Ever, Sarah (12 page)

We’d have nice looking babies.

Where the hell did that come from?

I walked over and lifted a picture up, it was my mother and, who I can only guess was my father and examined it closely. Willing my memory to come back and tell me why I’m so haunted by this face. I put it back down. There was a large picture in a thick ornate frame, a replica of the one that hung over our fireplace, our engagement picture. I smiled as I looked at the love struck couple.

Stepping back I took another look around the room and felt something here, a pull of sorts. It was both reassuring and frightening at the same time.

I turned and left the room.

I walked over to the next door and opened it. Inside was a large laundry room, with a huge white folding table and two big machines taking up a good portion of space. A line hung from one corner to the next and directly underneath it was a rack, apparently for hanging clothes that couldn’t be dried. I knew whatever memory I had of this room couldn’t be good, and smiling at my own wit, I closed the door…I crack myself up sometimes.

The next door was a large pantry, lots of goodies inside, but nothing that would trigger a memory.  I opened a door that led to the garage. A classy white Mercedes with a convertible top sat on the far end of the large space. Nice taste ‘mother’ I thought to myself.

Then I opened a series of doors, a coat closet, another closet, and yet another closet. This house definitely had plenty of closet space. Good selling feature!

Well, that’s it for this floor. I walked to the bottom of the stairs and looked up. Putting my hand on the railing, I slowly made my way up to the second floor. Glancing over the rail, I noticed for the first time since arriving today that there was a large round table in the center of the center hall entrance way. Fresh flowers took up the entire table. I turned back to the task at hand, making it to the top without falling.

My grip on the railing was so tight my knuckles were white. I took a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other. When I finally reached the top, I exhaled. I surprised myself to find that I had been holding my breath the entire climb.

Pushing open the first door at the top of the steps, l took a good long look around. There was a large bed, two nightstands, a dresser, two lamps and little else. I walked over and opened the door on the far wall. Closet, big surprise there. The next door was the entrance to the bathroom. It was all dark wood and glass, very classy, but nothing here was interesting to me. I closed the door behind me and made my way down the hall to the next. It was another bedroom that also held no memory for me. It, like the others I’d just seen, was tastefully decorated, but it didn’t stand out in my mind.

I closed that door and walked to the next door down the hallway. This room was towards the back of the house.

I pushed it opened and stepped inside, it was a spacious bright room, pale yellow and blue curtains were pulled back allowing the sun to spread throughout the cavernous room. A large four-poster bed was centered on the large wall across from the windows that looked out onto the yard. I walked over and looked out.

Rolling green grass and slate walkways led to the large in ground pool. A cabana stood next to the pool. Directly underneath the window was a roof, I expect that it was the covered a patio area off of the large family room, the one with all the pictures.

I turned and looked at the bed. On the wall between the bedposts was a painting. It was a familiar painting. Very soothing. I liked it. The bed was covered in a luxurious French blue and pale yellow duvet set with what looked to be twenty pillows set on top against the huge wooden headboard.

I sat on it and looked around. There was also a matching dresser, armoire, and two wood night tables, each with a blue glass shaded lamp sitting on top. I lay back trying to get a feel for the room and looked up.

On the ceiling were what seemed to be a zillion small stars. They were everywhere. At first I didn’t notice them. The stars were almost invisible, all appearing to be the same color as the ceiling, but after a few seconds I could make out their outlines.

I couldn’t help my smile.

“You had your father place each and every one of those stars.” I sat up and saw my ‘mother’ standing in the doorway. “That huge cluster above where you are laying is the Milky Way.” She let out a short laugh, “You insisted on it being accurate. Your poor father…” She shook her head, smiling at the memory.

“I did?”

“Yes, they actually glow at night. It’s really quite pretty. It’s like the whole night sky is shining above you.”

“I’d like to see that some time.”

“Later, when it’s dark, after dinner. You come back up here and lay back on your bed. You’ll see it then. But now it’s time to eat lunch. I hope you’re hungry.”

“Seems I’m always hungry.”

“That’s good. I can see that you are already putting on some weight.”

We walked down the large curving staircase, my ‘mother’ stayed by my side, keeping my slow pace with me. Talking about how I used to swim all the time, and when I was little I collected bugs.

Yuck, really?

She laughed at the face I made.

“Have you had any memory of Jez since I last asked?”

“No. I haven’t. But Brad told me a few stories about her. Said she used to follow me where ever I walked, like a puppy.”

“That’s the truth. She did. Especially when she was little, but she’s been acting so strange of late. I think it’s because she’s never gone so long without seeing you.” She looked intently at me, “I tried giving her apples and sugar cubes, but that girl won’t take them from me. She misses you terribly. We all do.” There was a sadness in her voice that triggered instant guilt. I really wanted to remember everything.

“Do I ride well?”

“Yes, you do. Did.” She looked down to the bottom of the stairs, then back at me, “Don’t get me wrong. You had your share of falls, especially when you were stubborn and insisted on making a jump you weren’t ready for. Your father would get so mad at you when you pushed yourself too hard, but you were hard-headed, took after him if you ask me. You took the jump without a second thought. I swear there were times when you fell off that horse when I didn’t know who felt worse, you or Jez.” She laughed. I joined in. I could see me being stubborn.

I found myself really wanting to see ‘my’ horse. Jez.

We walked into the dining room and sat at the table. The smell of tomatoes wafted through the door as Trudy walked in carrying a tray.

“Smells heavenly.” I said.

“Do you know what it is?” Trudy asked.

“No, I’d guess tomato something.”

She placed a bowl in front of both my ‘mother’, and I. I was pleased to see I was right. It was tomato soup.

Trudy shaved fresh Parmesan on the top of the hot soup, which immediately melted on the surface.

“With fresh basil, just the way you like it.” Trudy stepped back and smiled.

“Mmmm. It looks fantastic. I can’t even describe how it smells.”

It was weird, at how weird it was, that I didn’t mind sharing my meals with people who I saw as total strangers. Where food was involved, I was comfortable. Don’t ask me why.

Trudy beamed. My ‘mother’ let out a small chuckle as she lifted a spoonful to her mouth.

“Trudy, you’ve outdone yourself.” She threw fresh croutons on top of her soup.

“Oh, we are getting serious here?” I laughed as I lifted a large spoonful of croutons and placed them on the top of my soup. “What else am I smelling?”

“She’s onto you Trudy.”

“Coming right up.” Trudy walked towards the kitchen and returned moments later with two plates. “Here you go.” She proudly laid the plates down.

I looked down.

Grilled cheese.

I nearly jumped up and down!

“My favorite!” The voice wasn’t mine and yet it came from my mouth.

I don’t know who shouted, Trudy or my ‘mother’ but my mouth was way too busy tasting.

They both turned their heads and simultaneously looked at me. Both of them had their mouths hanging open and eyebrows lifted.

“Best close those lips before something flies in there.” I told them both.

Now where the hell did that come from?

I ignored their ‘faux’ indignant looks and put my nose close to the plate. Either I was brought up in a barn, or food was my
thing
. The smell of fresh cheddar, American, and pepper jack cheeses wafted in the air—the perfect combination by the way—melted between two slices of lightly grilled fresh sourdough bread. I must be in heaven.

I grabbed a triangle and bit down deeply, loving the feel and taste of the hot melted cheese oozing out of the sides of the sandwich, and the crunch of the bread as it filled my mouth. I scooped up another spoonful of the tomato soup and ladled it into my mouth. I loved the taste of these two foods together.

“Wait. I love this. I remember loving this.”

Flash.

Flash.

Flash.

Flash.

“Trudy you’re a genius.” My ‘mother’ clapped and bounced in her chair.

“Trudy, you are the best!” I said, shoveling another mouthful of my sandwich into my mouth.

Truer words were never spoken.

Chapter Ten

I spent the rest of the afternoon into early evening walking around and looking in almost every nook and cranny of ‘my’ home. Walking into my parent’s room wasn’t revealing in any way other than it somehow made me feel sad. I could see looking at my mother’s eyes that she saw that sadness, and felt it too.

I didn’t dwell on it.

The backyard was a whole ‘nother story. I loved it, it was beautiful, soothing and comforting and yet, strangely enough, I felt no affinity towards it.

I was still reeling from my outburst over the soup and sandwich. We came into the house and walked into the family room, and I again was attracted to the table of family pictures. There was no denying that it was ‘me’ in all those pictures during various stages of growth. The front door opened and I heard Trudy call out.

“Mr. Bradley, it’s been some time since you’ve come to see me.” I could hear the jolly tone in her voice, and that was the perfect description for Trudy. Jolly. Not to mention the maker of the finest grilled cheese and tomato soup there was.

“Trudy, my darlin’. It
has
been too long. Where’s my hug?”

“Oh, Mr. Bradley, I see you are as smooth and charming as always.”

He laughed and the sound was so genuine my heart began beating like a drum.

When he finally walked into the family room, I couldn’t help the ridiculous smile that curved my lips. I
was
truly happy to see him.

“My favorite two girls.” He announced as he walked over and planted a kiss on my mother’s cheek.

“Bradley, always good to see you.” She said.

“So ladies, how was your day?” he looked briefly at my mother before turning his attention to me. He walked closer to me, but stopped short of my personal space. I could tell he was restraining himself and in a way it made me want to jump into his arms, and at the same time, I respected his control. “How are you feeling today, Sarah?”

“Very confused, but happy. In so far as I could be happy spending the day with strangers….” I should have stopped after happy. The stranger part was a bit too much and I felt guilty as I my mother’s face fell momentarily. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong.”

“Don’t you worry about anything Sarah. I have a feeling you will soon be yourself and feel quite at home…when at home.” Her tone was even, but I could still hear the hurt.

“I hope so mother.” I said that looking directly at her, hoping my simple words would take the sadness out of her eyes.

Brad leaned in and kissed my cheek. Rather perfunctorily. But the warmth of his lips, as they grazed my skin, made me shiver nonetheless. Anticipation ran through my veins, spreading rapidly throughout my body, landing in a place that…well. That’s for another time and place.

We had a bowl of potato leek soup, a light salad, and loin of pork roasted with fresh rosemary sprigs, baby Yukon gold potatoes, carrots, parsnips and beets. It was absolutely delicious and filling.