Every Little Secret (Second Chances #2) (11 page)

With each swing of my arms and breath that I puff in and out, in the same careful rhythm, I make a decision. I don’t have to go on the same route and in an impulsive moment I veer away from heartache hill and head down a different side street.

The thrill of rebelling against what is familiar sends an extra rush of adrenaline. I sprint faster, pushing harder than I have in weeks. Finally, I stumble and collapse in someone’s yard. While I’m sucking in air, my body shaking, I realize I don’t have to be careful with my life, my decisions, or girls. What if it really isn’t my responsibility to take care of everyone around me? I’m sure they can handle living with their own mistakes just like I do.
 

In one glorious moment, I decide to figure this thing out with Carly once and for all. Even if it means letting her go. With a shout, I punch the air and whirl around until I fall back in the cool grass. I stare through the branches at the first stars.
 

A nagging thought in the back of my head whispers I need to let go of my past with Dalia too.
 

I’m not sure I can.

***

A slow ache starts in the back of my head, throbbing and spreading until I can’t stop it. Like a bass drum pounding against my brain. My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth and the need for water pulses through me. I’m aware of hair tickling my chest. I crack open an eye.
 

Moonlight trickles in through the window at the very top of the wall. Dalia lies across me. In just her underwear.

I groan and vaguely remember last night. Then it comes back to me. Oh, right. I fell asleep in the middle of kissing her. What an asshole move. A blanket covers us from the waist down but our clothes are scattered across the floor in her basement. Her hot pink bra lays next to my jeans. The shot glasses are tipped over on the coffee table.
 

Shit.
 

I remember the vodka. I remember drinking. A lot. The party. Coming back here with Dalia. This wasn’t how I pictured the night ending, passing out on one of the hottest girls in school. I close my eyes and drift off. Desperate for water but not wanting to wake her. She’s still, and beautiful.

A door bangs upstairs. Footsteps sound on the floor above us. My heart spikes into my throat. Fuck. Her parents.

The door is like an alarm. Dalia shoots straight up. “Shit.”
 

She lets the blanket drop and scrambles for her clothes. She throws mine at me as footsteps come down the stairs.

A man with dark hair stands at the bottom step. I hold my jeans up to me. Dalia screams and dives for the blanket.

I have no words. No explanation. Because the scene explains everything. I take a step back.

“That’s right. Step away.” The man approaches, his face turning various shades of red, his chest puffing out. “Coward. How dare you?”

“Daddy!” Dalia cries.
 

For a moment, his attention flickers to his daughter. “Get your things and go up to your room right now.”

Obediently and shaking, she grabs her clothes and runs upstairs with the blanket wrapped around her. He takes another step toward me. “Do you have an explanation for this?” he asks, his voice cold and accusing.

“I know it looks bad, sir. We fell asleep…”

He winds up and punches me. The pain shoots through my head and I fall back.
 

“You’d better leave before I end up killing you.” He shakes, on the edge of losing it. “I don’t want to hear your lies.”

I whip on my jeans and leave. Shaking. My thoughts go to Dalia. Hoping she’ll be okay.
 

***

My energy deflates and I take my time jogging home. The thrill at my newfound realization, the letting go of the responsibility was cut short when I thought about the past. I have to completely let go of that first. But I don’t know how.
 

I slow to a walk close to home. A figure sits on the front step, hunched over, her head on her arms. The long brown hair is immediately recognizable. I move into a jog and stop right in front of her.

“Carly?” I don’t know what to expect. Tears? More heartache I can’t solve?

She lifts her head. “Hey. Sorry to barge in on you unannounced. I was only going to wait a few more minutes, hoping…”

“You wanna come in? Just give me a second to change.” The words slip out but my instinct is to send her home. I could easily do that but instead I’m determined to figure this out. Resolve the past by working on the present. Learn to trust again.

Upstairs, I slip into old jeans and a tee then go downstairs. A flurry of anticipation and nerves settles in my stomach. Not sure why she’s here.
 

“You hungry?” I open the freezer, pull out a frozen dinner and stick it in the microwave.

“Not really.” She’s playing with the ends of her hair, twirling it around a finger. She studies a nick in the table.

Silence falls between us and I flash back to our time at the ice cream parlor. This is like a repeat.

“I’m sorry for the other day, for shutting down like that,” she blurts. Her cheeks immediately blush. “You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.”

I sit down and eat the lasagna and green beans, thinking. I don’t want to wait too long to respond. She hasn’t removed her bottom lip from between her teeth. “No, you had every right to be a little prickly.”
 

She pushes her hair away from her face. “I’m serious. It’s just that, well, I kinda like you and, well, that’s just the way I am sometimes. I get hurt and I close down.” She lets out a big breath. “I know. It’s all kinds of screwed up.”

I laugh. “Join the club.”
 

A seductive smile sweeps across her face. Suddenly the heat in the room skyrockets. She walks over to me and pushes my dinner away. In one movement, she straddles my lap.
 

“I’ve wanted to do this for a long time,” she whispers, then presses her lips to mine. Her fingers find my hair and the soft spot behind my ear. They make a trail to the back of my neck and goosebumps rise in their wake.

She breaks off our kiss, hovering right in front of me. Her lips soft and full. “Are we ready to take our secret friendship to the next level?”

“I might have some questions…” I say and then kiss her again.

“That’s okay. There’ll be time for those. I promise I’ll tell you everything. Short version? My dad’s an asshole. I try to pretend it doesn’t bother me but once in a while it catches up to me. Like when you found me in the parking lot.”

“Oh,” I say. “I’m sorry. That’s terrible.”

“It is what it is. Eventually I’ll get away from it all.” She kisses my cheek and goes back to my mouth. “But that’s the last thing I want to talk about right now.”

I laugh and let my hands wander to her back. The heat goes through her shirt and straight into my palms. Desire flushes through me. “What do you want to talk about?”

She pulls back and the absence of her lips and the scent of shampoo leave me pulsing with desire. I don’t push it because I made a promise years ago never to be alone with a girl again, never put myself in this position. Maybe I need to let that promise go too?

She tilts her head and traces her fingers over my lips. “I was honest, now you tell me. What happened that made the Noah everyone knew, disappear?”

I hesitate. “Let’s just say a girl and I had a misunderstanding.” I hide my anger at what happened by pulling her back into a kiss. This time she doesn’t argue or try to keep any distance between us. The truth is I’ll always regret my silly game with Dalia and trusting her to stand up to her father and tell the truth.

Carly presses against me, her chest tantalizing me. It’s been so long. My fingers lightly skim up her sides but I don’t dare move them any further. Gently, she grabs my hand and puts it to her breast. I groan deep in my throat, a primeval sound that is foreign to me. Hungrily, I part her mouth with my tongue, and the passion leaves me shaking, leaves her shaking.

“Is your bed softer than this chair?” she murmurs.

My breath hitches. The bedroom? I’m not quite ready for that. I stand and carry her into the living room. Gently, I turn and we both fall onto the couch.

For this moment in time I let go of the questions and the doubt and I lose myself in the feel and touch of the girl that’s with me.

And hope it’s not a huge mistake.

Chapter 8

Carly

Noah carries me into the other room, his lips never leaving mine. He stumbles and we break apart giggling. I reach into his hair, needing a release for the primal urges starting in my belly and snaking into my lower regions. I can’t believe I’m here, kissing him. This isn’t why I came to see him, okay, maybe a part of me hoped, but this is beyond my dreams. Just maybe we have a chance.

I press harder into him as we fall back onto the couch. Our mouths disconnect for a second and then we find each other again. His hands skim my breasts again, sending flutters in my stomach. Clothes are suddenly an impossible barrier to get around.

He moves to tracing his hands up and down my arms. He hovers over top of me and stares into my eyes.

“You’re so beautiful.” Then he kisses me. “But that’s not the beauty I’m attracted to.” He frames my face with his hand. “It’s you, the person on the inside I want to be close to. We could stop now and I’d be just as happy to watch a movie.”

No one can fake that kind of sincerity. The truth shines in his eyes, it comes through to me with his gentle touch and the way his words reach my heart. I want to give myself to him, fully and completely in every way. The peace that grips me is all the proof I need that Noah is the guy that got overlooked because of whatever it is that happened.

I grab the bottom of his shirt and he helps lift it off his head. I sigh at the pure beauty of his bare chest. I spread my hands across it and trail my fingers down to his stomach.
 

“Take mine off.”

“Are you sure?” he asks.

“I’ve never been more sure.”
 

With nervous giggles, we wiggle my shirt off together. Then he reaches behind me and unhooks my bra. As it drops to the floor, the look on his face as he drinks me in brings tears to my eyes. He just sits and looks with awe, like I’m the Christmas present he’s always wanted and finally got.

He reaches out, slowly, and cups my breasts like I’m a precious gift. His thumb traces the flesh on the sides as he looks into my eyes.

“I could fall hard for you,” he whispers. “All of you.”

I close my eyes and soar with pleasure as he gently touches me, loves me. Tears pool and I can’t do anything about them as they slip out and slide into my hair.

He leans down and kisses them from the corners of my eyes. Then he moves to my cheek, then my neck. I tingle in anticipation as he drops lower, his lips teasing and sucking. I moan and reach for his pants. Gently, he grabs my hands and pulls them back up. Then he’s kissing me again.
 

We push and pull against each other harder, the desire building, our breathing hard and heavy. Finally, he pulls away and slides next to me, panting. I cover my chest with my arms. Doesn’t he want me? Aren’t I good enough for him? I look away, my doubts seizing me. This was a mistake.

“Hey.” He turns my head with his finger under my chin. “I’d love nothing more than to carry you up to my bedroom, dim the lights and explore every part of you.”

“Really?” I ask, thrilled I didn’t disappoint him. “This is scary for me.”
 

He smiles. “Me too. But we’re going to take this slow. One day at a time. I want to know you better, all of you, before we go further.”
 

He hugs me to him and I whisper into his neck. “Where have you been all my life?”

“Hiding,” he murmurs.

We lay like that for a long time. An aura of peace settles on me and I sigh with happiness, starting to drift off into sleep.

The window shatters. The splintering screeches in my ear, startling me out of a sleep. We both shoot up. Noah immediately grabs a shirt and covers me.

“Quick, put it on.” His voice shakes as he stumbles in the dark to find his clothes.

“Who is it?”

“Shit if I know.” He turns on a lamp and the dull light reveals the shards of glass and the large rock on the carpet.
 

“I see you!” A familiar voice yells from outside. “Cheating fuck!”

“Oh my God. It’s Chad.” All I can think is that he must’ve followed me here and that this will be the end of Noah and me.

Chad pounds at the front door. Noah freezes as the pounding continues. Then he starts kicking the door.

I stand up, trying to act braver than I feel. “Noah! Do something!”
 

But he doesn’t move. His face is frozen, fear and shock etched into every line and feature. He steps back to the wall, not saying or doing anything.

Chad continues yelling crude things about me. Then his face appears at the window. His hair is wild and he wavers on his feet. Drunk. The rage spikes in his rigid body, flashing eyes and curled fists.

“I knew you were easy but I didn’t know how easy. How long you been screwing other guys behind my back, bitch?” He peers in and sees everything. My bra lying on the floor. “So, this is why you broke it off with me. I get it.”

“It’s not what it looks like.” I cringe at the hurtful words that steal the peace, the self-confidence I had felt moments before in Noah’s arms.

“I’m not as stupid as you think.” He laughs and yells. “I could see it in your eyes earlier today when you gave me your little talk.” He mocks me in a higher voice. “Oh, Chad, do you think at times we’re not good for each other?” He laughs again. “Right. You’ve always been good for me. You wanted an easy relationship. Someone who didn’t ask you for anything deeper than time together and some good action.” He grinds his hips in a vulgar motion.

I look away. Shame heats my body, because he’s not far from the truth.

Chad cups his hand behind his ear. “What’s that I hear? No argument. That’s right, baby. You wanted my permission this afternoon to be with someone else. Sorry. That’s not how it works.”