Everybody's After Love (23 page)

Cindy unscrews the cap and tilts it back taking a sip before passing it over to me. I do the same and give her a hug. Just like Bri, I wasn’t a fan of Cindy when she first started dating Doug, but over the years, she’s become like a big sister to me. We don’t hang out often, but when we do, we get along great. Sometimes too great and the boys are usually the ones that have to pay for it.

Today isn’t looking to be any different than when we normally get together. Only a few RVs down the row from us, we find a group of guys who are more than happy to enjoy our company. They’re partying in front of a motorhome that is much smaller and not as classy as Mr. Ladner’s but that isn’t my concern right now. A tall, brawny male with a shaved head doesn’t seem to mind me using his lap as a seat and I don’t mind his hand roaming over my holey jeans either. My mind is hazy from the mimosas, shots from Cindy’s flask, and the couple beers our new friends have provided.

He kisses below my ear and I can smell the hops on his breath as he whispers, “Let me show you the inside of the RV.”

I may be drunk, but I know exactly what his comment means. Slowly nodding, ready for a distraction to officially push Bentley out of my mind, I stand up and let him walk us over to the motorhome. Cindy raises her eyebrow as I walk past and I give her a smile to let her know it’s okay. Beefcake opens the door and as I’m about to step in behind him, a rough masculine hand grabs mine. Looking back to see who it is, my jaw drops.

“Hey man, sorry, but she’s with me,” Bentley’s deep voice informs the man holding my other hand.

My heart races, both from excitement and anger. Fear mixes in with my emotions as Beefcake yanks on my hand, not acknowledging Bentley’s words. Two seconds earlier, I was ready to walk into this dilapidated house on wheels and drop my panties, but now, knowing that Bentley is right here, as much as I despise him at the moment, makes me blush about my almost-mistake. Bentley clears his throat and looks at Beefcake, gripping my hand tighter.

“I don’t think you heard me. Jules is with me,” Bentley repeats. Too bad Beefcake probably doesn’t remember my name.

The muscly guy chuckles and lets go of me, practically shoving me down the stairs. Luckily, Bentley is there and catches me before I fall face first to the ground. His hands possessively grab my waist and pull me to him, tucking me against his body. It feels right, like I belong there and nowhere else. His cologne hits my nose and I take a deep breath. God, I have missed this man, every aspect of him from his scratchy beard that’s tickling my forehead to the scent of mulch that follows him around from work. More than anything though, I miss his laugh and the feel of his rough hands so soft on my skin.

Marching ahead of us, Cindy leads us back to the Ladners’ RV where she distracts the boys from Bentley’s presence. Out of eyesight from my brother and safely away from Beefcake, I pull away from Bentley. Muttering my appreciation as I take a step back toward his father’s RV, but he grabs my hand stopping me.

“Please talk to me. Give me a chance to explain,” Bentley begs.

I’ve had one too many drinks to have this discussion right now and I’m fully aware of that. The way my hormones are roaring, I’ll likely ignore whatever Bentley has to say and forgive him right away only to wake up tomorrow and be even more pissed off at the situation than I am now.

Squeezing his hand, I shake my head. “Now’s not the time,” I say softly, still avoiding his eyes.

Bentley’s other hand runs along my jawline and tilts my head up to meet his eyes. “When? Tell me when because I can’t stand another minute without you.”

My heart melts at his words, tears form in my eyes, but I can’t fall for his charm again. I can’t put my heart out there again only to be stomped on and blown to pieces. I haven’t even recovered from the first time Bentley broke my heart, I’m not ready for the second time.

Puffing out my chest, trying to look more confident than I feel, I ask, “Are you still married?”

Bentley’s face falls and he nods. “Yes, but it’s not like that at all, Julianna. I’m not that kind of man.”

A stabbing pain shoots through my heart when he says my full name. I know Bentley Ladner isn’t that kind of man, but I don’t know what else to think. My vision blurred by the tears, I mumble, “I hate you, Bentley Ladner.” Then I lean forward and wrap myself around him, needing to feel his arms around me even if I refuse to give him a second chance.

Bentley holds me as though I might drift away. His lips brush against my forehead and I hold him closer. His deep, husky voice murmurs, “Don’t say that, Julianna.”

Looking up into his deep brown eyes, the eyes I wanted to look into for the rest of my life, I shake my head. “It’s true.”

I almost see tears in his eyes when he asks, “Why, Julianna? What I felt for you is more real than anything I’ve felt for someone. How can you say you hate me?”

Agony is written all over his face and I know the feeling all too well. Speaking softly, I tell him, “I hate you, Bentley, because I love you. When you’re not married any more, come and talk to me then.”

The misery briefly disappears and is replaced with hope as Bentley nods and kisses my cheek. His kisses, even simple ones, have the same effect on me as they did before. I still don’t know the full story, but like Bentley, I’m hanging on to hope that one day I will and we’ll get our happily ever after.

***

I watch Julianna saunter back to the party outside my family’s RV. Hopefully no one lets her wander off again but maybe I should hang out here just in case. I shudder at the thought of her with that douchebag a few minutes ago. It’s only been a month but she’s already falling back into her old routine of going after loser guys. Sighing, I know it’s my fault, but I’m doing everything I can to fix it.

She takes a seat on Smitty’s lap and he rubs her back as her head rests on his shoulder. A pang of jealousy hits me even though it’s Smitty. She’s supposed to be mine, we should be laughing and cheering together today, but I royally messed up and I know it. I’m tempted to hand Christie my business just to keep Emmy but I know my father would kill me. Watching Julianna with another man though is killing me already.

CHAPTER 28

It’s after midnight and I click off my bedroom light. Technically, it’s Christmas and the snow and ice is coming down hard and fast outside. With Paulie’s marriage to Bri came along a whole new list of holiday traditions that my brother is desperately trying to include me in. I avoided Thanksgiving with the excuse that Smitty and I had to watch football all day because of our bets on all the games, which we actually did have and I won fifty bucks off him. Truth be told though, I wouldn’t mind joining Paulie and Bri but I’m avoiding any type of run in with Bentley.

It’s been two months since I confessed my love for him and I haven’t heard a word from him since. I wallowed in self-pity for another few weeks then I decided to woman up and get motivated. I’ve sworn off men for the time being, buckled down on my studying, and am currently spending all my free time writing my thesis. None of it is nearly as fun or enjoyable as spending time with Bentley, but this is my life now and I’m moving forward without him.

While I got out of the turkey meal in November, I couldn’t escape the Christmas Eve service. Telling Paulie that I was going to church with Smitty would’ve been saying I was born a man. Luckily, Bentley wasn’t there, but Emmy was as adorable as ever. She still remembers me as the cake lady and had no problem at all snuggling up to me during service. I think she was hoping I had some frosting stashed away somewhere but she didn’t seem too disappointed when all I had to offer were some watermelon Jolly Ranchers that were stuffed in the bottom of my purse. After church, Emmy held my hand like we were best friends while everyone else chatted amongst themselves except me, the outsider. I could see Bri biting her tongue, desperate to discuss her brother with me like she’s been doing since her wedding, but I’m pretty sure someone has threatened to withhold sex if that topic is ever discussed.

I throw a colorful quilt made of turquoise and pink blocks over my bed since I refuse to turn the heater up, despite the temperatures dropping well below freezing. Crawling into bed, memories of my mother surround me. I close my eyes and think back to the last Christmas we shared together. My mother was a quilter and I’d been begging her to help me make my own. We spent weeks searching for the perfect material until I’d finally decided on the brightest colors we could find. I was twelve and should’ve been hoping for the latest fashion or music to be wrapped in my presents under the tree, but when I tore off the wrapping paper and saw my mother’s and my handiwork, I screamed like I’d won the lottery. Little did I know how this quilt would pull me through my darkest hours, even twelve years later and I’m sure it will continue to over the rest of my years as well.

Drifting off into a deep sleep, memories fill my dreams with twinkling lights, fresh cookies baking, and fighting with Paulie over who gets to hang the star on top of the tree. My mom is sitting in my bed and running her fingers through my hair, I snuggle up to her, wishing I’d done this more often when she was alive. Holding on to her tight, not wanting my dream to end, a loud clatter wakes me and I snap awake, sitting straight up in my bed. I know you have to believe to get presents, but I’m very skeptical that the noise is Santa coming down my chimney.

Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I shiver as the cool air hits me. I take quick but quiet steps to the living room, my eyes searching the dark house for an intruder. With only a thousand square feet, it doesn’t take me long to clear the house and feel comfortable that I’m alone. Before heading back to bed, I open the front curtain to see how much snow has accumulated. The flakes and ice have stopped and it’s at least a foot deep. Icicles have formed on every tree limb, wire, roof, any surface the ice could find. Glancing over at my neighbor’s house, my jaw drops.

“Son of a…” I trail off as I grab my phone and run outside, slipping on the only footwear I can find which is a pair of leopard print slippers.

Standing under my carport, I stare at the giant tree limb now on top of it, blocking any access out. I shuffle back and forth trying to stay warm in just my flannel pajama pants and thin, worn hoodie. My fingers find my ICE contact in my phone and I hit send, fully aware of the irony of the situation.

A sleepy Paulie answers, “What’s wrong?”

“My neighbor’s tree must have broke from the weight of the ice and it landed on my carport. I can’t even get my car out!” I whine on the phone, but feel a small smile creep over my face realizing I now have an excuse as to why I won’t make it to the Ladners for Christmas dinner.

Waiting for my news to sink in as Paulie wakes up, I hear another loud boom as a large limb snaps off the tree across the street. Paulie must hear it too as his tone is urgent. “Are you outside?”

I start to deny the truth, but Paulie knows me too well. “Don’t answer that. Get back inside, I’ll call your insurance company in the morning and come over with my chainsaw so you can get out. Then we’ll figure out what to do from there.”

Finalizing our plan, I head inside, but am too wired to fall back asleep. I flop down in the recliner and think I smell the remnants of Bentley’s woodsy cologne and mulch. Then again, maybe I’m just trying to grasp what’s left of him. I turn on the television before I can dwell on it too much. Finding
It’s a Wonderful Life
playing on repeat on TBS, I grab a blanket and burrow in only to fall asleep the second time I hear about the bell ringing and the angel getting its wings.

What feels like a few minutes later, but is actually a couple hours, I am awaken by the buzz of a chainsaw. Glancing at my phone, it’s already eight which would normally be late for my brother but I’ll cut him some slack since it’s Christmas morning. I start a pot of coffee for him, the only reason I own the machine, and grab a Red Bull as I head to the bathroom to get ready. I take my time, enjoying my solitude and peace for the day. This time next year, Bentley will be a distant memory and Paulie won’t be so worried about me. Then I’ll be able to truly enjoy the holidays as they were meant to be…in my pajamas, never leaving my house.

When I step out of the shower, the buzz of the chainsaw is still audible so I take my time blow drying my hair and even curling it into loose ringlets that frame my face. I brush on some mascara and blush then pull on a pair of jeans, a fitted long sleeve black shirt, and a pair of matching Uggs. Digging in my sweater box, I find a woven grey vest with a matching beanie that I throw on. In the kitchen, I pour a mug of coffee and walk outside to check on my brother.

From under the carport, I see the tree is cut away enough that I can back my car out. The hum of the saw stops and I carefully slide across my driveway over a solid sheet of ice. My eyes cast upward and the mug slips out of my hands, shattering on the solid water, turning it black.