Expecting the Cowboy's Baby (13 page)

He cleaned her arms next, then bent to work on her legs, slipping the bar over her skin in a sensual assault, each inch he covered bringing her closer and closer to some unfathomable, erotic crest. Her skin prickled, her limbs ached, her body demanded even more.

Jake worked his way higher, moving up her thighs, gliding the soap over her legs. He stood up then, his manhood primed and ready, but he held back and used the soapy bar once again to caress her most sensitive spot. Cassie nearly bucked when he discarded the soap, working magic on her with expert fingers. She leaned into him and moaned, the
moist wet pleasure, the stroking, almost too much. She rasped, “I need you, Jake.”

“You have me, Cassie.” Jake crushed his mouth to hers, driving his tongue deep at the exact moment he entered her. Intense heat shot straight through her. Water splashed, splaying and surrounding them in a cloud of steam and moisture.

Jake groaned into her mouth, cupped her bottom and drove deeper, harder. She met each of his thrusts with one of her own. Cassie cried out, wrapping her legs around him, and they moved with each other until the impact nearly consumed them.

“Oh, Cassie.”

Their release was powerful, spontaneous and timed to perfection.

Cassie relaxed against Jake, her body sated, her heart pouring out with love. He held her in his arms for long moments after turning the water off. She felt the exact moment when Jake's body let go the tension that was the aftermath of incredible lovemaking. His breathing slowed and he spoke softly into her ear. “We're good together, sweetheart.”

Cassie closed her eyes and held back tears. Yes, they were
great
together, as long as Jake had everything in his control. As long as Cassie was giving up her heart to him, but those were not the three words she'd wanted to hear.

She stepped out of the shower and toweled off, determined not to think of this as a setback. They still had time together. She had to wear down Jake's defenses, make him see he could trust her with his heart. But there was one more thing she had failed to do. She promised herself she'd try again. She wouldn't give up.

 

Jake had called room service and shortly after their shower, breakfast was delivered. Cassie stood over the table
by the hotel window, peering down at the trays of food. “Are you expecting rodeo riders in here, or maybe we're going to feed Shadow and Strawberry Wine with all this food?”

“Nah, the horses don't like waffles,” he said with a wink, “but I'm starved. Sort of worked up an appetite last night.”

Heat warmed her face, but she chuckled along with him. “Jake.”

He came to stand behind her and laid a hand on her abdomen, caressing the skin from under her blouse. “Our baby has to eat. And so does his mama.” He kissed the area just below her earlobe, sending shivers along her spine. After the night and morning they'd just shared, Cassie didn't think she'd have enough energy to become aroused again, but then, this was Jake, the man she loved, the man who could, with just one look, turn her inside out. “Do you think it's a boy or a girl?”

He continued to caress her belly, the heat of his hand flooding her entire body with warmth. She hesitated. Every time they got on the subject of the baby, they argued. Cassie hadn't changed her mind, although many times during the night, while she was in Jake's arms, the temptation to give in and give up crossed her mind. How easy it would be to agree to marry him, to be his wife, but then what—live life devoid of love? To know the lust of each other's body but share nothing else in return?

Cassie gave herself a mental head shake. Nope. She wasn't going to go that route, no matter how much she loved Jake or how hard it was to deny his marriage proposals. “I haven't a clue. Sometime later on I can find out, but I'm not so sure I want to know. Boy or girl, I want to be surprised.”

“I want to be there, Cassie. When our baby is born.”

“I—I know. I want you there.”

“And I want us to be married by then.”

Cassie stepped away from him, away from the press of his body, the warmth of his hand on her skin. She needed to regroup, to firm up her resolve. “Jake, let's not talk about that right now.”

Anger flashed across his face, a wildfire of emotion so deep and intense, Cassie thought to run from the room. He glared at her, then spoke through tight lips. “You won't even think about it?”

“I am thinking about it.”

His face registered a degree of relief, a remotely surprised expression as if to say he had doubted that she'd even consider the idea. Cassie wanted to scream from frustration. She didn't want to hurt Jake. She didn't want to deny him his baby. This weekend she had hoped to show Jake that he could trust her and to get him to open up his heart.

She spoke softly but with an urgency that stemmed from the ache in her heart. “Please, don't rush me. And please, don't bully me, either. That's not what'll make me change my mind.”

“What will, then, Cassie? How can I change your mind?”

Cassie bit down on her lower lip and moved across the room to the telephone. “Your father's been ill, Jake. We've been gone for two days.” She picked up the receiver and held it out to him. “Call him, Jake. See how John T. is doing.”

Jake walked over to her, peering into her face. Then he stared at the telephone receiver she held. Long moments passed. Cassie witnessed the indecision on his face, the hard line of his jaw, the cold steel in his dark eyes. He took the receiver out of her hand and placed it back on its cradle.
“This is about you and me, Cassie. John T. has nothing to do with it.”

Oh, Jake, she wanted to scream. Your father has everything to do with it.

He went on, his gaze focused on the phone. “Lottie's with him. She would have called if anything went wrong.”

“That's not really the point, now, is it?”

Jake spun around to stare her down. “The point is, John T. Anderson hasn't been much of a father to me, Cassie.”

“Maybe that was true in the past, but he's trying, Jake. You can't say he hasn't tried.”

Jake shook his head. “It's too late.”

“No,” Cassie said, taking his hand. She led him over to the sofa to sit down, their meal all but forgotten. “It's never too late for forgiveness. Do you plan on punishing him for the rest of your life?”

Jake twisted his mouth. “It's easy for you to judge me, Cassie. You don't have the memories I have. Maybe you lost your parents at a young age, but you had an aunt that loved you and a brother who'd kick anybody's ass who did you wrong.”

Cassie chuckled. “Did Brian say that to you?”

Jake squeezed her hand gently. “In so many words. I have to say, I admire the guy. I couldn't even get ticked at him for sticking up for you. Even though you're the one holding out on the marriage, not me. But no one's ever been on my side like that before. I've never known that kind of loyalty.”

“It's love, Jake. My brother loves me. Just like John T. loves you. He does, you know. He made mistakes, there's no denying that, but he finally did the right thing. And he wants a chance to make it up to you.”

“You think if John Junior hadn't died, John T. would
have given me a second thought? Do you think he'd ever have come for me that night otherwise?”

Cassie ached for him, for the pain and regret she witnessed in his eyes. He tried to conceal it, tried to cover up the injury done to him, but Cassie knew him now, too well. His wounds went deep. “I don't know, Jake. I really can't say.”

“It was the night of your homecoming, Cassie. That's why I didn't make our date. The father I never knew about showed up at the Brewsters's door with a social worker, claiming that I was his long-lost son. He whisked me away so quickly I never had time to adjust. I never had time to call the girl I liked to tell her I wasn't going to show for our date, to tell her I'd probably never see her again.”

“Oh, Jake.” As a heartbroken teen Cassie had berated him over and over again in her mind, thinking that handsome, lone wolf, Jake Griffin, had found something lacking in her. Thinking that she had been conveniently duped then dumped. She'd been so wrapped up in her own anguish that she'd never once considered what Jake had gone through that night. She'd never contemplated the possibility that something devastating might have happened to him. No one had known too much about the boy who'd come to school midstream and had disappeared rather quickly, shortly after the homecoming dance. “I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I blamed you. I thought you'd deliberately set out to hurt me. I had no idea what happened to you that night.”

His jaw tight and his body rigid, Jake bounded up from the sofa. He began pacing in front of her. “By the time my father came for me, it was too late. Maybe it would have been different if he'd come years earlier, when I was just a boy, but those teen years had been hard. I don't consciously think about those days much, but I'll never forget the constant feeling of not belonging, of being an outcast, with no
real parents to rely on. Of worrying every single time I messed up, the way young boys do, if I would be shipped off again to another town, another strange home. That's always with me, Cassie.”

Cassie wanted to wrap her arms around him and hug the pain away, but Jake was a man now, not a small boy. And he stood with tight control, his body relaying that he didn't need her sympathy, only her understanding. Jake was as prideful as John T., and that could be their undoing. Both were stubborn to a fault, but she contended that without a doubt, both men had hearts of gold that had been inadvertently buried under layers of misunderstanding, mistrust and mistakes.

Cassie stood up and went to him. She looked him in the eyes, searching and hoping to get through to him. “I can only imagine how you felt, Jake. But things are different now. A good deal of time has passed. It heals.”

“Maybe one day.” He didn't sound convinced. “But at least you know I didn't deliberately stand you up. I didn't mean to hurt you that night.”

Cassie waved it off. “That doesn't seem important now. What's important is that you made a good life for yourself. That you survived it all and became a wonderful man.”

“Wonderful, huh? How wonderful?” He grinned and a dangerous gleam in his eyes returned, hot and steamy. Cassie knew that Jake had tired of the topic and their serious conversation was over. There'd be no more talk of the past, no more talk of forgiveness, at least for now.

Cassie tilted her head and paused coyly. “Pretty darn wonderful.”

Jake spread his hands around her waist, bringing her close. He took in oxygen, a soulful breath of reined-in desire. “Let's have breakfast in bed.”

Cassie couldn't deny him, she never really could, but es
pecially now that he'd given her a glimpse into his past, she felt closer to him than ever. Her heart and her body both craved him. She found she was hungry for Jake in the most elemental way. “Let's.”

“C
ongratulations! You were great out there.” Cassie greeted Jake at the gate with a big kiss moments after he'd made his victory lap around the perimeter of the stadium, with Shadow prancing and lapping up the attention. Jake's fellow competitors had eyed Cassie with interest, then let out whoops and hollers when she landed that kiss on his mouth. Jake only smiled. Eat your heart out, boys, he thought. She's mine.

Or she will be, once I figure her out.

Cassie waited for him patiently while he signed autographs at tables set up inside the arena for the fans. Jake wanted to get Cassie alone again, but it was nearing time to leave, their private time together almost over. He didn't know what tomorrow would bring. They'd had a great weekend yet Jake wasn't sure he was any closer to getting Cassie to agree to marry him than before they'd come here.

“There you go, Samuel,” he said to a youngster he as
sumed was close to twelve, handing him the signed rodeo program. “Nice meeting you.”

“Nice meeting you, sir. I'm planning on being a calf roper myself. My pa's fixing to teach me better. I've been practicing for two years now and he says soon I'm gonna be good enough to enter the junior rodeo. Did your pa teach you?”

“Nope. I taught myself. But it's better if you've got someone behind you, to teach you. If you're willing to work real hard, and keep practicing, you'll do just fine. You just listen up when your pa gives you advice.”

The boy nodded briskly. “I will, sir. I hope you win the national finals.”

“Thanks, I hope so, too. But I'll be back again next year, no matter what.” Jake shook the boy's hand. “Well, good luck, Samuel.”

Cassie stepped up then, her face thoughtful, her green eyes pensive. Jake stood and took her hand. “Come on. I'm all through here.”

He led her to the corrals where his horses were penned up, noting that Cassie had become unusually quiet. Jake let her be. One thing he was beginning to learn about pregnant women, they had their moods. And pregnant or not, Cassie hadn't been an easy woman for him to understand anyway. “C'mon, ladies,” he said to his horses. “Time to get packed up. We're heading home.”

Home. Jake never felt at home at Anderson Ranch so the words didn't soothe, but made him edgy. He wished he could keep on the road, with Cassie by his side. That wasn't possible, of course. He'd have to leave again, alone. It was his life. But a gnawing twitch in his gut told him something was wrong. Real wrong. Cassie hadn't spoken a word.

A short time later, with the horses all set in the trailer and Cassie buckled in, Jake hit the road, his Dodge Ram
kicking up rodeo dust. The balmy air brought heat, causing moisture to break out on his skin. Jake turned on the air conditioner and once they were on the interstate, he turned to look at Cassie. “I'm real glad you came with me, Cassie.”

She cast him a small smile and nodded.

“Everything all right?” he asked, wondering now if she wasn't feeling well. Maybe the heat was getting to her or maybe they'd overdone it this weekend. They'd spent more time
in
bed, than out. Jake had tried damn hard not to let his desire get out of control, but it hadn't been easy. Not with Cassie. There was something special about her that had him tied up in knots.

“I'm fine, Jake. I was just thinking about what you said to that boy today.”

“Samuel? The last autograph I signed?”

“Yes. You were so supportive. You told him to practice and take his father's advice. Did you ever have that with John T? Did he ever try to give you advice when you were learning?”

Jake took a deep breath. He didn't want to get into this. He didn't like dredging up the past. But Cassie seemed bent on asking her questions. He spoke honestly. “He tried. He had experience with the rodeo, but I—”

“You wanted to do it all on your own,” Cassie finished for him, her tone far from understanding. She had no business judging him. She had no clue what it'd been like for him back then, trying to fit in at the ranch, but never knowing how, because he'd never fit in anyplace else before.

“Yeah, that's right,” he said. “I'd learned by then that I couldn't rely on anyone. John T. tried for about a week, but I made it clear I didn't want his help or anyone else's. The success I have now, is all my own.”

“You have no one to share it with, Jake. What good is that?”

“I don't need anyone to share it with.”

Cassie lowered her gaze and spoke quietly. “I know.”

“Dammit, Cassie. Don't turn this all around. Don't make this about you and me.” Anger simmered in his gut. He didn't want to end their weekend on a sour note. Yet he didn't need this from Cassie, not now. Not ever. She would just have to accept him the way that he was.

“Have you ever invited your father to one of your rodeos?”

Jake snorted. “Are you kidding? He's not interested.”

“No, I'm not kidding,” she said so adamantly that Jake turned to look at her. She, too, turned so that her body faced him, but there was something remote in her eyes, a look that spoke of indecision. She bit down on her lower lip, pulling it in. At any other time Jake would have thought the move seductive, but right now he knew something was stirring up in her pretty head.

“What?” he asked, wondering if he really wanted to know the answer.

She hesitated a long moment, then, as if she'd finally made up her mind, she spoke her piece. “What if I told you that John T. has come to watch you compete? Many times.”

Jake's mouth dropped open and he mentally had to shake his head. What was Cassie saying? Did she actually know this for a fact? Jake had trouble believing she knew what she was talking about. “Darlin', I'd say you are sorely mistaken.”

“Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this, Jake. But it's true. John T. confided in me weeks ago.”

A pulse beat out a hasty rhythm in his neck. Jake swore under his breath. Cassie had come into his life and turned
it upside down. But now she was telling him something he was sure couldn't be true. “I don't believe it.”

“I wouldn't lie.”

“No, not you. I don't believe him. He's just trying to win your sympathy, Cassie.”

“He was there in Colorado, when your horse threw a shoe. He was there when you won your first ever go-round. He was there to see you take Rookie of the Year honors, Jake.”

A shudder went through Jake's body. He had to know the truth of it, because he'd never once thought John T. had any use for his career. He'd been hell-bent on getting Jake to work the ranch with him. “Why?”

Cassie smiled sadly. “Why? Do you really have to ask? Jake, you're his son. He's proud of you.”

“He never told me.”

“Would you have wanted him there? Would you have welcomed him?”

“Hell no!” The words rushed out of his mouth fast, giving Cassie reason to shake her head.

“John T. has as much pride as you do. Rejection doesn't set well with anyone, but especially with a prideful man.”

“Damn.” Jake couldn't think of anything else to say. He spent the remainder of the trip deep in thought, too shocked, too full of pent-up anger and confused emotion to make casual conversation. Once they arrived at the ranch, Jake parked the truck in front of the guest house.

Cassie turned to him, her gaze solemn and questioning. “What will you do if you win the championship in December?”

The baby was due around the holiday time. For Jake it meant that he might achieve his longtime goal and become a father in the very same month. “What would I do? A man
can't win too many championships, Cassie. I'd go back, just like I told the boy today. No matter what. It's what I do.”

Cassie nodded, regret evident in her eyes. It was the same sort of look he'd witnessed in his wife's eyes while they lived in the shortest recorded marriage in recent Carson Valley history. “I see.”

Another shudder waved its way down Jake's body. Cassie didn't see. She didn't know his life. He thought that they would become closer on this trip, but judging by the look on her face and the tone of her voice, Jake feared the opposite to be true. Cassie hadn't been wooed at all. She hadn't fallen victim to his charms. She hadn't jumped with joy at his proposals. Clearly she didn't understand him or the life he chose to lead.

And she confused the hell out of him with her revelations, her questions, and the look of disappointment he found too often on her pretty face. Everything Jake thought to be true was now muddied up in his mind. It was as if he'd been blinded in a dust storm, only to open his eyes, not knowing if what he was seeing was truth or some false mirage. He found himself wrapped up, spun in a web, tangled with thoughts that wove around him in an intricate pattern that he couldn't undo. Was it truth or mirage? How would he ever untangle himself and come out whole and in one piece? The survivor in him, for the first time in a very long time, didn't actually know.

Jake left Cassie at her door, his mind a million miles away. He couldn't bear to see that look in her eyes another minute. He couldn't bear to hear the disappointed tone in her voice. He couldn't deal with her right now.

He had his own troubles to face.

 

Cassie sat next to John T. in his study, going over some accounts that were past due. John T. knew his clients well,
which ones were in dire straits and which were just lazy about settling up. Cassie had come to rely on his judgment and his expertise. When he leaned back in his tufted leather wing chair, Cassie relaxed, too. She didn't want to tire him out.

In typical John T. fashion he stared at her belly, with no attempt to be subtle. “How's the baby doing?”

“Great. I'm happy to report.” She patted her stomach, giving it a loving rub. “I think I'm beginning to feel movement.”

John T.'s gaze widened. “That so?”

“Well, I know it's a bit early, but yes, I think so. I feel little flutters.”

“And Jake? Does he know?”

Cassie grimaced. She hadn't seen much of Jake lately. Ever since their weekend together, weeks ago, he'd come over a few times to say hello but he'd been distant at best. He had issues to deal with and Cassie had only hoped he was doing just that, dealing with them. She hoped he was doing some serious thinking. “No. I haven't seen much of him this week.”

This time John T. grimaced. “Pretty soon, none of us will see much of him. It's almost July, otherwise known as Christmastime for the rodeo. From before Independence Day on, there's more rodeo events to be had, more money to be made and more points to earn. Most cowboys don't see a day at home during that time.”

“Oh.” Cassie couldn't keep the dejection out of her voice. As much as she wanted Jake to take stock of his life, as much as she hoped she'd made a dent in his hard-edged armor, she had also missed him. Now it seemed as though she wouldn't be seeing him for another month or so. And even fatherhood wouldn't keep him home from the rodeo.
He'd stated plainly that next year would be more of the same.

Thoughts filtered in that Cassie had consistently tried to banish from her mind. Would she and her baby always come second place with Jake? Would he abandon her time and again for the sake of a championship? Would he continue to deny his proper place as heir to the ranch? But most important, would he continue to shield his heart from her?

Cassie didn't know if she could play second fiddle again. It was too much to ask. She and the baby deserved more.

“Want me to speak to him when he gets back?” John T. offered.

“No. That's not necessary. He's doing what he has to do.” Cassie didn't want to be the driving wedge between Jake and his father. She'd learned from Lottie that Jake had confronted John T. about his coming to the rodeo to see him compete. Jake had wanted to know the truth and the two had butted heads. What might have been an earnest reckoning had turned into a stubborn battle of wills. Cassie had blamed herself and apologized to John T. for letting the proverbial cat out of the bag. It seemed that all of her attempts to get the two closer failed. Cassie couldn't help feeling somewhat responsible. “Where is he this time?”

John T. scratched his head. “I think that boy muttered something about Denver before he took off yesterday.”

So Jake was gone again. Cassie sighed then leaned back and stretched, lifting her arms high overhead. She'd been sitting in the chair for almost an hour and suddenly, she felt stiff all over.

John T. smiled. “You need some exercise. And I promised to the doctor I'd walk two miles everyday.” John T. stood, reaching for her hand. “Why don't you join me? Sure would like the company.”

Cassie bounded out of the chair, taking up his hand and his offer. “Sounds good to me.”

 

Three hours later Cassie rested her head on the pillow in her hospital bed—the events of the past afternoon rushing by like a spiraling cyclone. One minute she was having a pleasant walk with John T. up on the south pasture, the next she was stumbling over a rock and falling down a three-foot slope. She'd righted herself quickly, but then the cramps had started instantly…and the bleeding. Cassie had doubled over in pain. She'd never known fear like that before. She'd never been gripped with such intense emotion. She'd prayed and prayed for her baby. The fall hadn't been that bad, she'd thought at first, but then she'd felt something terribly wrong and panic had seized her.

She'd been rushed to the hospital, John T. and Lottie by her side. Thank God her friends had been there.

“John T. is trying to get in touch with Jake. So far he hasn't been able to reach him. But don't you worry, honey, we'll catch up with him.” Lottie squeezed her hand gently.

Cassie closed her eyes.
Hold on, Cassie. Don't lose it. Everything's going to be fine. The doctor says the baby isn't in any danger. The cramping and bleeding have stopped. All is well. You heard the baby's heartbeats just a minute ago.