Falling Awake (9 page)

  “And I do feel like I know you.” He turned serious. I ignored the chattering of my teeth.

  “You’re smart, beautiful, you’re loving, you’re careful. You don’t like to take too many risks, yet you don’t want to sit and watch from the side-lines either.” I looked at him in astonishment as he described my personality down to a T.

  “I know you want to high-tail it out of here,” he continued. “Meet new people, see new things; but you hate the thought of leaving your dad and best friend behind.”

  “Am I that see through?” I asked him, bewildered by how he knew so much about me. Thing’s I didn’t even like to admit to myself. Like the fact that I couldn’t wait for the day I could eventually leave here and see the rest of the world, but wondered if I would ever actually do it, leaving the two most important people in my life on this little island.

  “No you’re not.” He moved in even closer, his face inches from mine. “You’re a closed book. Your excellent at hiding your feelings, only letting people see how much you want them to, and when you want them to.” I clutched the beam tighter and my heart began pounding in my chest. His wet hair glistened under the fraction of moonlight that penetrated under the pier, and droplets of water dripped down over his face calling out for me to wipe them away.

  “But see…I want you so bad, I make it my business to know everything I can about you. Everything you do and say fascinates me.” He moved closer, resting his head against mine, his eyes burning into me and brought his free hand up to cup my face, stroking my lip with his thumb, and heat radiated through me from his touch. He brought his lips to mine and I moved back startled that I’d gotten lost in this moment for so long.

  He smiled. “See, you want to kiss me, but you won’t let yourself…I admire your control. I wish I could do that.”

  “I…I can’t,” I stuttered.

  “Yeah, yeah, I know, because of Caleb.”

I knew Caleb didn’t want me, but I felt like making out with Ressler would somehow make him want me even less. “No not because of him.”

  “You’re an awful liar.”

  “I’m not lying,” I said in self-defence.

  “You know he won’t go anywhere near you though right?” Even though I had already gotten the message loud and clear from Caleb himself, Ressler’s cold words still stung me, and my legs slowly stopped treading water as my body shut down and I stared at him in shock.

  “Ressler!” We both turned around in unison at the sound of someone shouting his name.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” Drake stood with Mellissa at the edge of the shore looking overly pissed off. Ressler groaned loudly.

  “Get her out of there NOW,” Drake shouted.

  “What’s the big deal?” I heard Mellissa say to him, then looked over at us wearing a puzzled expression.

  “Looks like our chaperones here.” Ressler took off swimming towards the water’s edge, and I followed him not wanting to be left out here on my own, and now acutely aware of the cold, now that I had lost the heat that radiated from our earlier intimacy.

I got out of the water and ran over to where my jacket lay in a heap and zipped it up, pulling on my shorts and scooping up my top. Drake turned away in embarrassment at how little I was wearing. Mellissa however seemed to think it was funny and probably thought she had intruded on something a little more private, judging by the look on her face.

  “It’s not what you think,” I told her as she took me, rubbing some heat into my arms. Ressler put on his socks, then pulled his sweats on over his wet boxers. He pushed his feet into his trainers then strode over angrily to Drake and shoved him hard in the chest. “What is your fucking problem?”

  “What’s my problem?” he asked, infuriated. “You’re my problem.”

  “Why does what I’m doing, concern you all of a sudden?”

I stood with Mellissa, both of us looking on in bewilderment, unsure of what exactly had just happened.

  “Rather it was me here busting your stupid ass then Caleb,” Drake said as they now stood practically nose to nose in confrontation. Mellissa went running over to them before a fight broke out, and dragged Drake away forcefully. He tried his best to stand his ground, but he finally relented and took a step back.

  “What are you doing?” she asked him, securing his head in-between her hands. He begrudgingly took his eyes off Ressler and gave his full attention to her.

  “They weren’t even doing anything.” She half laughed with un-surety.

  “If this is about Caleb,” I interrupted. “Then there’s no need really. He’s already told me he isn’t interested in me in that way, so you don’t need to spare his feelings.” Ressler looked at me briefly then grabbed his top off the sand, storming off back towards the bonfire topless.

  “Mellissa’s right, nothing was going on anyway,” I said to Drake, whose eyes followed Ressler.

“I’m sorry,” I heard myself saying, even though I wasn’t sure what exactly I’d done, or why he actually cared so much.

  “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” Mellissa looked sternly at Drake. “I think you should be apologizing.” He looked like he was about to argue that point with her, but quickly changed his mind at the look on her face.

  “Sorry about that,” he said, turning towards me. I felt like I should ask for an explanation, but I was drained and overwhelmed by tiredness.

I picked up my clothes and went over to give Mellissa a kiss on the cheek. “I’m going home, I’ll call you tomorrow,” I told her, and then gave Drake a small smile before following in the direction of Ressler. Drake came jogging up beside me.

  “Let me give you a ride home.”

“I’ll be fine getting home myself.”

  “It’s no problem really. Just to make sure you get home okay.”

  “Seriously, I’m fine. I drive around by myself all the time,” I joked, then walked away, waving back over my shoulder.

What was it with him? It was like he’d been taking lessons from Caleb in the over protective department.

  I passed my dad on the way out and he told me he was staying a little longer then checking in on Caleb at the garage. I couldn’t see the benefit of having the extra staff if he still insisted on hibernating in the damn place.

I got in my car and weaved my way out of the tightly packed road leaving the warm glowing lights and mellow music far behind in the distance. The smell of smoke and the chill from the sea clung to me, and I ached to take a long hot shower. Whether it was to wash away the fumes or the tingling feeling Ressler had left me with, was most definitely up for debate.

 
I
lay in bed and fell almost immediately into a deep sleep. I sat with Caleb on a smooth grey rock, at the entrance of a cove I had never been in before. I listened as the waves lapped up over the sides of the cove as the sea calmly rolled in, separating itself from the vast ocean.

The sun shone down brightly in the clear blue sky and I lay down on my back, dragging my hands through the cold sea as it rippled between my fingers. My hair spreading out around me, the ends dipping and spreading out into the water.

  Caleb sat bent over me, topless and barefoot, wearing only a pair of low hanging black trousers. I reached my wet fingers up toward him and traced the shape of his eyes down toward his jaw line, then continued my search until I reached his smooth chest, then brushed my fingers over his tattoo.

  “Are you real?” I asked him, feeling elated from his presence and my tranquil surroundings. He bent down brushing his lips against mine, and I shivered.

Too soon, he pulled away and stood up; blocking the sunlight that filtered in through the opening of the cove, warming my face and my soul with his powerful body that was built solely for a warrior.

He reached his hand around and into a leather sheath that he wore strapped over his chest. I stood up carefully, finding my footing on the rock, and a long white nightdress billowed out behind me in the gentle breeze. I reached out to touch whatever it was he grasped, but he quickly snapped it back into place before I got the chance. I looked at him sullenly.

  “You’re not ready yet,” he said, smiling with only his magnificent green eyes. “Soon,” he promised. And I threw my arms across my face as a pair of iridescent wings enveloped outwards from behind his back, glowing brilliantly as they escaped to their full enormous size, blocking out all of the light, and cascading us into darkness.

When I felt the dazzling light begin to fade, I slowly dropped my arm to find the once glorious wings turned to the blackest colour of night, shredded and dripping blood profusely onto the rock pooling around my bare feet. Until one by one, each feather dropped to the ground, falling into the sea. The sky outside turned a dark shade of grey as the last of the sunlight flickered out and oily black clouds rolled in shrouding us in darkness.

***

 
Pria, you are not alone… there is someone in the house.

I slowly opened my eyes in response to the feminine voice.

 
Get up now, and listen to my voice!
It commanded, and I tried my hardest to adjust my eyes to my hazy surroundings.

My dream had steadily turned into a nightmare, and I wasn’t sure if I was awake now, or still sleeping. I propped myself up and looked around my bedroom, but something wasn’t quite right.

  I was looking at my own bedroom, but through some kind of grainy tunnel vision, and I rubbed my eyes to help me see clearer. When I reopened them, nothing seemed to have changed.    

 
MOVE,
the voice boomed more persistent, and I automatically sprung to my feet, fear propelling my body forward. My bedroom door slowly opened, and I automatically drifted over to it, hovering in the doorway.

 
Go to your father’s room,
the voice instructed me, so I kept on walking, until I found myself entering his empty room.

I once again tried to rub away the graininess, but nothing shifted and I felt like I was in a badly made movie. I shut my eyes ferociously and reopened them hoping to wake myself up. But my body moved so real, as if I were already awake.

I heard a loud crashing noise coming from downstairs, and I jumped in response.

 
Get in the wardrobe. Hurry,
I was instructed next, and I listened to the voice without a second thought as if my body were completely out of my control, and my mind worked by someone else.

I opened the wardrobe and stepped inside, pushing aside my dad’s clothes as heavy footsteps pounded up the stairs.

 
Slide the wall open, and follow the stairs.
My fingers felt their way across the smooth back wall, knowing exactly what they were looking for, and I slid a door to one side and stepped through, closing it behind me.

It was pitch black inside, and yet- I instinctively knew where to put my feet. I let my body guide me up the narrow wooden staircase, where I lay down trying to cut my stare through the blackness, until I heard the voice no more and my eyes eventually closed.

***

  I awoke to find myself lying on a hard wood floor with a low hanging roof, supported by wooden beams. The room was narrow and the only light came from a standing lamp, with a dusty, fringed, mink coloured shade.

I sat up feeling disorientated, and rubbed my eyes as if the scene before me would change. The room was empty apart from a pile of large boxes that were stacked neatly, in the far corner of the room.  I was in someone’s attic, I was sure of that, but I was clueless to how I got here, or why.

  I got up and walked slowly to the boxes in the corner. There were no labels, and out of curiosity, I opened the top box.

I rummaged through carefully, and found that it was full of women’s clothes. I pulled out a long floaty Aztec print strapless dress, and I caught the vague scent of stale citrus rise up as I moved it. I put the dress away carefully and started on the second box.

This time, the box was full of unusual looking objects. I settled my hands on a circular object with blue and white feathers dangling from it, on a string of sparkling blue beads. A detailed star, come flower shape, had been woven into the middle of the circle.

A dream catcher.

I set it aside on the floor, and put the box back.

  I opened up the next box and as I looked down at the contents, I swung back on my heels in shock.

In the box, a picture of a beautiful, long dark haired woman, was smiling back at me from where she sat- amongst a cluster of white, and slate coloured rocks, with a few sparse pine trees protruding from in-between. Still crystal blue water surrounded the rocks, and snow-capped mountains rose up in the background. She wore a strapless Aztec print dress, and her familiar golden brown eyes shone brightly. It was those exact eyes that made me jump back in horror.

  They were my eyes.

I pushed myself forward to peek another glimpse inside of the box, and the same scene still sat there looking back at me. I grabbed the photograph turning it over in my hands.

Savannah 30th July 1995
was written on the back in neat cursive handwriting. That was the day before my birthday, except I wasn’t born when this picture was taken. I didn’t exist.

We had no family photos, and I’d never seen what my mother actually looked like, but everything I imagined stared back at me from this happy snapshot.

My dad claimed all our photographs were destroyed in a flood before we moved to Friday harbor from Carson City, after my mom died. So I had no piece of my past that involved me as a baby, or my dead mother.

I could fit all of the photographs that we did have, into a small album that I kept stashed away in a box under my bed. My dad had told me about my mom a thousand times, lulling me to sleep with stories of her gracious beauty and big heart, but I never dreamed she would be this stunning. And as much as he loved telling me about the person she was, and how unbelievably beautiful she was; he never told me any stories about their life together. I knew absolutely nothing about her. Not really.

I looked down at her olive skin that looked as smooth as satin, and her eyes glowed, holding all the power of the sun behind them.

  I put the picture down next to the dream catcher and shuffled through the rest of the pictures. Most were of her, and there were some of my dad.

He looked like he hadn’t aged a day, despite the pictures being over sixteen years old. He looked into her eyes lovingly as she smiled up at him, and it was the first time I had seen him look truly happy.

I always considered my dad pretty easy going, and I’d never thought twice about him ever being unhappy. Until seeing him now.

I had no memory of my dad ever looking so content. I could see now what my dad’s life used to be like, before he was left to bring me up on his own.

I mean sure, he gave me everything I wanted. He more or less let me do whatever I wanted, within reason of course, and he never ever complained. But these pictures showed my dad actually living, and not just existing, and I felt guilty in some way. Like it was my fault he had been left with me.

A wet splodge dropped onto the photographs, and I realised I was crying.

  I didn’t want to look through any more boxes.

I hugged my legs close to my chest and clung on to the pictures as I cried. My dad had lied to me. This was our stuff, and it definitely did not look like it had been near any water, let alone flooded.

I wiped my eyes and tried to stifle my tears as I looked around me at the bare room, trying to work out how I could have ended up here.

I noticed a wide opening in the floor opposite where I sat and I pulled myself up, grabbing the dream catcher and picture, and walked over to where a narrow set of wooden steps led down into darkness.

  I carefully made my way down them, with my hands pressed to the cold walls at either side of me, and came to a dead end at the bottom, blocked by a wall. I banged against it ferociously, panicking at the realisation that I might be stuck here.

I moved my hands over the wall, looking for a handle of some sort, and it jolted under my weight. I pressed on it harder, and I heard it slide open. Dragging it towards me until it was fully open, hanging clothes filled my vision.

I narrowed my eyes and I could make out what looked like my dad’s stuff, some on hangers, and some scattered onto the floor. I ran my hands over them, feeling the cool fabric under my fingers, and I got a familiar waft of his scent as the clothes moved under my touch.

A door on the other side of the clothes stood ajar and I moved through them, stepping out into his bedroom. I didn’t understand how, or why I had just stepped out of the wardrobe, but it didn’t matter.

  As my eyes fell across the empty bedroom, instead of the neat sage green cotton sheets covering the tidy king bed, and the bedside table with the small lamp and alarm clock that always sat upon it; the whole room had been ransacked.

The green-checkered curtains half hung from the windows, having been torn down. The bed linen was strewn across the floor. The pillows were ripped apart, leaving down feathers scattered all over the room, covering the horrific mess, and the mattress was ripped in two. Every single draw hung out of the dressing table, with its contents littered across the floor.

  What on earth happened here?

I moved from my dad’s room to my room, where exactly the same mess awaited me. My stuff was everywhere. My vintage cushions that once sat snugly on my window seat, were torn to shreds. The expensive fabric littering the floor in tattered pieces. My dresser lay toppled over, the drawers hanging out.

My wardrobe doors were wide open, and inside, I could see my clothes ripped from their hangers. The three-way mirror that should have been on top of my dresser, was now just shards of glass shattered on the floor.

  I dropped the items in my hand and fled from the room, running down the stairs. I couldn’t find a single room that wasn’t sabotaged, and my dad was nowhere to be seen. I prayed that he’d stayed at work, and hadn’t been caught up in this.

I ran back to my room, and picking up the first thing I could see in the bombsite- I swapped my pyjamas for the ripped denim shorts I’d worn last night, and a brand new cropped baby pink jumper with the tags still hanging off it.

I ripped them off, and then searching for a pair of shoes, I grabbed the nearest pair I could find, my converse. I tied my hair up into a messy knot, and bolted back downstairs and out the front door, stopping dead in my tracks.

Oh no, this was not happening.

The front passenger door hung off my once pristine white Fiat 500, and there was a gaping slash travelling the length of the red vinyl soft top. Walking over to it, I could see the glove box had been pulled off and paperwork lay scattered on the seats.

I would have to mourn my car later, and I set off running in the direction of my dad’s garage. Even on a tiny Island like this, I still wouldn’t be able to make it there as quick as I would like, and I ran faster, feeling the burn in my chest as I pushed myself harder in desperation, to make sure my dad was okay.

I really wished I’d picked something other than this stupid jumper to wear, I was so hot. I slowed to a stop as a crippling pain throbbed behind my eyes, and the image of Caleb, with larger than life black wings extending from his back, dripping rich red blood, swam into focus.

As quick as it came, it was snatched away, and I saw myself walking into my dad’s closet, in what looked like a grainy black and grey movie. The pain subsided and I regained my breath as I remembered my dream, and I knew now, how I’d found my way into the attic.