Family Magic (19 page)

“If you promise to try,” she said, “I will
too.”

“What do I have to do?” I asked.

“Study, practice, practice some more,” she
answered. “And for once, trust us.”

“I do trust you,” I said, while the little
voice in my head screamed, “LIAR!!!”

She must have heard it because she made a
face.

“Syd, one of the things your father and I
love the most about you is your independence. We raised you and
your sister to think for yourselves, to make your own decisions,
take your own chances. I tried to give you the life I never had the
opportunity to experience. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right
thing, but no matter what, everything we did, I did, was to help
you grow and be a better person.

“The trouble is, we’ve given you so much
freedom, you don’t trust our judgment anymore, don’t think we
understand. But we do, Syd,” she leaned closer, taking my hands in
hers. “And the things we don’t get, we want to understand. But you
have to let us in so we can. We want to be there for you but we
can’t if you keep slamming the door on the offer.”

I felt crappy, but not guilty, so it was a
start.

“Okay, Mom,” I said. “From now on I’ll trust
you and listen to everything you say.”

She smiled and kissed me.

“Sure you will, Syd,” she laughed. “And I’ll
never yell at you again.”

We grinned at each other. Yeah, right. The
lies we tell the ones we love.

***

Despite the family’s fears and my own
reservations, life returned to normal. We ordered pizza for supper
and hung out watching re-runs of our favorite sit-coms in our
pajamas. I felt like the pressure was off. I think the fact I made
a decision to do something proactive for myself instead of whining
about it all the time settled my mind and gave me some peace.

I didn’t get much of a chance to talk to
Uncle Frank about the previous night but I knew he already heard
about our little agreement from Mom from the thumbs up and grin he
gave me before going out with Sunny for the night.

One of those times I was going to ask him
where they went.

I was almost scared to go down to the
basement with my mother, but I went anyway.

“I’m not sure where to start,” Mom admitted,
taking a seat in the pentagram. I folded down across from her, chin
on my knees.

“That sounds encouraging.” Oh snap. But Mom
only smiled at me.

“First things first,” she said, sitting up so
straight I immediately did the same. “It’s been quite some time
since I had a look inside your power. You’ve obviously developed
past my previous examination.” Her irony wasn’t lost on me. I think
I’d been twelve or so when I let her poke around in my head for the
last time.

I held my breath then forced myself to let it
out. “Okay,” I said. “I’m ready.”

Her power reached for me, just a thin thread
at first, sliding inside my mind and connecting with my magic. My
demon squirmed away from her, as uncomfortable with this as I was,
even as the nausea rose in my gut from the wrongness of how it all
felt.

“Relax, Syd,” Mom’s voice reached me. Only
then did I realize I’d closed my eyes.

I tried, I really tried. And I knew how hard
this was for her. She’d just been through a massive ordeal herself.
Her power was soft around the edges as if she was having trouble
keeping the thread solid, her weariness an undercurrent inside her
magic.

It felt like fingers in my mind as she
allowed more power to flow. Mom was very good at this, I knew from
experience. She had a great talent for exploring and uncovering
problems in other witch’s magic. So I trusted that at least if
something was wrong, she’d find it.

My demon snarled and complained but finally
complied when Mom invaded her space. My mother eased my demon’s
anger and had her purring in moments, fed by the warmth of the
family magic.

I felt Mom glide through all of the facets of
my power, from my telekinesis to my powerful telepathy, the energy
that controlled my link to fire and the earth magic that grounded
me and fed me strength. She even uncovered air power I didn’t know
I had, and enough water connection that I could probably make waves
on a still pond without much effort. But it was my spirit energy
that shocked me the most. The white flames burned inside me,
surrounding everything.

If you learn to tap into
it
, she said in my mind,
you will never be powerless
.
It will feed you and keep you
whole even in the most terrible circumstance.
Was that a touch of envy I felt? Maybe some fear? It couldn’t
be. Mom was the powerhouse, not me.

When I felt her brush against the edge of my
discomfort and found myself squirming away.

Mom finally sighed and retreated, her power
leaving love behind as it left me.

“You’re perfectly fine,” she said. “I can’t
see anything that would prohibit you from full control of your
abilities.”

“I’m still having the same feelings,” I
admitted. “Upset stomach, dizziness. There has to be a reason.”

Mom nodded. “I might know what it is. For
some reason you and your demon have never fully integrated.”

That was news. “What do you mean?” Even my
demon was listening.

Mom shrugged. “I can’t explain it,” she said.
“I can only tell you what I felt. Whether because you decided not
to accept your magic or from a more natural cause, you aren’t able
to fully access and control your demon power.” She looked deeply
troubled. “That is the source of your lack of control and probably
the cause of your discomfort when you try to use magic.”

Something inside me disagreed but her
reasoning seemed logical so I ignored it.

“So now what?” I assumed she had a game plan.
Mom smiled, but it was a tired smile and I suddenly felt terrible
for putting her through this tonight.

“We’ll figure it out,” she said. “For now,
you’re priority is to work on building your shields. Controlling
the flow of power past them.”

Shields. I could do that. I'd been building
them my whole life. Was now an expert.

I carefully erected the walls around my mind
again while Mom observed, linking each layer of power to the next
as I’d been taught as a child. It was the only kind of magic I ever
willingly learned and the only kind that didn’t trigger my
nausea.

By the time I was done, Mom was smiling at me
with much more enthusiasm.

I guess that meant I passed.

She assured me we’d have another lesson the
next night to work on control just before kissing and hugging me
and sending me to bed.

I felt good climbing between the sheets, like
I’d finally done something right. My demon’s grumbling was fainter
now, and I understood I may have known how to build shields but
never did so with conscious determination. Focusing on it made them
stronger.

Good to know.

Even Sass settled on the comforter with a
contented sigh. Oddly for him, he was still fast asleep next to me
the when the sun woke me up.

I lay there for a little while, breathing in
the peace of the house, comfortable wrapped up in my quilt. I felt
rather than heard my sister wake up, realizing it was my power that
felt her and Mom as they stirred to face the day. I held very still
and let the magic flow around me, not fighting it, for the first
time accepting it for what it was, not really sure what changed but
more willing than I thought I would be to explore what having that
power meant.

Until the sickening feeling came back and I
had to pull away. Maybe Mom could figure it out. As for me, I just
couldn’t catch a break.

Sassafras stretched and studied me with one
huge yellow eye.

“Finally caving, are we?”

My walls snapped up and the spare pillow
slammed down. Sass leapt from the bed, hissing and spitting. He
tore for the door, fluffy tail streaking behind him. He disappeared
around the corner a second before the pillow hit the exact spot he
had been.

Smart-aleck Persian. But his comment knocked
some sense into me. It was going to be harder than that, after all.
I was not going out easy, and I was most definitely not going to
turn into my mother.

I made it to school with minutes to spare.
Funny how being less concerned about your appearance can give you
so much extra time in the morning. My locker was still clean, and
no attempts were made to trip me up or dump my books on the floor.
The looks I received weren’t nearly as friendly as they had been on
Wednesday after the whole Alison incident, but at least the
bullying stopped.

That was all I asked for.

There wasn’t even any backlash about the
whole gym thing, which surprised me more. No freak comments, no
notes with ‘weirdo’ passed in class. Nothing. Nada.

Wicked.

My whole emotional state was up all day. I
had gotten away with it, after all. See ya, bullies. So long,
retribution. Ta-ta, torture. And now that I decided to stop
fighting my mother... well, maybe things were looking up for good
old Syd after all.

One could hope.

Things were going so well, I made a mental
note to be assertive right from day one at my next school. I was
never going through this again. I did feel a little pang of regret
I snubbed the outcasts, though, but not enough to encourage them to
give it another try. I avoided Simon’s eyes when we met in the
hallway. I felt like a coward afterward.

It was for the best. At least, that’s what I
kept telling myself.

Still, it seemed kind of weird after I
thought about it for a while to be rejecting the first people who
ever attempted to make friends with me at any school I had ever
gone to.

Old habits, I guess.

When the last bell rang, I was still in a
reasonably happy mood. So much in fact, I took my time at my locker
instead of the typical hurried rush to escape the hell that had
become my life. I hung back and waited for the people next to me to
finish before trying to get in. It was a lot nicer that way, lots
of room. I decided this would be my new end of day routine.

I closed the door and turned, barely keeping
myself from running into Brad.

He held out both hands, a sweet smile on his
face. We laughed.

“Nice save,” I said.

“You too,” he replied.

“Thought you were mad at me,” I leaned
against my locker, feeling comfortable with him. Why had I ever
felt intimidated? He was a guy. A really cute guy, but geez, he was
just a person.

“Really?” He seemed
surprised. “Wow, Syd. Sorry if you had that impression. And here I
thought you were mad at
me
.”

“For what?” I asked.

“Not defending you,” he said. He blushed.

Oh yeah, right. His smart-ass friends and
their dirty mouths. Funny, it didn’t seem so important anymore.

“It’s okay,” I said, just relieved we were
cool.

“I was so angry with Alison,” he told me. “I
found out what she did to you. Because of me. I’m really sorry,
Syd.”

“Is she okay?” I asked him. “She wasn’t in
school Wednesday or yesterday.” I saw her earlier, though, but she
refused to make eye contact and hurried past me in the hall.

“Yeah,” he said. “I think she got a, what do
you call that, a rude awakening.” He grinned at me. “There are a
lot of rumors going around about you, Syd, not like I listen or
anything.” He ran one hand through his glossy hair and I was lost.
Okay, hormones still in existence. “I don’t know what you said to
her that day, but she’s been different ever since. Nice to people,
you know? Whatever it was, thanks. You’ve made everyone’s lives a
lot easier.”

I smiled back, feeling better about the whole
thing. I did something right, I guess.

“I’m glad she’s okay,” I said.

“So, I was wondering, maybe we could, you
know, go out sometime?” He seemed nervous. I wanted to laugh. Brad
Peters was nervous asking me out. Would wonders never cease?

“I’d like that,” I answered.

“Great!” He seemed relieved. He paused and
looked at me funny. “You’re different, too, aren’t you? Something’s
changed.”

“Stopped trying to be someone I’m not,” I
told him. “Does wonders.”

“I guess,” he said. “So, how about Sunday
night? At Johnny’s? Six? Or would you rather go to a movie?” He
seemed eager to make sure I approved of his plans.

“Johnny’s is fine,” I said. “Six on Sunday.
I’ll see you then.”

“Okay,” he said. “See you, Syd.”

Brad started away backwards, waving. He
almost tripped and grinned at me before turning around and walking
off.

Wow. How cool was that?

I pushed away from my locker, not even trying
to stop smiling. I was still smiling, in fact, when I left school
and continued to grin like an idiot all the way home.

Not even the smugly smirking Quaid Moromond,
watching me from his usual lurk in the halls, could kill my
mood.

I arrived at the end of my driveway to find
Alison Morgan sitting on my porch. Instant smile killer.

I stared, not caring that I stared. I glanced
around but she was alone. I approached. As I came closer, she stood
up.

“Hi, Syd,” she said.

“Hi,” I said.

“Can I talk to you?” She hugged herself. She
seemed a lot smaller than I remembered. Tiny really, petite. Why
had I been so afraid of her?

“Sure,” I said. “Want a cookie?”

She seemed startled. “Thanks.”

I walked into the kitchen with her following
behind me, wondering if it was okay to turn my back on her or if
this was just an act. Nothing sharp landed between my shoulder
blades while I fetched the cookie can and two glasses from the
cupboard, so I figured I was safe enough. I grabbed the milk from
the fridge and sat, popping open the carton before pouring.