Every Breath (13 page)

“Well, Drew, you weren’t kidding about this one. She’s a looker.”

I hold out my hand to shake his, but he ignores it and pulls me into an embrace. “Nice to meet you, too, Mr. Pierce.”

“See, I told you they’d love you.” Drew whispers, taking my sweater when we enter the house. “But not as much as I do.”

It only takes me half a second to realize his house has been completely transformed into something from a home magazine. There’s garland over the fireplace mantle and up the banister, greenery and candles on every table, and a ten-foot tree in the corner. “When did you put up Christmas decorations?”

Everyone in the room laughs.

“Not me. My mom loves to decorate, so she did all of it.”

“It’s beautiful. I guess I need to put my tree up since Christmas is next week, huh?”

Drew leans in to my ear. “Or you can spend Christmas with me instead.”

Damn it. I hadn’t even thought of getting him a gift yet. “I just might do that.”

We sit down to dinner after chatting a while, and I can see where Drew gets his laid back attitude. He is an exact replica of his dad: sweet, good-natured, and funny. I’m having a little more trouble reading his mom, though. She’s much more reserved, and I can tell she only says what she thinks everyone wants to hear. She certainly doesn’t smile much either.

“So, Makenna, Drew says you’re a teacher, right?” Mrs. Pierce folds her hands and places them in her lap after only a few bites of her food.

“Yes, ma’am. This is my second year of teaching.”

“And what is it that your parents do?”

Drew butts in. “Mom, let her eat.”

“It’s okay.” I place my hand on his forearm. “My parents are both retired teachers, actually. My dad was a college professor, and my mom was also an elementary school teacher.”

His mom sits quietly for a moment before she cringes at me. “Retired? Already?”

Well, okay. That was a little rude. “My parents were in their early forties when I was born. They had tried for many years to have kids, and it never happened. So, needless to say, I was a bit of a surprise.”

Her mouth falls open slightly. “Oh my God. Were you adopted?”

Before I can tell her that I wasn’t, Drew and his dad simultaneously drop their forks. “Mom!” “Nina!”

She throws up her hands. “I’m going to get dessert ready.” She storms out, and Mr. Pierce follows her.

“What just happened?” I ask quietly, turning to Drew.

He shakes his head, clearly exasperated. “I’m so sorry. She just doesn’t have a tactful bone in her body.”

Obviously not. My parents would never behave that way.

“Do you mind if I go up to your room for a minute and get some air?”

“Want me to go with you? Or we can go for a drive if you want.”

I peck him on the cheek. He can really be a sweetheart. “No, I’m okay. This whole meet-the-parents thing has got me a little wound up, so I just want to breathe for a second.”

I find my way up to his room. I have only been up here one time, and that was on our first date, so I had almost forgotten how breathtaking and peaceful it is. I open one of the doors leading to the balcony and the icy air immediately cuts right through me. But I like it.

I sink into one of the chairs by the railing and take a deep breath, allowing the brisk air to fill my lungs before I blow it out ever-so-slowly. I’m definitely cold without my sweater, but this is the most comfortable I’ve felt since I got here.

I hear a door shut below me, and I have to strain to hear the hushed voices on the deck below.

“Damn it, Nina.” It’s Drew’s dad.

“Oh, shut up, Andrew. You heard her. She’s the daughter of retired teachers for crying out loud. You know she’s just here for the money.”

What the hell? What money?

“You don’t know that at all.”

“Yes, I do, Andrew. He told me he called and accepted that job today. She’s going with him to Indianapolis, just like that Amy did when he went pro. And you know how that turned out.”

“Nina, seriously, he loves her, and he’s a grown man. He’s old enough to make his own decisions. And you know as well as I do, Amy did nothing wrong. It was a pretty messed up time for all of us, and I can’t fault her for anything. You need to step back and let Drew run his own life for a change.”

The balcony door squeaks as it opens. “Hey, beautiful. You okay?”

I begin to speak, but Drew’s mom does first. “There’s not a chance in hell I’m going to let him ruin his life with that nobody and let her take him for everything he’s worth.” And a door slams.

I sit there with my mouth gaping open as I watch Drew go from relaxed and smiling to jaw clenched and fists bunched. “Excuse me for just a moment, baby.”

And he returns quickly, but only after a few minutes of raised voices and flying accusations. This night was supposed to be a big step for me, and I guess it was, in a way. A big step backwards. If this is how his family is, I don’t want any part of it. I prepare myself for him to tell me that his mom wants to apologize and be friends and that he wants the two women in his life to get along.

But he doesn’t. He pulls me inside and wraps me into his arms. “You’re freezing. Let’s go sit in front of the fire.”

I lean back and raise my eyebrows at him. “Where are your parents?”

“I made them leave. She’s not going to talk about you like that. What else did she say?”

I do not want to bring up the money or that Amy person right now. “That was about it. But, honestly, I think I just want to go home. I’m not upset with you or anything, but it’s been a long night, and I do have to work tomorrow.”

He pauses and stares at me. “Okay, then. You’re sure you’re okay?”

“Positive.”

He seems distracted on the drive to my house, but I can’t fault him for it. Our night turned out completely different than what either of us could have imagined.

“I’m so sorry about tonight, Makenna. I really am. My mom has always been a little overprotective, but tonight was inexcusable.”

“You don’t have to apologi—Why are all the lights on in my house? I’m positive I turned everything off this morning.” I sit forward in my seat to get a better look when Drew pulls into the gravel drive. My house is all lit up, and the front door is standing open. Callie must be here, which given her attitude today, seems a little more than odd.

But then again, there aren’t any cars in the drive. Mine is still at school because Drew is just going to pick me up in the morning.

“Makenna, I think you should call the police.” He puts his truck into park and starts to get out. “Stay here and lock the doors.”

It’s not until that moment that I freak out. Drew thinks someone is in there. I watch him disappear into the house before I dig for my cell phone in my purse. After a few minutes on the phone with a dispatcher, the headlights of two patrol cars shine on the front of my house. And Drew comes back outside, shaking his head and fisting his hair.

I unlock the doors and jump out. “Drew! What is it? What happened?”

He jerks me into his embrace and hangs on tight. “Oh my God, I’m so glad you were at my house tonight.”

What isn’t he telling me? “What. Happened.”

“Someone has totally trashed the house, Makenna. Everything.”

I twist myself free and run up to the house, stopping immediately as soon as I see the mess right inside the front door. He wasn’t exaggerating at all. Curtains have been shredded and ripped from the windows. My couch and chairs have all been sliced to expose springs and stuffing. All of the pictures on my mantle have been swept into the floor and shattered. My laptop is smashed into a mangled heap of plastic and wires.

And it’s pretty much the same in every room. My dishes lay in shards of glass all over the kitchen floor. Every article of clothing I own is thrown haphazardly around my bedroom. My mattress is in the floor, also cut open. Absolutely nothing is where I left it this morning.

I slump to the floor, barely able to contain the swirl of anger and sadness that’s sending tears down my cheeks. “Why? Who would do this?”

“Ma’am?” An officer crouches in front of me. “There have been some break-ins around town lately. Do you notice anything missing?”

“No, nothing obvious yet. Everything is just broken. The television, my laptop, my tablet. Everything. Why would someone just break everything without taking those things?”

He shrugs. “It doesn’t make sense to me either. But until we can look around and investigate, I don’t think you should be here. Do you have some family or friends you can stay with?”

Drew steps forward. “She’ll stay with me.”

It does take some convincing, but I decide to take Drew up on the offer to stay with him. Besides, Callie hates me right now, and my parents live too far away. It makes the most sense, I suppose. So after packing whatever I can find to get me through the next few days, I find myself back at Drew’s house. I’m rattled to my core, and I don’t know what to do with myself.

“I can’t take this, Drew. Knowing that some stranger has been in my house, touching my things, it’s unnerving. I feel . . . molested.”

He walks around the bed to get the rest of the throw pillows and fold back the layers of blankets. “You’re safe here, I promise. I’ll be right across the hall, and I’ve already set the alarm.” He pats the thick mattress. “Hop in and test it out.”

“I can’t let you give up your bed.
I’ll
sleep in the guest room.”

He takes only a few big steps around the foot of the bed before he reaches me. “Not a chance.” Bending at the waist, he throws me over his shoulder, sending me into a fit of squealing, before falling into the bed with me. “You can’t deny me the privilege of imagining you in my bed all night long.”

And now I won’t be able to shake the thought of him imagining me in it either.

“Fine. You win.”

“Good.” He slides off the edge of the mattress. “Now that we have that settled, I’m going to go downstairs to shower. You can use the bathroom right across the hall to change or whatever you need to do. I’ll be back to tell you goodnight in a few minutes.”

I turn to my side to watch him walk out, then I bury my nose into his fluffy pillow. I swear that’s the best smell in the world. Is it possible to
feel
a smell? Because I do . . . right in my gut. It’s like the experience of chocolate, a kiss, wine, and sex all wrapped into one. And I want to hurry and get ready for bed, so I can fall asleep wrapped up in that scent.

Yep, my hormones are definitely betraying me.

After brushing my teeth, I quickly change into a tank and my favorite cotton shorts, just like I would at home, but I debate for a few moments on whether I should put a bra back on or not. No bra and a tank top would be asking for trouble I’m not ready for, but then again, I’m going to be living with the guy. I can’t always walk around with a bra on, can I? Besides, I can just pull the blankets up to my shoulders when he comes in. Problem solved.

Snatching my dirty clothes from the floor, I open the door in time to see Drew take the last few barefooted steps at the top of the stairs. So much for hiding under the covers . . . but suddenly, I don’t care.

I haven’t ever seen Drew without a shirt on before, and I’m not even a little bit disappointed. His smooth, broad chest is defined, and I can still see droplets of water clinging to his tanned skin. He’s wearing a pair of loose-fitting grey pajama pants that fall dangerously low on his waist, exposing his sexy hips. For such a brawny man, he doesn’t seem to have an ounce of fat hiding anywhere.

I’m suddenly questioning what I’ve been waiting for. Why have I been so hesitant to kiss him? A kiss is just a kiss. Two pairs of lips touching are no different than hands touching. We’re just standing here silently, staring at each other, and that’s all I can think about. My stupid hormones have been on the warpath since this morning, and this isn’t helping me at all.

“God, Makenna. I—” He stops to clear his throat. “Come on, let’s get you in bed.” He takes my clothes from me and tosses them into the bathroom hamper before taking my hand, leading me back into his bedroom. He quietly scoops me up and starts to put me down onto the mattress, but I hold on.

“Will you stay with me for a few minutes?”

He nods silently. Still holding me, Drew climbs onto the bed on his knees and lies down with my body against his. I’m resting comfortably in the crook of his arm, and the gentle rise and fall of his chest is torturing me, getting closer and farther, over and over again. My heart is pounding, my breathing is labored. I want something that I don’t know how to voice. I’ve pushed him away for all this time, afraid of betraying Shane, but now I can’t think of anything I want more. It’s scaring the hell out of me, but I think I’m ready to try it.

“Drew?” My voice sounds so small that I barely hear myself.

“Hmmm?”

“I think the moment is back.”

His breathing totally stops and he freezes. “What?”

I can barely hear myself talking over the pounding in my ears. “You told me to let you know when the moment came back around, so I just did.”

“Makenna.” He scoots back enough, so he can look at me. “You’re sure?”

All I can manage is half a nod.

“Baby, you’re shaking.”

“I—I’m just nervous.” I explain. At least, I
think
that’s what it is. “I want you to kiss me, Drew. I mean it. I can’t stop thinking about it, and I’m ready to move past it. I’m tired of it defining me and controlling me.”

He lets out an audible sigh. “And you’re absolutely sure?”

“Yes.” Well, I’m sure I want to get it over with. I’m still not completely convinced that I want
him
to do it, though.

“Whoa.” He wipes his hand down his face, leaving a wide grin behind. “This is big.”

I gaze up at him, waiting for him to make the move. It’s like winding up a jack-in-the-box. You know the exact point in the song that it’s going to pop out, but it makes you anxious anyway. But he doesn’t move, doesn’t even flinch. I can practically see the wheels turning in his mind, calculating the exact plan of attack.

“Just do it, Drew. Don’t overthink it. The more you do, the more
I
do, and it’s freaking me the hell out.”

“I just can’t kiss you for the first time in my bed. It seems wrong. Hang on a sec.” He bounds from the bed and grabs a robe from his closet. “Here. Put this on. We’re going outside.”

No sooner than my feet touch the floor, he wraps it around me and leads me out to the bench seat on the balcony. The moon is still nearly full, so it’s muted light glimmers on the liquid darkness of the bay. The waves gently lapping at the sand add a calming effect to the perfect silence.

“Aren’t you cold? Maybe you should put a shirt on.” Or not.

“Are you kidding? I feel like I’m on fire. I’ve been waiting for this for a long time.” He leans closer, bringing his hand to my cheek to turn my face toward his. “Makenna, I want you to know that I love you. I think I have since our first date. I don’t know what it is that’s been holding you back, but I can’t tell you how honored I am to be the man that you’re trusting to help you through it. You consume my every thought, every moment of every day. I’m willing to do whatever it takes for you to feel the same about me someday, and I’ll wait however long I need to for that to happen. You are my whole life.”

I try to process my feelings about what he’s saying, so I can come up with some kind of a reply, but every thought process screeches to a halt when his face moves closer to mine.

Oh, God. This is it. I can’t breathe. I can’t do this. Yes, I can. Why isn’t he moving anymore? I can feel his breath on my lips. Does he want me to close the distance? I can’t move. I can’t.

“Makenna, baby, just breathe.”

What? Oh. Yeah, breathing helps.

“Just close your eyes, okay?”

“No, I ca—” My response is cut short by his finger on my lips.

“Trust me and close your eyes. Just let me kiss you. Don’t think. Hell, don’t even kiss me back if you don’t want to. Just close your eyes.”

So I do, and I will my mind to turn off and only feel. The fingertip over my lips traces the same pattern from earlier today and then it moves to my jaw along with the rest of his fingers. Drew’s cool lips place a soft kiss on my forehead before he lightly grazes them along my cheek and down the side of my neck.

Oh. My. Just like the dream.

The dream of that firm body and sprinkling of hair that tickled my stomach. The dream of that strong hand gripping my hip and pulling me deliciously close. The dream with those two perfect eyes.

At that thought, my body betrays me by relaxing into him when his lips trail tiny kisses back up the side of my neck and along my jawline . . . to find the spot at the corner of my mouth where they left off today. At first, they only brush across my lips, leaving behind the sensation of unfilled need and making me yearn for more.

And when that little shred of panic makes itself known, I stamp it back down by imagining those eyes again. I imagine my fingers gripping his hair and pulling him down to me, just as those lips crush into mine. A kiss so full of passion and heat that it’s almost unbearable but also impossible to live without for another second of my life, like I need it to breathe.

Completely lost in the moment, I want to open my eyes, desperate to see that dark amber honey again to know that I’ve found my way back into that dream. But the realization that they aren’t there is sobering, so much in fact that I remember that Drew is the one kissing me.

Drew just kissed me.

I jerk back, the horror of the realization bringing out the fight-or-flight response. I nearly fall out of the seat when I try to scramble away, but he catches my arms just in time.

“Too much, too fast?”

“A little.”

He stands and draws me into him. “Let’s go to bed. I think we’ve had more than enough excitement for one day, don’t you?”

I find myself in his bed once again, but he doesn’t climb in with me this time. He drags the blankets over me and perches his hip at the very edge of the mattress, leaning over me to place one hand on either side of my torso. “Regrets?”

Lots of them. “No. I just haven’t kissed anyone in a very long time. I’m still trying to process it all.”

“You still haven’t kissed anyone actually, seeing how I’m the one who did all of the kissing, so you don’t have to sweat it.”

“I didn’t kiss you back?”

He cringes and shakes his head. “Not even a little. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining at all. You finally trusted me enough to let me kiss you, so I think we’ve taken a big step in the right direction. I just hope you don’t want me to stop.”

I paste on a shy smile and lie right through my teeth. “I don’t.”

“Good.” He leans forward to plant a kiss on the tip of my nose. “Sweet dreams. I’ll see you in the morning.” And he closes the door behind him on the way out.

Now that he’s gone, I can sulk in peace and let the darkness of the room swallow me whole. I’m disgusted with myself on so many levels. I feel like a slut, and I haven’t even had all of the required sex to earn the title. I let my raging hormones talk me into allowing Drew to kiss me, when I know deep down that it wasn’t Drew’s lips on mine in the twisted depths of my imagination. I gave up a little piece of myself that was only Shane’s, but until it happened, I wasn’t fully aware that I never wanted to give it to Drew. That’s the hardest part.

I’m missing that deep connection with him, the one that should link us together like an invisible tether. Like I had with Shane. I thought my attraction to him would be enough, but it’s only superficial. He’s definitely sweet to me, and he makes me feel so special. But something is missing. When we’re apart, I don’t wonder what he’s doing. I don’t miss him when he’s gone. I don’t have the need to hear his voice before I go to sleep. At the end of a long day, I don’t ever find myself wanting to snuggle into his arms. The feelings I have toward him are just neutral.

Again, I’m back at square one with our relationship, and I’m even more confused about another. My friendship with Sawyer. Why in the hell am I having those dreams? Why do I have feelings like that for a man who’s halfway around the world, when I have a great guy right here? It’s Sawyer who I miss talking to, and I always wonder what he’s doing. I can’t wait to get home every night and see his face on my computer screen, and I go to bed at night with a fresh memory of his gravelly voice. I started out only wanting to be his friend, but it has bloomed into more without me even realizing it. And it’s absolutely ridiculous.

But now that I think about it, I’m beginning to wonder if I’m using Sawyer as a scapegoat. I’m subconsciously pushing Drew away and using Sawyer as the excuse, when in reality, I don’t want anyone. Neither of them are Shane.

In a way, I agree with Callie. I’m sick of me, too. I’m seriously screwed up in the head, so maybe I do need to get some sort of psychiatric evaluation. I mean, hell, I’m freaking out over a kiss. Why am I making such a big deal out of it? It’s been two damn years, and I keep putting this totally unattainable price tag on it. No one can be him. He’s gone. Forever.

“You keep telling yourself that, but when are you going to start believing it?”

I whip my head around toward the sound. “Shane?”

The faint moonlight streaming through the car window doesn’t allow me to see him clearly, but I can see the concern on his face. God, how I’ve missed that face.

I immediately know I’m dreaming because I’ve had this same one many times. We’re sitting in the very same place on the side of the interstate where he died, except the car is perfectly intact and we’re upright. The difference with the dream this time is that he doesn’t normally speak to me. I usually only see him long enough to realize it’s him, and when I blink, he’s gone.