Falling Apart (Barely Alive #2) (15 page)

I stripped off my sweatshirt, grateful for the modest covering of the remaining t-shirt. My chest had to be emaciated and gray. Not what I wanted to leave as a last impression on Heather. She had to remember me as being hot.

James’s head lolled to the side. I pressed my fingers to his throat. His pulse pushed with a slow but steady beat under his pale skin. I pulled the sweatshirt over his head. Small consolation he didn’t look much better than me.

His chest moved with long, drawn out breaths. He could’ve been in a coma. I brushed the hair off his forehead, protective but unsure how to help him. He needed to get warm and he needed food. I couldn’t even offer him warmth. I sure as hell wasn’t going to suggest Heather snuggle him naked.

On the brown wall beside the door, a thermostat the size of two decks of cards displayed seventy-two degrees. Hell, he’d never warm up. I stepped around him and reached out as I walked toward the wall.

Heather gasped and pulled further into the corner. And I wasn’t going to eat her, even as hungry as I was. Her fear of me stung.

“It’s cold.” My arms covered in gray and the tips of my fingers dark like charcoal, not black, but not just gray anymore, terrified even me. The air hurt my nerves. I could only imagine what my face and chest looked like. The gray covered up to my shoulders. My fingers shook. I spun the temperature gauge up as high as it would go – looked like one-hundred-and-two – and turned from Heather.

She’d never know the effort it took not to sink my teeth in her flesh. She’d never know the strength it took not to wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her soft lips.

The heater kicked on with a buzz and a whir. Shit, I was freezing.

Brian turned toward me. His brows hunched over his eyes. “She’s confusing me. Do we eat her?”

I sank into the chair opposite James. Brian was more exhausting to me than Heather. “No. We don’t eat her. We don’t eat humans.”

He rounded on Heather, his eyes dark and unreadable. “But I did. I ate one. Didn’t I?” He looked at me but his focus was on Heather, less than an arm’s length away. “You don’t? But I do? I could eat her.” And he grabbed her from behind, sniffing her neck and licking her ear. He poised beside her throat, ready to chomp. But he hesitated, confusion masking the timid wimp he’d been as a human and introducing something that could be so much worse with the virus. Just the thought of a stronger, spoiled ass like Brian sent a wave of nausea from my stomach to my head.

I jumped from the chair and curled my arms up, ready to strike. He’d be dead in moments, but he wouldn’t really die. Heather would and I’d never be able to save her. My voice low when I wanted to scream and yell, I ordered, “Get away from her, Brian.”

He stopped, like I’d pressed pause which, in a sense, I had. He didn’t have the mental capacity to fight against my mind control. He lifted his head and locked his eyes on mine. He offered a smile. “Of course.” And released her. “Can I have seconds when you’re done?” Calculated in his animalistic need, his eyes narrowed and he licked his lips. Instinct had taken over. “I haven’t had a turn at the girls yet and Dominic commanded me to hold back, to help him with you.” He shook his head. “I think.” And there the little weasel was. He flip-flopped between his new nature and the Brian I hadn’t quite grown to like.

The bad news was Dominic had been the one keeping Brian from joining in with his new group. What teenage boy with new manic and psychotic tendencies would not enjoy the gang raping of a teenage girl? Hell. I should have known under Dominic’s control, Brian’s human emotions such as guilt and remorse wouldn’t hold up to Dominic’s pressure of sex and food and fun.

I had to get rid of Brian. Judging by Heather’s expression, she’d reached her limit and was about to go ape-shit on everyone. I didn’t need that. I didn’t have the energy to cope with a breakdown. Hers or mine. Plus, she needed to hold it together or she’d never make it out alive.

“Brian, I want you to go back to the pool and climb in. Wait for me there.” I tried pushing the thought into his head, covering his body with it like it was formed from clouds. He fought me. I’d never experienced someone’s mind fighting against mine. The sensation was jumbled and unsure to which I responded to with reassurances. He didn’t have to agree with me, but he’d have to stop fighting. I didn’t have a lot of energy left to spend in a battle of minds against a newly changed boy with human flesh in his stomach. I wouldn’t lose this one, but if I took too long, the outcome was anyone’s guess.

I’d never considered it before that point, but maybe the mind games Dominic had created with his virus had an alpha-beta mentality that accompanied it. I stared Brian down, unwilling to yield more.

He finally looked away. And nodded. Without another word, he opened the door and disappeared down the hallway. I watched him, until his shadow slipped into the dimly lit pool room.

Leaving Heather and James alone to check on Brian would be stupid as hell. James could wake up unaware of what had happened or even with a case of amnesia to some degree. I’d hate to return to find Heather raped or eaten because I hadn’t been more vigilant. I’d just have to trust that Brian had done what I’d said.

The other two zombies Dominic sent for blankets hadn’t appeared and I needed to get rid of Heather and James before they showed. James better wake his ass up in time.

Heather gripped the edge of the desk as she stared at me.

Irritated, starving, and unable to come up with a plan, I growled, “What?” I’d reclaimed the chair and stared at the fake wood grain with my head in my hands. Every strand of hair scraped my sensitive fingertips like small blades on a razor.

She glanced at the empty door. The last couple hours of fear and shock caught up to her and a sob escaped. She stumbled toward me and I flinched, certain she meant to pummel me or scratch me. I was tough, but hell with nothing protecting my nerves, she’d down me in a second. I might scream like a little girl.

But instead of kicking my ass, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and sank into my lap. And while my nerves felt the most minuscule pain, they also felt the most finite pleasure. She was so damn warm. I shifted in my seat, longing to sigh at her weight on me. Sobs wracked her body, and the motion was not unwelcome. Hot tears stung through my thin tee. I closed my eyes, trying my best to be the nice guy, not the guy that wanted to do what Dominic suggested. No matter how tasty she would be.

I swallowed, wishing for a dust-flavored hamburger or sandwich to fill the hole in my stomach.

The cries didn’t calm. I raised my hand and caressed the curls on the side that hadn’t fallen victim to Brian’s chopping. Longing to avenge her shiny curls filled me. I never wanted anything to happen to her. The value I’d given her rose every second. I patted her back, rubbing up and down, careful not to wince with the texture abrading my senses. I felt bad for her. I did. “I’m sorry about your mother, Heather. I didn’t know.” The huskiness of my voice could have meant anything. I hoped she’d take it as concern rather than lust.

She pulled back a bit, her soft hands curved around the back of my neck. Tears tracked down her face, leaving the skin reddened and tender. “It’s okay. I don’t think anyone knew. She did a great job hiding it.” Her large eyes trained on me, filled with sorrow and loneliness. “Are you going to rape me, Paul?” She hiccupped and offered a small smile. “I know you’re hungry. The gray has reached your eyes. If you need to, you could eat me or something. I won’t mind.” She tried to laugh, but concern coated her words. “I’d get it, you know? Dominic is after you, too. If you have to save face and at least rape me…”

A small, sad laugh escaped me and I scooted back, the movement painfully exquisite. “No, Heather.” My voice broke on her name. “I’m not going to eat you. Or rape you. I had to get you out of there. As soon as James gets up you’re going to have to get to the SUV and get home. We need a vaccine.”

“Can’t you carry him? I’ll drive?” She sat up, her slight weight balanced on my legs. I wouldn’t let her stand until we had to, the time with her more precious than she realized. More precious than I wanted to acknowledge. Damn it.

I shook my head. “I’m past that point of weakness, Heather. James isn’t much better, but you’ll have to make sure he eats when you go.” But eats what? We were in town. Where the hell would they find food for him?

With two fingers she touched my face, the sensation stronger than it should be, evidence my stores were reducing faster than I’d planned. I closed my eyes. She leaned forward and kissed my eyelids. “You can make sure he eats, right? We need to get you something, too.”

I kept my eyes closed. Tears pricked my dry eyes. I urged them back into hiding. The last thing the both of us needed was doubt about her leaving and me staying. I didn’t need much encouragement to leave with them. But I needed to give them the biggest advantage I could. “I’m not going, Heather. I can’t. You have to get James home. Fast.”

“But, you have to come with us. We can’t do any of this without you.” She clapped both hands to the sides of my face. Their heat prompted me to open my eyes and meet the hunger and longing in her gaze. Her lips were a hand’s width from mine. Her whisper hit my skin. “Please?” If she leaned just a millimeter closer and licked her lips, I’d die willingly. Hell, I’d walk into the flames without another thought.

If I could cry without losing any sense of my own masculinity, I would. She had no idea how much I’d prefer going with them, escaping to somewhere safe. “I need you and James to get home and push for a cure. I won’t be here long, but I need to see what I can find out. Dominic can
not
gain more control over this world.” Where I had to leave her alive - alone. I could protect her, as long as I could, even from the misery I was headed toward. She deserved that from me. At least that.

“
Then
you can come back to Sandpoint with me? I’ll drive down and get you. How long do you need? We can meet somewhere.” She stood and tucked her hair behind her ear, revealing the hope-filled look in her smile and softened expression.

I didn’t want to die in ten weeks. Hell, who had ten weeks? I was down to weeks. Or days. Or shit, hours. Of course, Dominic had stolen more time from me. And the girl I was falling for. She waited for my reply. She waited for hope. What a terrific guy I was to continually destroy the good things in her life. “No. I mean… I won’t be alive much longer.” There… I’d said it. Did my admittance of that fact make it any easier to bear?
Hell, no.
The fact scarred across my heart.

Heather jerked back, like I’d slapped her. Her deadened voice ripped around the room, loud in the sudden silence. “How long?”

“I think I’m down to days. Three maybe? I can’t be sure.” I stood, the joints in my knees, ankles, and hips protesting the movement. I ignored the pain, for just a little bit more. “You get home and help them with a cure. Save James.” I raised my hand and swiped at the damp jewels falling down her cheeks at a fast, quiet pace. If I could swallow, I would. “Don’t cry, Heather. I’m the only one that can do this.” Did I tell her now? When it would be more cruel to both of us? The tearing apart of my insides demanded I at least tell her I cared. At least that.

But breathing her in had become more painful than swallowing a hot-tipped sword and I pushed her from me. “You need to go. As soon as you can.” I’d never be able to tell her I loved her. Not without the risk of eating her alive. Because as far as the tug of lust versus hunger went, I was fast discovering hunger outweighed the latter when parts of you lost their color. I couldn’t make myself say the words. I couldn’t smell her sweetness a moment more.

The pale peachiness had returned to James’s cheeks. I knelt beside him, ignoring the loud crepitus of my bones creaking on each other. “James.” I patted his face, willing him to wake up. They needed to go. Urgency made me sharper than I meant to be. I certainly didn’t want to leave him with a memory of me as a jackass. “James, wake up. You need to get the hell out of here. Hurry.” My time had to be dwindling which meant theirs was, too.

His breathing had quickened and fallen into an uneven pattern suggesting he was pulling out of the cold-induced sleep. I spoke over my shoulder, unable to face Heather when I’d end up covering her in kisses. “Can you chafe his skin?” It would be good but at a very inappropriate time and might include a nibble or two. Hell, three. “His arms? He’s not warming up and I’m as cold, if not colder, than he is.”

I pushed from his side, allowing her easier access. But I couldn’t watch. I didn’t want Heather to touch James. Especially since he’d be unchallenged regarding her in a matter of days. The truth stung. I was going to die. And if I had my way, James wouldn’t. A selfish part of me wondered why. If I could be there for the cure, maybe I’d have time to save the world Heather would live in. Hell, I could be her world. We could run into the mountains and disappear forever.

But my own delusions were more tortuous than starvation. The nevers far outweighed the if-onlys. As far as life went, my goals had to continue being “protect Heather” which meant saving the rest of the world, protecting James, and find myself a furnace to crawl into. No way would I be forced to exist like Tom or Dominic’s dad.

No way.

Then it hit me. James was waking up and Dominic still had his mind under control. He’d know immediately what was happening and would have James writhing on the floor in seconds. I turned and bounced to James, pushing Heather from his side. Leaning down, I thrust up the edges of his shirt to the top of his chest and reopened his bullet wound with my teeth. Saliva covered his cut.