Every Last Kiss, Final Copy, June 30, 2011 (13 page)

        I nervously bounced my leg as I waited, trying to make my face cool down and return to its normal color. I was so not looking forward to looking Antony in the face when they eventually emerged.  I got up and restlessly began straightening up the already spotless room, trying to occupy myself while I waited.

        A half hour or so later, Antony emerged with a self-satisfied smile plastered on his handsome face. His hairline was damp and mussed and his face was flushed as he adjusted the pleats on Egyptian-style kilt.  He looked back up at me in amusement, noticing that I was trying to avoid his eyes.

        “What’s the trouble, Charmian?  It’s nothing you haven’t seen before!”

        He laughed as he crossed the room and I felt my face once again explode into flame. 

        “Yep, I’ve still got it!” He gloated as he swaggered out of the room. 

        I wanted to laugh, but didn’t as I remembered the reason that I had come here in the first place. The dreadful, horrible, startlingly serious reason.  I took a deep breath and walked toward the bedchamber, but stopped as Cleopatra stepped into view.

        “Charmian?”  She lingered in the doorway, naked as the day she was born.  “Can you summon a house-girl? I need hot water brought up for my bath.”

        “I bet you do,” I grumbled as I turned to obey her request.

        “What was that?” she asked, surprise evident on her face.  She might not have heard the words, but she had certainly heard the inflection.

        “Nothing, my queen…I’m just sure you need a bath.” She smirked, in a smug expression not unlike Antony’s, but I continued on in a rush.  “I do need to speak you, though.  About something… important.  It is why I rushed in here as I did.”       The smirk quickly disappeared from her face as she stared at me.  

        “What is it?”

        Her voice was tight and she was frozen in place, as though she knew I was about to reveal something earth-shattering. The delicate henna scrolls that curved across her shoulder blades shimmered in the light. 

        “We should sit,” I advised softly, grasping her bare arm and guiding her toward her bed.  I draped a dressing gown around her slender shoulders and then sat gingerly next to her.

        I spent the next twenty minutes explaining the Order of the Moirae, my role as Keeper and our current predicament… praying the entire time that the priest’s counsel was as infallible as normal and that we were doing the right thing. 

        I wasn’t sure exactly what would happen to me if he was wrong.  I was breaking an oath by spilling our secrets.  But honestly, what was the worst that could happen?  We only had a week more to live in this life.  I had to trust that when we were reborn, her memories would be wiped clean, just as mine always were.

        When I was finished speaking, her face was entirely devoid of color as she stared at me. 

        “No…” her voice trailed off as she stared out the window past me, her hands shaking as she twisted them restlessly in her lap. 

        “Yes,” I confirmed needlessly.  I had left out a few details, however, such as the fact that she was fated to live a tragic life every time.  There was no reason to trouble her with that. 

        “Every word I spoke was the truth.  In this life, you are meant to lose Egypt.  I’m sorry, my queen, it is just the way it is meant to be.  But everything will work out in the end.  You just aren’t able to imagine it right now.”

        She stared at me once more, her dark eyes bleak.

        “What have I ever done to offend the gods so much?” she murmured painfully. 

        “You’ve done nothing wrong, Cleopatra,” I replied.  “There is a plan for life, a gigantic master plan, and this is just one of your parts in it. We’re all players in a huge production and Egypt, right now, is your stage.”

        “But I will lose it.  Egypt will slip from my grasp.”

        I nodded slowly.

        “What about the children?” she whispered. 

        Icy fingers wrapped around my stomach and squeezed, stealing my breath.  I couldn’t tell her that Octavian would eventually have Caesarion, her oldest son, killed.  There was no way she would follow-through with anything if she had that knowledge.  I steeled myself to lie. With a perfectly calm voice, I answered.

        “They will be fine,” I assured her.  “Octavian will take care of them in his own home.”

        And he would.  He would raise her twins, Selene and Ptolemy, and marry them off into good marriages. But he would have Caesarion killed for the simple reason that they  shared the same father… Julius Caesar.  Since Octavian was only the adopted son of Caesar, it was too threatening for him to risk having Caesarion challenge him as Caesar’s rightful heir.  None of this I could mention to Cleopatra, of course.

        “Are you certain?” she asked suspiciously.  “Your face betrays you.  You are bothered.”

        “Of course I am,” I rushed to assure her.  “I am only bothered because of our fate in this life and because of this unexpected snag with the priest Annen.  Your children will fare well.”     

        She nodded, trusting my answer, trusting
me
and I felt sick to my stomach.  Why was it part of my job description to be such a good liar?

        “So, now on top of the fact that Annen has stolen my bloodstone, it appears that Pothinus is seeking us out.  He is supposed to be dead, yet he was out in broad daylight. I don’t know why and I don’t know how he got here.  And that is troubling to me.  We have one week until our ends will play out.  He doesn’t have much time left to act on whatever it is that he is planning.  Have you heard from the guard that you sent to look for Iras?” 

        She shook her head wordlessly, her hands still clenched in her lap.

        “Well, then, it’s time that I see what I can find out. We’ve only got a week left to put everything back into place. Which means, we’ve got a week left to send Pothinus back to where he came from.  We cannot die while he is still here- he doesn’t belong here.  I will need your cooperation to make sure that we are successful, my queen.”

        She started to protest but closed her mouth. 

        I had to admit… Ahmose was right, just as I knew he was about this particular thing:  Cleopatra had always acted for the good of Egypt.  Always.  And now was no exception.  She nodded limply.   

        “I’ll be very careful and I’ll be back as soon as I can.” 

        She nodded again slowly, her dark eyes staring into mine.   I turned around and quickly left the room before I could change my mind.  I knew that the hopeless expression in her eyes would stay with me forever.

        My heart thudded wildly against my chest as I walked quickly through the palace corridors, my thoughts in a whirlwind.  I needed a plan, but since I didn’t know exactly what I was planning
for
… it presented a small problem. 

        Closing my door behind me, I leaned on it and closed my eyes… for the one split second that it took me to realize that I wasn’t alone. The creepy sensation that someone was watching me caused my eyes to pop back open almost immediately. 

        Hasani sat in the corner watching me curiously. 

        “Charmian… is everything alright?”  

        There was no danger.  I exhaled a deep sigh of relief that it was only Hasani and crossed the room, bending to brush a kiss across his forehead.  He looked at me quizzically.        

        “You still haven’t changed your clothes…”

        “I know.  I was called to assist Cleopatra before I made it to my room, but everything is fine,” I hurried to reassure him, when he didn’t look convinced.

        “Charmian, you haven’t been yourself lately.  There is something wrong, I know.  You can trust me.” 

        His beautiful face was turned up to me, his lips full and so kissable.  I bent over him and kissed his upturned face; first on each cheek, then on the forehead again and then finally on his soft lips. 

        “Hasani…”  I trailed off, uncertain how to phrase my thoughts.  He waited patiently, his scorching dark gaze burning my face, distracting me.  I tried again.

        “Hasani…there are some things that because of my position with Cleopatra, I am not at liberty to discuss, even though I want to.  Cleopatra has a personal problem that I have been involved in here of late and it has been troublesome.  But I don’t want you to worry about it.  It will all work out just as it is supposed to, I am sure.” 

        And that’s what I hated about it, but I didn’t add that part.  

        “But it troubles you, my love,” he protested, pulling me down onto his lap.  “You can share your troubles with me… in confidence.  I will share them with no one.”

        “I know you wouldn’t, Hasani.  But I am sworn to secrecy.  I cannot break my word to Cleopatra.” 

        My voice was resigned and weary.  He studied me for a second longer and then nodded quietly. 

        “I understand, Charmian.  Because of
my
position with Antony, I understand better than you think.  But know this:  if you need help, with a
nything
, you can come to me.  I won’t demand an explanation.  You can leave out as many details as you need to. You can always come to me.”

        A knot the size of California formed in my throat and my eyes welled up.  I turned my head quickly so that he didn’t see my tears, but I should have known that he missed nothing.  He swiveled my chin around with one finger, his eyes full of concern and growing panic.

        “Charmian, please.  I can’t bear to see your distress.  Something is wrong.  If I can help, tell me.  You know that I’ll do anything in my power for you.” 

        His utter helplessness at the sight of my tears leaked through his confident voice.  It was almost funny that such a great warrior as Hasani was reduced to panic at the sight of a stupid little tear or two. 

        On that same token, as one of the fiercest warriors in Egypt, it had never occurred to him that it was possible that he couldn’t help… that there might be things out of his control or above his skill level, such as tangling with the fabric of time, for instance.  I decided a distraction was in order. 

        I would answer a question with a question, classic deflection.

        “Hasani, why are you in here?  Shouldn’t you be out punishing your soldiers with some sort of hellish drill? You know that Octavian is on his way to Egypt even as we speak.”

 I looked at him pointedly.  In response, he almost looked amused.

        “Don’t change the subject, Charmian.  Although, that was a valiant effort…invoking Octavian,” he said wryly. “But it won’t work. Tell me what is wrong. Right now.”

        I closed my eyes and leaned against his chest as though the weight of the world was on my shoulders.  Because, well… it sort of was. 

        “I can’t,” I murmured.  “Hasani, please.  Just trust me.  I can’t tell you.  But if I need help, you’ll be the first person that I come to.  Okay?”

        Pleading was evident in my voice and Hasani heard it.  He paused for a moment, completely silent before he sighed a long drawn-out sigh.

        “Alright, love.  I won’t continue to pester you.” He stroked my back softly in resignation and I sighed in relief.

        “And Hasani… please don’t mention this to Antony.  Cleopatra would kill me.” 

        Not necessarily.  But Ahmose would- and I couldn’t say that. Hasani stayed silent, but I felt him nod reluctantly. 

        “Thank you,” I whispered.

        I sat curled up on his lap, enjoying his touch on my back for a few more minutes before I stood up and sifted through my wardrobe for a clean day-shift to wear.  I pulled an identical clean shift out and tossed it on my bed and suddenly Hasani was behind me, pulling my tunic over my head. 

        I melted into his arms, enjoying the smooth, velvety feel of my skin pressed directly against his.  He groaned and bent his head to crush my lips against his, his hands running lightly across my back and down my hips.  I kissed him solidly for a moment before reluctantly stepping away from his warmth and out of his embrace. 

        “I wish that I could stay, but there is something I must do for the queen,” I murmured as I picked up my clean shift, avoiding eye contact. 

        I was afraid I might lose my resolve if I stared into his dark eyes.  I could lie, but my eyes could not.   He nodded and took the shift from my hands. 

        The filmy, almost transparent material looked too delicate for him to handle with his large, masculine hands but he smoothly pulled it over my head and skillfully secured the looped scarf of my belt. 

        When he finished tying it, he pulled me to him by the edges of the scarf, looking down into my eyes seriously.

        “Send for me if you need me, Charmian.  No matter what the situation might be.”  His face was stern, concerned and unbearably handsome all at once.

        I swallowed hard, feeling the knot begin to form again.  I nodded silently and turned my back to him as I picked up my hairbrush.  As I quickly twisted my hair into another simple knot, I tried to lighten the conversation.

        “Will I see you at dinner this evening, my lord?”

        He allowed me to change the subject and smiled at me patiently. 

        “Just try to avoid it, my lady, and see what happens.” 

        He grinned lightly at me and I smiled back.  Lord, I loved this man. His smile was as bright as the sun.

        “Alright, I shall see you then.”

        I rose on my tip-toes and kissed him squarely on the mouth, inhaling his earthy scent as I did. 

        “I love you, Hasani.”

        “As I love you, my sweet.” His eyes were scorching me again, so I turned my back and quietly walked away, leaving him in my chambers alone. 

        I had no sooner stepped into the hallway when I literally bumped into a serving girl from the main floor.  She looked up in surprise, her black hair tied up into a white scarf.