment alone, Brad reached his hand behind Hanna’s neck and pulled her face toward his.

“I missed you,” he said quietly, his voice heavy, craving her touch. The fingers of his free hand tucked her hair behind her ear and lingered, cradling her face. His warm lips brushed the corner of her mouth then slowly covered hers.

Lost in each other, they didn’t hear Addison return. She stared, momentarily frozen, her face flushed with embarrassment as the two kissed. She quickly fled back around the corner. She pressed her head against the wall and closed her eyes trying to make heads or tails of her emotions. Was it jealousy? Sadness? There was a pure, uncomplicated nature to their relationship that she had never known. She’d never allowed herself to. She’d never given over to trust, and without trust she’d never truly allowed herself to love. The hurt she’d tried avidly to protect herself from for so many years had finally found her. The pain was relentless. Her heart hurt with an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. The reality of the fire had not fully set in yet.
What would she do if the business couldn’t recover? She had nothing.
She pushed the thought out of her head.

“AAAHHH!” A scream came from upstairs.

“AAAHHH! Hanna! AAAHHHH!” Karsen shrieked again, this time even louder.

Addison sprinted up the stairs, while Brad and Hanna jumped off the couch and immediately followed close on her heels. They stood, breathless, outside the bathroom door.

“Karsen, are you okay?” Hanna banged on the door.

Karsen unlocked the door and opened it a crack.

“Hanna, come in here,” she sobbed, concealing herself behind the door.

Hanna turned and gently pushed Brad back. Her hand lingered over his chest. “Give us a minute,” she whispered. Her eyes met his and he understood. Addison took Brad’s arm as Hanna squeezed through the opening and closed the door behind her.

Karsen was squatting against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest. Hanna knelt beside her. She could see terror in Karsen’s eyes.

“There’s blood,” Karsen sniveled. “I’m bleeding. The baby…”

Dumbstruck, Hanna thought for a moment.

“How bad is it?”

“I don’t know. It’s not heavy, but I don’t think it’s normal. You’re not supposed to bleed when you’re pregnant, right? Oh God, Hanna. What do I do?”

“Does it hurt?”

“No, a little crampy maybe, I don’t know. What’s any of this supposed to feel like?” She looked at Hanna. She was tired of hurting, tired of crying. Her eyes pleaded for answers. “I’m scared.”

“I know.” Hanna wrapped her arms around her shoulders and held her. “I know. Let’s get you to a doctor.”

28

T
wenty minutes ticked by as Karsen, Hanna, Brad and Addison sat in the plush waiting room that resembled more of an upscale spa than a medical office. A faint vanilla scent filled the air. The office differed greatly from the bleak free-clinic waiting area filled with brochures on STDs and pregnancy options on the campus back in Tempe. The only brochure here was on three-dimensional ultrasounds that allowed parents to view and gather photos of their unborn children. The atmosphere made family life seem uncomplicated, as Karsen had once thought it was.

She curled her legs underneath her on the chair, leaned her arms onto the arm of the chair and buried her head into them. She felt for the charm around her neck and pressed it against her heart.
Please let my baby be okay,
she prayed, trying to stay calm.

Brad thumbed through a magazine on motherhood, baffled by the arsenal of products advertised for babies.

“What’s this?” he asked Hanna in a quiet voice, pointing to a picture of two clear, plastic cones with handles attached to bottles.

“It’s a breast pump,” Hanna whispered. Brad burst out laughing.

“SHHH!” Hanna raised her finger to her lips like a mother would to hush a child.

“Does it make them bigger?” He raised his eyebrows curiously.

“No!”

“Too bad.”

“It’s for pumping milk.”

“Like milking a cow? Moooo.”

“Hush!” She elbowed him in his rib.

“Ouch!” He pulled away. “That hurt. Can you kiss it?”

“No. You don’t get kisses for injuries you deserve.”

“Oh, come on. You never know when I might need to know about these things.”

Hanna’s eyes gleamed. Was he insinuating that he might need to know these things if they had children together someday? She had never been one to daydream about romantic futures, but everything about him captivated her. She reached over and wove her fingers into his.

A petite, blond girl in blue scrubs appeared in the doorway. “Karsen Woods?” she called in a light, wispy voice. Addison reached over and helped her to her feet. “I’ll go with you, if that’s okay?” she asked.

Karsen nodded.

When they entered the exam room, the nurse instructed Karsen to undress and handed her a paper sheet to drape over her legs. As she did, Addison glanced through a pamphlet to give her some privacy. When she was settled, Addison came and stood beside the table. She rested the palm of her hand on Karsen’s forehead, like a mother feeling for a temperature.

“You should have told me.” she said, her expression concerned.

“I didn’t want you to think I came to find you for a handout,” Karsen said apologetically.

“What makes you think I would have thought that?”

Karsen shrugged. She felt as though every decision she’d made recently, even with the best of intentions, had turned out horribly wrong. “Besides, before I came to New York, I’d decided I wasn’t going to have the baby. But…”

Karsen felt ashamed. The last thing she wanted to admit to Addison was that she intended to terminate the pregnancy.

“Oh,” Addison said a bit confused.

“…but now, I don’t know. I see you and the life you have and imagine if my mom hadn’t had you. That’s why I had to come here. I had to meet you, talk to you. And now that I have, I don’t think I could not have this baby. Even if I put it up for adoption, isn’t their life worth living? The thought of losing this baby…”

Addison squeezed her newfound sister’s hand. She finally understood Karsen’s urgency for wanting to meet her. She had a choice to make. Now, no matter what she decided, Addison felt she had to live with it, too.

“Why don’t we see what the doctor has to say? There’s no need to worry until then.”

The minutes crept past as they waited. Karsen fidgeted, flipping restlessly through an issue of
Home & Gardens
. Addison sat, legs crossed staring blankly at a “Stages of Pregnancy” chart on the wall. In forty-eight hours her life had turned upside down. She wanted to help Karsen, but how? Only yesterday she felt as though she had all the answers, the omnipotent author of her own destiny. She had never imagined the powerlessness she felt now.

There was a light knock on the door.

“Hi, Karsen. I’m Dr. Gallegos,” she introduced herself as she entered the room and approached Karsen. “How are you doing?” she asked, flipping through Karsen’s file.

“I don’t know.”

Dr. Gallegos smiled reassuringly, then turned to greet Addison.

“Hello, Addy. It’s good to see you.” Clearly, the two women knew each other, although Dr. Gallegos didn’t pry as to what Addison’s connection to Karsen was.

“You, too, Olivia,” Addison said. “Thank you for squeezing us in.”

The doctor set the file on the counter and focused her attention back to Karsen.

“Karsen, I’m assuming since Addison is in the room you want her here, correct?”

“Yes.”

“All right then, lay back, please. So you’re experiencing some cramping and bleeding, correct?”

“Yes,” replied Karsen, as she reclined per doctor’s orders.

“Is the bleeding heavy or light?”

“Light, I guess? Sorry, I’m a bit nervous. I don’t really know what is considered light or not.”

Dr. Gallegos squeezed her hand.

“It’s okay. Try to relax. Anxiety will only stress the fetus more, okay?” Karsen appreciated that she seemed truly concerned, not as if she was sending her through the system like another no-name patient.

“Your chart said you should be coming up on twelve weeks, correct?” Dr. Gallegos pressed gently on Karsen’s abdomen, feeling for the size of her uterus.

“I believe so.”

“Has anything unusual happened recently? Have you had intercourse? Any strenuous activity, or under any undue stress?”

“Stress...” Karsen glanced at Addison. “Definitely stress.”

“Sometimes stress can cause spotting to occur. From what I can feel, everything appears on track. However, I would recommend we do an ultrasound just to take a look. We have one here so you won’t have to go anywhere else.”

“All right,” Karsen agreed apprehensively.

Dr. Gallegos pulled a cart holding the sonogram machine closer to the bed. Another monitor was mounted on the wall so Karsen could watch. Karsen lifted her shirt exposing her bare belly.

“Oh, that’s warm!” she giggled nervously.

The glob of clear jelly smeared across her skin as Dr. Gallegos guided the wand around searching for the fetus. The doctor smiled, “Yes, we warm the bottle. It’s much more pleasant than ice cold jelly.”

“Breathe, Karsen,” Addison reminded her.

Karsen tried to relax, but she couldn’t. If she miscarried, the decision no longer would be hers. Maybe it would even be for the best, but why then was she desperately and suddenly hoping to see a heartbeat among the fuzzy black and white image on the screen? She turned to Addison.