Expiration Dating (18 page)

Portami a un pos
to dove non ho bisogno sognare.

I stared at it, trying to decipher the meaning. I recognized a few words, and I sat turning it over in my mind, mesmerized by the waves
once again. It hit me in between thoughts. The meaning was clear.

Take me to a pla
ce where I don’t need to dream.

I laughed
at myself, finding it funny that something a love struck teenager spray painted on a rock could affect me so deeply. I blinked my damp eyes, rubbing my sweatshirt to swipe up any melting mascara.

After some time, the cuddly couple retrieved me from my rocks. Emilia asked if everything was alright, and I nodded, smiled, said it couldn’t be better. We bid goodbye to our Italian tour guide and promised to stay in touch using our fancy modern technology. The next morning, we left Sicily.

Chapter
Thirty

             
We got back to Milan on Saturday afternoon after spending a week laying on the beach and dancing til the wee hours of the morning in Malta. The Arabic city had been fun for a few days, but by the end of the week, I was more than ready to be home in my cozy little apartment.

The girls and I
spent the rest of the weekend scrubbing the dust and drinks out of our clothing, replenishing the fridge, catching up on some shut eye, and generally getting our lives back in shape for the last part of the semester. With just a few weeks left, I was feeling the nerves creep into my gut every time I thought about leaving.

I was glad for a distraction
on Sunday, when I looked at my phone, still misty with sweat from a hot shower, and saw a text message from Andrew. It read:

Just got back in town. Wanna come over?

I was
surprised to hear from him at all, especially in this context, and my mind started snowballing with possibilities. After spending a week with his ex girlfriend, I figured the last person he’d want to see was me. Unless, I realized, things had gone poorly and he needed a shoulder to cry on.

I sighed, but after mentioning it to
Emilia, I knew deep down that I did want to see him. I hadn’t thought of Andrew much on the trip, and I hoped the lingering vacation high would make it easier to hear what he had to say

I changed quickly into a skirt and
tee and jumped on the metro. As I arrived I put my hand up to knock, and Andrew threw the door open.

             
“You look, wow!” His fingers played with the edge of the door, blocking the entrance. “You look great.”

             
“Thank you,” I said curtsying in my way-too-short for curtsying skirt.

             
“The beachy tan, the…” he said tapped his fingers against the door frame. I wondered if he’d called me over just to remind himself what I looked like.

             
“You’re not so bad yourself,” I said. I wasn’t lying. He his skin was bronzed and his hair had lightened a few shades. It had also grown out a tad, and the beginnings of his curls had begun to show again. He smelled just like I remembered, a clean, ocean-fresh scent, not overpowering in the least. On the contrary, I couldn’t get enough. I hugged Andrew, happy I had decided to come over. He squeezed me back and I felt the breath whoosh out of my chest.

             
“It’s really good to see you,” he repeated.

             
“You too,” I said expecting him to delve into a sob story at any second.

             
“Do you want a glass of wine or tea or something?” he asked. “We could go out on the deck and catch up. I can’t believe I haven’t seen you in two weeks.”

             
“That sounds fantastic,” I said. “I’ll have some tea – I’ve probably drank enough for a lifetime in the past week alone.”

             
Andrew prepared the hot water and meandered outside to the spacious patio. We looked at the stars for a moment before he broke the silence, “I really missed you.”

             
“I missed you, too,” I said, caution lacing my words. I figured I wasn’t lying; just because I had fun and didn’t think about him
that
often didn’t mean I had forgotten about him. Not in the least. I had just realized that I’d rather keep him as a friend than nothing at all.

             
“Did you-”
              “I didn’t sleep with her,” Andrew interrupted.

             
“I wasn’t going to ask. All I was asking was if you had fun.”

             
“I know, but it’s important,” Andrew said. “I… being far away from you for two weeks made me… I guess I just realized that I really,
really
missed you. I like you a lot.”

             
I was touched. He looked more hesitant than I’d ever seen him; this confident, outspoken guy now twitched and averted his eyes, measuring his words, his speech wrought with pauses. I had waited forever to hear him say this, and now, now that I’d finally stopped pining for him, he decides to admit he likes me? I knew it was a hard thing for him to do, and his confession meant a lot to me. I just wasn’t ready for him to change his mind again.

             
“You know I like you, Andrew. I can still like you as a friend.” I played with my cup.

“I also
know how much you miss your girlfriend – ex – An,” I stumbled over the last part.

             
“Ex,” Andrew confirmed. “I didn’t sleep with her, and it wasn’t because she didn’t want to. Dana, listen. She’s been hooking up with someone else, and that’s fine. I expected it.”

He met my eyes and his voice gained momentum,
“We broke up for a reason coming here. But in Morocco, she wanted to get back together, she was very forward. But seeing her, I realized I didn’t have those feelings anymore. I like her, she’s great as a person, but I wanted you there instead.”

I was having trouble forming the sounds from his mouth into words that made sense. I took a moment to process, and when Andrew looked away, I was surprised to remember it was my turn to speak.

              “I missed you, too. And I like you a lot. But this doesn’t change the fact that we’re leaving each other soon. We don’t have much time left here,” I said. The thought of leaving Italy caused a spear of sorrow to course through my veins.

I
t was like a terminal illness; you knew the end was coming, but you were powerless to stop it. The thought of losing Andrew and Italy at the same time left a hole in my heart just imagining it.

             
“True, but I want you to know it’s more than a fling. I didn’t actually mean we wouldn’t talk when we went back to America. I’m just saying I haven’t done a long-distance relationship. I’ve never understood why people do it, it’s so hard,” Andrew said.

             
“They do it because they love someone that lives far away!”

             
“Yes, but the rest of your life is on hold then,” Andrew said.

             
“No,” I said. “Your
sex
life is on hold – not the rest of your life.”

             
Andrew shrugged, “I’m just saying it would be difficult.”

             
“Of course it would be challenging!” I noticed my voice becoming shriller. “I
never
said it would be easy, I just said it’s not worth discounting. All I ask of you, all I ever wanted was to know there was a
possibility
we would even
talk
afterward.”

I paused for breath. “You refuse to even admit there’s a possibility anything could las
t. You know what? I would have slept with you by now except you won’t even admit you’d
consider
trying. I didn’t think that was so much to ask for.”

Andrew crossed his arms and reclined in the dilapidated lawn chair. I adjusted my seat and leaned forward,
“Guess what, if it didn’t work out, I wasn’t going to stalk you. I never even said we had to date back home. I just didn’t want my first time to be with an asshole that’d I’d never speak to again. That’s why I’ve held off. I’ve waited twenty-one years, a few months isn’t going to hurt me now.”

             
Andrew nodded, his face emotionless. He sat forward, snapping the chair legs back to the ground. “I just wanted to be upfront. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you.”

             
The wind instantly deflated from my sails.

“You’re right,” I said. “I’m just frustrated by the circumstances. I finally feel like I found someone I like and can trust, and you’re going to leave me in a matter of weeks. That just makes me … sad.”

             
We sat in the crisp night air for a long minute. My shoulders slumped. This was not what I had expected coming over, but I was relieved to have everything on the table.

We just couldn’t agree.

              Andrew broke the silence, “Come on up, you can stay over tonight. You don’t have to decide anything.”

I let myself be led upstairs where
Andrew and I lay snug under the covers. He lightly ran his fingers down my back, and in the darkness I heard him stir.

             
“I mean, you don’t
have
to decide, but if you did want too…” he laughed and rolled me over, teasing me with kisses. I gave him a look, but didn’t stop kissing him. True to his word, he didn’t ask again…at least the rest of the evening.

Chapter
Thirty One

             
I woke Monday morning and took my time getting out of bed. My shoulders jerked upward as I glanced at the clothing strewn about the floor.

“Andrew.” I shook his shoulder. “Wake up or you’ll miss class.”

He moaned and wrapped his arms around my stomach.

“Andrew, we have to go today. There’s a test Friday.”

“You go, I’m staying.” He rolled over, his arms slipping down my stomach past my thighs and back under the covers.

             
“You sure?” I had my bra halfway on already.

             
“I’m smart enough already.”

             
I kissed the top of his curls. “See you later.”

             
I looked at my phone, realizing I’d have to hurry in order to make it home before class. I hadn’t planned on staying over at Andrew’s place, and the result was me being stranded without clothes. The only other option would be attending class while outfitted in a sparkly short skirt.

I
decided to get my legs moving.

             
I raced to the foot of the metro, ignoring the judgmental glances without a passing thought. Today wasn’t my first
ride of shame.
The doors slammed as I skidded down the last stair. I glanced at the wall clock with trepidation; the next train wasn’t for eight minutes.

             
An Italian touched my back and pointed toward the back of the line, line being a generous word. It was actually a mob of people staring down the mouth of the tracks waiting for the next train. I grumbled some choice words and slipped behind a few people, pulling out my phone.

             
“Emilia, hi,” I said, hoping I sounded sweet, knowing I couldn’t pull it off with my scratchy, morning voice.

             
“What do you need?” She asked.

             
“Uh, well you see,” I paused. “Can you bring me a pair of pants to class?”

             
“Pants?”

             
“Yes.”

             
“Yours?”

             
“Um,” I said glancing around, hoping no one could understand the conversation.

             
“Okay, okay. I’m leaving now. I’ll set them outside of the classroom in the spare computer lab.”

             
“Great.” the air whooshed out of my lungs. “You are awesome.”

             
The phone clicked off, and I eyeballed the young male leering over my shoulder.

I finally arrived
at class and stepped into the basement computer lab right outside the room. I could hear the teacher’s voice droning on in Italian. I did a quick sign of the cross that no one would walk past, and slipped the pants on, groaning. My tightest, most uncomfortable pair of jeans; this was her idea of payback.
Would sweatpants have been so difficult?

I slipped into class and Megan raised her eyebrows, stifling a smile.

“Don’t,” I said.

“I didn’t say anything.”

I pulled my book out of my bag and pretended to study.

“Where’s Andrew today?”

“He’s still in bed- oooh, you’re good,” I grinned at Megan, caught red-handed, before we were interrupted by machine gun blasts of Italian from our tiny instructor.

Halfway through class
, I received a message from Roberto saying he was back from Dubai and would love to see me. I hedged an excuse; I wasn’t quite sure how to tell him I wasn’t interested. He persisted, inviting me over to his house the following day for dinner. Upon my hesitation, he changed it to drinks. When I still said no, he asked if I just wanted to
stop by
.

I
started to feel uncomfortable with his insinuating offers, knowing I didn’t want our relationship to progress. He’d begun to expect something that I couldn’t return. Emilia urged me to just tell him I wasn’t interested over texts. I heed and hawed until finally agreeing to meet him for a brief coffee later that day. We met at the same place where we’d first chatted, and I greeted him with an awkward handshake-turned-hug. I hadn’t told Andrew about the encounter, and I wasn’t planning on it. I felt guilty, even though I was meeting him to cut things off.

Roberto leaned over the counter, “Two cappuccinos, please.”

“I was actually going to order an espresso,” I said.

“
Cappuccino is better this time of day.”

“Yeah, well-”

He broke away, stirring some cane sugar into the miniature cup.

“Ze shoe line is good. Dubai, I talk to many business people. I think some like me. I am busy there, phone always ringing, you know?” He wiggled his phone back and forth in front of my nose.

“Yea-”

“And my mother still wonders when she meets you. You, the girl who smiles. I think she just wants me to have babies. It will make her very happy.”

“Glad to hear that.”

“Yes, yes, maybe we move to Florence, and I work from there? Yes, that works,” he trailed off in thought, and I was tempted to wave my hand in front of his face to see if he’d acknowledge my presence.

I drifted into my own thoughts, realizing
I was right in thinking I was his toy, his signature American doll. I should have trusted my instincts, and I was kicking myself for letting it go on as long as I had.

Roberto
kept murmuring about his mother, but the entire time I couldn’t help but think how I would much rather have a spitting contest with Andrew as opposed to a night out with the man in front of me now, bumbling on about how many languages he spoke. When Roberto asked if I’d swing by his house for a drink after, I couldn’t say
no
fast enough. He continued to ask, throwing out every offer in the book, but I told him I had other plans, and that I didn’t want to take our relationship any further. He looked disappointed, but as I escaped from his barrage of queries, I didn’t look back.