Every Day is Like Doomsday (25 page)

“I don’t remember being tagged,” said Elliot even
as he slowly lifted a hand to the back of his neck, fully
expecting to feel the uneven ridges of a microchip beneath
his skin. He felt nothing.
The Dean glanced at Elliot in the rear view mirror,
“You were tagged when you were unconscious after your
arrest. Don’t bother searching for it because it’s actually
part of your blood now. And just like the fake anti-mindreading supplements, not all of the students know about
this procedure so I’d appreciate it if you kept it a secret.”
“Why’d you tell us if it’s a secret?” Asked Innya.
“Because you asked. And also because you appear
to be able to keep secrets, considering you are harboring a
Norm at the VA and he hasn’t been killed yet. It’s actually
rather impressive.”
“What happened at the school?” Elliot asked, “Is
Polly in trouble?”
“Polly has been moved to an undisclosed location.
She not only wrecked the strategy classroom but before
that she blew up the Memorable Exits room. Unfortunately, Professor Titus was inside at the time and he is
no longer with us.” The Dean paused to glance at Innya,
then added, “Nice face, but I know you’re pleased that you
don’t have to take that awful class anymore. I only offered
it because it was a stipulation by our major donors that
the Villains who come from the VA have an appreciation
of drama. I agree that it’s all rather ridiculous but one
can’t argue with money.”
Elliot seethed. There were so many emotions vying
for supremacy within him he felt as if he might go berserk. He was irritated at having to go back to the VA. He
was furious with Innya for not sharing what she had seen
and, thanks to her little distraction tactic, he really wanted
to throw her up against a wall and screw her senseless. As
he sat in the back of the Dean’s car, fuming, he realized
that he might actually have an ally in the Dean.
Elliot took a deep breath and said, “You know,
Innya saw something on the screens in the Strategy room
right before the explosion and I—”
“You don’t want to talk about this right now, Elliot,”
said Innya. With those words a strange, fuzzy peace settled over Elliot’s mind. He settled back into the plush
leather seat and closed his eyes. He knew that Innya was
doing her weird, Jedi mind trick thing on him but at the
moment he didn’t mind because it was nice to not have to
worry about anything for a change.
“Yeah, Elliot,” quipped the Dean, “No one likes a
stool pigeon.”
Part of Elliot agreed whole-heartedly. Another part
of him thought how much nicer Innya’s brand of mind
control was than Brain and Vlad’s, with the added bonus
of no Barney songs being stuck in his head. The rest of
him thought, well, fuck.

When Innya’s influence wore off a few hours later
Elliot had told her how different her mind control was from
Brain’s. Once she’d accepted the compliment he’d asked her
one last time what she had seen on the screen in the Strategy
classroom. She had responded by punching him in the face.

A week later, Elliot’s black eye now faded to a sickly
yellow, Brain approached Elliot in the middle of Weapons
class and said flatly, “Zombie, I need to speak with you.”

Elliot looked up from his fascinating book about
how to build a fully-functioning freeze ray and glared at
the Villain who had almost cost him everything.

Elliot let one corner of his mouth tick upward but said
nothing. After a painfully awkward pause Brain continued.
“I think that I can help you.”
Elliot raised an eyebrow. He glanced across the room
and saw Innya lecturing another Villain about lock picking
and then went back to his book.
“I want to help you create a zombie powder,” said
Brain, not taking the hint. “You could create an army of
zombies that you would control. What do you say?”
“Is this your thing? Zombie-making?”
“Vlad got me interested but he didn’t have much
more than original concepts. I was really the brains
behind it, no pun intended.”
“I am not pleased that you tried out your machine
on me. I could have died.”
“Don’t be so dramatic. You’re the Zombie so you
wouldn’t have died. But your brain definitely could have
been turned to mush. Vlad wanted to practice on Innya
but I knew she was way too smart for that.” Elliot glared
and Brain quickly added, “Not that you’re not smart, of
course… Uh… But back to the task at hand, what do you
say? I already have a powder under production.”
Elliot thought for a moment. Minions might not
be a bad idea considering he was going to be on his own
next year and if he slipped up and the rest of the school
found out about him he’d be toast. It might take them a
while to get to him if they had to mow down his minions
along the way. Surely, he thought, that might be worth the
irritation of working with someone he despised. “Fine.”
“Great. So let’s talk price.”
“What do you mean, price?”
“I want you to smooth things over with Innya. She
hates me.”He paused to stare longingly at Innya then turned
back to Elliot, “Because I really want to ask her out. I figure
with my brains and her… physical attributes we could rule
the school, and possibly even a small country someday.”
Elliot pressed his lips together. His new Villain persona flared to life and he heard himself saying in a menacing
voice that he didn’t even know he possessed, “I don’t see

the point in that, considering she’s mine and I don’t share.”
“What do you mean?” asked Brain, as if the idea
that Innya and Elliot were romantically involved had
never crossed his mind, though Elliot didn’t know how he
could have missed it considering Elliot and Innya hadn’t
exactly been hiding their relationship. Apparently brains
weren’t everything.
Elliot leaned in close to Brain and said, “Are you
stupid? She. Is. Mine. And I made her mine over and over
again just this morning. I’ll let you help me but on my
terms. There will be no attempted hookups and no longing glances and no speaking to Innya if it can be avoided
at all. Do you understand?”
Brain blinked at Elliot in surprise and Elliot, for his
part, worked very hard to keep his face hard and unforgiving, keep his eyes narrowed, his lips thin. He thought
about sucking in his cheeks to make himself appear more
gaunt and then worried it would just make him look
like a fish so he decided against it. It must have worked
because a few seconds later Brain muttered a soft, “Okay,”
and took off, leaving Elliot to his book. Elliot chuckled,
shocked that he had pulled it off.
A moment later Innya sidled up to him and asked,
“What did No-Brain want? Do I need to kick his ass for you?”
Elliot grinned. “Nope. He just wanted to join forces
with me to work on a zombie powder in exchange for me
talking you into dating him.”
Innya smiled. “And how, pray tell, did you respond.”
Elliot shrugged and said nonchalantly, “I told him
you belong to me and that we did it this morning.”
“No, I don’t. And no, we didn’t. I’ll forgive the first lie
because you thought you were protecting me from blond &
freaky over there. The other lie I cannot forgive so easily.”
“Well then, let’s remedy that right now.” He stood
and wrapped Innya in his arms and gave her a long, deep,
territorial kiss. When they parted he felt eyes shooting
imaginary daggers at his back but he didn’t care.
“Way to stand up for yourself,Zombie,”Innya whispered against his mouth when his lips finally released her.
“Someday you might even be a real boy.”
Buoyed by her faith in him he said gruffly, “Let me
show you just how real I can be.” He channeled his inner
man, captured Innya’s hand in his and led her out of the
classroom, acutely aware that they were being studied and
that at that moment he was the envy of every boy in that
room. It was as terrifying as it was exhilarating.
They passed out of the doors and as they turned
to head towards Innya’s dorm a cute girl Elliot had seen
before but never spoken to fell into step with them. She
said, “Hi Zombie.”
Elliot was about to respond when Innya stepped
around him and punched the girl in the face. The poor
girl went down hard. Innya took Elliot’s hand again and
kept walking.
“What the hell?” Elliot asked, both mortified and a
little turned on, which was unsettling.
“You protect me in your way and I’ll protect you in
mine. You are mine, Zombie, and don’t you forget that.”
“I won’t,” Elliot said, and surprisingly he didn’t even
mind agreeing. “So in this atmosphere of understanding
between us—and please don’t punch me in the face again—
I’m sure you’ll see that it’s really in both our best interests
for you to tell me what you saw in the strategy room.”
“Nope,” said Innya without a moment’s thought.
“No, of course not.”

Innya was unprepared for the amount of attention
that Elliot received after becoming the Zombie. Even
more than that she was unprepared for how much it bothered her. She found herself wanting to make out with him
in very public places, like a cat rubbing up against a leg
or a dog pissing on a tree: she was marking her territory.
As she saw it, the more people who saw them make out
the better but even as it was going on it didn’t feel like
her. She wasn’t this strange and desperate person she had
become. And this change in her character, coupled with
Elliot’s increasing confidence, darkened her normally
somber mood even further.

As they entered the cafeteria for dinner one evening Innya thought the atmosphere felt different. The air
was full of electricity and though the perpetually violent
video games were in use like always, there was an unnatural stillness in the room that set her nerves on edge.
Something was going down. Now she just had to figure
out what and make sure that she and Elliot were on the
right side of it when it happened.

They each picked up a dented metal tray and stepped
to the back of the lunch line. As she placed a handful of
French fries onto her plate she muttered, “Something is
going to happen.”

“What?” Elliot asked, as clueless as ever.
“Something is going down during dinner.Don’t know
what yet. Keep your eyes and ears open and if you notice
anything suspicious let me know and I’ll keep us safe.”
Elliot’s black-rimmed eyes narrowed perfectly, just
as she had taught him to do in their first lessons on becoming a Villain. She took pride at how far he had come under
her tutelage and was about to tell him so when he said,“You
know I don’t need you to protect me all the time anymore.
No one has messed with me for a while and I’d like the
chance to take care of myself.” And he meant it.
She felt her top lip curl and eyes narrow automatically in response. Innya was fine with him practicing his
Villainy as often as possible, in fact she encouraged it, but
there was something cold in his voice, something that felt
all too real, and she didn’t appreciate it. Out of the corner
of her eye she saw a group of girls, including Crusher
and Ventriloquist, watching Elliot intently as he scooped
green Jell-o onto his plate. Fine, Innya thought, he wants
to handle himself ? I’ll give him the real thing, at least
until he cries ‘uncle’.
Innya dropped the fruit cup she had been about to
put on her tray and turned to him. She was holding up the
line but she didn’t care. “Are you that dense?” she asked so
softly that no one but Elliot could have heard her. “They
are biding their time while planning your demise. You
feel up to facing death on your own?”
Elliot shrugged. “I’m not a child, you know. I can
take care of myself sometimes, Innya.”
“Your funeral,” she said, noting that some of the
students seemed to be converging around the end of the
buffet line. Hoping that they didn’t have anything fatal
planned for Elliot, Innya filled her plate with random
items that she wasn’t planning on eating.
As Innya picked up her tray and turned away from
the line two pairs of hands grabbed her upper arms and
yanked her backwards. She dropped her tray but it never
hit the floor. Looking down, she saw one of The Twins on
the floor, holding her tray with one hand while placing
a finger to his lips and shushing her. Screw that, Innya
thought. She started to scream but a hand clamped over
her mouth and she couldn’t make a sound. She struggled
against the hands that held her but couldn’t wrench herself
free. The hand over her mouth kept her head still so she
couldn’t even look over her shoulder to see her assailants.
Then the music began and things got weird.
Almost as soon as the first simple keyboard tones
collided with her eardrums Innya felt like she wanted
to destroy someone. Her knees buckled as a glowing
warmth started low in her belly and spread upwards from
there. She felt the flush in her chest and her cheeks and
fought the urge to arch her back and press her backside
into the person standing behind her. The fact that her
arms were restrained only turned her on more and she
moaned softly into the palm that still covered her mouth.
This was Casio’s doing, but Innya couldn’t see the little
svolotch
anywhere.
For his part Elliot seemed completely oblivious to
the danger he was in, which made Innya think that Casio’s
song was meant only for the girls. As Innya watched helplessly the female Villains, and she used that term loosely,
stalked closer to Elliot. Crusher, or rather, Man Hands,
was there and her lascivious smile was far from friendly
and Innya tried once more to wrench herself out of the
hands that were gripping her upper arms like a matching
pair of blood pressure cuffs. Then the male bodies formed
a circle around Innya and blocked her view of Elliot.
“Don’t worry,” said a completely monotone voice to
her right, “They’ll take good care of him.” It was Dopple.
Innya couldn’t talk, couldn’t cry out, couldn’t move.
She had gotten out of tough situations before but at the
moment there were at least seven guys surrounding her
front and her flanks and others behind them that she
couldn’t see.
“The girls asked for our help so that they could talk
to the Zombie without you,” said Dopple.
Innya mumbled a question against the hand on her
mouth and it was removed. She licked her lips and grimaced at the salty, sweaty taste that coated her tongue.
They are all going to pay, she thought. But first she had to
try to ignore the music and focus on getting them to talk,
which was difficult because she kept imagining the ways
in she could make Dopple actually show some enthusiasm of his own. No, she chastised herself, make them talk.
The one thing you could bet any Villain loved to do was
talk about his plans and if she could just keep them talking then she could figure out a way out of this. She had
a passing thought that maybe she could have a little fun
before she got out of it but brushed it aside. Music bad.
Talking good.
“Why didn’t they just ask? Elliot and I aren’t
together all the time.”
Red came forward, a smug and terrifying smile on
his face, “They want you out of the way permanently.”
Innya wanted to rip his carrot-colored hair out of
his head by the roots but she didn’t so much as sneer.
Instead she swallowed the anger, used it to sharpen her
focus, to help her ignore the music. She had to get out of
this. Then she had to get Elliot away from the girls. Who
knew what they were doing to him on the other side of
the cafeteria? Where the hell was the Dean anyway? He
usually showed up at dinner and made the rounds.
As if reading her mind Dopple said,“The Dean isn’t
coming today. He’s been called away on business.”
Well, shit. Okay. Next plan. Music. But she didn’t
have much time. The music was reaching some kind of
crescendo that Innya knew she probably wouldn’t survive.
Even worse than that, her own body was succumbing to
the seductive tones and her mind was starting to entertain thoughts that she could take on all of her captors and
come back for seconds.
Oh, that is so not happening, Innya thought. She
started to struggle again. A warlike whoop rose up from
the assembled boys and the girls across the cafeteria
echoed it. She still couldn’t see Elliot but as she twisted
her face and peered through the mass of bodies surrounding her she finally found what she was looking for: Casio.
She was standing on a table in the corner, looking very
pleased with herself and slightly flushed. Apparently
she was not immune to her own charms but if she could
restrain herself then so could Innya.
She only had one shot. She took a deep breath,
ignored the mingled scents of musk and cologne that
invaded her nostrils and… Go.
Innya jumped and threw her legs up over her head,
kicking two of her captors in their leering faces as she did
so, and flipped backwards. Her arms dislocated, which
wasn’t that big of a deal and had happened so many times
she couldn’t even count them. Her shoulders popped easily back into their sockets when she landed behind the
boys still holding onto her arms: Dopple and some other
kid she didn’t know. She threw her hands together as hard
as she could and Dopple and the other kid crashed into
each other like cartoon characters and went down, finally
releasing her.
“It’s been fun, boys, but I must be going,” she said
and used the fallen bodies of her enemies as a ramp to
vault herself over the heads of the rest. She went sailing
over, feeling every finger that brushed against her legs,
her arms, trying to catch her and hold her, but she managed to avoid them all and land outside the circle.
Innya hit the tile hard, curled into a ball and rolled a
bit, then jumped to her feet and made a beeline for Casio.
First thing was first: stop the music, permanently if she
had to. Then rescue Elliot. She hoped to get a chance to
punch Crusher in the face before this was over but she
wasn’t greedy. She really just wanted to get out of there alive.
Innya launched herself from a lunch table and flew
across the room at Casio, who wasn’t even paying attention
to the boys, so intrigued she was by whatever was happening among the girls. It was too easy. Innya hit Casio hard
and they both tumbled to the floor. Innya made sure to
roll into it to make the landing hurt as little as possible.
Casio didn’t know to do this and the impact knocked her
unconscious. The music stopped. Innya’s head cleared and
her libido calmed as she climbed to her feet.
As the rest of the Villains blinked away the last of
their musically generated lust Innya slithered through
the mass of bodies, found Elliot, plucked him out of the
melee and dragged him towards the door. They burst out
into the freezing night as if being chased even though no
one was following them.
“What happened back there?” Elliot asked, rubbing
his temples and shaking his head as if to clear it of the
memory of what had just happened. He tried to pull his
jacket shut and realized that the buttons were missing.
The black T-shirt underneath was torn at the neck.
Innya responded by punching him. “The girls
decided that they didn’t want me to have you all to myself.
They conned the guys into getting me out of the way so
that they could make moves on you.”
Elliot smiled, then saw Innya’s face, then wiped the
smile away. It would have been as if it never existed except
that she had seen it.
“Think you’re such a ladies man, huh?” she asked as
her anger made the easy jump from the students back in
the cafeteria to Elliot’s idiotic male fantasies. “Well then,
why don’t you go back there and give yourself over to your
harem. Just don’t let Man-Hands play with your junk or
she might rip it off.”
Innya turned and stalked away but Elliot caught
up with her, took her arms, and hugged her. Seriously? A
hug? Innya didn’t do hugs. She pushed him away so hard
that he landed in the snow. Then she stood over him and
glared. “They asked the boys to kill me.Those are the girls
who make you smile now?”
“You’re being unreasonable,” Elliot said as he stood
and brushed the powdery snow from his clothes.“It’s perfectly normal to be flattered when someone thinks you’re
hot. I know you are, but do you think I like knowing that
every guy in this school is secretly planning my demise
so that he can get close to you? It sucks. But I deal with
it because I know at the end of the day, or whenever the
mood happens to strike us, you are with me.”
“What’s your point, dead boy?”
“I’m not used to people liking me. I’m especially
not used to girls liking me. And if they do then can’t I at
least enjoy it just a little? I know they could just as easily
murder me in cold blood and never shed a tear but for a
moment it’s nice to know that I have…” he paused, as if
unable to find the right word.
“Options?” Innya finished for him. She added a
nice and final sounding, “Fuck you,
otlez’ gnida
,” and then
walked away from him, leaving him standing in the snow,
a look of confusion on his face. Actually, his face usually
looked like that so maybe he just had a look of normality
on his face.
Innya didn’t hear him following her, which at the
same time upset her, hurt her feelings and made her wish
for his death at the man-hands of a certain Villainous
rival. Who would have even guessed that she had feelings to hurt? She stormed off of the campus and made
her way into town, where with nothing more than a smile
she convinced a simple-minded liquor store clerk to hand
over a fifth of Jameson Gold on the house. She took the
bottle back to her dorm room and opened it as soon as
the door was shut. After a few swigs the pain and the hurt
faded, replaced by the pure, warm glow of prime whiskey.
Before she fell asleep that night she promised that
someone was going to pay for her emotional anguish.
And if he didn’t shape up that someone was going to be
Elliot.