Falling for Her Soldier (14 page)

What Ellie said about emotional injuries and healing…she’d hit the nail right on the head. He also couldn’t help thinking about Chick’s offer to talk about what happened on his last mission. After the debriefing three months ago, Charlie had never spoken about it, not to another soul. He was staff sergeant in charge of the unit. Even if the mission had rattled him more than he admitted, he couldn’t say that to his men. He had to be a strong leader, show no fear. But maybe that was taking a toll.

Among other things, the past was weighing on him more than ever.

If he knew any of the soldiers in his unit were suffering from emotional wounds, he would advise them to talk it out with someone at the WS—no excuses. Saving that place was becoming just as important to him as it was to Ellie.

“Is it okay that we’re here after the course is closed?” she asked in a quiet voice, like she thought they were sneaking onto private property. “There’s no one else around.”

“It’s okay,” Charlie said, taking her arm as they strolled. “I know the groundskeeper.”

He
didn’t
know the groundskeeper, and he had no idea if they would get bounced if anyone caught them walking across the greens. But back at his apartment, Ellie had seemed restless, like she needed to get out. There was a duck pond at the course, but it was a long walk, all the way past the fifth hole. There was probably a shortcut that only the groundskeeper knew. Maybe he
should
make friends with him. Charlie played the course enough, usually every day during his leave.

He suddenly realized he hadn’t played golf for four days, not since meeting…

“Can I ask you something?” Ellie said as they crossed the fairway.

“Sure,” Charlie said, wondering when exactly the woman beside him had slid so deeply into his heart.

“Have you ever been in love?”

His heart whacked against his ribcage, back and forth like a pinball, but he couldn’t think of a response.

“Is that a weird question?” she tacked on.

“No. I just have to think about it.”

She nodded slowly, waiting, chewing on her bottom lip.

Before answering, he thought about his past relationships—such as they were—and all the women he’d dated. Had he loved any of them? Had he cherished a woman? Treasured her? Done everything in his power to make her happy?

“No,” he admitted, feeling deflated. “Have you?”

She didn’t speak right away, either. Maybe she, too, had to consider her answer. “I think so.”

Charlie didn’t like that. “How recently?” he couldn’t help asking, wondering if she would bring up the e-mails. Had she been in love with online Charlie? Despite how much he’d wanted that to be true at one time, he did not want it to be true now. If Ellie Bell were falling for anyone, he wanted it to be the here-and-now “Hunter.”

Her eyes grew wide for a second: deer in the headlights, as if anxious about what she was going to say next. “A year ago,” she replied. “Well, eleven months and one week ago.”

Charlie tilted his head. “That’s pretty specific.”

“It’s a long story.”

“Did I mention the pond will be a thirty-minute walk at our pace?”

She laughed and he could tell she was relaxing again. “Okay. Well, I had this boyfriend. Drew was his name.”

Charlie hated Drew.

“It didn’t end very happily, as is common with breakups, obviously, but we weren’t happy before that.” She paused to take a breath. “He wasn’t the first, though. It was kind of a pattern.”

“What kind of pattern?”

“Drew wasn’t…nice to me.”

The hair on the back of Charlie’s neck stood at attention. “What does that mean? Not nice?”

“It was my fault, too.” Her voice sounded dreary but resolute. “I have to take some of the blame.”

“Ellie.” He moved in front of her and gripped her by the shoulders. “Whatever this guy did to you, it was not your fault.” He wanted to tear this Drew guy’s limbs off one by one.

“What?” She gaped at him, confusion in her eyes. “No, I meant he
cheated
on me.”

Charlie blinked. “Oh.” Not only did he hate the guy, but this Drew ass-hat was obviously the biggest moron on the planet for cheating on the perfect woman.

“Yeah,” she continued, staring straight ahead into the darkness. “When I say pattern, I mean I have a tendency of being drawn to the wrong guys, like the
wrong
guys. They’re either players or cheaters or liars. Usually all three.”

“Liars,” Charlie repeated under his breath, a knot rolling in his stomach.

“Yeah.” She chuckled sarcastically. “Pretty awesome, right? I sure know how to pick ’em.” She tucked some hair behind an ear. “I needed to see if I could break the pattern, but that meant making some major changes and one pretty big goal.”

A memory from one of her e-mails jumped to the front of Charlie’s mind.

Ellie’s goal.

She’d mentioned it—not what it was specifically, only that it was very important and would mean a lot to her mother.

“What kind of goal? If you don’t mind my asking.”

“I don’t mind,” she said. “You need to know about it, anyway.” It was too dark to tell if she was smiling at him or smirking. “I decided to go one year without dating. No men. Zilch.”

That’s major, all right.

Charlie did some mental math. “Didn’t you say it’s been eleven months and some change?” She nodded. “So earlier at the studio was just…”

She pulled back the cutest guilty smile he’d ever seen, lightening his heavy heart. “A slip-up?”

He laughed out loud. “I take all the blame for that. You should consider your streak intact.”

“What a gentleman.” She bumped his shoulder.

“So, you haven’t dated for almost a year,” he recapped. “And your year is up in…”

“Twenty-two days,” she said, sinking her teeth into her lower lip. Charlie tried not to stare at her kissable mouth, but his instant recall spread the taste of her to the middle of his tongue.

“Okay.” He slid his hands into his back pockets. “It’s not ideal, but doable.”

Ellie stopped walking. Even in the near dark, he could see her expression twist in shock, then brighten. “Really? You don’t mind if we…” She broke off and looked down. “I mean, well, I’m obviously not going to assume you want—”

“Ellie.” He touched a finger to her lips. “You’re not assuming anything.” He could have said more, a whole hell of a lot more, but the softness of her lips veered his train of thought. “If it were
allowed
, I would show you just how much you’re not assuming.”

“You might already be gone in three weeks,” she pointed out.

“I know. But that won’t stop me from finding some way to be in the same room with you on the day your year is up.” He lifted an eyebrow. “I’m pretty creative when motivated.”

When Ellie Bell smiled, the loveliest blush crept up her creamy skin. Charlie had to actually brace himself not to lean in and cover that skin with kisses. After another bashful smile, she lowered her eyes and pressed the side of her face to his shoulder.

She was so soft and warm, it drove him crazy when she was near like this. He put an arm around her, easing her in so she could rest her head against his chest.
So soft
. For a moment, they just stood in the middle of the eighth fairway. He felt the rhythm of her breathing in and out, their bodies rising together.

How a woman so incredible managed to stay single for a solid year
… he thought with utter amazement.
She must’ve been beating them off with a stick
. Ellie adjusted her position against him, causing his desire to stir, but also reminding him that she was still three weeks short.

Three weeks…

It was like a bag of bricks hit him over the head. Charlie wasn’t sure what cosmic god of love was smiling down at him, but he suddenly felt like he’d been given an enormous gift, one he was very undeserving of…

If Ellie couldn’t date for another three weeks, maybe he didn’t have to tell her the whole truth tonight. He had time to break it to her, time to just hang out and laugh and get to know her even better in the time before he might have to PCS early. If that was the worst case scenario, he would gladly take it.

He tried to ignore the cramp of guilt he felt while considering not coming clean right that instant. It was cowardly of him, but he couldn’t risk it. She’d asked him if he’d ever been in love, and he’d answered honestly. But if she’d also asked what woman he cared about most in the world, the one he thought about, wanted to talk to, kiss, and just be around…he would have said, unequivocally, that woman was her.

Every day he spent with her, every minute, his feelings grew stronger and stronger, like a runaway train. It actually made that damn tango worth it. And she’d picked an Elvis song. Dammit, he really might be falling in love.

“Is everything okay now?” he asked.

“Everything’s perfect.” She lifted her cheek off his chest, tipped her chin, and grinned. “Well, not
perfect
, obviously.”

Charlie gazed down at her and growled. “Twenty-two days?”

She nodded, still smiling all dreamily up at him. He instantly dropped the arm that was around her. “Then you better stay over there,” he said, taking her by the shoulders and moving her a good three feet away.

As he retreated, she frowned. “All the way over here?”

“Woman, you have no idea how irresistible you look standing in the middle of my golf course in the dark. And what do you think you’re doing wearing an outfit like that?” He waved a hand in her general direction.

She glanced down at her clothes. “It’s just a baggy T-shirt and jeans.”

Charlie clasped a hand over his forehead. “Exactly. You have no idea how sexy you are.”

She twirled a strand of red hair around a finger. “Yeah?”

“Eleanor…” Charlie warned while struggling to muzzle his desire. “Do not force me to break your streak. I’m not as gentlemanly as you think.”

Chapter Thirteen

Ellie had never felt sexier in her own skin than when Hunter looked at her that way. It didn’t feel like he was some womanizing hound dog about to eat her alive, but like he appreciated what he was seeing. It thrilled her beyond any compliment she’d ever received.

It was also a huge turn-on.

Was it possible to fall for someone in four days? She didn’t know, but it felt like that was exactly where she was headed. The chemistry was there—good golly, was it there. And they definitely had a lot in common. But did she know enough about him to be in love? Which reminded her of another subject she’d been meaning to get to.

“Can I bring up something we kind of brushed over?”

“Okay,” Hunter said, strolling beside her as they crossed the golf course, his hands in his pockets.

“You said you’ve been in your apartment for a few years, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to buy a house? In the
future,
sometime? Is that something you think about? And I mean, how far in the future? Wow.” She paused and made a face. “That came out all wrong.”

“Take a breath, Ellie,” he said, a smile in his voice. “What are you trying to ask me?”

“You’re military, like, forever, yes?”

He gave her a long look, maybe trying to read more into her question. “Yes,” he answered. “I don’t know when I’m PCS-ing again, or where I’ll be going, but I do know I’ll be in the Army for as long as they’ll have me. It’s what I have to do. It’s what I love.”

She nodded, absorbing this information. She liked what he’d said, even liked the way he’d said it. He was devoted. Loyal. Not a terribly unattractive quality in a man.

“Was that what you wanted to know?” he added.

She shrugged, wanting to know a lot more but not knowing how to ask.

“To answer your other question, yes, I’ve thought about buying a house. There are some good VA loans out there. But, I don’t know.” He ran a hand over his head. “Being deployed for months at a time, and being single, it hasn’t felt worth it.” He chuckled softly at whatever he was thinking. “I guess the Army allows me a certain freedom in that way. Unencumbered.” His eyes moved from her, cloudiness shrouding them like earlier tonight. “But things changed for me a few months ago. Something happened.”

When his voice dropped off, Ellie stopped walking. “What happened?”

The one light in this part of the course was behind him, shadowing his face. He put his hands in his back pockets and paced a few steps away from her toward a tall oak tree, its branches eclipsing a shallow sand trap.

“It was on my last mission,” he said, leaning against the tree.

A chill ran up Ellie’s spine. “When Sam got hurt?” she couldn’t help blurting.

Hunter looked at her for a moment, then nodded.

Automatically, her mind flashed to the e-mails from Charlie. She knew he’d been with Sam when it happened. She hadn’t considered that other members of the unit were with him, too.

“You were there?”

It took a long moment, but Hunter nodded again.

A thickness began to build in her throat, the same strangling fear she’d experienced all those months ago, the fear she’d felt a few times since then. “Do you mind— I mean, Sam doesn’t like to talk about it with me and I’ve never pushed him, but…do you mind telling me what happened? It’s like I can’t move on until I know. Does that make sense?”

“Yes,” Hunter said, his expression troubled under the moonlight. “I can’t disclose everything, but I can tell you some things.”

She exhaled, then sucked in a deep breath, bracing herself. “Okay.”

“There were ten of us,” he began, but then broke off, not speaking for a few long beats of her heart. “Ellie, I’ve never… Sorry.” He held the back of his neck then rubbed his head. “I’ve never talked about this.”

She waited, holding herself in a tight hug, hardly able to breathe.

Only a few more seconds passed before he took his own deep breath and continued. “There were ten of us,” he repeated. “We didn’t know exactly where we were going beforehand, but we knew the job. In the helicopter before the drop-off, we were joking around, figuring it would be an in-and-out job and we’d be back at camp in a few hours.”

He laughed, self-deprecating, but Ellie was frozen, glued to his every word.

“We were dropped off on the side of a mountain, nothing around for miles. We had to hike up to reach our mark. It was dark when we got close and, per orders, we split into groups to take it from three sides…” He clenched his hands into fists and ran one under his chin. “Sorry, I have to skip ahead.”

“That’s okay,” Ellie said.

“I was in the last group of three; the others had already gone down the mountain toward the rendezvous point.” He paused and touched his fist to his mouth. A moment later, he lowered it. “We were ambushed.”

It wasn’t what she’d expected to hear, and her heart stopped.

“We were under heavy fire for a while, and when we finally secured the location, we were separated.” He pushed off the tree. “There was an explosion.”

The need to hear more barely outweighed the desire to cover her ears.

“I thought the bunker was clear, but Sam never came out. We finally found him. It was bad.” He was holding onto the back of his neck again, massaging. “I radioed for help but I knew it wouldn’t come soon enough, so I—we…we got him down. And that’s it.”

Tears burned behind Ellie’s eyes. She wrapped her arms around herself even tighter and tried to breathe steadily. She couldn’t imagine the horror…her brother in such danger. Hunter in such danger. Yet they’d stuck together. They’d survived.

“Thank you for finding him,” she said in a strangled whisper.

“I wouldn’t have left anyone up there. No one would have.” His voice dropped low, almost a whisper. “I would’ve never left Sammy.”

Three steps and she was there, pressing herself against him. “Thank you,” she whispered, tears choking her throat as she wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you, Hunter. Thank you.” She buried her head in his chest and squeezed so hard. When she was able to breathe more steadily, she noticed his arms were hanging at his sides, not hugging her back, not touching her of his own accord.

He was respecting her wish to keep her single-year streak unbroken. But this was different. She needed him.

“Hunter,” she said, lifting her chin to look at him. “It’s okay. Please.”

He stared down at her, still not moving. Fear and need flowed through her body, making her want to burst into tears. Finally, his arms wound around her, tentative at first, but then securely, warmly. She exhaled against his shirt, soothed by the feeling of his strong heartbeat.

She no longer had to imagine what had happened to her brother. Hunter had told her all she needed: facts without the gory details that would give her nightmares. He’d filled in the holes that Charlie Johansson hadn’t.

For the briefest moment, her heart stopped again.

Charlie had been with Sam during the explosion. She already knew that. But Hunter had been there, too. However minor his role was in the story, he’d also had a hand in saving her brother’s life.

Charlie had been there for her when she needed someone to tell her what the hell was going on half a world away. He’d been there when she had no one else to talk to. They’d formed a bond…him there, her here, talking about football and cookies and surfing, the most superfluous of subjects, just so she could keep the connection to where her brother was. She’d needed that then. He’d filled a purpose, and then he was gone. Where? She still didn’t know.

But it wasn’t Charlie Johansson that Ellie needed anymore. It wasn’t Charlie she wanted to hold like this, and kiss and gaze at across her next hot fudge sundae.

“Hunter…” she whispered, melting to his chest.

…

Every time she spoke that name, it was like an icepick to Charlie’s chest, a reminder of the guilt. But it was worth it—it
would be
worth it—he had to keep reminding himself.

Talking about his mission had been more difficult than he’d thought it would be. He’d almost stopped a few times, but he knew he needed to say those words, to get it out, and he was grateful it was Ellie he could share it with. Some details had to be changed, for security purposes and to save her from unnecessary pain. She did not need to know that her brother nearly bled to death in his arms, half his face split open, or that Charlie himself was severely dehydrated and half dead by the time he made it down the mountain with Sammy unconscious on his back.

Charlie knew she could heal now. He was glad to give her that. Surprisingly, his mental load about the subject felt slightly lighter. Had simply opening up to someone eased his burden? Maybe if he decided to continue with that, his emotional wounds could heal, too.

So much had changed in his life since meeting Ellie. He bent his head and closed his eyes, breathing in the smell of her hair, so thankful to be holding her in his arms. When she made a little moaning sound and nuzzled into him, his eyes popped open.

“Umm.” He leaned back and lifted his chin off her head. “I think we’re done here.”

“I’m not,” she said, gripping him tighter.

He chuckled, remembering the fortitude in her e-mails about her big goal; he was going to help her succeed even if he went blind. “Come on, I’m not going to be the reason you don’t reach your goal.” He dropped his arms and stepped back, forcing her to let go. “I can tell it’s important. I want to support you.”

“You
were
supporting me.”

“Funny.” He took another step back and ran a hand over his head, still not completely in control of his faculties. “Let’s talk about something else—anything else.”

“Okay,” Ellie said. “How about the fund-raiser. We need to decide what you’re wearing for the dance.”

Charlie shivered, the sensation of his flesh crawling. “Perfect way to kill the mood. Thank you.”

“The idea of dancing with me kills the mood?”

“
That
is the only appealing part. I meant, I hope we can save the WS, too. The other guys need it.” He shrugged. “I need it.”

Ellie’s lips curved into an endearing smile. “So do I.” She took one step toward him. “And dancing with you happens to be my bonus, too.”

“See.” He wagged a finger at her. “You can’t say things like that and expect me not to want to…
dance
with you. Right now.” He nodded to the side. “Against that tree.”

“Why don’t we?”

At the suggestion, every muscle in Charlie’s body clamped down while his stomach flooded with a fiery heat. “Ellie…”

“We could use the practice,” she added. “Only a few days till the ball.”

He couldn’t help bursting into laugher, turning away from her for a few seconds to regain his composure. She was right, though. More tango practice was definitely needed. They’d had two pretty solid sessions today, but he still felt like any second he was going to trip over his feet and kill them both. If it hadn’t been for Ellie’s confidence in him, he’d rather face the Taliban.

“Okay,” he said, glancing around, making sure they were alone. “But there’s no music.”

“That’s okay,” Ellie said, stepping up to him, her arms spread, waiting for him to take the starting position. When he reached for her, she moved them into the tango stance.

“I need to warm up first,” he said, then took her right hand in his left and placed her left on top of his shoulder. “I’ll lead.” He slid his right hand around her back and leaned down, resting his forehead against hers. “Forward-slide-together,” he whispered, moving her in a slow box step. “Back-slide-together.”

If someone told him a week ago he’d be ballroom dancing around a deserted golf course, he would’ve called them crazy. But there was something about Ellie. Obviously he was willing to put himself through any kind of humiliation to make her happy, to see her smile, to give her what she wanted.

What she wanted right then, he suddenly realized, was to slide her hand off his shoulder and grab his butt.

“Miss Bell,” Charlie said, holding her out by the hips to keep her at arms-length away.

“Sorry.” She dropped her gaze. “I slipped.”

Holy hell.

“That was a pretty huge mixed message I just sent,” she admitted. “Not cool of me—sorry.” When she tried to back up, he kept his hands on her hips, following as she stepped away, almost like they were still dancing.

“Care to explain your actions?” he asked, forcing sternness into his voice, mostly to keep it—and his hands—from shaking.

“Well, you see…” She paused and tucked some hair behind an ear. His fingers pressed into her hips in response. “I was hearing Michael Bublé in my head, and I thought maybe you could help take my mind off that.”

When she leaned in and kissed his neck, his stomach muscles coiled, screaming for any kind of release. “Well now, we can’t have you thinking about Bublé,” he said, then framed her face with his hands and pulled her in.

The way she responded to the kiss, how she made him feel, sent blood racing through his veins like a NASCAR Viper. Her mouth was moist and sweet, hints of syrupy brown sugar on her tongue. He combed his fingers through her hair, then one hand cupped her head as he dipped her back, his other arm secured around her waist.

She giggled joyfully and tipped her chin, her hair spilling out behind her like a fiery waterfall. Still holding her against him, Charlie straightened, making her stand. “Bublé still in there?” he asked.

Her pretty eyes glanced up and to the right, then she gave him an answering smile.

Charlie never backed down from a challenge. “Take two, then.” He pulled her to him, pressing her tall, curvy body against his. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard, nearly knocking him off his feet. He stumbled back and hit the tree, his head spinning like a top.

As he swept her glossy hair back and ran his mouth down her neck, she exhaled a moan so sweet that Charlie knew the sound would echo through his heart forever. Her skin felt like silk to his mouth, and smelled like flowers, tasted like honey, her breath hot against his own neck.