Everafter Series 1 - Everafter (23 page)

While we waited, my mind wandered. It was possible to do this even without Helen’s assistance. Karma was reluctant on this matter, but she had still offered to help. If pushed, she could probably do something. In for a penny, in for a pound. And Sebastian Brenner seemed unscrupulous enough. I was sure there was something we could offer him—well, something short of Val herself—that would persuade him to either turn me himself or find someone who could. Barring that, there was always the Red Circuit. Despite Valentine’s recent preoccupation with my well being, I knew that vengeance was still on her mind. If the Circuit could house sociopaths like Val’s attacker, surely there would be a handful of Weres willing to turn a girl for sport. I shivered at the implications, flashing back to the memory of the black wolf’s muzzle, glistening with the blood of his opponent. That would have to be a last resort. There were other options and we could explore each one until we found the one that worked.

The phone on the secretary’s desk buzzed once. “Ms. Lambros is ready to see you again.” She escorted us back inside where we found Helen standing by the window, gazing out at the city skyline. Even though the brightness outside was muted by the tinted shade, I could see Helen wincing in discomfort. I wondered if it was the feeble rays coming through, or the memory of sunlight on her skin that made her ache so.

“What you are asking for is expensive.”

This was not the response I expected but it seemed like a minor inconvenience. I glanced at Val, who wore a furrow of confusion in her brow. “Money is not an object. I’ll make it happen.”

“Oh, it’s not money that this will cost.” Helen turned to us, her face pinched in shrewd calculation. As she stepped away from the window, her hand rubbed absently at the arm that had been closest to the light. “I will be calling in a huge favor. A mark that I have held for over a hundred years. Do you have any idea how much that is worth?”

My spine began to tingle. The way that Helen spoke of favors reminded me of Faust. We were bargaining for Valentine’s soul and I was offering mine in return. I didn’t hesitate. “Name your price. It’s yours.”

Helen laughed coldly. “We’ll see if you ever amount to anything I want. In the meanwhile, Valentine is important to me. All vampires are important to me. If you promise to do everything in your power to keep her satisfied, I’ll do this. For her.”

Fury rose in me. “Yes,” I said, leaning forward again, using the force of my anger as a shield. “For her. I don’t want any part of your politics.”

Helen held her ground, baring her teeth in an expression that bore only superficial resemblance to a smile. Val took my hand and squeezed in sympathy and caution. “Baby, are you sure?” she murmured. “We can find another way.”

I unclenched my jaw and exhaled my anger, never taking my gaze from Helen. “When do we start?”

“Right away. The next full moon is in twenty-six days. The Were sample will arrive in two days and we can introduce the virus immediately. That will give us ample time to prepare you before your first lunar transformation.”

“Were sample?” Val’s tone was suspicious.

“The donor would prefer to remain anonymous at this time, so we will use his blood to treat Alexa. But rest assured, I have known him for a very long time and he will be a remarkable sire. Weres are very serious about lineage and you, Alexa, will be descended from the finest.”

“Her animal half, what will that be?”

Helen turned to Val and regarded her intensely.”Does that matter to you, dear Valentine?”

Val swallowed audibly and looked away. “No,” she murmured, “just curious.”

“Panther. Alexa will become a Werepanther. An exceedingly rare and noble incarnation. She will be the only one in the northeast, as a matter of fact.” Helen didn’t look at me as she said this. I could feel her condescension like a beast as it clawed down my throat and seized my stomach. She wanted me to be grateful, and I was, but not for her reasons, and certainly not in any way that I would be willing to prostrate myself in front of this vile woman. “Come by the West Side facility tomorrow night. Darren will be there to give you your first lessons as a Were.”

“Thank you.” My voice was measured and cold.

“My pleasure.” Her gaze never left Valentine.

Chapter Sixteen

On the cab ride back from Helen’s office, I called Karma and told her what had transpired. She immediately offered to come over and start with my education. I was grateful that she was so willing to help; it was a pleasant contrast to Helen’s pound-of-flesh approach. By the time Karma arrived at our apartment, I had mostly shaken off my simmering anger. I’d have a preturnaturally long life ahead of me to prove to Helen that I ought not to be underestimated. And it shouldn’t matter what she thought, anyway. Except, of course, that it did—as Val’s mentor, and as one of the most powerful people in the City. Maybe after I’d been infected, I’d feel more capable of mustering up some indifference to her and her machinations.

As Karma took a seat in our living room, I realized that this was the first time we had ever had a guest at our dining table. Val and I had just picked out the secondhand table days before she was attacked. And since then we had no time for entertaining. We had originally chosen the large, unfinished wooden table with lavish dinner parties in mind. I pushed away the wave of sadness that momentarily threatened to overwhelm me.

Karma was dressed casually in dark jeans and a black turtleneck sweater. She carried a large brief bag that now lay open on the table displaying multicolored files and folders, all labeled meticulously in tidy block letters.

Val entered with a pitcher of water and three tall glasses on a plate. After setting them down carefully away from the papers, she took the chair next to mine and scooted closer so that her thigh could press against me. “So, this is what Shifter 101 looks like?” She smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“It’s all the notes I compiled while researching for the Web site. There are even things in here that I didn’t put online.” Karma pulled out a light blue folder thick with papers and handed it to me. “Here is some research that has been conducted secretly over the past few decades. There is information about healing, feeding, mating, and other behaviors in human and animal forms.”

I flipped through the file and marveled at the breadth and depth of information. “I really appreciate this. You didn’t have to come all the way here just to drop off files. I would have been more than happy to pick them up from the museum.”

“I know. I came here to talk about how you feel.” Karma held my gaze steadily.

Apprehension prickled across my skin. “I feel fine.”

“Now maybe, but you need to know that becoming a Wereshifter is more than a physical change. It is an emotional, psychological, and spiritual transformation. Inviting an animal into your consciousness is unlike any experience you have ever imagined.”

“Is it dangerous?” Val asked. I could hear the careful modulation of her voice—she was anxious, but putting on a brave front. I reached for her hand and our fingers interwove automatically.

“It can be. That’s why I’m here. If you know what’s coming, it may help you adjust a little better.” Karma’s eyes crinkled in remembered pain. “I wish someone had been around to explain things before my first full moon.”

“What is it like?” I leaned forward, thirsty for more details.

“It has been described many ways by many people: ‘out of sorts,’ ‘not myself,’ ‘like being watched all the time.’” Karma tapped a pink folder in the pile. “Testimonials. For me, it feels like dreaming when you are awake. It’s like being aware of two realities at the same time. It is very disconcerting and distracting until you get used to it.”

“How long does that take?”

“It will be practically unbearable for the first lunar cycle, and probably longer. You may need to get medication for it. Valium and Klonopin work well to quell your anxiety. But you need to remember that it will get better. You just have to wait it out a few months, possibly a year.”

Val nodded. “Whatever medication you need, you’ll have. That much, I can do.”

“And,” I mused, “doing this now means that I’ll have the rest of winter break to adjust.” School didn’t start up again until mid January, which gave me almost three weeks to assimilate to the virus. It wouldn’t be easy, but I’d find a way.

“While in human form, your animal self will be subordinate,” Karma continued, “but she’ll still be there lurking. You will be in control but will have access to her instincts. You’ll begin to see things like animals do, sensing social power structures and reading minute body language. If you listen to your panther, Alexa, she can teach you marvelous things you never noticed before.” Karma’s last sentence was whispered in reverence.

“And in animal form?” Part of me was scared to hear her answer, but the academic in me thrilled to the unknown.

“At first you will feel imprisoned. You will feel trapped and incapable of anything except observation. Paralysis in and of itself is frightening, but now imagine someone else moving you, controlling all of your actions.” Val tensed at Karma’s words and I wondered if that was what her thirst felt like. “You will begin to despair that you will ever regain control. Do not lose hope. Treat it like you would watching a movie. That helps, sometimes.”

“A movie. That doesn’t sound too bad.” I smiled weakly when Val squeezed my hand in encouragement. “I’ll just do that until it feels more familiar.”

Karma nodded but didn’t smile back. “That’s when it gets hard. As you adjust to the panther’s presence in your life, she will be adjusting to your presence in hers. Eventually, she’s going to try to insert herself and her needs while you are in human form. For many young Weres, this phase is make or break. Animals are hierarchical. By nature, they jockey for domination. If your beast gets the best of you, you may lose yourself forever.”

“What does that mean?”

“On a minor scale, it usually involves personality changes. A shortness of temper or a tendency to gluttony.” Karma caught my gaze and held it, unwavering. “In the worst cases, the animal takes over and the Shifter goes feral, unable to change back into human form again.”

I sat back in surprise, my mind whirling as it tried to process what that would feel like. Feral. God. Val squeezed my hand again, and when she spoke, her voice was steady. She was being my rock, just as I had been hers after the mugging.

“How do we prevent that from happening?”

“You must fight it,” Karma told me. “Through the fear, through the confusion, through the hopelessness, you fight it. You master your beast by not backing down and by waiting for her to flinch. And when she does, you subjugate her to your will.”

I nodded in understanding. It seemed so logical when she laid it out like that. Practice was destined to be more difficult than theory, I knew that. But months ago, I hadn’t even known that this world existed, and now I was in love with a vampire and sitting across my dinner table from a Wereshifter. “Your animal, what is it?”

“A jackal. I was bitten over three years ago while on an archeological dig in Egypt.” Karma’s lips quirked into a sarcastic grin. “We were unearthing a tomb, but it would have been poetic justice if I’d been at a temple to Anubis instead.”

I remembered Val asking Helen about my bestial half. Did it matter? Did the woman choose the beast or did the beast choose the woman? I would never know the natural order of things because my transformation would be planned. I wondered if the panther would suit me.

“Three years,” I mused. “It seems like a long time from where I stand, but that’s probably not true for you, is it?”

Karma closed her eyes as a shudder passed through her body. Moments passed before she opened them again. “It’s still a struggle for me, I won’t sugarcoat it. Every Were’s battle is unique. And each one is epic.”

She pushed her chair back and stood. We rose with her, Val wrapping one arm around my waist as we walked Karma to the door. “You have my number if you think of any more questions. Darren will be a good teacher to you. I know he has helped several others through their first transformations.”

“Thank you.” I shook Karma’s hand gratefully.

Her golden eyes flicked to Val and then me. “Good luck.”

*

Friday night at the Consortium’s hunting facility on the West Side was a dead zone. Darren was waiting for us in the lobby and waved us in past the armed guard sitting at the check-in desk. He maneuvered us to the freight elevator and after a hand scan and key code entry, we were on our way to the sub-basement. The elevator doors opened to a large, cavernous space that resembled the inside of an airplane hangar decked out like a zoo habitat. A narrow bubbling stream ran through the center of the room and dense vegetation and small trees filled out the space. On the far wall opposite the elevator, a heavy metal door swung open and Helen emerged, prim, proper, and slightly dangerous in her tailored black silk pantsuit. She beckoned for us to follow her.

Behind the metal door lay a sterile white hallway that led to a set of stairs. We walked up four flights to a catwalk that ended in a small room. The room featured a full wall of windows that overlooked the hangar area we had just been in. There were some chairs and a phone in the room but little else. An observation room, I realized.

“Make yourself comfortable.” Helen picked up the phone and punched in a few numbers. “We are ready when you are.” She hung up the phone without waiting for acknowledgment.

Val and I pushed two chairs close together and sat. She immediately engulfed my left hand into both of hers. We peered into the hangar below and watched as Darren carefully stripped off all his clothes and set them aside. He was palming something in his right hand when he finally stood, naked. He tilted his head to the right and left, stretching the thick muscles of his neck before jumping up and down a few times like a sprinter preparing to take to his blocks. Then he flicked his right hand out, revealing a four-inch long switchblade. Before we could register what was happening, he jammed the blade into his thigh all the way to the hilt and roared out with a primal scream.