Falling - On the Banks of Lake Saint Clare (Falling - Book One) (44 page)

“Perhaps you’re too good of a person. For whatever reason, you still feel sorry for whomever you hurt if you do fight back. So, after I kiss you, because I am about ready to kiss you, we are through thinking or talking about anyone. Got it?”

I sighed and nodded.

He leaned forward and kissed me, moving his hand to my heart. “I hope I can always make it pound that hard.”

I ran my hands across his chest and touched his cheek, “Lay
down,
and I will massage your back. You want music or TV on?”

“TV will be safer” he smiled, taking off his shirt and lying on the bed.

I reached over and turned the
stereo
on, “Who said I wanted to be safe?” I asked, climbing on his back.

I started rubbing his back, hearing him moan every time I pushed against it. “Owe” he said.
             
“Sorry, that hurt?”

“No, it feels great
.
Oh, owe,” he moaned.

“Am I hurting you?” I asked concerned.

“No, it feels great, Owe, oh, uh.”

“Are you not aware that owe means pain?” I laughed.

“I know, but it hurts so good it feels great. Right there. My no-hitter-winning-pitching-shoulder,” he smiled, “oh, ouch, damn that is sore.”

“Want me to stop?”
             
“Of course not, it feels great.”

I leaned down and kissed his shoulder, “I don’t think that I told you how lucky I am to have you in my life.”

“You didn’t need to, it’s understood,” he stretched. I saw all his back muscles moving while he readjusted his shoulder. “Oh that feels so much better.
“
How much do I owe you, my dear?”

“Your second million,” I smiled.

“Deal.”

I rubbed his shoulder again, hearing him moan.

“Your back is so sexy.”

“M
mm
,” he said. I was wondering if he was falling asleep.

“You tired?”

“Not at all.”
             
“What’s this say?” I asked, writing on his back with my fingernail.

“I worship Michael,” he laughed.

I smiled, “No, I still do, but that’s not it.”

I rubbed my hand across his back, like I was erasing the last words and rewrote it.

“You are my world?”

“Uh h
m
m.”

“Awe,” he smiled. “You are my universe.”

“You always have to win, don’t you?” I laughed.

“Yep.”

I got up and
turned off the lights
, and turn
ed
on
the TV
for
softer
light
ing
.
He rolled over on his side and watched me. “What’s this?” He asked, picking up a scrapbook on my bedside table.

“I have no idea. I didn’t notice it.”

He sat up and scooted over making room for me as I sat down beside him. I turned on the bedside lamp and opened the book. A note fell out. I opened it and started reading it out loud.

My dearest Alex,

I have been so blessed to have had you in my life. I have learned so much from you the past 18 years. It is so rare to be blessed with such beauty, brains, and an extremely kind heart. I wish I could take the credit for that. I wish it was me that made you who you are. I hope that some of it was me. As you go into your adult life, I want you to know that I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved you. You were my child whether you came from my body or someone else’s. I guess it was never mentioned because it didn’t matter to me. I loved you more than any real Mom could love a child. After so long, I never thought about it.

I have learned that you are passionate, caring, loyal, and forgiving. You are at times too tender hearted but I find that is a great quality. You have gone through more than any child should have ever gone through. I wish I could have protected you more and not betrayed you. I feel like I have let you down and in turn, I let myself down.

For your birthday, I promise I will believe in everything you do, fight for everything you want or need, and never doubt you ever again. I
cannot
imagine going another day you being disappointed in me.

This is my apology to you
-
for letting you down, for me being selfish and a coward, for wanting the easy way out and not fight for my daughter like I should have. I can only hope that you will forgive me and be a part of my life once again.

I love you, my dearest, Alex. I am sorry and am here for you forever.

Love Mom

“I wasn’t prepared for that,” I sighed. I leaned against Michael, feeling his arms wrap around me.

I could feel the tears dripping from my chin onto his arm as I looked at the book. “Here are my adoption paper, birth certificate, and my hospital pictures. I have never seen these pictures before. I turned the next page. Alex 1
st
birthday with Mom was the caption. I was sitting on her lap and we both were smiling, not aware our picture was being taken. Each year was another picture of me on my birthday, with my Mom beside me or me on her lap.

I wiped the tears off Michael’s arm, “Sorry,” I smiled.

“Its fine,” he kissed my head. “You are such a cute kid,” he said, pointing at my 4
th
birthday.
I bet we
would
have some gorgeous kids.”

“Yeah?” I laughed. “Four?”

“You decide. You’re the brains in this relationship. I’m just the stud that will keep the cash flow coming in.”

“So you are going to stud yourself out?” I laughed.

“I’ll just stud you.”

“Good answer,” I smiled. “I can’t stop my eyes from leaking,” I sighed.

“Well, its fine. Mine got a little leaky, too.”

I kept turning the pages after reaching all seventeen birthdays. There was every newspaper clipping of when I was in the paper. Honor roll, cheer championships, student citizen of the year.
             
“What was that for?”
H
e asked, reading the article.

“This girl
’s
dad died
, when I was in 5
th
grade.
Six
months later her house burned down. They didn’t have any insurance so I did this whole Buy a House Fundraiser. It took about 4 months, but we raised enough money for them to buy a little house to get them going again.”

“Awe, you are such a do-gooder,” he said. I could feel his lips on my head as he spoke.

“Maybe Karma is after me now since I haven’t done anything good lately.”

“Oh wow,” I said, seeing the next page. “I haven’t seen this in years.”

“Is that you?” Michael asked, seeing my ad campaign that I had modeled for.

“Yep. That would be me. Weird. I really haven’t looked at this since it came out, gosh 6 years ago? I’m pretty sure I was twelve. I think it made Rachel so mad that I did it that Dad made everyone forget about it and never speak of it again.”

“You never told me about this. You lectured me about not talking about my accomplishments and you were in dozens of magazines and never mentioned that. You are such a hypocrite,” he laughed. “You look so much older than twelve. Dang, you are just gorgeous.”

“Don’t get all horny over that girl in the picture. She is only twelve. That’s a felony. I hear they do quite a bit of airbrushing on these things, too.”

“Why do you belittle everything you do? This is huge and you make it like it is nothing. Why did you quit? It has three letters with contracts asking for another shoot.”

“I hated doing it. It was a nightmare. Everyone is all over you touching you and telling you how beautiful you are. It’s very outside my comfort zone. We never talked about it after I told my mom I didn’t like it. Why do you think Rachel is all about modeling now? Revenge. She wants to make more money than I did that job.”

“How much did you get?”

“I don’t know. I never asked. I was only 12. They gave me 200 dollars to blow
,
and said the rest was when I turned 18. I turned the page and saw a savings bond for $40,000. “I guess that answers my question. Want to elope and go to
Jamaica
, mon?”

“Absolutely, they got some great
weed
.”

“Haha, that’s all you need, is to smoke pot. That will be the week they drug test you for sports.”

“True, so that is your choice of honeymoon spots?”

“I was joking. I’ve never thought about it.”

“That’s a lot of money. Ever thought about doing it again now that you are older?”

“No, never have. Boy, it would really piss Rachel and Hailey off. Hmmm, my evil side is starting to surface. That’s another thing, I’d hear all these compliments about my face and
t
hen they would say she’s too short. It
’
s hard to hear a fault you have when you have no control or way to change it.”

“You being short is not a fault,” he said, squeezing my hand. “And the thing is, you don’t look short until you are standing beside someone else. Does that make sense?”

“Yes, cause I hear that a lot.”

I kept turning the pages seeing family pictures and random pictures of me and my mom. Every picture we were in we were so happy.

I sighed. “This is a lot to take in. This is not something she threw together in a day. She has kept these pictures from me all my life just for when I turn 18.”

Michael looked back at my birth certificate. “August 4 is your birthday? Your birthday is tomorrow. You never mentioned that either.”

“Really? I never thought about it?”

“Halleluiah, you will be legal!” He laughed.

“That’s what you are waiting on? Me being legal?”

“No,” he smiled, “didn’t even think of it. You know me, willing to wait till the perfect time and perfect person. Just waiting till I find her.”

“Yeah,
”
I said, closing the book. “So you are willing to stay a virgin till you are thirty if that’s how long it takes?”

He took the book and set it on the table, “No, you are the only perfect person I will ever want. I’m not
going to wait
any longer. I can’t believe you didn’t remember it was going to be your birthday,” he said
.
“How do you forget your own birthday?”

“I am not sure if you are aware, but there has been a lot of stuff going on in my life
lately
. Not r
eally worried about my birthday
.”

I rolled on my side and felt him move up behind me, resting his hand on my hip and chin on my shoulder. “I love your body,”
h
e said. I felt his heart beating against my back.

“I’m kind of liking yours, too. C
ould
I do something? I know you are going to try to talk me out of it, but I really don’t think I will have anything else on my mind unless I do this
,
but can I…”

“Call your Mom.”

I sighed. “Yeah, I keep thinking of the letter. She knows I have seen it by now and I just want to talk to her so she doesn’t stay up wondering if I am still mad at her.”

“Of course you can call her. Oh, I hope I didn’t break your phone. If I did, I swear I will buy you a new one. There will be no going on Judge Judy to get me to do it. I guess Brad did get to me a little. It won’t happen again. I’m really sorry.”

“Why don’t we see if it is broke before you write me a check?”

“I’ll get it.” He jumped over me and ran into the other room. “It’s working. Damn, I am the luckiest dude ever. Is this not my day? Did you know that I pitched a no hitter tonight and won the championship?”

“I may have heard something,” I smiled, reaching for my phone.

He pulled it away, “Did I tell you that I have the most amazing girlfriend that I am madly in love with.”

“I did not know that.”

“And did you know,” he leaned over and kissed me, “That I am going to stay up really late tonight with her and show her how much I love her?”

“Sweet,” I smiled. “You know, the faster I call her, the faster you can do that.”

“Good point,” he said, handing me the phone, “But,” he said, taking it back again, “If she upsets you, I am making you hang up
,
and we will go straight to sleep,
my girlfriend
. Got it?”

“Yes boss.”

“Hmm, I like the sound of that.”

He handed me the phone and I nervously called my mom.

“Alex?” She said, sounding surprised I called.

“Hi Mom. I got your book.”

“Alex, I am so sorry. There is nothing I can say or do to ever make up
for
what I did to you. If it takes me the rest of my life, I will do what I can to undo these past few days. I have no idea what I was thinking or doing. I don’t think I was thinking at all. I let him do my thinking for me because I was scared I would do the wrong thing. In the long run, I did all the wrong things. I hurt you
,
and it is killing me inside. I can not stand the thought of you hating me.”