Faithful (40 page)

“Try closing your eyes for a while,” Cooper says softly so only I can hear. “It may help you.”

I close my eyes and listen to the sounds of muffled conversations, beeping machines, and the whoosh of the sliding doors, over and over until there’s a synchronized rhythm to my breathing and the surrounding sounds.

Forty minutes later, Leo comes out and we lunge out of our chairs together. Leo hugs Lauren’s parents and then me. “Lauren is stable. The baby is okay, but they have to monitor both of them,” he says, excited with panic.

Leo notices the large patches of blood covering Cooper’s jeans and shirt. “They stopped the bleeding,” he says. “Her blood pressure spiked way too high.”

When Emma and Jess arrive, Leo repeats everything to them. Then Carson, Archie, Lois, and Dylan arrive, and Leo starts to explain everything again when he’s interrupted. A nurse comes out and whisks Leo and Lauren’s parents through the mysterious double doors while I sit silently next to Archie. Cooper takes charge and updates everyone on Lauren’s status.

As Nina and Garth finally return, it makes me feel a little better to see their hopeful faces. “She’s doing better,” Nina says. “They’ve moved her out of the ER to a regular room. They’ll let two visitors in at a time with Leo. I thought you and Cooper would like to go.”

“Yes,” Cooper replies for both of us. He then takes my hand and walks me towards the door a nurse is holding open for us.

We continue to hold hands as we follow the nurse down a hallway, up an elevator, and down another hallway to Lauren’s private room. The lights are dimmed, but it’s hardly restful. There are plenty of flashing colors, beeps from the monitors, and a buzz of conversations from other rooms and the nurses’ station across from Lauren’s door.

Lauren looks frail in her hospital gown. She’s hooked up to a monitor, the wires protruding from the top of her gown, and her arm has an IV in it. She’s partially covered by a thin blanket and sheet and doesn’t look pregnant at all. As Cooper and I approach her bed, Lauren opens her eyes and regards me with a sad, tired, ghost of a smile.

I look at Leo sitting in a chair against the wall, showing my confusion.

“She’s going to be okay, Imogene. The baby is okay … so far. It was the placenta …” he says, but then seems to forget the other details. “Lauren will have to stay on bed rest until she delivers. She’s tired and a little out of it.”

“Okay,” I whisper.

I let go of Cooper’s hand and walk around to the side of the bed without the IV pole. I slip under the heart monitor wires and slide into bed next to Lauren. Then I put my arm gently across her waist, and she tilts her head to touch mine. I lie next to my friend as she closes her eyes and drifts off to a state of semi-sleep.

Leo motions Cooper over to the door where they stand and talk in hushed tones for a few minutes. Then Leo leaves and Cooper leans against the doorway, watching me hold on to my friend with a possessive, sisterly love.

“Imogene,” Cooper whispers and lightly shakes my shoulder. “Babe, visiting hours are over. We have to leave.”

I wake up to Cooper’s lovely gray eyes above me. Lauren is fast asleep and the room is darker.

“Visiting hours ended at eleven. The nurse let you stay a bit longer since you were both asleep. It’s one o’clock now.”

“Where’s Leo?” I ask groggily.

“He’s sleeping in the waiting room. He doesn’t want to leave, but I need to take you home.”

“All right.” I sit up and Cooper helps me off the high bed so I don’t stumble and knock down any of the equipment surrounding the bed.

A nurse comes in to check Lauren’s vitals as we leave quietly.

We don’t talk on the drive back to my house. I try to think of things I can do to help Leo and Lauren over the next few weeks, but nothing spectacular comes to mind other than the usual domestic chores.

When Cooper parks in front of the house, he turns off the engine and hops out of the truck before I can tell him not to bother. I climb the porch steps slowly and then sit down on the top one.

“You need to get some sleep,” Cooper says, standing before me. “Visiting hours start at eleven. I’ll come pick you up.”

“They only let three people in. Lauren’s parents will want that time. I’ll go later in the afternoon. I want to sit out here for a while, but you can leave.”

“I don’t want to leave.” He sits down next to me, leaning his elbows on his knees. He is silent as he steeples his hands.

“Thank you for your fast thinking,” I say, studying his profile as he looks up at the stars in the clear night sky. “I don’t think I could have gotten Lauren to the hospital on my own. You’re good at managing emergencies.”

“I hope everything really is okay. I hope this doesn’t happen again.”

“Leo and Nina seem pretty sure that everything will be fine.”

“Yeah.” He glances at me and then sighs as he looks down.

As we sit in more silence, I want to say something because I don’t want to let go. I’ll hold onto this stillness between us as long as I can if it means it will somehow change this,
change
us. Cooper looks just as conflicted.

“I am in love with you,” he finally says, turning to me. “Every time I said I was crazy about you, what I really meant was that I am in love with you.”

“Oh,” I stammer with a nervous smile of surprise. “Thank you.”

“Thank you?” Cooper lets out a little laugh.

“Thank you for telling me. And thank you for all the other nice gestures. Buying that necklace and giving it to your mother.”

Cooper looks at me as though I’ve discovered one of his secrets.

“You didn’t think I’d notice your mother wearing a necklace I made, the one you said you were giving to your sister?”

“Oh,” he mumbles.

“Thank you for getting our business off the ground and up and running. We wouldn’t have that workshop or those employees if it wasn’t for you.”

“All I did was buy you a few beads.”

“Carson told me about the money, Cooper.”

Cooper closes his eyes and exhales slowly. “Shit.”

“He thought I should know. I’m really astounded that you did it.”

“You’re a good investment.”

“That’s it? You mean my business, right? You’re not talking about me, personally.”

“Both. I fell for you long before you’d even go out with me. I couldn’t separate that woman from the businesswoman. All I saw was you. I love you, Imogene.”

Hearing that makes me happy, sending my heart racing, but another part of me that is more scared overpowers the lovesick woman.

“I’ve been thinking about us a lot, Cooper. I’ve been trying to figure out why I love you and couldn’t feel that way about Jeremy or other men.”

“Good. You only love me, so stop wondering about those losers. Jeremy, Cory …”

“Cody. And I don’t think about them. I’ve been thinking about
why
I love you. It’s exhilarating and passionate, and I feel amazing when I’m with you. I can call it love because it’s also frightening. It’s frightening because love is unpredictable, emotionally unstable, and uncontainable. It’s a real love, and ultimately, real love leads to unintentional pain and loss. But I still want that kind of love, knowing that there’s a certain amount of suffering that comes with loving someone because it also comes with the greatest amount of passion and joy.

“I suppose it seems premature for me to be so bull-headed about marriage and family, but being with your family only confirmed my feelings about this. I’m willing to live every exhilarating moment with you, even if it means that someday one of us will be sitting at the bedside, watching the other one leave this life.”

“I want that, too.” Cooper slips his arms around my waist and kisses me, causing me to momentarily lose my train of thought.

“No. Let me finish.” I stop the kiss. “I accept the unpredictable aspects that come attached with love. You don’t. You think that, if you don’t get married, it makes life and love easier to control, to contain. I don’t want a manageable, containable love, Cooper. I want it to explode, and I want everything that comes with it.” I remove his hands and stand up.

“How do I keep ending up in the same argument with you?” He stands up and towers over me with an exasperated expression.

“Because we are not on the same page about anything. You pursued me relentlessly, and you got me. You got me, Cooper. But love is a like a top-secret government project with you. You want containment, to make it safe. It’s not about safety!”

“I told you I love you!” he shouts angrily, causing me to step back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you, but you don’t understand what my life felt like when my family fell apart.”

“Then tell me.”

“I was young, and I experienced years of degradation living with people who said they loved me but betrayed everything that our family was built on. My parents were horrible to each other and weren’t much better with us. And then I chose a career that kept me in a continuous circle of violence, deceit and violence.”

“It must be very difficult to reconcile those two things that ruled your life for so long.” I open the front door, but Cooper blocks me with his arm. “I think I’ll go to bed now.”

“I’m sorry I’m not the man you want me to be.”

“I don’t think you’re the man
you
want to be. Why did you and Sofia break up? After all those years together, you must have loved her.”

“She broke up with me after college. She was going to med school in Chicago and wanted me to apply for a job there.”

“Why didn’t you go?”

“She wanted to get married first.”

I snort and lean against the doorframe.

“The truth is I wouldn’t have gone to Chicago with her anyway.” He presses against me until I meet his eyes. “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.”

Thirty-Two

Lauren has been on bed rest since she was discharged from the hospital three weeks ago, and I have taken it upon myself to be her main caregiver. I run home during lunchtime and make her a tray of food, or I bring home soup and sandwiches from the diner. I change her linens, bring her dinner, and make sure she has entertainment every night. Leo does laundry and dishes and listens patiently while I talk to Lauren with my endless stories about work and town gossip.

When friends come over to visit Lauren, I chaperone each session as though I’m her mother or hired medical staff. I’m less clingy when Cooper comes over. He’ll hang out and talk with Lauren and Leo in their room on the top floor, and I’ll excuse myself to work in the studio below. Sometimes, when he brings over a movie, I’ll join them, but I sit across the room from Cooper and talk in a breezy tone as my insides shatter at the sight, sound, and smell of him. He always gives me an extra smile and takes an extra moment to acknowledge me. It’s excruciating, but I gladly accept the pain because I love him.

I make a point of greeting him every morning in the parking lot and no longer try to hide as a means to get over him. Cooper seems to look forward to these happenstance moments of coincidentally arriving or leaving work at the same time, too. Sometimes, I see him lingering by his truck or bike as if he’s waiting for me. I confess that the same thing crosses my mind when I stand by my car and pretend to look for the car keys in my purse or take another fake phone call.

Leo finally steps in and tells me I’m trying too hard to be everything for Lauren and it’s okay to take it down a notch. He encourages me to stay at work during my lunch hour and eat with Anita and Tracy. Lauren convinces me to take up yoga again, so three times a week, I take a class with the new yoga instructor Lois hired, Anima-Christi. She’s surprisingly bitchy for a yoga teacher, and I suspect that’s why Lois adores her and why I enjoy her class. She’s an intimidating little powerhouse who spends an inordinate amount of class time correcting my uncoordinated yoga positions or talking about finding your Zen. I’m all for finding some Zen, which is why I keep attending her classes even though I’m constantly being singled out as the worst student in the group.

“Can I have the other half of your burger?” Anima asks me from across the booth after she polishes off a grill cheese sandwich and soup.

“I thought you were a vegetarian. You berated me in front of the whole class the other day for wearing a Ms. Piggy T-shirt.”

“It said
‘I Love Bacon.’
It’s not appropriate for my class.” Anima takes the burger in her skinny fingers and wolfs it down like one of Carson’s big, burly dudes.

“Kind of hypocritical of you,” I say.

Emma and Jess laugh.

“I like bacon, too, but I don’t make fun of animals that are slaughtered for our benefit,” Anima explains. “And Ms. Piggy is a beloved national treasure.”

“Oh, here she goes.” I sigh.

“You’re both full of crap,” Emma states. “I’m the only vegetarian here.”

“You’re wearing leather shoes and your bag didn’t skin and tan itself.” Jess holds up Emma’s purse as evidence.

“This was fun as always, but I have to get back to work.” I look around the crowded diner, but I still don’t see Cooper. I was trying to stretch out lunch as long as possible in the hopes that I’d run into him.

We pay our bill then visit with Archie and his sweetheart Emily at the next table before heading outside into the sunny November day.

“Imogene!” Cooper shouts from across the street. He’s coming from the General Store, walking slowly, looking down one side of the street and the other with some apprehension. “Come here!”

I don’t move. I notice Carson off to my right in the middle of the street with his hands out, making the oncoming cars slow down to a stop. To my left, Dylan is in the middle of the street, stopping cars coming from the other direction. They are about a hundred yards apart from one another and cars are at a standstill, waiting for them to move. Cooper keeps looking at me as he steps into the street and walks to the middle and stops.

“Imogene, come here, please.”

A crowd assembles behind me.

Anima pushes me forward. “Go!” she demands.

“That’s not very Zen of you,” I shoot back at her, noticing everyone, including Archie, my parents, grandmother, Lois, and the whole diner pretty much standing behind me or next to me, waiting for this show to begin.