Exercises in Style (12 page)

aragoge

Oner dayt abouth middayt ona thed reary platforma off an 84 cm. bust If
perceiveda ar youngk manx whoser necko wash tool longr anda whor wash wearingx ar hate
withy an plaitedm corda insteady oft ah ribbone roundr itv. Suddenlyk her startedd top
haranguer hist neighboury, claimingk thath her purposelya troda ona hisa toest everyl
timeo anyx passengerss goth inn orr outh. Howevery hem rapidlyb abandonedo theo
discussionm andy threwm himselft uponx at vacantz seate.

Ak fewd hourse laterl If sawn himp againo ink fronth oft them garej
Sainte-Lazaret engrosseda
ina conversationa witha ay friendy whor
wash tellingk himn top getj them topt buttonx off hiss overcoatl
raisedddddddddddddddddddddd.

A
RTICLES
: the, a, an.

S
UBSTANTIVES
: day, midday, platform, S, bus, Pare,
Monceau, man, neck, hat, cord, ribbon, neighbour, toes, time, passenger, argument, seat,
hours, front, gare, Saint, Lazare, conversation, friend, opening, overcoat, tailor,
button, little.

A
DJECTIVES
: aforesaid, back, competent, encircled,
engrossed, every, free, long, one, plaited, some.

V
ERBS:
to notice, to wear, to start, to interpellate,
to claim, to tread, to get, to abandon, to go, to throw, to
see, to tell, to reduce, to get, to raise.

P
RONOUNS:
I, he, his, him, himself, who.

A
DVERBS:
near, very, instead, suddenly, purposely, in,
out, quickly, later, again.

P
REPOSITIONS:
about, on, of, with, by, down, in.

C
ONJUNCTIONS:
that, or, but, and.

Noe dya aobut dimday on teh rera platform of a sub, I toniced a nam
whoes cenk saw oto glon nad whoes aht ahd a rost of strnig orund it. Dudsenly he cmailed
hatt shi beighnour saw purspoely deatring on shi otes. Tub he adoived teh ueiss by
wrothing shimelg on to a cavant teas.

Wot shour taler I was hmi anaig in tronf of teh rage Satin-Razale thiw
an invididual woh saw gingiv hmi mose avdice atbou a nubbot.

onsequences
^*

A young man with a long neck and a hat with a plaited cord instead of a
ribbon round it met another chap on an S bus. The young man said: “Sir, I have
noticed that you have been taking a positive pleasure in stepping on my toes every time
anyone gets on or off the bus.” The other chap said: “Pah! B . . . . . ks!
“ and the consequence was that the young man went and sat down.

The same young man with the peculiar neck and the ridiculous hat met a
pansified friend of his in the Cour de Rome. The young man said: “Hallo, how are
you?” His pansified
friend said: “You really ought to
get the top button of your overcoat raised,” and the consequence was that a book
was written and translated.

^*
Replacing
Par devant par derrière

roper names

On the back Josephine of a full Leo, I noticed Theodulus, one day, with
Charles-the-too-long, and Derby, surrounded by Plato and not by Rubens. All of a sudden
Theodulus started an argument with Theodosius who was treading on Laurel and Hardy every
time any Marco Polos got in or out. However, Theodulus rapidly abandoned Eris to park
Fanny.

Two Huyghens later I saw Theodulus again in front of St. Lazarus in a
great Cicero with Beau Brummel, who was telling him to go back to Austin Reed to get
Jerry raised by a little Tom Thumb.

hyming slang
^*

I see a chap in the bus with a huge bushel and peck and a ridulous
titfer on his loaf. He starts a bull and a cow with another chap and complains that he
keeps treading on his plates with his daisy roots. Before the second chap can get his
Oliver Twists at him he’s run away.

Some bird-lime later I’m taking a butcher’s out of the
window of another bus and I see the same chap taking a ball o’ chalk up and down
with a china who has a Martin-le-Grand on the chap’s overcoat.

^*
Replacing
Loucherbem

ack slang
^*

Unway ayday aboutyay iddaymay onyay anyay essyay usbay Iyay oticednay
ayay oungyay anmay ithway ayay onglay ecknay andyay ayay athay enyayircledcay ybay ayay
ortsay ofyay ingstray inyayeadstay ofyay ayay ibbonray. Uddenlysay ehay artedstay anyay
argumentyay ithway ishay eighbournay, ayayusingkyay imhay ofyay eadingtray onyay ishay
oestay. Ehay icklyquay abandonedyay ethay iscussionday andyay entway andyay ewthray
imhayelfsay onyay ayay acantvay eatsay.

Ootay ourshay aterlay Iyay awsay imhay
againyay
inyay ontfray ofyay ethhay aregay Aintsay-Azarelay enyayossedgray inyay onvercayationsay
ithway ayay iendfray owhay asway ellingtay imhay otay educeray ethay acespay atyay ethay
openingyay ofyay ishay overyayoatcay ybay ettinggay ayay ompetentcay ersonpay otay
aiseray ethay optay uttonbay ofyay ethay overyayoatcay inyay estionquay.

^*
Replacing
Javanais

ntiphrasis

Midnight. It’s raining. The buses go by nearly empty. On the
bonnet of an AI near the Bastille, an old man whose head is sunk in his shoulders and
who isn’t wearing a hat thanks a lady sitting a long way away from him because she
is stroking his hands. Then he goes to stand on the knees of a man who is still sitting
down.

Two hours earlier, behind the gare de Lyon, this old man was stopping
up his ears so as not to hear a tramp who was refusing to say that he should slightly
lower the bottom button of his underpants.