Ever: The Ever Trilogy, Book One (Volume 1) (37 page)

I thought about it. He kind of had a point. Plus, most of his friends were probably in college by now, so not likely hanging around at high school parties. I hoped. Frankie’s eyes pleaded with me, and my defenses fell. Apparently so did my better judgment, because before long, we were in the car, driving to the party. I couldn’t seem to deny him.

Luckily, I didn’t have to sit by him, which would have made it incredibly difficult not to stare at him for the entire ride. I was still not fully used to his solid form, and he was pretty damn good looking in the flesh. I’d have been helpless sitting next to him. Not to mention the incessant need to touch him. By the time we arrived at the house where the party was, I felt ten times better.

Of course, getting out of the car meant I had to actually
look
at Frankie again, and walking up to the party meant I had to actually be
near
him. Unless I wanted to act like a total weirdo and walk a few yards away from them. When he grabbed my hand, I felt nervous and childish, my cheeks heating up and giving me away. But I didn’t yank it away this time.

The three of us walked inside, and I felt like we stuck out like sore thumbs. Though I know we didn’t, the feeling that the whole world was looking at us didn’t go away. There was no way anyone could know that Frankie had been a ghost for the past two years, unless they knew him while he was alive. No one could know that my feelings for two guys had me feeling like the worst person to ever walk the earth. No one could know that Jessie and I had both recently been dating soul collectors. And no one could possibly know that just the feel of Frankie’s hand in mine had me feeling warmth in ways I shouldn’t have been.

Still. I felt like flashing lights and screeching alarms were going off around us nonetheless.

We made our way through the house, Jessie stopping to say hi to friends and introducing Frankie and me to various people along the way. I knew a few of them already, from various parties and such, so seeing familiar faces eased my tension a little bit. But I still felt like I was on display. In the backyard, we came across a cooler of miscellaneous beer brands, and Frankie’s eyes lit up at the prospect of a cold beer. He found himself an ice-cold original Coors, and you’d think he’d just found bars of solid gold the way he looked at it. I didn’t get the excitement, but I guess for someone who enjoys drinking, having a cold beer after two years of having nothing to drink at all might be pretty nice.

He almost drank the whole thing in one sip. He noticed Jessie and me staring at him with our eyebrows raised, then donned a slightly embarrassed smile and shrugged.

“Sorry. It’s just been
so
long.”

We giggled at him and headed out in search of our own beverages. There had to be soda
somewhere
at this party, right? Once inside, we were standing in front of an open fridge door, feeling only slightly guilty to be looking at someone else’s fridge contents—but hey, not everyone drinks beer—when a voice stopped me mid-search.

“Ever? Jessie?”

“
Shit,”
I whispered to Jessie as we turned around to the source of the voice.

Scott.

Honestly, I’d forgotten all about him. It had only been a couple days since I’d kissed him at that party at his house, but
so
much had happened since then. Scott was at the very back of my mind. When I saw the look on his face, I could tell the opposite was true for him. I was still
very
fresh in his mind. When he reached for me, I froze. Frankie was standing just a few feet away with an odd expression on his face. I didn’t know what to do. I probably had only seconds before Scott pulled me into a hug, and I couldn’t possibly risk the chance that he might kiss me.

“Hey, Scottie! It’s good to see you!” Jessie reached forward, lightly pushing me aside and squeezing Scott into a massive bear hug, intercepting the embrace that had been intended for me.

Phew.
The confused look on his face was priceless, but I didn’t have long to look at it. Frankie pulled me outside, and Jessie pulled Scott toward the living room.

“What was that all about?” Frankie laughed, obviously aware that the moment had been a bit awkward for me. Could I tell him I’d kissed Scott only days before?
‘Hey Frankie, by the way, you’re the third guy I’ve kissed in as many days. Cool, huh?’

No. Not a chance. I had to lie. Again. Who was this girl I’d become?

“Oh, that’s just some guy from Jessie’s school who has a little thing for me.” Not a
total
lie. Right? Just not the total truth either.
Damn.

A few minutes later, Jessie came outside to find us, and commotion erupted all around.

“Cops!”

The partygoers were yelling the warning almost in unison. A few guys hefted the cooler of beer inside, while other frantic people trashed their drinks and scattered.

“I guess that’s our cue!” Jessie said, as she quickly headed for the side gate of the yard.

Frankie looked at me and smiled, the light in his eyes giving away the fact that he was clearly excited by the prospect of having to run from the cops. I guess when you haven’t had
any
excitement for as long as he hadn’t, possible minor-in-possession charges were exciting. I shook my head and followed Jessie to the car.

After the party, we ended up at Starbucks. Not nearly as exciting for Frankie as cold beer and possible arrests, but who could resist a good latte? Not me, that’s for sure.

Jessie dropped us off around ten or so, stating she wanted to sleep at her house. I figured she was worried about Susan again, and quickly wished that Jessie didn’t find her with another asshole like that last one.

I checked on my mom, who was in her bed reading a book about gardening, Gollum curled up at her feet.

“Oh! Hi, kids! You’re home early! Frankie, honey, I made up the guest bedroom for you, and there’s a fresh pitcher of water next to the bed, along with some magazines and a CD player.”

Just the typical houseguest procedure. No big deal. I sighed, and Frankie reached out to squeeze my hand. Once outside her room, he whispered, “It will be okay, Doll. You’ll see. She’ll come around.”

“I hope so. This is just too weird for me.”

He reached out and gently ran his fingers across my chin, his thumb grazing my lip. He was only inches away from me, and in the darkness of the hallway, with my mom’s door closed blocking her from sight, it was easy to imagine we were the only two people in the world.

I wanted to imagine that. If only for just a second.

He licked his lips and looked into my eyes. My cheeks heated up. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to figure out what to do next.
God
I wanted to erase everything else. Every
one
else. I wanted to be alone with Frankie. Just him and me. No Mom. No Toby.

I turned away from Frankie, but he followed me to my bedroom door. The tension and heat from being so close to each other all night was near the bursting point. Well, at least for me it was. I either had to get as far away from him as possible—
immediately
—or turn and throw myself at him. There was no gray area tonight. It was either Frankie’s kiss … or spontaneous combustion.

I stopped at my door, took a deep breath, and turned to face him.

Oh!
He was closer than I realized.

I was going to tell him we needed to move slowly. That was the responsible thing to do. Move slowly. But with his lips pressed to mine and his arms crushing me to him, it was growing increasingly hard to think. Even harder to speak.

Gripping me tightly, he pushed gently until I was crushed between his body and my closed bedroom door. He moved one hand up the length of my ribs and over my shoulder blade to where it could rest comfortably on my neck. Holding my head in place, he kissed me hungrily. I lost all coherent thought.

It was just me and Frankie and his
kiss
.

I melted into him, our mouths moving in a rhythm almost too natural to be real. It felt like I’d been kissing Frankie for years, like we knew the next move the other person was going to make before they made it. At the same time, kissing Frankie was unfamiliar, the excitement and the thrilling feeling of finally kissing him, new and exotic. My heart pounded, thumping loudly in my ears. Every part of me wanted more of him.

The sound of my mom’s door opening abruptly ended our kiss, and Frankie flew to the opposite side of the cramped hallway. I swear I could see the red heat between us, hanging in the air, but like everything else going on around her, my mother was blind to it.

“Frankie, before I forget, there are clean towels for you in Ever’s bathroom. Good night, kids! Love you both!” She shot us both a smile and went back into her room.

I shook my head. My dad would have seen the lusty heat between Frankie and me in a heartbeat, and I probably would have gotten a nice boring lecture on boys. My mom, however, was completely oblivious. I sighed.

Frankie stared at me intently, and I ached to touch him again. But unfortunately, my mom’s behavior cooled the heat in my veins and reminded me that there was so much more at stake here. So much more to do before I could even
consider
moving forward with Frankie.

“I have to go to bed, Frankie. I … I can’t do this right now.”

“I know, Doll. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Of course he knew. Of course he didn’t try to argue. He always knew exactly what I needed. I closed my bedroom door behind me then slid down to the ground. I heard a rustling on the other side of the door as Frankie did the same thing.

“Frankie?”

“Yeah, Doll?”

“What are you doing?”

“No idea.”

“Do you want to come in?” My voice was a whisper, and half of me was surprised by the words. As if they hadn’t fully had my permission to come out.

I stood and opened the door to him. He was already standing, and before I’d even opened the door all the way, he was kissing me again. I heard the door shut softly behind him. Then both of his hands were on me, and he was leading me to the bed.

He slowly laid me down on my bed, and before long, he was on top of me. We were both breathing quickly, our hands franticly touching each other. Our clothing came off next. First my shirt, then his. Eventually his jeans. As if it wasn’t new or awkward at all.

Lying with Frankie, with only his boxers and my denim skirt between us, I wasn’t afraid. There was no doubt in my mind that I was safe with Frankie. My body, my heart—he would never hurt me. As we kissed and his hands explored my naked chest again, I knew without a doubt that I was going to lose my virginity to Frankie tonight.

I couldn’t imagine anything feeling more right.

I reached down between us, slowly at first, and slightly nervous even though I’d made my decision. I began to tug at my skirt, but it was awkward while his weight was on top of me. Feeling what I was doing, he slid to the side of me. His eyes were dark, the caramel brown a rich sea of hunger now.

He slowly drew circles around my belly button, and goose bumps broke out over my bare skin. I resumed trying to remove my skirt, but Frankie reached down and stopped my hand. He set it by my side and sat up.

Slowly, with his hands on either side of my waist, he slid my skirt down my legs. I felt exposed and vulnerable, but the way Frankie looked at me—with so much love—my worries quickly faded away again.

This is right.

He lay down on top of me again, and without my skirt to restrain me, I wrapped my legs around him. He groaned deep in his throat, and something sparked inside me in response. Our kissing intensified, his tongue actively searching my mouth, his hands firmly feeling every inch of me possible. I felt the pressure of him between my legs—an intense and strange feeling that brought pleasure and fear, dangerously laced with anticipation.

His hips moved, slowly at first, and feelings I can’t even describe shot through my body. A sound I’d never heard before escaped my lips. Frankie answered it with another groan deep in his throat, and then he stopped kissing me, his breathing fast and heavy.

He looked into my eyes, an unspoken question between us.

Is this okay?

Yes.
Yes.

He reached down to his jeans on the floor and pulled out a small foil package. For a second, I didn’t know what it was. Then it occurred to me, and my cheeks flared up.
Holy shit!

“Frankie!”

He sheepishly looked away.

When did he buy condoms? What was he planning?

“I’m sorry, Doll. I know this looks bad. But … after last night … after we … I just … I just wanted to be prepared. I swear. Please, don’t think I’m a creep, Ever. I just wanted to be prepared.”

He looked at me then, eyes slightly ashamed, and his cheeks slightly red. I laughed in spite of myself. He wanted to be ready. He wanted this as much as I did. I smiled at him, shaking my head slightly at how uncomfortable the situation had just become. I reached for him and pulled him back to me. We kissed again, and my heart flapped around wildly in my chest.

Yes. I was going to go all the way with Frankie.

The boy I’d loved for my entire life.

Feeling uncharacteristically brave and sure, I wrapped my legs back around him, silently giving him permission to continue. Within moments we were naked, the feel of our skin connecting in so many new places an unfamiliar and exhilarating thing. I didn’t worry about what I was doing or if I was doing it wrong. I didn’t worry about my stomach or how skinny or fat it was. I didn’t worry about how I was moving or if I was supposed to be moving differently. I didn’t worry about
anything
. Because with Frankie, I just
was.
I saw myself the way he saw me—the way he had always seen me—and I wondered how I ever doubted his feelings.

He’d loved me his entire life.

Nothing could have been better than this moment.

It was just me and Frankie and our love.

Finally.