Falling Away (12 page)

             
Quietly, he answered, “I don’t think so. He’s pretty mad, Jenna. You’ve hurt him more than anyone ever has, and I don’t think he knows how to deal with that. For what it’s worth, I think it’s actually pretty smart of you to go off and find a new road. Just in case.”

             
Words that would haunt me the rest of my days.
Just in case
.

I knew I wasn’t supposed to call.
Jhett
said Robert didn’t
wanna
talk to me yet, and trying to call him would only annoy him more at this point.
Jhett
was just as surprised as I was that Robert was holding onto his anger so long, so much that he had no desire to talk to me about it. He had every right to be mad, but didn’t I have the right to defend myself? The argument we had before he burst out of my life wasn’t enough. We didn’t get to say everything we were thinking, everything we were feeling. I was doubtful I’d ever find the courage to explain the whole truth, but I still wanted to try my best at convincing him that he was the one I loved.

             
My insides were so knotted I felt nauseated, nervous to speak, but as expected, he didn’t pick up. It saddened me to hear him over voice mail, sounding happy and energetic, recorded long before I crushed his heart.

             
I sighed, dreading the thought of leaving a blabbered, tear-infested message for him to find. Soothingly, I answered the beep with, “Hey, Robert. It’s me. I was hoping you’d pick up and talk to me but I guess you’re still not ready. Just as well, I guess, ‘cause I’m not really sure what to say. I’m sorry, obviously. So, so sorry. I don’t know what happened. One minute we were happy and the next…” I sighed heavily, fighting hard against the tears trying to drown my eyes. “I didn’t realize Evan thought that way about me. I was just this girl he knew from the hospital. He didn’t act like he was interested the last time I saw him, so I had no idea he was gonna do that. But I guess that’s neither here nor there. I just wanted to–”

             
That horrible beep cut me off.

             
“…tell you I love you.” I sighed heavily again, ended the call and leaned my head against the bus window, taking in the rainbow-colored display bursting through the night’s sky, marking the beginning of what I feared would be a horrible year to come. “Happy New Year,” I muttered hurtfully.

These past two weeks had been the longest of my life. I didn’t bother enrolling in the community college in Rutland. I already had three semesters under my belt, and taking three or six more hours wasn’t really gonna do anything to get me transferred to Rutgers, so I decided to get as many hours as I could at A Light in the Attic, the town’s bookstore. I loved it. It wasn’t as large as a major chain, but it was quaint and had that antique library feel to it, but without the musty smell you’d expect to go along with it. The best part was that Delilah’s
Delectables
& Coffee House was next door, and a portion of the wall had been removed to connect the two businesses, so I got to smell the wonderful, mind-numbing scent of chocolate and coffee all day long. I’d probably gain five pounds just smelling the fudge, but it’d be totally worth it.

             
On my day off I usually ran my errands and crashed in my little twenty-by-twenty foot studio, but I was still tempted to find a secondary job on Sunday to bring in a little extra cash.

             
Mr. Rockwell was glad to have me back, having just lost an employee. He hated training new people so my timing couldn’t have been better. Guess that made one of us happy I was back in town. Since I probably knew the business better than the other workers there, he had me working the twelve-to-nine shift so he could open up each day and I could close. I wasn’t complaining. It paid three bucks more an hour and I could sleep in late, and since I didn’t know anyone in town, I didn’t have much of a life anyways.

             
Monday night I was humming along with the Adele song that was quietly playing throughout the bookstore, wondering exactly how one would set fire to the rain, when that voice stunned me for the second time in as many weeks.

             
“Do you have the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan?”

             
My eyes momentarily bulged, then slowly rolled in annoyance. Why was I not surprised? He found me at Yale easily enough, so it figured he’d find me here, too. I didn’t even bother turning around, pretending to be too busy
reshelving
the books alphabetically in the Romance section.

             
“Yes,” I answered sharply. “Fantasy’s against the back wall over there,” I said, pointing. “Books are shelved by author’s last name. We’ve got a ton of his stuff, so you can’t miss it.”

             
“Jenna,” he softly whined.

             
“Go away, Evan,” I deadpanned. I left my cart in the middle of the aisle and headed toward the back, deciding this would be an excellent time to take my break. Pushing through the door labeled
Employees Only
, I weaved left, then right, and into the small employee’s break room. All we had was a small table, mini refrigerator and a sofa, ‘cause typically only about three of us worked the store at one time. I pulled a soda out of the refrigerator, praying the caffeine would help fight the pulsations that were growing in my head.

             
How the hell did he keep finding me? Granted, I wasn’t off the grid as much as I was when I lived with Robert, but still, I’d only been in Rutland for two weeks now. And to show up at my job? How the hell?

             
But crap!
I slammed my soda down on the table. Tiny amber droplets burst through the opening and misted my arm. My other hand rubbed at my face, trying to soothe the tension away. I was still trying to repair my relationship with Robert. Evan hounding me was the last thing I needed right now.

             
Fifteen minutes passed on the clock and I groaned, dreading my return to the sales floor. I checked myself in the mirror, noticing the paleness of my skin. Good. Maybe if I resembled a pasty vampire he’d get turned off and rethink chasing me down. I left the safety of the back and made a beeline for the cart I abandoned, finding it right where I left it. Continuing
with my work
, I fought my curiosity to scan the bookstore for him, refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was thinking of him, wondering about him, which unfortunately, I couldn’t stop doing.
No point in letting him know that though
. If he was still around, he didn’t approach me again, and I made it through the last two hours of my shift standing my ground.

             
But he came back the next day. I didn’t know how long he’d been there, but I was leading a customer to the New Age section when I spotted him in one of the leather arm chairs we kept off to the side. He looked up from his book and caught my gaze, and I threw him an annoyed glare until I disappeared down an aisle. I offered to stay and help the lady find whatever she needed, desperately trying to keep myself busy to keep him at bay, but I honestly had zero expertise about the subjects of New Age. So when I made my way back, of course he stood in the path between me and the help desk.

             
Anger flared in my chest and I didn’t know why. Was I really that mad at him? I had tried so hard not to think about him, to downplay what happened. Sure, I played my part in this fiasco, but a little resentment still resided toward him for instigating it.

             
My eyes remained hard, even though the softness of his facial features used to melt my heart. “What are you doing here?” I snapped, crossing my arms and
shifting
my weight onto one leg, my stance screaming
get the hell away from me.
 

             
His hands went up in surrender. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. About what happened.”

             
I couldn’t stop the eye roll. “About kissing me? Or getting
caught
kissing me?”

             
His lips pressed together as he thought on it. “I don’t regret kissing you, but I do regret the way it went down. I didn’t want you to break up that way. I wanted you to break up because you wanted to be with me.”

             
Haughty, my hands went to my hips as I challenged, “What in the hell makes you think we’ve broken up?”

             
With fake disbelief, he replied, “Really, Jenna? You’re in
Rutland
. By yourself. Working a minimum wage job. I seriously doubt you’d be doing this if you were still with Richie-Rich.”
             

             
“His name is Robert. And I never said we broke up,” I replied defiantly, popping the P sound in up.

             
“Fine, whatever. Look, I didn’t come here to start a fight with you or anything. I just wanted to say I’m sorry for what happened. I only meant to talk to you that night. But when I saw you…” he paused, slightly shaking his head, and I felt the fire within cool just a bit. “I don’t know. We were standing there together, and it felt wrong not to hold you, and I just couldn’t stop myself from kissing you.”

             
I felt my defensive stance lighten, my hardened shell cracking and a few pieces shattering to the ground. “Fine. You’re forgiven. Doesn’t mean I’m not still mad at you.”

             
“Well, then give me the chance to correct that. Let me take you to dinner.”

             
“No,” I answered at the speed of light. I pushed past him, the back of my hand brushing the firm muscle in his bicep to edge him over.

             
“Come on, Jenna,” he called at my retreating back.

             
I shook my head and continued on to the help desk, where thankfully, another patron was waiting for service. My reprieve was short-lived as
Evan
returned again the next day. That’s when I realized this would be a very long week, ‘cause since I worked six days a week, I was only on day three of six.

             
Evan leaned back in the same brown chair, eyeing me softly as the day progressed. For two hours he did nothing but slip peeks, which shamefully, I only knew ‘cause I couldn’t keep my eyes’ curiosity from wandering in his direction. When I realized he was gonna spend the entire day like that, I forced myself to approach him for once.

             
Hands on hips and serious face on, I stepped before him. He innocently glanced up at me and a warm smile spread across his cheeks.
You haven’t won anything
. “What are you doing here? I’m not going out with you.”

             
“I haven’t asked you that today, and since you already said no to that question yesterday, it’s not currently up for debate. But I’m thrilled the idea of me asking you out is weighing heavy on your mind.”

             
The gold flint in his eyes didn’t really sparkle in this semi-dim atmosphere, but they still had this annoying way of mesmerizing me every time they met with mine.

             
“You know, when you spend hours upon hours in an establishment without buying anything, it’s called loitering.”