Faith In Love (13 page)

"If you're going to make something else, I'd have that too."

"All right.  Give me a minute.  Is Carol all right by the way?"

"Same as usual.  Not much to say for herself.  You know." 

"At least she's eating something." 

"She's a good chip-maker.  She should chip-make for England!"

"Silly.  Anyway, you were lucky to have her company, weren't you?  She's rarely here for tea."

"A rare sighting indeed.  She's gone now again, though."

"Out?"

"No, does she ever?  No, upstairs studying, ruminating, reading.  Whatever she does upstairs, she's doing it.  By the way, where's your books?" 

"Books?"

"From the library."

"I didn't get anything out.  I was just looking something up.  They've got this brilliant new computer system that tells you about all the books they've got in the library.  It tells you which branch it's in and everything."

"Sounds fascinating."

"Should we get Carol a PC, d'you think?"

"I thought it was a washing machine you wanted next.  Can't afford both.  Does she want a PC?  More to the point, does she need one?  We can't take on that kind of expense without it being necessary."

"We'll see then."

"You're not afraid of new technology then, Faith?"

"I like to keep an open mind, Don.  Fear restricts people's opportunities."  

"Couldn't agree more."

"I'm glad of that.  Pass me a fork and I'll see if the potatoes are done."

"Mmmm.  Are we having fried chicken?"

"Yes.  Poor creature."

Wednesday, March 29   

"So, Faith, did you have a good time with your handsome sister-in-law?"

"Yes thanks, Pearl.  We went to a nice place near Soho."

"Isn't that a seedy part of town, I'm told, Faith?  Where they have the red light district?"

"Of course not, Pearl!  We weren't in that bit!"

"I'm teasing you, Faith.  But it is clear that Eva has swept you off your feet."

"You have a strange way of putting things sometimes, Pearl."

"That's because I'm not a native of this country.  I'm an immigrant, Faith."

"I didn't mean that.  Sorry Pearl, I just meant –"

"It's quite all right, Faith.  Facts are facts.  I'm going home soon as I have told you.  We almost have enough for the fares.  But I will be coming back here Faith, because this is my home now, too.  It is where my children were born, even the eldest, and it is where I have lived for nearly twenty years.  But I don't speak with the accent of the Cockney, although my children do.  However, in Sri Lanka they will laugh at me just the same because to them I will sound as English as Her Majesty, the Queen." 

"Amazing isn't it, Pearl?  Is Owen holding your job open, by the way?"

"I'm hoping so, Faith.  He is considering the matter.  He tells me he has to weigh up all the factors – those were his words.  He will be asking you, Faith, for your views, because you are highly valued –"

"You're joking!"

"No, I'm serious Faith.  If he seeks to take on a temp worker while I am away, she or he may not have my experience of bakery work.  It may put more strain on you."

"You're away six weeks.  I can put up with that."

"It might be better to give my job to an experienced person."

"You're irreplaceable, Pearl." 

"You're very kind, but of course I'm not."

"Pearl.  Look at it this way!  He hasn't even managed to get a Saturday girl and he's been advertising for months.  How's he going to get a full-time experienced worker on the money he pays?  Apart from us, I mean.  We're obviously stuck with it.  No, we're both of us worth our weight in gold, as you say.  I'm sure your job is safe.  I look forward to welcoming you back again." 

"I haven't gone yet, Faith." 

"Send me a postcard."

"Yes, Faith.  But for now, maybe you can get us some more of those sausage rolls out of the freezer.  They'll be in soon." 

"The starving hordes.  Yes ma'am." 

Thursday, March 31

In Soho;  in the flat;  in bed. 

"I knew you right away, though it had been years since I saw you last.  Not since the wedding."

"I was at the funeral, too.  Don't you remember?"

"Oh, you weren't!  I don't remember that.  I'm sure I would remember if you were."

"I was there.  I should know."

"Weddings and funerals eh?  It was a strange day for me, the day they buried my mum; strange times altogether.  I left right after that, well, a week or so after.  Left Phil.  Left the job.  I was lucky there was a place for me in London.  Crazy really, all it took was a phone call and I was sorted."

"Why did you leave?  Was it because you lost your mum?"

"Lost my marbles, more like.  Yes, in a way it was 'cause of my mum.  'Cause of Don, too.  We'd started up again seeing each other again after three horrible months apart; we'd had no contact since the middle of May, 'cause it had been the 'off season', when there wasn't any football –"

"I thought the football was all a front –"

"It was.  That's the point.  It started off as more or less a joke.  I was just winding him up.  I just invented that cover story to get him away from London from time to time."

"From me."

"Sorry, Faith.  You asked me to tell the truth.  I don't mean to hurt you, never did, believe it or not.  I didn't even think he'd really go along with it, pretend he'd swapped his beloved football team.  It was just a joke, more or less."

"Did you think I'd believe him?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"You were right.  I did."

"There you are.  Trouble was, being a man, he took it too literally.  I meant it as a way to meet occasionally out of town, the idea being that I would travel down to him the rest of the time, which would have given me a welcome break from Phil.  But no, from the start, we could only meet when United were playing at home, which meant we could only meet when he came up North, even though he never witnessed a single home game.  In the first place, he even went so far as to listen to the live match reports on the radio.  He's lucky I'm not a football-hater like some women or else he'd have felt the business end of my boot and I'd have had studs put in specially!

 "I think all this was down to you.  I think he wanted you to be totally convinced.  It was the only way he could handle it.  He couldn't bear it if he thought you had the slightest flicker of suspicion and to make sure of that, he had to get as near to it all being true as he possibly could.  He had to act out going up every couple of weeks for the football till, in the end, he almost believed it himself.  All so that his conscience could be as clear as possible."

"While he committed adultery with his brother's wife."

"There you are."

"It was your idea, though."

"The football charade, that was my idea.  The affair was a mutual thing, more or less."

"Sex?"

"Simple sibling rivalry.  He always wanted what his brother had.  He always had to take it or trash it.  He trashed the fishing, which was always Philip's favourite thing, apart from me.  He couldn't trash me, so he had to take me away.  He used sex to do it."

"And you?  Did you love him?  Do you?  I suppose you might still feel whatever you felt before."

"Everything is different now.  How about you, what are your feelings?  Do you hate me?  I wouldn't blame you if you did."

"I'm in bed with you."

"You might jump up and get a knife and kill me."

"He said something like that too, once.  I thought it was a joke.  Guilt I suppose now, looking back.  You shouldn't give me ideas though, should you?  I might be under a lot of strain, do something out of character."

"Something else?"

"Maybe.  Anyway, please just carry on with what happened.  I need to get it clear in my mind.  You haven't even told me exactly why you left Phil."

"That must be obvious.  But, if you want the gory details, you can have them.  As I said, a couple of months before my mum died, we got back together again, me and Don.  I couldn't stand it!  The strain was terrible, sneaking around, hiding from Phil, stealing time for Don.  And him being stuck in the hotel with those yobs.  (That's what I mean about being literal-minded, he even hung out with the United fans, the ones that came up from London, stayed with them at a hotel near the ground.)  He convinced them that he was a United supporter too, but still managed to get out of going to matches he'd supposedly come up for.  How's that for acting?  The guy should have got an Oscar, I'm telling you!"

"He certainly fooled me."

"That's right!  Well, then, Faith, there I was sneaking off to Don, pretending to Phil I was on the night shift or early turn or whatever, and Don would invariably be paralytic by the time I got to him – completely useless most of the time. 

"And, then, on the other hand, there'd be my mum, a kind, good woman, but always going on about Phil and how glad she was I'd settled down at last.  We'd been married nearly four years and she was still going on as if it was only yesterday.  As if I'd been plucked from the jaws of sin by Holy Saint Phil!  Got on my nerves, it did.  Had splitting headaches most of the time, like I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy – migraine.  Still get it now, but not so much.  So, anyway, when she died I split.  It was like she held me there.  Like she glued me and Phil together, too.  She died and the spirit went out of it all.  Fell apart.  No reason to stay.  Every reason to go.  To the Smoke like I'd always wanted.  Firstly to get a bedsit, then to share a flat with you-know-who."

"Where did you two meet?"

"One guess."

"The Scene?"

"Of course.  She never goes anywhere else.  Thinks the Scene is the scene, if you know what I mean."

"I met her there."

"I know that."

~ ~ ~

"Phil was always on about you.  Don't know why.  Perfect wife and mother.  What did I ever do wrong?  What was so special about you?  It was me that stuck by him when he lost his job, me that got behind him to get the money the firm owed him, me that helped him start up the business.  Couldn't give him a son, though.  That was it, I suppose, wanted a son to take fishing.  Well you can't have everything, can you Faith?  People ought to be grateful for what they have got 'cause otherwise they might lose it, don't you think so?

"So there I was, Faith, feeling disgruntled and unloved and I met Donny again, just by chance, when he was up one weekend for the football.  Not my fault – he wanted me!  I was only up for a quick fuck.  Oh sorry, Faith.  Well, you know – nothing Phil would notice, but it just went on and on.  Not just that weekend, I mean the whole thing, you know ...  couldn't get enough of me...  It's funny, if he wasn't Phil's brother it wouldn't have happened.  It may sound strange, but think about it.  How could I ignore my own brother-in-law?  I wouldn't even have spoken to him if we weren't sort of related.  He did look lonely though, poor thing –"

"He's a shit!  You're probably a shit too, Eva!"

"All right, Faith.  You're right of course, but I'm just telling you how it was.  It's just ironic, that's all.  I'd gone back to work like a dutiful wife, so that we didn't use up Phil's capital all at once.  He was just starting up with the toys, the business needed all the investment we could put into it.  Phil could have done something else as well.  He could have got a job driving, you know, for a taxi firm.  Loads of men do that up there, and women as well.  But he couldn't have stood the hours and the company he would have had to keep.  So he left it to me to bring in what I could, to put food on the table, and clothes on our backs.

"So, I did.  Went back to work in the hotel, the same one where I'd been before we got married, met your Donnie and that was that.  As you know." 

~ ~ ~

"Eva, why aren't I angry at you?"

"Because you're crazy about me."

"I'm not so sure."

"I'll show you."

~ ~ ~

"I should have chosen Don."

"That's funny.  I always thought, perhaps Phil would have been better for me.  I know he thought that, too, at one time."

"Before he met me, I trust.  Still, whichever way round, we would have found each other."

"Do you think we are fated to be together?"

"It is written in the stars."

"I'm Pisces and you're a Gemini.  Is that a good match?"

"Of course!  We can dream impossible dreams together."

"I've had enough of impossible dreams.  Anyway, I'm not the only Pisces you know, am I?"

"We're talking dreams here, Faith – dreams that can come true!  Quick, merge your imagination with mine!  Dream!  We can go to Spain together and be nuns."

"Nuns.  Why nuns?  I can't imagine that."

"Let yourself go!  Step into the swift-running river of your own subconscious.  Dare to dream it!  It can come true.  We could be erotic, dangerous nuns, flashing our garters at celibate priests."