Eyes of Ember (Imdalind Series #2) (25 page)

“No,” I
said. “This isn’t you Ryland. This isn’t...”

“Besides,”
Ryland interrupted me, his voice even stronger than before. “It probably won’t even hurt you. You don’t truly love me anymore. If I break the connection, it won’t even affect you.”

“What are you saying
?” My voice was barely even above a whisper. “You can’t be... Ryland!” I dropped to my knees feeling pain so strong I couldn’t breathe. “Don’t say that. I do love you. Why else would I have gone through all of this to get you back?”

Ryland stopped my rant as he pulled me against him, his arms gaining strength. He
pressed his lips into my hair, kissing my skin softly. I moved at his touch, desperate to feel his lips against mine at least one more time. He looked at me right before he kissed me, seeming to decide if I wanted him to kiss me of not. I waited, my breath caught in my chest for the moment before our lips met.

This was not a Tȍuha, it was only a dream. There was no electric connection
. But my heart still stuttered with the feeling of ecstasy that washed through me. I clenched my hand around his shirt, pulling him closer to me. I inhaled deeply as his tongue wiped against my lower lip, the sensation strong and desirable. I groaned and leaned into him further. My body was begging him to deepen the kiss, but instead of answering my need, he pulled away, his eyes boring into me.

“It’s okay if you don’t love me anymore, Jos. I don’t blame you. Our connection has done nothing but cause you pain and misery.”

My jaw dropped at his words. Didn’t I just prove that I still did? The pain returned as the fears I had been hiding for the past few days were spoken aloud by someone who was supposed to love me no matter what. But no. He didn’t love me, because he wasn’t Ryland.

“No!” I yelled, desperate to counter his words.

“Oh, yes.” I froze at the voice. 

Edmund
snaked his arm around my neck and pulled me against him, his strong arm cutting off my air supply. I gathered my strength and produced a large chain to wrap around Edmund, but the magic turned to smoke in my fingers.

I heard him laugh in my ear as I sputtered, his strong arm causing my vision to pop much faster than I would have expected.

“Watch your mate die, my son,” he
said, his voice deep. “Oh no, Joclyn. It doesn’t seem like he is too concerned.”

I looked to
Ryland, gasping out his name with my last breath, but he didn’t move. He just sat there, his body too weak to do anything, his eyes dim and unfocused.

I woke up in a start
, gasping for breath, the panic at what had happened working me up into a terrified state. I wasn’t screaming as I had been before, this time it was a howling depression. The sounds I made were the sounds of heartbreak.

I cried and called out to Ilyan, to Ryland, to anyone that would help me, but no one came. No one was there. I wasn’t sure
if I was upset that no one came or glad that I had been ignored. I couldn’t have Ilyan. I couldn’t have Ryland. There was no one else I wanted to calm me.

I turned in my bunk, my body calling out in pain a
s I moved to face Ilyan’s bunk. He was still in his dimly lit space, his hair fanning over the edge of his bed. I looked at him until my howls had died down into gentle sobs. I desperately wanted to go to him but one move of my arm told me how impossible that was. Pain shot through my shoulder and my back, eventually traveling into my head. I gasped through the tears at the new pain.

I was alone. Ryland, if that was really him, was pushing me away. Wyn
was gone. My parents were gone. Ilyan... I was too afraid to think about. I was supposed to be the most powerful of all, destined to do something huge that I didn’t even understand. It was as Thom said, I was like Atlas, holding the world on my shoulders. And try as I might, I couldn’t be strong enough.

I stopped, my pity party halting in
its tracks. Atlas. I had missed the whole lesson behind what Thom had tried to tell me. I was too caught up in my pity, in my desperation, to have fully taken in what he said. Atlas had plenty of strength. He was just too proud to ask for help when he needed it. It was not strength that I lacked, it was pride that I had too much of.

I didn’t need to be strong
all the time. I needed to get over my insecurities and have the faith to let someone else help me through it. I needed to stop hiding silently behind my pain and throw the emotional hoodie away.

I was strong.

I looked at Ilyan. He might be the one who could help me do that. At least, the one I wanted.

Twenty-Three

I
knew the moment I sat up the next morning that I was in trouble. My back ached and my head spun, causing me to fall back against the bed with a groan. I couldn’t wait any longer. I reached for the chain and pulled the necklace out, letting it rest in my palm.

My life felt like an endless stream of torture.
First the nightmares and then in the Tȍuha. I may not be strong but I do have help. I looked briefly toward where Ilyan still lay; reminding myself I was not alone before plunging my magic into the necklace and closing my eyes.

I opened my eyes to the same disgusting kitchen as last time, everything rotting and falling to pieces. I
regretted coming here so soon after my last traumatizing nightmare, but I had no choice.

The memories
this kitchen induced and what this destruction seemed to mean felt like another knife to the heart. If the trend of my last few trips to the Tȍuha held true, Ryland would show up and push me out of the space. I held still, hoping to make my time in here last as long as possible and rejuvenate my body as much as I could.

I couldn’
t silence that tiny voice in the back of my head that was nagging me to break the connection. I closed my eyes and shook my head roughly, opening my eyes again to a very small, very angry Ryland.

“I told you not to come back,” he spat
, his little voice dripping with hatred.

“You know I can’t do that, Ry.” I tried to keep my voice level
in an attempt to calm him and hopefully lengthen the Tȍuha, but I could tell it was a pointless effort.

“I don’t care about you anymore!”
he yelled before shoving me abruptly. I let him. I didn’t know how to fight him, and even if I did, the very idea of fighting to stay in such a terrifying place did not interest me.

I opened my eyes to the carved stone roof of my bunk. The ligh
t that was reflecting through the chamber seemed brighter than before, but I knew I couldn’t have been gone long considering I hadn’t been in the Tȍuha for more than a few minutes. I certainly hadn’t been gone long enough to repair me completely. Everything still felt heavy and painful, just not quite as bad as it was before.

I clenched the blankets in my hands, reminding myself
that a little strength would go a long way.

“Good morning!” Dramin’s bright sing
-song voice echoed around me.

I sat up to face him, happy the
worst of my aches had disappeared, but still wishing that all of them could have left. Dramin stood in front of me, two mugs in his hands. He held one out for me, and I took it gladly, grateful for the Black Water that would take away the last of the pains.

“Thank you, Dramin
.” I sighed as the water buzzed through me.

“You seem to be doing better today,” he said
. “How is your mate?”

Of course he knew
. I shouldn’t have been surprised. I attempted to hide my shock at his knowledge, but I wasn’t sure I succeeded.

“He’s fine,” I lied. I probably shouldn’t have, but
I didn’t know how to explain all that was going on.

“Hmmm.” Dramin’s comment was obviously to himself, so I chose to ignore him by draining my cup of the
Black Water.

It flowed through me
and I wiggled my toes. Dramin leaned over to look inside my cup, chuckling to see it already empty.

“You have the appetite of a child,” he
said, smiling. “It’s quite refreshing.”

I smiled
back at him, handing over my cup. My body was already calling for more.

“Oh no,” Dramin smiled
. “Not anymore, your body is healed. You can do this on your own.”

He grabbed my hand and placed it firmly over the top of the mug.

“Think of the water, and how you would like to see it: warm, cold, or maybe iced. Now pulse that thought into the cup.”

I raised an
eyebrow at him, looking more confused than I felt. He continued to laugh at me.

“It’s easier than it sounds
. It is second nature. Give it a shot.” He smiled and I nodded my head at him before closing my eyes.

I followed his instructions to a T
, surprised when my body seemed to respond instinctively. I felt warmth fill my hand for a moment before opening my eyes to look at the cup, the steaming liquid filling it right to the rim.

“Good job! Now
, if you will go into your Tȍuha every day, you will continue to have the energy to sustain yourself.” Dramin took a drink right after he spoke, his eyes digging into me from over his mug. I felt a blush rise to my cheeks. I lowered my mug.

“How did you know?” I asked softly before taking another sip.

“The question is not how I knew, child, for that should be obvious. But, why are you avoiding your mate?”

I
couldn’t look at Dramin so I chose to look at the thick contents that swirled slightly inside my cup instead. I guess if I had to confide in someone while Ilyan was indisposed, I should. Besides, I had started opening up to Thom. I suppose I needed to be more trusting.

“Well, for one, Ryland keeps pushing me out.
Two, I am pretty sure Cail is controlling them.” I sounded so dejected, I tried not to cringe at the sound of it.

“You mean he is controlling the Tȍuha as well as
your dreams?” I couldn’t miss his surprise. I had been beginning to think there was nothing that would surprise Dramin.

“Yes.” I was suddenly feeling very cramped in the tight bunk. I slipped off my bed and walked right past him,
my mug still clasped between my hands.

I moved to the large chairs that surrounded the fire, trying to avoid looking at Thom who was busy healing Ilyan.

“But, how do you know?” Dramin asked.

“Ilyan pieced most of it together, but what you said about Edmund
’s Štít inside Cail – it kind of fit it all together for me.” I sat down in what had become my trademark chair, draping one of the many furs that were piled around the space over my legs.

“But what does he want from you? Does he know...
” Dramin finished abruptly, I lowered the mug from my lips to raise an eyebrow at him in question, but he didn’t answer right away.

“Does he know that you are one of the Drak?” He finally finished, his voice oddly distan
t.

“No, I don’t go screaming out random bits of information for them to hear
. I am a bit smarter than that.” I spat the words out a bit icily, but good grief, someone needed to have faith in me.

“Mostly
, Cail enjoys messing with my mind.” I tried to keep the tone of the conversation light, but I could already feel the desperation creeping into my own voice. “He finds different ways to torture me. In the dreams he plays little games or makes me relive bad memories. In the Tȍuha he has been telling what is left of Ryland’s mind to get rid of me. They are trying to get me to break the Zȇlství.”

Dramin dropped his mug to the stone floor
in surprise, where it promptly shattered. I jumped at the noise, startling even more when I saw his face. For a moment I was worried he was lost in a sight.

“Who has told you this?” Dramin asked,
panicked. His jaw was open and his eyes wide, the bright green thankfully still there.

“What?”

“Who asked you to break the connection?” I sunk
away from his panic, keeping the mug tight in my grip. I didn’t want mine to break.

“Ryland asked me in the dream
last night, but I’m not sure it was him. There was something off about him.”

Dramin nodded enthusiastically. “And in the Tȍuha?”

“What’s left of Ryland’s mind in the Tȍuha doesn’t know enough, but I can tell someone is trying to break us apart. Ryland told me the man with the dark eyes told him to get rid of me.”

“And
you’re sure he means Cail?” Dramin leaned forward eagerly, his eyes boring into mine.

“Either Cail or the Ryland that they are controlling.”

“Or Edmund,” Dramin provided, his voice oddly eager. It sent a chill up my spine.

I nodded, not wanting to give him an answer. I emptied my cup and refilled it, hoping that Dramin’s
excitement would leave him.

“
Are you going tell Ilyan of this?”

I glanced toward Ilyan’s bunk at Dramin’s words,
my heart dropping a bit to see him still unconscious. Thom had disappeared somewhere.

“Tell Ilyan, what?” I asked, unwilling to rip my eyes
away.

“That someone is trying to convince you to break the connection between you and Ryland.”

“I suppose I will. I tell Ilyan everything.”

Dramin paused before speaking.
“I am not sure that is the best idea in this instance.”

I
narrowed my eyes at him. I had decided I wouldn’t be like Atlas. I would swallow my pride and ask for help. But Dramin sat there, telling me that it might not be the best idea to tell Ilyan something that was already eating at me.

“You will know
why before the day is over, child.”

My eyes bugged a bit, I knew what he was talking about. The sight. The sight concerning me. He was finally going to tell me.

“But not yet,” he finished, and I leaned back into the chair. “You need to decide yourself whether to tell him of what Ryland is telling you and if you decide to break the connection. I believe you will, but not until the time is right.”

I wanted to scream
at the thought of willingly breaking the Zȇlství. But somehow, even now, I knew the possibility of me doing that was high.

“And when is that
?” I asked, curious.

“Your sight will lead the way.”

He smiled and I returned the movement, although not as brightly.

I wasn’t feeling as heavy as I had been,
thanks to Dramin. My team seemed to be getting bigger. I hoped that someday soon I would have the support of Ryland too. My Ryland, with his memories intact. I still had three weeks until Edmund’s deadline. With my newly unlocked abilities and Ilyan at my side I felt a bit unstoppable. Maybe it was the Black Water flowing through me, but I felt a bit cocky.

I was going to knock Edmund on the pavement.

I laughed at the thought, ignoring Dramin’s raised eyebrow by taking another deep drink of the Black Water.

“Well,” Thom announced as he approached the fire. “
He should be awake in a few hours.”

My
back straightened, my eyes flying toward Ilyan’s bunk in expectation.

“Relax, Silnỳ, I said a few hours not a few minutes. It could still be tomorrow.”

I exhaled heavily and sat back in the chair. Thom grunted at me in greeting before setting a blueberry muffin on my lap. It looked delicious, but I didn’t want it. I eyed it for a moment before picking it up and setting it on the small side table next to me.

It seemed like such a
simple act, but it had caught the close attention of both men.

“Aren’t you going to eat that
?” Thom asked, alarmed.