Authors: Dianne Blacklock
The guests were all overdone as well: overdressed, coiffed and bejewelled. Only the men were a little more toned down. Gemma's father seemed like a nice man, if a little mild. Cameron was a surprise: Helen had expected Phoebe would be with someone more . . . genuine, perhaps. But the word âwanker' was invented for people like Cameron. Ben was handsome in a generic, department-store-catalogue way. Helen could see the family resemblance, but that's where it ended. He seemed aloof, not really engaged in the conversations around him. Perhaps that was because he was constantly interrupted by phone calls on his
mobile. Trish would give a shake of her head each time he took a call, but with a smug little smile as if to say âthat's how important my son is'.
âBen, the world will keep revolving if you stop to have lunch,' she finally remarked, but he didn't respond, answering his phone as he got up from the table once again. âApparently, it might not!' she shrugged, looking around the table, beaming with parental pride.
Ben was not the only one who couldn't leave his phone alone, however. There was a constant stream of beeps and buzzes and musical ringtones. The teenaged cousins spent the whole time sending and receiving SMS messages, but they weren't alone. At one point Helen looked bewildered around the table as every second person either had a phone to their ear, or was reading the screen, or punching in their own message.
Phoebe caught her eye and gave her a wink.
âCam, I've been meaning to ask,' said Gary. âYou're one of the only people I know who actually uses the cross-city tunnel. Did you get stuck after that big accident the other morning?'
Cameron shook his head. âI was already at work before it happened. Did you hear they couldn't get the ambulance through because of the road closures?'
âOkay, that's enough,' Trish interrupted firmly. âA little sensitivity, please?'
Gemma groaned. Helen looked confused. Then the penny dropped. Helen glanced around the table. Some obviously had no idea what Trish was referring to â including Gary, it appeared â but others averted their eyes as Helen looked around. This was excruciating.
âExcuse me,' she said quietly as she slid out from her chair and darted down the hall to find the bathroom.
âWell done, Mum,' said Gemma. âSubtle as a head-on.' She got up from the table and followed Helen. She knocked on the bathroom door. âIt's only me, Helen. Are you all right?'
âUh-huh, I'll be out in a sec.'
Gemma sighed. âHelen? Do you want to let me in?'
âNot really.'
âPlease?'
There was a moment's pause before Helen opened the door. Gemma stepped inside and closed it again, leaning back against the door. Helen sat down on top of the toilet seat, dabbing the corner of her eye with a bit of scrunched-up toilet paper.
âI'm so sorry, Helen,' Gemma began.
âWhy did you have to tell them, Gemma?'
âI didn't,' she said, realising she sounded like her mother. âI mean, I didn't give them any details, I just said he died in a road accident.'
âBut why did you have to tell them anything at all?'
Gemma took a breath. âWhen they came to the house, Mum asked if you had a husband. I told her he died, but that was all. Then today, she and Leisa were speculating all kinds of things, so I said it was a road accident to shut them up.'
âThat really worked well,' Helen grimaced. âI feel like a freak.'
âNo, Helen,' Gemma insisted. âIt's my family who are the freaks.'
Helen looked at her squarely. âEvery time people realise I'm a widow, they treat me like I'm the carrier of a disease they might catch.'
âI don't think that's what it is. I think they're just taken by surprise because they don't expect it in someone so young.'
âI'd just like to be anonymous sometimes, for no one to know anything about me,' Helen said wistfully. âThen I feel guilty for thinking that, because I don't mean that I want David to be forgotten. I want to be able to talk about him, for Noah's sake especially. But the whole thing just makes people uncomfortable, and then they feel like they have to say all these clichés, and that cheapens it, cheapens his memory.' Helen sighed. âI don't really want to talk about him to people who didn't know him.'
Gemma nodded. âThat's fair enough, Helen. Would you rather we go?'
âNo, that'd be rude.'
âThey're the ones being rude. Stop worrying so much about other people and look after yourself for a change. If you want to go, we'll go. Whatever you decide.'
Helen thought for a moment. âYou know what? Noah's
finally settled down and enjoying himself with the other children, and it would only make a bigger fuss if we left now. I don't mind staying, I just don't want to walk out there again.'
Gemma pulled out her phone. âI have an idea.'
âWhat are you going to do?'
âI'll text Phee,' she said, already pressing the buttons. âTell her to keep the conversation going, on something else, when we walk back out.'
As they came out of the hall a hush descended on the table. Gemma caught Phoebe's eye and glared expectantly at her.
âSo Gemma,' she piped up, âdoes your boss know about the baby yet?'
Gemma looked at Phoebe, mystified.
âWhat's that?' asked Trish. âIs she saying they don't know you're pregnant at work?'
âSorry,' Phoebe mouthed, wincing.
They returned to their seats. At least Helen was out of the frying pan now; Gemma had been thrown into the fire instead.
âGemma,' Trish persisted, âwhy didn't you tell your boss you were pregnant?'
Gemma cleared her throat. âBecause I wouldn't have got the job.'
âBut won't he just turn around and sack you when he finds out?' asked Gary, concerned.
âI don't know,' said Gemma. âI'm not sure what my rights are . . .'
âCam?' Gary prompted.
Cameron advised corporations in the finance sector on employment contracts, and not only that, he loved nothing more than to be asked for his opinion. He sat back, crossing one leg over the other, waiting till he had everyone's attention.
âHe certainly can't sack her for being pregnant. That would be discriminatory. But the fact remains she didn't disclose.' He looked at Gemma then. âIt depends largely on what's in your workplace agreement. I take it you did sign one?'
Gemma nodded. She hadn't read it that closely though.
âIf it's a condition that affects your job performance,' Cameron went on, âthen he would have a right to terminate your employment.'
âWell, it doesn't,' said Gemma. âI'm performing my job perfectly well.'
âThat may be for now. But the minute you go off to have that baby, it's affecting your work performance. Then he's got you.'
âWhat do you think she should do, Cam?' asked Gary.
âI think she should be upfront as soon as possible. Try to renegotiate her workplace agreement in line with her change in circumstances.'
âWill they let me do that?' asked Gemma.
Cameron shrugged. âDepends what you can bring to the table.'
Monday came and went with no appropriate opening for Gemma to make her announcement, or even to mention she had to take Wednesday morning off for the ultrasound. Tuesday was the same. So Gemma did the only thing she could do. She took the cyber coward's way out and did it by email.
From: [email protected]
Subject: tomorrow morning
Unfortunately I will be late to work tomorrow. I have an appointment in the morning. I'll be here as soon as possible afterwards.
Gemma
From: mdavenport@baileys. com.au
To: gatkinson@baileys. com.au
Subject: re: tomorrow morning
What is it this time?
From: gatkinson@baileys. com.au
To: mdavenport@baileys. com.au
Subject: re: tomorrow morning
Still personal
From: mdavenport@baileys. com.au
To: gatkinson@baileys. com.au
Subject: re: tomorrow morning
Still work time
From: gatkinson@baileys. com.au
To: mdavenport@baileys. com.au
Subject: re: tomorrow morning
Ongoing investigations
From: mdavenport@baileys. com.au
To: gatkinson@baileys. com.au
Subject: re: tomorrow morning
Legal, medical, taxes?
Gemma sighed. She supposed she had to tell him that much.
From: gatkinson@baileys. com.au
To: mdavenport@baileys. com.au
Subject: re: tomorrow morning
Medical
From: mdavenport@baileys. com.au
To: gatkinson@baileys. com.au
Subject: re: tomorrow morning
Are you all right?
There had been a pause before the last email arrived. Gemma wondered if the MD was actually being a tiny bit considerate. But that was unlikely. He was probably only trying to ascertain how much he was going to be inconvenienced.
From: gatkinson@baileys. com.au
To: mdavenport@baileys. com.au
Subject: re: tomorrow morning
I'm fine. Routine stuff. See you tomorrow.
Gemma had planned to catch a bus to work straight after the ultrasound, maybe a taxi if it took too long. Helen had driven her to the hospital as she didn't want her to have to cope with public transport and a full bladder, but Gemma had shooed her away at the front entrance. It was too hard to get parking, she had insisted. Helen must have better things to do with her time, she had insisted. She would be fine, she had insisted.
She shouldn't have been so insistent. She wasn't fine. She was a wreck. Emotionally, psychologically, even physically. Gemma had virtually looked into the eyes of her baby. She had seen the future, and she was terrified.
âWhat are you doing home?' asked Helen, coming into the hallway when she heard Gemma at the front door.
âI, um, I felt sick,' said Gemma. âI must have had a bad reaction.'
âTo an ultrasound?'
Gemma walked past her and straight into her room, dropped her bag on the floor and herself onto the bed. Helen came to the doorway.
âWhat's up? Is the baby all right?'
Gemma groaned, rolling over. âYes, the baby's all right. Isn't anyone ever going to ask me how I am any more?'
Helen suppressed a smile and walked further into the room, folding her arms. âAre you all right, Gemma?'
âDo I look like I'm all right? I've seen the baby.' She sat bolt upright. âI mean,
I've actually seen my baby
! Is that even right? It doesn't feel right. It feels like I've looked into the future or something, that I'm going to muck things up because I know too much now. If God had meant for us to see our babies while they were still inside, he would have put in a window, a peephole, something, don't you think?'
Helen was calmly waiting for her to take a breath. âOr perhaps, if there is a god, he gave someone the inspiration to invent ultrasound technology.'
âWho asked him?' she grumbled.
âWhat exactly is the problem, Gemma?'
âThe problem,' said Gemma, exasperated, âis that it looked really real. Like a real baby, you know? When you're there, and it's live action, and they're describing it . . .' She took a breath. Her eyes filled with tears. âYou can see it as clear as day. Whenever I've seen those ultrasound pictures before, the baby always looked like a blurred blob, I had no idea what I was even looking at. And I still don't.' She reached over for her bag and rummaged through it, finally extracting a photo. She thrust it at Helen. âSee, I was looking at it on the way home and I can't relate it to what I saw moving on the screen.'
Although Helen was not a midwife, she was a little more accustomed to ultrasound images than Gemma was, and she could make out the baby quite clearly. She was not about to say that to Gemma though.
âHow am I going to do this?' Gemma went on, her voice trembling. âWhy did I do this? I brought a human being into existence. What was I thinking?'
Helen went over and sat down beside her on the bed. âIt wasn't too late,' she said after a while. âWas it?'
âPardon?'
âThe first day you came here, you told me that by the time you found out you were pregnant, it was too late to do anything about it.' She paused. âBut it wasn't, was it?'
Gemma stared at her, then slowly shook her head. âI was just being a romantic nong. I thought it would change Luke, make him settle down. I thought we'd be this awesome little family unit, that we'd be the coolest, most unconventional parents out, and we'd have this amazing child.'
âYou must have really loved him,' said Helen, a little wistfully.
âWhy do you say that?'
âWell, to be able to picture your whole future like that, you must have felt very strongly.'
Gemma sighed. âI don't know. I think I was kidding myself. I mean, look what a no-hoper he turned out to be. He didn't even have the guts to face me, he just snuck off like some petty criminal.' She paused. âThe thing is, part of me is glad that he isn't going to have anything to do with the baby. I don't want someone like him in her life. But I can't help thinking that, as low as he is, he didn't want me, so what does that say about me?'
âGemma . . .'
A tear spilled over onto her cheek. âI'm bringing this poor kid into the world, and all she's got is this pathetic mother who couldn't even keep her useless father interested. What hope has she got?'
âThere's always hope,' said Helen quietly. âI have to believe that. I mean, I know they say kids without a father don't do as well, but â'
âOh, Helen, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about the way that came out. Your situation is completely different. Noah will be fine, he'll always know he had a father, and that he didn't leave him. And besides, you're an amazing mum.'
Helen looked unconvinced.
âYou are, you've got the whole thing down pat. Bath times and bedtimes, and only watching the right kind of TV, eating the right kind of food. I'm going to be hopeless at all that. I've never
been good at routines, and how am I supposed to discipline a kid if I don't have any discipline myself?'
âI think you're getting a little ahead of yourself, Gemma. You'll be fine, you're not hopeless at all. You'll work it out as you go along, find your own patterns, your own routines. There's no rigid schedule you have to follow â'
âOh, damn,' Gemma remembered suddenly. âYes, there is.'
âWhat are you talking about?'
She stood up, clearly agitated. âI'm supposed to be at work, but I was too freaked out.' She paced back and forth. âI don't feel up to going into the city, but the MD's going to hit the roof.'
Helen was still sitting on the bed, watching her. âYou said you don't do much else but file and answer emails and keep his schedule up to date, is that right?'
âSo?'
âWell, you could do a lot of that from here.'
âWhat do you mean?' Gemma stopped pacing.
âI take it you can access your emails from any computer?'
She nodded.
âThen you should be able to access his schedule as well. I mean, it must be live online, if you can both access it at any time, and update it.'
âAre you sure?'
âLet's find out.' Helen stood up and walked out of the room and Gemma fell in behind. âI used to be able to check my roster online,' Helen said over her shoulder, âput in requests for leave, that kind of thing. Do you have a different password to get into your boss's schedule?'
âYeah,' said Gemma.
Helen arrived at the computer desk in the back room and sat down, turning it on. âWhy don't you bring a chair in from the kitchen?'
The computer had previously lived in Helen's room, but after the garage sale she'd decided it was better out here. She had to fill this room somehow. She still hadn't got around to buying a new sofa, or even looking, so they'd moved the TV into the front room for now, where there was at least somewhere to sit. Gemma returned with a chair and sat beside Helen.
âWhat do you usually do first thing?' Helen asked her.
âCheck the emails,' she said.
âOkay, so I assume we go to the company's home page and enter your password in the staff portal?'
Gemma nodded, reciting Bailey's website address as Helen typed it in. She followed the links and keyed in Gemma's password, and moments later her inbox came up on the screen.
âYou probably ought to let your boss know what you're doing,' Helen suggested, as Gemma started to scroll down her emails, scanning for anything important.
She sighed. âI don't want to talk to the MD, he'll only get annoyed.'
Helen looked at her. âYou realise you wouldn't be having this problem if you'd told him you were pregnant in the first place.'
âYou're right. I wouldn't be having this problem because I wouldn't be working for him!' Gemma returned. âDon't you get it, Helen? I would never have got the job in the first place, and maybe you think I shouldn't have got it by lying, but it sucks. The father can leave, stay, work, go hitchhiking around the world, he can do whatever the hell he likes. No one or nothing is going to stop him. Except his own conscience, but if he doesn't have one of those, then he's off scot-free.'
Helen had been listening calmly to Gemma's little rant. âYou're right,' she said when she was finished.
Gemma blinked. âI am?'
Helen nodded. âIt isn't fair. Men have babies too, but they rarely suffer any of the consequences.'
âNot even stretchmarks,' Gemma grizzled.
Helen smiled. âWell, if there's any way I can help . . .'
âRight now you can help me get into the MD's schedule,' said Gemma. âIf he happens to be in a meeting, I can get away with just emailing him.'
Using Gemma's second-tier password, they were able to access the MD's schedule and it suddenly appeared, in all its convoluted glory, filling the entire screen.
âSee what I have to put up with?' said Gemma.
âIt looks a lot like a hospital roster,' Helen said, scanning the columns and rows. âThere must be a key, I take it?'
âYeah, if you scroll down further.'
âOh, right,' she said, gazing at the screen. âOkay, well, it seems pretty straightforward.'
âAre you kidding me?' said Gemma, dumbfounded.
âAll the information's right here. Meetings out of the office are colour-coded green, internal are blue, the letter codes are P for production, F for finance, HR and so on, then the acronyms stand for different teams and sections, am I right?'
âYeah,' Gemma said vaguely.
âSo at the moment, according to this, he should be in an internal production meeting, with the Duttmar team, on . . . Level 12.'
Gemma was staring at her. âThat is amazing. It took me a week to figure it out, and I work there. How did you do that?'
âLike I said, it's just like a nursing roster,' Helen dismissed. âSo, seeing as he's in a meeting, you can be a coward and send him an email.'