Every Little Secret (Second Chances #2) (2 page)

Shit. Fear jolts through my body. The cold arms of the ocean that welcomed me and my statement of freedom now clamp their icy grip on me. My legs feel numb from cold. I bob up briefly before another wave crashes.

Disorientation overwhelms me. Which way is shore? I swim, starting to struggle. Another wave crashes, the salty water filling my nose and throat. A strangled cry escapes, and I swallow more of the ocean.
 

Suddenly, I doubt whether I’ll make it out. All the things I said I would do, everything I wanted to say to my dad, all my hopes for a brighter future fade away as water covers me.

Noah

I drain the last of the milk from the fridge and crush the carton in my hand. I’m restless. There’s only so many times I can pace the kitchen before it turns into a cage and I feel like I’m the wild animal, wanting escape. Freedom.

My parents are out for the night but even when I’m alone in the house and can pretend I’m in an apartment of my own, eventually the fantasy fades. The family photos on the wall don’t help. Mom loves to plaster pictures of Haley and me everywhere. No matter how embarrassing they are. But sometimes even without the photos, memories surge. She still haunts me.

Her voice echoes in my mind, constantly. Never giving up. Never letting me forget.

Let’s be secret friends. Shh, don’t tell anyone
.

The temperature in the room skyrockets or it’s my imagination or my temper sparking at the past few years. How did I end up here? Living with my parents and struggling through local college classes was not my dream.

I need out.
 

I quick change, leave a note just in case and drive over to the beach. I don’t often come here. Too many high school memories I’d rather forget. I’m not that person anymore. The crisp breeze whips through my shirt and I jog to warm up. To forget. Hopefully.

The sand close to the water is firm and wet, much easier for a run. I’m just far enough from the boardwalk that no one can see me. The darkness is my friend. I pick up my pace and press into the wind, arms pumping. Eventually, sweat drips down the side of my face. I push harder. Sprinting faster. A stitch cramps my side but I ignore it.
 

It’s here that I have freedom. That I can control my levels of pain and who sees me. Every day on campus, I wonder who knows. Who remembers the story of Noah? Maybe they’re whispering and remembering, warning girls to stay away.
 

When pain screams in my side and my muscles burn, I collapse. My knees dig into the wet sand. The rolling waters brush my legs. The icy prickles are sharp and stinging.
 

Finally, I stand. My legs wobble, exhausted. Still hidden by the night, I stretch, ready to head home. I stop at the edges of visibility. Still hidden.

A girl with long brown hair soaks in the moonlight. She digs her feet into the sand. Something about her mesmerizes me, the rays kissing the side of her face. Years ago, I would’ve talked with her and minutes later we’d be making out or more. Now my heart hammers at the thought of talking to a girl. I step forward. I can at least say hello. She seems lonely.
 

I haven’t touched a girl since high school. I haven’t let myself fantasize about a girlfriend. About finding love. Or sex. Shit. What am I doing?
 

She slips off her skirt, kicking it to the side. I’m stuck watching, knowing I should leave. I should at least cough so she knows I’m here. But this is a public place. And I am a guy. Then she whips off her shirt, the moon highlighting her swelling chest.
 

The waves land against the beach, sliding forward, hitting her feet. She steps closer. I realize she’s considering swimming. That’s crazy. I’m about to move forward, even if I interrupt her moment of privacy, but with a shout she crashes into the water. Disappearing under the waves.

Shit. I sprint forward. I search the waves. She pops up a little farther out and punches the air with another shout. Something about her victory cry strikes a chord with me. That’s the feeling I’ve been missing for months.

A second later, the moon hits the white foam moving toward her. I yell a warning but it’s lost in the thundering of the wave as it pulls her under. Without thinking twice, I plunge forward. Shouting.

The water swirls around me. I hold my breath and duck under another wave. The undertow pulls at my legs. It’s stronger than usual tonight. I surface, my breath shallow at the icy water. I shout again. I splash through the waves. How far out did it pull her?

Briefly, her head pops up, then sinks back down. I dive forward, reaching. I feel her arm, scrambling to get a grip. Then I pull her against my chest. Another wave knocks into us. We fall forward into the crashing foam but I don’t lose my hold. Out of the pulling tide, close enough to shore, the waves push us forward until it’s just washing over us.

On my knees, I drag her a little further. Her body racks with shivers, her skin pale, her lips slightly blue. I press against her chest. Water shoots out and she coughs.
 

Sitting up, her eyes wild, she finds me. Her mouth opens to say something, but instead, she coughs. I pull her against my chest, but I’m too wet to warm her.

I stroke her hair. “Wait here. I’ll go get help.”

“Don’t!” Her voice is raspy. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. You almost drowned. Just be lucky I got here when I did.”

“Lucky?” She shakes off the experience like it was a dip in a kitty pool, then searches the sand for her shirt. Quickly, she puts it on. “Ha! Lucky that some perv watched me swim?”
 

“Swim?” My temper pushes. “You weren’t swimming. You were barely staying afloat.”

She purses her lips to respond, but instead, her body sags. Her chest heaves. “Whatever.”

Silence falls between us. I wish I’d at least taken off my shirt before diving in after her so I could give her something dry to wear. I sit next to her in the sand. “You need warm clothes. Coffee. Something.”

“The college isn’t far. My car is close by. I can make it. I’m a big girl.” She glances up at the road as if nervous.

“What’s wrong?” I ignore the warning bells going off in my head. “Let me at least help you back to your car.”

“I’d rather go by myself.” She studies the darkness again as if her worst nightmare might appear any moment.
 

My body continues shaking not just at the cold but at her eyes, the regret that hides there. I consider her stupidity at jumping into the ocean. The crazy act of someone wanting something different. That’s all it takes for the memories to crash through. I stare into the darkness.

***

The party rages. I sit at the table, a king upon my throne. Tate sits next to me, my right hand man. It’s always the two of us. We play some stupid truth or drink game. We drink a lot.
 

The girls flock to us. They walk by. Touch my shoulder. Whisper in my ear. Let their hand linger longer than necessary. I’m used to it. As star goalie of the soccer team, the girls don’t see me, but a ticket to popularity and acceptance.

The music rocks. Smoke drifts in from outside the window. The smell of sweat and booze lies like a blanket in the air. Just like I like it. No, love it. As usual, too many girls try to get me into the backyard to make out. Finally, I stand.

“Gotta take a piss.”

That’s the only way the girls won’t follow. I go straight to the front of the house and to the bathroom but instead slip out the door. The night air brings a little clarity to the drunken haze. I follow the house to the backyard. I stumble past the couples finding privacy in the dark shadows and past the couples who could give a fuck about privacy.

“Get a room,” I mumble.

I make my way to the back of the yard. And then because no one’s looking I fall in the grass. The cold blades tickle the back of my neck as the stars blur above me. The whole world spins, swirling, bringing me with it. I close my eyes and the spinning grows worse until I open them again. Shit. How much did I drink? Too much.

Then I hear it.

A whimper.

I prop up on my elbows and peer into the darkness. Dalia staggers toward me. Her eyes large and luminous and scared. Her short brown hair frames her face, strands out of place.

“Hey, sweet thing,” I slur. “What’s wrong?”

She doesn’t answer.

“Come here.”
 

“Fuck off.”

“Fine. Have it your way.”
 

I close my eyes and try to forget her eyes. Her soft lips. Her creamy skin. Was she scared of me or someone else?

“I’m not going to hurt you,” I mumble. Then I give into the spinning, not caring why she’s hiding out back here, or why she’s upset. I’m not sure how much time passes but I feel her breath on my cheek before she talks.

“Shh,” she says, then curls into my side.
 

Instinctively, my arms close around her and she snuggles into my warmth.

That was the night I fell for Dalia.

***

“Are you okay?” the girl asks, bringing me away from the memories and back to the present. Her eyes are large and luminous. Just like Dalia’s. But it’s not Dalia. I recognize her. She was in Haley’s class. “Carly?”
 

“Yeah. Noah, right?” She touches my arm. “Thank you.”

Her light touch sends warmth through my limbs and tries to get through to my heart.
Run
! The word screams in my mind. I jerk back.
 

“I don’t know what you’re running from, but stay safe,” I spit out.

Then I turn and sprint. My feet eat up the sand. Long strides. Sprinting. Away from the temptation. Away from the past.

Chapter 2

Carly

I wake to the smell of roses. The soft petals brush against my cheek. The thorns are wrapped in tissue paper so they won’t prick my arm in my sleep. I ignore the attached note, not wanting to know what it says.
 

Ever since that night on the beach, I’ve been distant with Chad. Poor guy doesn’t know why I pulled away or what he did. That’s just it. He didn’t do anything different. We’ve fought before. It’s all me and the thick fog of confusion I’ve been living in. I couldn’t believe Noah was there. Yeah, I’m thankful but pissed off I was stupid and drunk enough to swim in the ocean at night.
 

Chad’s card draws me in and I can’t help but touch the little white envelope. My fingers touch the paper fuzz and I’m tempted to open it. Chad and I have history. I should try and make it work. He’s been nothing but a sweet boyfriend, except when I piss him off.

The alarm goes off. My roommate, Shelby, slams her hand on it to shut it off. We both stumble around for our shower baskets and head to the bathroom. The hot water pelts my back then runs down in tiny streams. For a few seconds, I close my eyes, enjoying the steam floating up around me.

As I shut off the shower and towel off, thoughts of Noah come again even though I don’t want them to. I already have enough trouble with the one guy in my life. But I remember Noah’s valiant efforts to rescue me, showing his tender, caring side, even though I was being difficult…until he freaked out about something. The crazy look in his eyes like he was seeing someone else, reliving another moment. What memory’s got a stranglehold on his life? I shake it off.
Forget about him, Carly
.

Back in my room, the little white envelope pulls me in and I rip it open. It’s the three simple words I didn’t expect.
 

I love you
.

My hand shakes and I place the card in my drawer. Chad doesn’t often say those words. My heart bends. What if it’s true? My dad said no one would love me. Maybe I should bring this card to work and wave it in front of his face or casually leave it on his desk, while I work in the copy room of his office building. Proof that I can be loved.

Maybe then he’d see. Maybe he’d change.

Shelby walks in and glances at the card, her dark hair sweeping her shoulders as she changes. She must see the indecision on my face. “Girl, when are you going to talk to that poor boy?”
 

I always wait until her back is to me and then I dress. For someone who was considered a slut in high school, I’m painfully self-conscious. But then again, no one really knew the real me. The girls saw me as someone to be jealous of, someone who was probably stalking their boyfriends. Most of the time I wasn’t. But they could never see past my looks, my chest, the fact that their boys couldn’t see past that either. Eventually I played up the role.

It was all a lie.

“Seriously.” She prods me for answer, waving her mascara wand across her lashes.

I force a smile. “I don’t know. I’m confused about a lot of things.”
 

She nods. “Don’t wait too long or you might lose him.”

Somehow that threat doesn’t affect me like it should. My insides should be all twisty and I should be frantic to text him, make sure he knows I’m still his. Most girls would melt at the first bouquet of flowers. What’s my problem?

Shelby slips on a denim jacket over her dress with leggings. She’s always dressed nice. Not beautiful in the typical fashion model kind of way, but beautiful just the same. “Want to meet up later to go for a run?” She slings her backpack over a shoulder. “Fall isn’t going to stick around much longer.”

I shake my head. “Too much work.”

She nods. “Okay, then. See you later.”

The door closes behind her and I breathe a sigh of relief. The room feels peaceful. Only the roses now on my desk are asking me the silent question. When do I let Chad back in?

I dress and leave the dorm building. Next year if I haven’t transferred, I’ll be in an apartment. It might not be anything grand but I’ll have my own bedroom, hopefully, my own shower and kitchen. It’ll feel like a dream. Can’t wait. Maybe I’ll find one off campus. If I keep working for Dad, he’ll keep my trust fund active.
 

Some sacrifices are worth it.