Face Time (20 page)

I grab my iPhone and find the text from Lee. When I signed off last night, he was on his way to a hot shower and to take care of himself too. I’m surprised he made it through the whole session without masturbating, but he was so focused on me. A chill runs up my back remembering the way he watched me. I closed my eyes several times and just listened to him, and it was like he was right next to me. I craved his physical presence, though. His absence is the hardest thing to reconcile about this situation. Forget about sex. I would give anything to hold his hand.
 

What time is it in Mumbai? 4:40pm. His text came in an hour ago.

Laura Merchant

I’m a really lucky woman.

Lee Park

You’re awake! You were the most beautiful thing I have ever seen this morning.

I am truly lucky.

I hope you’re not too hungover.

Laura Merchant

I’m calling in sick :)
 

I could use a day off.

Lee Park

I hope you don’t feel weird about any of it.

Laura Merchant

I feel great, except for the hangover.

Lee Park

I can’t wait to do those things to you in person.

My brain can’t stop replaying it all over and over.
 

I’ve been no good today at work.

Laura Merchant

I liked it a lot, Lee. I thought it might be strange but it wasn’t.

Lee Park

Virtual sex. It was a first for me, too.

Laura Merchant

I hope you still respect me :)

Lee Park

You’re the one for me, Laura.

There’s a lot more than just respect going on between us.

Laura Merchant

You make me really happy.

Lee Park

Same here.
 

(>’o’)> ♥ <(‘o’<)

I’m productive on my day off. I order moving boxes to be delivered tomorrow because I’m sick of this limbo I’m living in. My mother wants to sell my home out from under me? Fine. Fuck her. She better not even think of crawling back to me when this stupid marriage of hers ends. She can go live with her hoarding sister in the Connecticut suburbs.

I take a deep breath and let it all out while counting to ten. I’m not prone to fits of rage, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let someone continue to take advantage of my kindness, even if it is my own mother.

Ramen delivery arrives at noon, and I eat in bed while watching almost a whole season of
How I Met Your Mother
. After showering, I clean up the kitchen and decide to make frozen pizza for dinner. It’s a carb-loading, hungover kind of day. I don’t even feel guilty about not going to the gym. I’ll go tomorrow and sweat all this out.

I’m researching a new camera at 5:00pm when the door opens and my mother arrives back home.
 

“Oh, Laura. You scared me. I thought you’d be at work.” She takes off her heels in the hallway and places her purse on the table next to me and my computer.

“I took the day off. I wanted a little time to myself to decide what to do with my life.”

Mom ignores my statement and walks into the kitchen. “I’ve gotta say that I won’t miss this apartment once it’s gone. It’s been strange living here knowing your father cheated on me in this very space.”

I pull my attention up from online shopping, and she’s scanning the room calmly but her eyes are narrowed, a series of three strong creases chiseled between her eyebrows. A few hours ago I was ready to tell her to fuck off and never speak to me again. Now, I’m not so sure. She’s tired, sad, and…
 

“Laura, you realize that long distance relationships don’t work out, right? Once a couple is separated, the magic evaporates, and his eyes start to wander.”

… In full-on bitch mode again.

“Mom,” I grate out through clenched teeth, “please don’t start this now. I don’t need it.”

“Apparently you do. I’ve lived with you for two years now, and you’ve dated almost nobody…”

“Gee, I wonder why? Maybe it’s because
my mother lives with me?
Don’t forget that I never asked you to move in with me. And it’s totally possible Rene and I would have worked out if you hadn’t come home drunk one night and told him I had an abortion when I was twenty-two!”
 

I’ll never forget the look on his face. Mom had just moved in with me, and Rene and I were having a quiet dinner together when she walked in and started on this whole tirade about men and how they couldn’t be trusted, how no one could be trusted, and that everyone had a past. When she told him about my abortion, the news came so far out of the blue I nearly choked on my wine. Rene turned pale, left, and said he never wanted to see me again. I spent several months afterward trying to explain what happened. We slept together a few more times but everything was ruined between us. He was disgusted with me, with my mother, with my life. I finally had enough self-respect to stop calling him.

My mother waves at me and shrugs her shoulders. “He would have found out eventually. So will this Lee you’re cyber-dating or whatever it is you kids call it nowadays.”

“Mom…” I sigh and rub my face hard with both my hands. “What is with you lately? What’s with all the mean-spirited jibes at my life? You know, you went years not even giving two shits about me. I didn’t hear from you once when I lived in New Orleans. Now, all you can do is put me down and tell me my life is horrible. You sound more and more like Dad every day.”

She pales, her face contorting into an angry grimace. “How dare you!”

I don’t give her the satisfaction of a reaction. I pick up my computer and prop it in on my hip. “You should consider going back to therapy to figure out why you’ve become the thing you hated your entire life. I’m going to do what I want to do. And since you’ve ‘cut the apron strings,’ you no longer get a say in my life.”

I lock myself in the bedroom and text Theresa to see if I can spend the evening at her place. I don’t want to run into my mom again tonight.

I can’t wait to get out of Pune and back to Mumbai so I can head home. I used to love coming here, but a million little things are annoying me this time around. The weather is hot and humid, over a hundred degrees every single day, and I’m constantly sweating through my suits. The hotel I stay at, The J.W. Marriott, is so packed with people that wireless connectivity is sporadic. I try to FaceTime with Laura this morning, and we get disconnected four times before we give up.
 

Laura Merchant

God, I wasn’t expecting I wouldn’t be able to talk to you.

I’m kinda heartbroken :(

Lee Park

I can’t wait to leave India. I’m so sorry.

I miss you.

Laura Merchant

I miss you too.

I didn’t get a chance to tell you all your gifts came.

…

A photo comes through next of the dark blue sari I bought her with the twenty thin, gold bangle bracelets on top of it. But my eyes narrow at the other things I bought her that came separately: a Hitachi magic wand and a set of attachments. Fuck this damned hotel and it’s spotty internet. Getting up from the bed, I pace to the door and back, breathing deeply. After watching her get off the last time we chatted, I thought of nothing else. Her face, her voice, and the sleepy and satisfied moan she had after she was done. I’ve dreamt about having sex with her every single night.

I don’t know what came over me. I’m not one to talk dirty or describe my fantasies, but I told her how I would kiss and taste every inch of her body. I’d drag my tongue across her nipples until she was wet. I’d want her to ride me and push against her G-spot until she came. I’d haul her up on her knees and come at her from behind, grabbing her hair and tugging.
“I love that, Lee.”
Damn, I had the most generic sex on the books with Sandra and she hated anything out of the ordinary. She didn’t even like when I went down on her, which is something I love to do.
 

Lee Park

Since we can’t talk, I want you to unpack that wand and use it.

Laura Merchant

Yes, sir.
 

I had a huge fight with my mother the other night and she hasn’t been home since.

I need a distraction.

Lee Park

I’m sorry this has been so hard on you, Laura.

I can’t wait to talk to you when I get home.

So, for now, turn on The Beatles and get to it.

Laura Merchant

Lee, you’re so bossy ;)

I love it.

Lee Park

I want to make sure you’re sexually satisfied until I can take care of you.

Of course, I could always use the wand on you.

Laura Merchant

I have a smile on my face a mile wide.

I love kinky sex, Lee.

I can’t believe I just told you that.

Lee Park

I want you to tell me everything, Laura.

Laura Merchant

I will :) Ok, I’m off to test the merchandise.

Xoxo

Lee Park

Think of me, gorgeous. Xoxo

Well, that settles it. I can’t talk to her. I can’t see her. And yet there’s nothing I want more than her right now. I have two hours to kill before work. This was the only morning this week we could FaceTime. Blood is rushing in my ears, my breathing labored and frantic, so I open the Photo Library and look at the picture I took of Laura on our first date. I was close to her for a few hours. I held her hand. I kissed her. It wasn’t just a dream. She’s real, and she’s waiting for me an ocean away. I have to do something about my job. I don’t think I can keep up this instability and traveling much longer.

My running gear is hanging up in the bathroom from the last time I ran and then came back and rinsed it all out. I set my phone down, get dressed, and dig through my suitcase for my swim trunks. I’ll go to the hotel gym and run out all my frustration on the treadmill and swim before work.

I’m 3k into a 5k run when my phone buzzes on the treadmill with two new texts.

Sandra Kwon

Min-Yung says you’re in India. I want you to call me when you get back to Seoul. Stop ignoring me.

I erase the text, and say, “Fuck you,” to my phone that keeps letting her text me. The guy at the treadmill next to me glances my way.
 

Back in Seoul, Min-Yung is talking to Sandra again. She’s a kind woman in her mid-fifties, fluent in English, with short, steel-gray hair, a widow whose husband used to work for the firm. I would be grateful for her if she didn’t interfere so much in my private life.

Chul-Soon Park

Just finished closing arguments. Should hear back in a few days. Dad.

Why does he always sign-off his texts with “Dad”? I know it’s him. Old people. I slow the treadmill to a comfortable walking pace and write him back.

Lee Park

Fingers crossed for you.

Chul-Soon Park

I feel good about it. We presented a strong case.

Lee Park

I’ve been following the news. You’re favored to win.

Chul-Soon Park

How are things with Laura? I saw the photos you sent. She’s lovely.

Lee Park

Really good. Thanks. I was thinking about inviting her home this summer.

Chul-Soon Park

I’d love to meet her. Jin has mentioned it too. Your mother is very nervous.

Lee Park

You know I love mom. But I can’t please her.

Chul-Soon Park

Ok. I’ll talk to you soon.

My father’s never been good at negotiating between me and my mother. He would rather we all get along naturally. When my mother and I used to argue at home, he would pick up whatever he was doing and leave the room. Some time later, I’d find him out in the garden or the car gone.
 

Getting back to clearing my head, I increase the pace on my treadmill and set my phone down. Two more days in Pune, then back to Mumbai, straight to the airport and back home to Seoul.
 

I had my new camera in my hands on Tuesday and brought it with me to Korean class to show Nicole. I love Korean class. Even though Lee isn’t with me, it feels like he is, and I’m getting the hang of listening to Korean and hearing the patterns within the speech. I’ve only been to two classes so far, so I’m not an immediate master or anything, but learning other languages has always come easy to me. My Spanish is passable from all the years I spent in kitchens bumping elbows with waitstaff. Maybe with some time living in Korea, I’ll learn the language.

I invite Nicole to come over on Friday for dinner and drinks. I have no idea if my mother will be around, but I don’t care. I’m going to enjoy what’s left of my New York City life while I have it.

When I open the gifts from Lee on Wednesday night after yoga, I nearly die of joy. I love the dark, royal blue sari. I lift the fabric to the light and the weave shimmers luxuriously. The beading is so perfect, the sewing must have been done by hand. Gorgeous. I’m not sure where I’ll wear it, but knowing I own one makes me happy. I can’t believe Lee sent me gold bangles. I was just admiring Nicole’s. I slip them over my hand, and they fall down my forearm, clicking against each other like bells. I never want to take them off. Then I laugh out loud at the magic wand and its series of attachments. Thanks, Lee.

Setting up my iPad to talk to Lee, I pull the battery for my new camera off the charger and insert the larger SD card in, format it, and set up all the options before Lee rings me.

“Hey, beautiful…” Lee’s face pops up in front of me when I accept the call, but we’re instantly disconnected.

“Nooooooo,” I wail at my iPad. We haven’t FaceTimed in almost a week! I keep trying to call him back but the system says he’s unavailable. We connect once more but can’t say anything to each other. Again and again, nothing. Fuck.