Falling Fast (Falling Fast #1) (9 page)

“He actually is contributing. And we’re going to pay him for his effort.”

“Out of the account,” Mia clarified, because she wasn’t about to let Raleigh cover it personally.

Rose looked as if she was going to protest but swallowed it back. “Thanks. He’ll love that.”

They left, and Mia could feel the tension thicken as her gaze met Raleigh’s. No. Going there would be a bad idea. He dropped down into the chair opposite her with a weary sigh, leaning his head back over the top edge. “Kid wears me out.”

“Thank God he has you in his life. You’re good for both of them. Have you ever thought about…well, being a family? Marrying Rose?”

His head snapped up. “
Marry Rose?
She’s my stepmother!”

Mia had to stifle her laugh at the shock on his face. So no, he hadn’t thought about her in that way.
And why do you feel so relieved?
“Sorry, one of those rude questions again. I never got the socialization I needed, apparently, being isolated so much as a kid. Dealing with nurses, doctors, and fellow patients is a lot different from the nuances of relationships. If you saw her watching you and Cody out there, though, you wouldn’t think my question so odd.”

He waved that away. “She’s just grateful.”

Oh, so forget how good you are to them. And that you’re gorgeous to boot.
But she wasn’t going there, so she let the subject drop.

“If I married Rose, that would make me not only Cody’s half brother but his stepfather. It reminds me of a song called ‘I’m My Own Grandpa.’ ”

“Okay, forget I mentioned it.”
Really.
“You could stay here, if you want.” He looked only a little less surprised by that. “Starting tomorrow. I mean, if you’re working here into the night and going to the garage the next day.” She shrugged. “Just to save you time. Your home’s a bit of a drive from here.”

He was looking at her as he absently rubbed his finger over the grooves in the table’s glass top. “You think that’s a good idea? After what happened earlier?”

Recklessness whispered in her ear, what she’d felt when their lips connected. When she opened her mouth to his, and he accepted her invitation.

“You mean the kiss?”

He moistened his lips. “Yeah. That.”

“You think it might happen again?” Her heartbeat tripped at the thought.

“I don’t have a very good history with you as far as discipline goes. Still don’t, apparently.”

No way could she quell the smile. “Are you saying I’m irresistible?”

He groaned and rocked his head back again, looking at the sky. “Mia, don’t say anything that even remotely sounds like flirting. You’re seeing the angry military guy—”

“I’m not seeing him.”

His head came up again. “You’re not?”

“He had too much anger. I didn’t think it was a healthy relationship. We parted ways months ago. Guess I didn’t make that clear.” She tilted her head and studied his expression. “You look disappointed.”

“You dating a veteran would’ve made it easier to resist temptation.”

“So, I
am
irresistible?”
And vice versa, honey.
Because just the thought of pressing up against him as they’d kissed rippled through her in a wave of heat.

Raleigh groaned again. “You
are
flirting.”

“I don’t know if I’m flirting. It’s not like I’ve had a lot of experience in that arena. I just know that it feels good to think I’m irresistible to you.” She frowned. “But it obviously doesn’t feel good to you. In fact, I’d venture to guess it’s pure agony.”

“It’s both. Since we’re being honest. But fixing up the house together is supposed to be about closure, remember?”

“Not reliving the past.”

“Because there’s no point in doing that.”

He sounded so definite, so sure. And, of course, he was right. Just as they’d embarked on their summer romance knowing it would have to end, was it much different now?

“No, there isn’t,” she said without as much conviction as his words.

That’s because your heart is screaming that it’s not true. Is his?

“You staying doesn’t have to mean anything,” she said. “You can sleep out here if you want, like you used to. And I’ll be all the way inside. Door closed.”

He glanced around, the soft timbre of nostalgia glowing on his face. “Maybe.” He pushed to his feet. “Let’s finish that last section in the dining nook, and then I’d better head on out.”

She stood, too. “Sounds good.” She wished he could stay tonight, but he didn’t have clothes, toiletries.

They started on the wall, her rolling the big sections while he painted in at the edges. Music from the television filled in the silence, the satellite radio pop station. No way did she want to listen to the hard rock satellite station he liked.

The last dregs of sunset had colored the sky by the time they finished. He stood back and assessed their work. Nodded in approval. She’d always liked his profile. Strong chin, nose that was almost cute. Not that she’d ever tell him that. He turned to her, probably catching her with an interesting expression. “We did a good job.”

“Yes, we did.” And he was going to leave now.

They gathered the brushes and pans and walked around to the rear of the house to rinse everything. He laid out the tarp on the ground between the deck and the dunes and set the brushes on it to dry. He looked focused on every move he made, and yet he seemed a million miles away. Her gaze drifted to his big hands and the scarring across the backs.

She reached for his hand, startling him by the way he twitched. She ran her fingers along the back of the scars. “Grandma said you pulled me from the fire.”

“She did? When?”

“In her letter. She said you reached into the flames.”

He nodded, keeping his gaze on his hands. “Do you still want to know about the crash?”

“There’s this chunk of my life gone. I need to know what happened.”

He looked as though he was going to tell her how bad an idea that was, but he drew in a breath and started. “Cassidy was only trying to psyche me out, or so he said. He jerked his car toward us as we both raced toward the finish line. He doesn’t even know what happened, exactly, just that the steering locked and he couldn’t pull it straight. He smashed into us. We rolled and slammed into a tree on my side. Cassidy skidded around in a three-sixty and smashed into your side. Though he wouldn’t admit it, I think he’d been tinkering with his engine and did something that made it explode. I have some theories, but the car was destroyed, so we’ll never know.”

She could see how painful it was for him to relive it. Maybe it was selfish of her to ask, but she needed to know. “I don’t remember any of that.”

“It’s lucky you don’t.”
I do. Every second.
His earlier words echoed in her mind. But, still, he forged on. “I blacked out for a few seconds. The first thing I thought of when I dragged myself to consciousness was you. His car had erupted into flames, engulfing you through the open window. You were…” His gaze was vacant, back in the moment. “Screaming, blindly trying to open the door. But it was pinned shut. My door was, too, but I grabbed you and pulled you to my side. Smashed out the window and pushed you out. Pax was already rolling you on the ground to smother the flames by the time someone helped me climb out.”

His eyes, filled with the terror of the memory, met hers, and he reached up with his free hand. “You were burned so badly.” His fingers grazed her cheek, brushed the corner of her mouth, then skimmed her neck. Everywhere she’d been burned. “Your skin was black and raw, your hair burned away. You weren’t moving, weren’t screaming or talking or anything. I thought—”

“I was dead,” she finished when he couldn’t. The prospect had clearly traumatized him.

He swallowed, nodded. “I screamed your name. But I didn’t want to touch you, afraid of hurting you more. I ordered someone to bring me water. I took off my shirt and doused it with water, then laid it on you. I leaned down and listened to your breathing. Felt your exhalation. Pax tore his shirt and tied it around my shoulder. That’s when I realized it was broken, because I about fainted when he moved it. Same with the cut down my side. Never felt the pain of that, just the blood pouring down.”

She kept hold of his hand as he talked, her fingers pressed against his palm, her thumb stroking the mottled skin on the back. “Grandma said you were burned because you reached into the flames and pulled me out.”

“Don’t look at me like I’m some hero. As I always told Nancy, it’s not heroic if you save someone from a disaster you were responsible for. And, no, I didn’t cause the crash, but I invited you to ride with me. That makes me responsible.”

Night had now leached the color from the sky, leaving a dark-blue tint with gray clouds. It was the perfect backdrop for the pain and guilt in his eyes. She lifted his hand to her mouth, kissing the bumpy texture she knew all too well.

“Mia,” he said, his voice even rawer now.

She kept her eyes on him as she kissed over his knuckles, down his pointer finger. His breathing grew deeper, labored. “Forgive yourself, Raleigh. Please. You were a kid. And we were high on each other, on going fast in more ways than one.” She turned his hand over and kissed his palm, breathing in the faint scent of paint and soap, feeling those familiar calluses against her lips. A man who worked hard for a living. For others.

“I don’t know if I—”

“You can, Raleigh. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me. I can’t stand the thought of you thrashing yourself with this all your life.” She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him and laying her cheek against his chest.

A tremor passed through his body as his hands came up to envelop her in his strong, safe hold. Being in his embrace had always felt so good. Safe and warm and
right
. She could hear his heart pounding near her ear. His hand came up to the back of her head. Her clip fell to the deck with a clatter, leaving his fingers free to slide through her hair. They had stood like this many times over the summer, a sweet embrace just for the sake of holding each other.

You make me feel good about myself,
he’d whispered during one of those times.
Like I’m worthwhile.
She’d savored the words, sure that they weren’t what guys normally said in those kinds of moments.

“Can you try?” she whispered, her hands flattening on his back, stroking up and down the muscles she could feel moving beneath the skin. “For me?”

His mouth came down on the top of her head, a soft kiss. “I’ll try.”

It was something. She closed her eyes and sank into this moment. There might not be any others like it. Ever. The thought caused a sharp pain to lodge in her chest. So she held on, not wanting to move or say anything that might make him back up.

He was stroking her scalp, a heavenly feeling in itself. She thought maybe his cheek was resting on top of her head.
Safe. Good. Right
. The words rolled through her head like a chant.

With a ragged breath, he leaned forward, and when she thought he might kiss her he pressed his mouth to her forehead. “I’d better go.”
Before…
She could hear that so clearly in her mind.
Before we go too far.

He wasn’t that reckless boy anymore. She saw the battle for control on his face, the wisdom he’d gained from a hard life and choices he regretted. She knew, though, that if she leaned up and kissed him he would kiss her back. As much as she wanted to break his control, she honored his struggle. And her own. This was what they both needed, as he’d reminded her. Closure, forgiveness. Going farther would only be painful. This road terminated, like that piece of abandoned highway where they’d raced. The asphalt broken away, a large reflective sign warning drivers to stop.

She forced herself to nod and take another step back. “See you in the morning, then?”

“How early is too early?”

“Seven-thirty works.” She usually woke at five and couldn’t get back to sleep. She’d start thinking about Raleigh, her mind spinning off into a thousand directions until she gave up and got out of bed. “You still like eggs and bacon?”

He smiled. “You remembered.”

Sometimes on the weekends they’d meet at the local diner for breakfast. She’d been amazed at how much he could eat. “I remember everything about you, Raleigh.”

He made a sound deep in his throat, stepping around her and heading into the house. He swiped his keys from the counter and walked to the front door. But he paused and turned. “Then remember that I’m no better for you now than I was then.”

He left, closing the door with a soft thud.

“But you are good for me, Raleigh. If you knew how holding you felt…but maybe you do. Maybe you do.”

Holding Mia the day before had been almost as dangerous as kissing her. Hell. Raleigh’s heart had been about to burst with her pleading for him to forgive himself. That knot of hard feelings had resided in his chest since the crash. It was comfortable, familiar.

As Raleigh pulled up to the house early Sunday morning, he told himself not to get into that situation again. Unfortunately, his heart was doing some kind of damned jig at the thought of seeing her.

He exited the car, grabbed the two coffees he’d picked up at Joe Mama’s Café, and headed to the front door. Mia opened it just as he reached it, a bright smile at seeing the coffee. Except she was looking at him.

“Good morning.”

“Morning back.” He handed her the one on the right. “Cappuccino, low-fat milk, two raw-sugar packets.” He pulled them out of his pocket but stopped. Damn, she looked as though she were going to cry.

“You remembered,” she squeaked.

“It’s just coffee.”

She nodded hard, as though she were trying to convince herself. “Come in.”

When he saw pans and plates set out, and then her dripping slices of raw bacon into a large pan, he knew the feeling she’d probably grappled with. That someone cared enough not only to remember but to act on it.

He stepped up next to her. They’d never cooked together, so this was new. “Let me help.”

“I thought I’d make scrambled eggs. You can start breaking the eggs into the bowl, if you’d like.” She opened the fridge and handed him the carton of eggs, shredded cheese, milk, then directed him to the bowl.

A rapid knock preceded Cody’s face peering around the edge of the opening door. “Do I smell bacon?”

“And plenty of it,” Mia said, waving the package.

Cody didn’t need any more of an invitation. Before long, they were eating together like an odd little family. Which reminded Raleigh of Mia’s even stranger suggestion that he and Rose might get together. That was one of the things he’d liked about Mia, though; she sometimes said outrageous things. Honest things.

After cleaning up from breakfast, he and Cody went to work on the gutters while Mia washed the windows. He nearly dropped the gutter on the kid because he was too busy watching her. Even though she wore shirts that covered her arms, the tank top beneath the long-sleeved shirt showed off her curves. Had he been the first to touch her breasts? If he’d been her first kiss, then probably. Had he been gentle enough? He’d had to hold himself back, knowing she was a virgin. He had never wanted a girl, needed to be buried inside her, the way he had with Mia. Not since, either.

When Mia went into the house, Cody whispered, “Are you and Mia, well, you know…”

“Are we friends? Sure.”

“No, I mean, like all kissy-face and stuff.” Cody grimaced.

Raleigh checked to make sure Mia wasn’t coming out. “We were kissy-face once. A long time ago. Did you see the burn scars on her face and hands?”

Cody nodded. “I didn’t say nothing, though.”

“Good.” Raleigh scrubbed his hair. “You know the accident I was in that did this?” He lifted his shirt to show his scar.

“While you were racing and you weren’t supposed to?”

“Yeah. Well, she was with me. She was hurt bad.”

Cody’s expression grew sober. “You didn’t tell me that part.”

“ ’Cause it’s painful to talk about. She went through a lot because of me.”

“She doesn’t seem mad at you.”

“She’s taught me a lot about forgiveness.”

Mia came out with bottles of water for everyone, a smile on her pretty face. Raleigh couldn’t figure out why she was so forgiving. In fact, she was being downright kind to him. More than kind, he thought, as their fingers brushed when he took the bottle from her, and affectionate. He wasn’t sure he could handle much more without breaking, and that would be bad for both of them.

Once they had the gutters replaced, with one frog being slightly manhandled before its escape into the protected sea oats, it was nearly lunchtime.

Forty minutes later, they sat out on the deck eating pizza—a getting-a-house-ready-to-sell staple, according to Cody. Which he’d probably made up, since he’d lived in the same trailer his whole life. The kid sent Mia into gales of laughter as he made lips with his pepperonis and talked like Donald Duck, a spot-on imitation. Raleigh laughed, too, but he was watching Mia. The left side of her mouth pulled a little tighter because of the scarring, but her crooked smile somehow made her even more beautiful. He loved the way she laughed, always had. As though each laugh were precious. Now he understood why.

Her gaze slid to him, catching him. Something electric zinged between them, strong enough that his fingers curled in response. Her hand came up to her collarbone, and he wondered if she’d felt it, too.

Cody cleared his throat. He probably realized he’d lost their attention. “Miss Mia. I heard you were in an accident because of racing. I’m glad you’re all right now.” He winced. “I hope that was all right to say.”

She gave him a soft smile. “It’s fine. I’m a big proponent of speaking the truth and being open.” She flicked a glance at Raleigh. “You can probably tell that I was burned pretty badly.”

Cody’s shake of his head was a little too vigorous. “Hardly at all.”

“I put on a lot of makeup, and I wear clothes that cover most of the scarring. Your brother saved my life. I bet he didn’t tell you that part.”

Cody’s narrowed eyes pinned him with an accusatory look. “Noooo.”

Mia leaned forward, her arms on the table. “Raleigh will downplay it, but he reached into the flames that were all around me, with a broken shoulder yet, to pull me out of the car. That’s how his hands were burned.”

All Raleigh could think of was how she’d kissed his hands, so freaking tenderly that he’d almost lost it. And how much he’d wanted to kiss her scars, the mottled flesh that bound them forever.

“Whoa,” Cody intoned. “I’m not sure I could reach into a fire.”

“You would,” Raleigh assured him. “If someone you cared about was engulfed, you’d do whatever you could to pull them out. Even if it’s a stranger. Something comes over you, and you just do what needs to be done. People do it all the time.”

“Like firefighters,” Cody said, a big, goofy grin on his face. “If I don’t become a mechanic like you, I want to be a fireman. Then it’d be my job to reach into flames. To run into them, too.”

“Yep. You’re brave enough to do that. I considered becoming a firefighter while I was in jail. Get away from cars altogether, have an honorable profession. But my conviction would have to be factored in, and considering the firefighter who’d been at the scene had been promoted to a captain, I nixed it.”

“But that’s all right. You’re meant to work on cars. That’s what you love, and it’s honorable, too. Don’t look so skeptical. An honest, good mechanic is hard to find.” Mia tossed her crusts into the empty box. “What’s the jerk who caused the crash doing nowadays?”

“Cassidy,” Raleigh said his name, a bitter pill in his mouth. “He’s a cop now, believe it or not.”

“And a big fat bumhole,” Cody added.

“But wouldn’t a conviction hamper his ability to work in law enforcement?”

“He was sentenced as a juvenile, since he was only seventeen at the time of the crash. It’s not on his permanent record.”

“That’s not fair,” she said. “You have a record, and he doesn’t.”

A lot about the crash was unfair, but Raleigh wasn’t going to go into the hardships. Losing his car. Having his license revoked for a year. Paying a five-hundred-dollar fine. Still, it could have been worse. Mia had survived. Thrived. That was all that mattered.

“Life sucks sometimes,” Cody said with a solemn nod, his shadowed eyes meeting Raleigh’s. “And so do some people.” Their dark secret simmered like an ember, but Raleigh broke eye contact before Mia could pick up anything. He sure as hell didn’t want to get into that.

“Yeah, it does” was all he could say. “But it was most unfair to Mia.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to bring the conversation down into the dumps,” she said. “Do the kids still race around here?”

“Our crash scared them straight, but this generation only knows about it as an urban legend. I’ve heard rumors that there are races on the same strip of abandoned highway we raced on, but not on a regular basis. I occasionally have some kid bring in his four-cylinder and ask what I can do to make it race-worthy. Then I break the urban-legend thing and tell him what happened. How people die when they race illegally. And I send him home.”

Cody grinned. “Sometimes me and Raleigh go there and drive fast when no one else is around.”

“Well, not too fast.” Raleigh watched Mia’s face at that bit of news. Would she be shocked that he dared still drive fast? But no, it wasn’t shock or derision. It was…hunger. The same that he’d seen all those years ago when he told her about the thrill of racing.

“Wanna go for a ride?” Cody asked while Raleigh was still considering the wisdom of offering.

“She probably wouldn’t feel comfortable,” Raleigh said, though he might have meant himself. “Bad memories and all.”

“But you’re not racing against another car,” she said, that fire growing. “Just going fast.”

“Let’s go!” Cody jumped up and pounded his feet on the boards. “We haven’t gone in a while. And we need a break, anyway.”

Raleigh gestured toward the table. “We just took a break.”

But Cody was pulling Mia to her feet, and she was laughing at his enthusiasm. “Can we, Raleigh? Can we, can we?” he asked, his hand still wrapped around Mia’s.

Raleigh met her gaze. “You sure?”

She nodded. “Yes.” She laced her fingers through Cody’s, but her eyes were still on Raleigh. “Do you know, that summer was the first time I’d ever gone fast? And I haven’t gone fast since then. I haven’t felt that thrill, that wild sense of freedom.” Her eyes sparkled. “I want to feel that again.”

Was she still talking about driving in a car? “All right, let’s go fast.”

Cody whooped and raced off to find his sneakers. They closed up the house and headed to the ‘Cuda. Raleigh felt an overwhelming sense of déjà vu with her sitting in the passenger seat, running her fingers along the interior lines of the car as she took it in. “She’s a beauty.”

Good thing Cody was there, or he might have leaned over and kissed her. He’d done that every time he’d gotten in on the driver’s side, letting the momentum carry him into her space, where he couldn’t resist capturing her mouth. It was almost like remembering scenes from a movie, actors who only looked like them.

“This is the first muscle car I’ve owned since the crash. Well, for the first year I was out, I had a bike.”

“Motorcycle?”

“No, bicycle. Then a motorcycle. Then I bought a cheap car that wouldn’t even think about going fast. But one of my clients brought this car in for some work, and, man, I fell in love with her.” He ran his fingers along the top of the leather wheel. “Turned out he needed to sell her, so we did some bartering. I’ve been doing work on her when I can eke out the time.”

She took in the updated interior. “It looks perfect.”

“There are things you can’t see. I’ve had her for sale, trying to raise money for a down payment on the garage, but no serious takers so far.”

“That would be sad to sell it. Her. And now you won’t have to.” Then she gave him a puzzled look. “You rode a bicycle? From your trailer?”

He shrugged. “Didn’t have a license for a year. Part of the conviction.” Okay, he hadn’t meant to bring that up. But he wouldn’t talk about—

“You must have had to leave by five in the morning to ride that far,” she said. “And on roads without bike lanes. In the rain and cold weather. Raleigh—”

“This is supposed to be a fun ride. Let’s not dwell on that.” Her sympathy, considering the price she’d paid. He couldn’t even comprehend it.

Instead of finishing her sentence, she stroked his arm. He felt that soft touch throughout his body. Compassion, understanding.

He fingered the key Pax had given him, a gleaming temptation every time he pulled out his key ring. Dumb to even coil it onto the ring in the first place, but there it was. He wrestled his phone from his pocket and called Pax. “Anyone out at the track right now?”

“Just me and three-eighths of a mile of fresh asphalt waiting for someone to lay down some rubber.” Pax let that settle, pushing Raleigh to continue.

“I’m thinking of taking you up on that offer.”

“Tuning?”

He glanced at Mia, who was clearly intrigued. “Just driving fast. Reliving old times.”

“Come on down,” he drawled.

“The kid’s with us. That okay?”

“Sure, just put a helmet on him. Us? Who’s ‘us’?”

“Mia.”

“Ohhhh. Sweet.”

Yeah.
Sweet
. “See you in a few.” Raleigh paused. “Thanks.”

“Dude, I have ulterior motives. Get you hooked into racing again.”

“You sound like a drug dealer.”

“Racing, best drug ever.” He hung up, sneaky son of a bitch that he was.

Raleigh looked at his two passengers, who were waiting for an explanation. “We’re going out to the track.” Cody whooped, while Mia was still in the dark. “Pax is reopening the old speedway on the edge of town.”

“Old speedway?”

“It closed before I was old enough to drive, sat moldering all these years. Pax has been racing in the smaller circuits whenever he can get the time off. He’s been pipe- dreaming about reopening the track here for years, and now he’s actually in the process of doing it. A guy in town who used to race is going in with him, and he has some sponsors.”

“Seems like a contradiction, being a cop and a race-car driver,” Mia said.

“Pax is the contradiction in his family.”

Mia faced him, wrapping her fingers over the edge of the seat. “I remember he always called himself the black sheep of the family, like he was proud of it.”

“That’s because the position of Number One Son, as he calls it, is already taken. It’s tough, being the second son. Blake, the firstborn, is his father’s pride and joy, ’cause he did everything his daddy told him to. Be a football star. Get all A’s. Be class president. Hell, he even looks just like his dad. Doesn’t leave any room for Pax, you know? So he blazed his own trail, fishing, hanging out with lowlife…that’d be me.”