Authors: Dianne Blacklock
âSo, what are you doing?'
âWorking, Gem,' said Charlie pointedly.
She sighed into the phone. âI'm bored.'
âMm . . .'
Gemma could hear the clicking of a keyboard. âYou're not even listening to me, Charlie.'
âSorry,' he said, and the clicking stopped. âWhat's up?'
âNothing, absolutely nothing. Nothing's up, nothing's happening. I'm bored and I'm lonely and I'm sick of myself.'
âWhy don't you go for a walk or something?'
That would do nothing to relieve the loneliness. âNever mind,' she sighed loudly. âAnyway, I'm interrupting your work . . .'
âNo, Gem, it's fine, really. What do you want to talk about?'
âIt's okay, Charlie, thanks, but I'll talk to you later.' And she hung up.
Gemma picked up the remote and muted the TV. That was a knock at the door; she thought she'd heard something. She dragged herself up off the lounge in the front room as she heard the knock again.
âComing,' she called as she struggled up the hall. She was actually waddling. This was too depressing. She'd noticed heavily pregnant women waddling like overfed ducks and had vowed she was never going to look like that. As though she had a choice in the matter.
Gemma opened the front door. âCharlie, what are you doing here?' she exclaimed, as he smiled self-consciously at her from the porch. She glanced at her watch. âShouldn't you be at work?'
He shrugged. âYou sounded so miserable on the phone, I wanted to make sure you were okay.'
Gemma's heart melted. âThat's so sweet. You really are a good friend, aren't you, Charlie?'
âAnd don't you forget it.'
She smiled. âWell, come on in, it's an exclusive club.'
He followed her into the front room. âIs that Oprah?' he said, looking at the TV screen.
Gemma nodded. âMm, today it's “Happy Hollywood Couples”.'
âThey actually found some?'
âYou'd be surprised,' she said, picking up the remote and turning it off. âIt's too depressing, though. I don't want to watch it any more.'
âHappy couples depress you?'
âAbsolutely,' she said, plonking down on the lounge. âOh, sorry, do you want a drink or something?'
âNo, no, I'm good,' said Charlie, taking one of the armchairs opposite her. âSo why do happy couples depress you, Gem?'
âWhy do you reckon? I'm never going to be part of one, Charlie. I have to get used to the idea I'll be on my own for the rest of my life.'
âThat's a little pessimistic, don't you think?'
âNot from where I'm sitting.'
âGive yourself some time, Gem. After you've had the baby, and you've got your figure back . . .'
Gemma looked across at Charlie, who was grinning widely.
âOh, thanks, kick me when I'm down.'
âNo,' he denied, âI'm just trying to cheer you up.'
âYou're doing a lousy job of it.'
âOkay, tell me why you're so down.'
âLet me count the ways . . .' Gemma shifted in the chair, wincing. âFor one thing, I can't get comfortable. Do you mind? I'm going to have to go and lie down.'
âDo you want me to go?'
âNo, please, come in and sit with me?' Gemma asked him, hauling herself up. âUnless you have somewhere you have to be?'
âI don't have to be anywhere.'
âWhy don't you have to be at work?' she asked over her shoulder as he followed her into her bedroom.
âWe finished a big job yesterday. I've been working day and night for a week, so I figure I can take an afternoon off.'
Gemma climbed onto the bed, lying down on her side. âI suppose you'd rather be doing something else on an afternoon off than sitting around here with me, moping. Will Brittany mind?'
âBrittany's at work,' he dismissed.
She patted the bed beside her. âCome on, it's safe, I won't jump you.'
Charlie considered her dubiously before planting himself at the end of the bed, facing her. âSo what's up?'
Gemma let out a deep sigh. âDo you think I'm a total waste of space as a human being, Charlie?'
He looked a little stunned. âWhat?'
âDo you think I'm a â'
âNo, don't repeat it,' he said. âWhy would you say something like that, Gem? That's an awful way to talk about yourself.'
She looked at him directly. âI've had a lot of time to think lately, Charlie, and I've had to ask myself, how many glaringly obvious signs do I need to hit me in the head and give me a wake-up call before I start facing a few home truths?'
He frowned. âI think I just got lost in that metaphor maze.'
âMy life has been made up of one bad decision after another. And for my pièce de résistance I left a great job, screwing the only chance of a career I had in the process, to follow a total loser, a man destined to abandon his unborn child. The lowest of the low, you could even say.' She paused for effect. âSo what does that say about me, Charlie?'
âThat you're a little blind, I guess.'
âYou're letting me off too easily,' said Gemma. âYou know, when I do a stocktake of the men in my past, it amounts to the greatest bunch of losers and dickheads and straight-out bastards you'd ever come across. I've always said I'm a magnet for them. But maybe I only end up with guys like that because I'm just the same, tarred with the same brush. I'm one of their kind, so that's why they're attracted to me.'
Charlie sighed. âYou're really determined to feel sorry for yourself, aren't you, Gem?'
âWell, do you blame me? Look at how I've ended up. I spend half the week in a job where the boss barely tolerates me and is obviously counting the days till I'm out of there. The other half of the week I sit around here on my own.' Gemma paused. âTruth is, I'm lonely, Charlie. I used to think I had a lot of friends, but they were all losers too. I don't want to hang around with people like that now that I'm going to have a baby.'
âYou've moved on, Gem,' said Charlie. âAnd you're in a transition stage right now. Wait till you have the baby â you can start going to mothers' groups and stuff like that. You'll meet people in the same boat.'
âBut what if they don't like me, Charlie?'
âCome on, why wouldn't they like you?'
âThis is what I was getting at before, facing some home truths,' said Gemma. âMaybe I'm just not very likeable.'
âOkay, Gem, you're bordering on pathetic now,' said Charlie.
âIt's the truth,' she insisted. âYou don't even like me enough to introduce me to your girlfriend,' she reminded him.
âThat's not because I don't like you â'
âNo, it's because I'm not “sweet”, because I'd chew her up and spit her out. I don't think I'm a very nice person.' Tears were filling her eyes. âI didn't mean to turn out like this, Charlie.'
âGem . . .' Charlie swivelled around to lie back on the bed beside her. He drew his arm around her as Gemma shifted, resting her head on his shoulder.
âWhy can't I find someone like you, Charlie?' she sniffed. âSomeone who's decent, and kind, and good.'
âYou don't go for decent guys, Gem. You go for the bad boys, the dangerous ones.'
âNot any more,' she declared. âI can't risk it. I have to think about the baby now. Do you know the statistics of men abusing the children of their partners? It's horrifying. No, the kind of guy I attract is not someone I want around my child.'
âGem, did you ever think you attract that kind of guy because you don't think you deserve any better?'
Gemma looked up at him. âIs that what you think?'
âI don't know,' Charlie shrugged. âI'm just a computer nerd â what do I know? Touchy-feely is not really my area. But it can't be good for you to be so down on yourself, Gem, especially with a baby on the way.'
âYou know what worries me the most, Charlie?' Gemma said quietly, patting her stomach. âWhat if she doesn't like me?'
âOf course she'll like you,' he chided. âYou're her mum: she'll love you.'
âThat's not guaranteed,' said Gemma. âWhat about when she
grows into a teenager, and we fight, which we will? I won't have a partner to stick up for me. You know, to say, “Don't talk to your mother like that,”' said Gemma, affecting a deep voice. âI've always thought it would be nice to have someone defend you like that.'
âYou could always try to find Luke.'
Gemma turned her head to frown at him. âWhy would I want to do that?'
He shrugged. âHe is the father.'
âHe's the sperm donor. The best thing he ever did for me was to clear off and stay out of my life.'
âWhat if the baby wants to find him when she grows up?'
âGood luck with that,' said Gemma. âShe'll have to look under a lot of rocks.'
They lay there in silence for a while, staring up at the ceiling.
âI've got a better idea: I'll just send her round to you when she plays up,' said Gemma. âYou'll defend me, won't you, Charlie?'
âOh, she'll just say, “You can't tell me what to do,”' he said in a high-pitched voice, â“you're not my father.”'
Gemma laughed lazily. She realised the black cloud had begun to lift a little. âThanks for coming over, Charlie,' she said. âLeaving work and everything.'
âNot a problem.' He glanced over at her. âActually, I was going to tell you, I might be leaving for good.'
âLeaving Bailey's?' Gemma propped herself up on one elbow and looked down at him. âWhy, what happened?'
âI've been headhunted.'
âReally?' she said, her eyes wide. âAnother agency?'
âNo, a film production company.'
âFeature films?'
He nodded, unable to keep a chuffed smile off his face. âThe MD put a good word in for me, actually. He has contacts in the industry.'
âReally?' Gemma was a little surprised. âHow does you leaving serve Bailey's interests?'
âIt doesn't. But me staying when I'm unhappy doesn't do anyone any good.'
âOh, sure, of course, you're right.' She had just been momentarily
thrown by the MD's random act of kindness. âWow, it's so great, Charlie. Are you going to take it?'
âI'm thinking about it. You know I haven't been all that happy in advertising for a while now . . .'
âI know that, so what's stopping you?'
âWell,' he said, clasping his hands behind his head, âafter they made the offer, I started looking into it, and I think I might prefer to work for myself. Then I'd really get to do what I want to do. Besides, if it works out, I know this really great production assistant who might come on board down the track. You know, maybe when her baby's a little older . . .'
Gemma took a moment to twig, then her jaw dropped all the way to the mattress. âDo you really mean it, Charlie?'
âWell, I can't promise anything,' he said. âBut you'd be the first person I'd ask, if it came to that.'
âReally?' she said, inordinately touched by his faith in her. âYou'd want me?'
âAbsolutely. We work great together, Gem. I've never worked so well with anyone else. I'd definitely want you on board, that's if you're interested.'
âInterested?' Gemma's head started buzzing. She'd have a career again, an amazing career, working alongside Charlie. It was like winning Lotto and the Melbourne Cup on the same day. âI want to know everything, you have to tell me everything,' she exclaimed. âI know, stay for dinner! Phoebe will be over later â we can celebrate.'
âNothing's definite, Gemma,' Charlie reminded her.
âI realise that,' she said. âBut it's so exciting, can't we just be excited for a while? Why don't you call Brittany and ask her to join us? I'd really like to meet her, Charlie, and I promise I'll behave myself.'
He didn't respond, and he was avoiding eye contact, staring up at the ceiling.
âCharlie?' Gemma prompted, giving him a nudge.
He finally looked at her. âWe're on a break.'
Gemma blinked. âFor how long?'
âIt's kind of . . . permanent, I guess you could say.'
âCharlie!' she exclaimed, propping herself right up to sitting. âWhy didn't you tell me?'
âI am telling you.'
âBut when did it happen? Are you all right? What's wrong with her? How could she dump you?'
âWhat makes you think she dumped me?' Charlie asked, looking steadily into her eyes.
Gemma blinked. âYou mean you did it?'
âWhy is that so hard to believe?'
She thought about it. âI just can't imagine you dumping anyone, Charlie. You're too nice.'
âI was nice about it.'
âWow,' said Gemma, dropping onto her back again. âSo what was the problem?'
Charlie shrugged. âIt just wasn't going anywhere.'
âAnd you wanted it to?'
âWell, no, or I wouldn't have broken up with her.'
Gemma frowned. âI'm confused.'
âDon't worry about it. Let's just say it wasn't meant to be.'
She turned her head on her pillow, watching him.
âWhat?' he said after a while, glancing at her.
âSo are you going to stay for dinner?'
âI suppose that means I'm cooking it?'
âNo,' she defended. âI'll cook.'
âNot if I'm staying, you won't.'
Gemma grinned, staring back up at the ceiling. âSo, what do you think of my hippo?' she asked after a while.
There was a moment's pause before he answered her. âYou mean the one with the bird on its nose?'
For some reason that made her heart jump, and the baby started tumble-turning in response. She reached across and took Charlie's hand.