Family Pieces (27 page)

“Karsen. I know you don’t believe this, but you are the strongest person I know. I’m not saying you have to have the baby. I’m not saying you have to keep the baby. If you follow your heart, you’ll make the right decision. But, you have to make your decision based on facts. And the facts are that you would be, will be, a wonderful mother whether now or ten years from now. If there is a way to make it work, you will; if it’s not the right time, I’ll go to the clinic and help you through. Understand? You tell me when you’re sure.”

Karsen nodded, trying not to melt down completely in public. She sniffled and wiped the edge of her eye with an index finger. She scanned the area and was relieved to see no one took much notice of their unusual interaction.

“The Karsen I know does not give up,” Hanna said assuredly. Her head tilted down but her eyes held Karsen’s gaze. “And you do have a support system. You have Brad, your dad, and you always have me. I think I’d make a pretty good aunt.” She released her hands and saw Karsen give the tiniest smirk.

Karsen raised the back of her hand against her nose to blot another sniffle. “Hanna?”

“Yeah?”

Karsen exhaled heavily. “Do you think my mom could have had a secret like this? I mean, something she didn’t share with anyone but her best friend?”

“I don’t know.” Hanna blinked twice contemplating what she knew of Karsen’s mother. “Maybe. Why?”

“When I was home, I followed your advice. I found the jeweler that my mom used to make the charms. Except, he said that he made four pieces. If it’s true, then my mom had another one made that she didn’t tell me about.”

“Did you tell Brad?”

“No. He’s been preoccupied lately.”

“Oops. Sorry,” Hanna interrupted knowing, at the very least, she was one source of preoccupation.

“I keep telling myself it’s nothing and to just drop it. Not like I don’t have enough to worry about.” She swiped her hair behind her ear. “But, there is this feeling in the pit of my stomach, you know? My gut just can’t let it go.”

“Did the jeweler give you any indication of who she made it for? He obviously knows you.”

“Not really, except that it was made 18 years ago. He also mentioned she had a boyfriend, although I can’t imagine her making one for just a boyfriend. Unless, it was serious… I couldn’t think of where to look next. Until now.”

“Why’s that? What are you thinking?” Hanna asked.

“If we have this secret, maybe she confided in someone, too.”

“Maybe. Do you remember anyone she mentioned? Anyone she kept in touch with from her high school? Anyone who’d know who she dated?”

Hanna slurped the last drop from her straw.

“The only person I can think of is a friend she used to e-mail. She lives in upstate New York, I think. I’ve seen pictures of her, but I don’t remember seeing her at the funeral. Actually, I wonder if she even knows. I thought my dad had contacted everyone, but maybe he thought we called her. How could we miss one of her closest friends?”

“Did anyone check your mom’s e-mail after the accident?”

Karsen fiddled with her straw, turning it in circles between her fingers. “Not that I know of. I didn’t even think about it. I honestly couldn’t think about much of anything those first few days.”

“Well, maybe it’s time we take a look-see. Can’t hurt, right?”

Karsen shrugged sheepishly.

“K, I know you well enough to know you’re not going to let this rest until you get some answers. Come on, let’s go. We have some hacking to do.”

19

T
he girls returned to Karsen’s apartment and booted up the laptop. Karsen impatiently tapped her foot as the search engine connected to the Internet. She knew her mom kept a free e-mail account. She clicked on the “Mail” tab and entered the front half of her mom’s old e-mail address into the box.

“I think that was her user name.”

“Do you know her password?”

“No, but I know what she liked. She wasn’t all that computer savvy, so I’m guessing it’s nothing too complex.”

Karsen thought for a moment and then typed in the dog’s name: Belle.

Invalid Password.

“Shit,” Hanna and Karsen chimed simultaneously.

Karsen typed again. This time she keyed in Lilies.

Invalid Password.

“Hmmm.” Karsen thought, then typed a third time: Lilies17.

“How did you come up with that?” asked Hanna.

“Her favorite flower and favorite number.”

Welcome Katherine!

“Ah!” Karsen pointed her finger at the screen. She didn’t know what to think about what she’d just done. Right or wrong, she was staring at her mom’s e-mail account.

“Seriously?” Hanna’s eyes popped wide open in disbelief. “That’s almost scary how easy it was for you to get in.”

“I know. And it’s not almost scary, it is scary.” Karsen sat back against her chair. She was staring into her mother’s private e-mail. The sudden urge to curl back into bed and shut out the world fled through her, realizing the life her mother left behind.

“You okay, K?”

“Yeah, sorry.” She fought to hold back the tears ready to pour out like rain from her eyes. She focused on the screen. There were 271 messages in her mother’s inbox.

“Holy crap. Over two hundred messages?” Hanna gasped.

Karsen scanned down the first page. “It looks like most of the messages are just spam. She probably didn’t know how to set it up to filter.”

Karsen clicked checks in the boxes to the left of any item that looked illegitimate. Coupons from several stores marketing online, numerous work-from-home offers, and a few offers for enlarging her penis.

“Got to love spam.” Karsen shook her head and hit delete.

There were fifteen messages left that appeared valid. Karsen felt like she was snooping behind her mother’s back. She didn’t want to intentionally invade her mom’s privacy. One e-mail had been from her. She grimaced realizing her mother never received it. All the little monotonies of daily life, her mom would never do again. Just like that. One moment here, the next gone. Like most young adults, Karsen had an unintentional invincibility complex. That, yes, death occurs but later in life. Not while you are still making plans. Her mother’s death had made her contemplate her own mortality and that scared her. Not so much the fear of dying, but on missing out on the future.

She scanned down the subject lines. There were two messages from her father and a few from Brad. Additionally, Karsen noted three jokes and two apparent ‘real’ messages forwarded from the same e-mail address:
[email protected]
. The subject line of the first message read “Photos from the Bahamas.” Karsen clicked and the message popped opened.

“That’s her,” confirmed Karsen, as Hanna read over her shoulder.

Karsen opened the first photo. A slightly overweight woman in her late fifties was dressed in a conservative black one-piece swimsuit covered by a black sarong with tropical blue flowers. The view in the background was so perfect Karsen pictured the image being artificially enhanced like they are in magazines. The water glistened a pure crystal blue with the sunset a perfect orange hue.

She closed the message and opened the next. The subject line read “HHEEELLLOOO?”

The weight hit Karsen like a brick. Her fears were confirmed. Meg didn’t know. She thought about how hurt she’d felt when she’d been told the news. She knew Meg would be crushed. Her mom and Meg had been friends for decades. She turned to Hanna, feeling a sudden pang of fear. The idea had seemed novel, but it hadn’t occurred to her that they’d actually be able to hack in, or that they’d actually have to contact her mom’s friend and break her heart.

“What do I do?” Karsen looked helplessly at Hanna. Her stomach began to churn.

“I don’t know. Do you know her phone number? Or even her last name?”

“Crawford. I feel bad calling her. It’s been months. Shit. Shit. Shit.” She fidgeted with the mouse. “Do you think I should really call her?”

Hanna looked at her confused. “What do you mean?”

“I mean hacking into e-mail is illegal. What if I get in trouble?”

“You’re not going to get in trouble. I think you’re being paranoid. You have to call her, K. It’s only your mom’s email. Who’s going to care and if anything happens, I’ll take the blame,” offered Hanna.

Karsen sat up and curled her leg underneath her in the chair. “Really?”

“Of course. I’m sure Meg would rather hear the news from you, and you need answers. If they’re out there, then we need to try to find them.”

Karsen nodded. She’d never let Hanna take any blame, but she also knew she needed to find the truth. She opened a new window in the browser. Typing
www.yellowpages.com
, she did a search for Margaret Crawford in New York. One record appeared. Taking a deep breath, she nervously dialed the phone.

“We’re sorry. You’ve reached a number that is no longer in service.”

“Figures,” she said annoyed, slumping into her chair. “Everyone’s number is unlisted nowadays.”

Hanna hugged her from behind. Karsen reached up, grabbed her arms, which were crisscrossed in front of her and held them while she decided her next move. After a few moments she straightened up, returned to Meg’s last message and hit reply.

Her finger floated hesitantly over the “Send” key.

“She’s going to know this isn’t my mom,” Karsen muttered miserably.

“Maybe. But, you can’t e-mail her that her best friend died. What if …” Hanna stopped herself mid-sentence. She couldn’t bring herself to say the words.

“What if…?”

“What if something happened to one of us? Would you want to find out I died via e-mail?”

Karsen inhaled then blew out a long breath, puffing out her cheeks. She felt utterly disheartened. “Why do you always have to be right?” She clicked send.

“What do we do now?” Hanna asked.

Karsen folded her hands into a prayer position and pressed them against her lips.

“We wait.”